Partner's Ex won't pay Maintenance - Are We Powerless?
Discussion
Not wanting to sound all Netmums but...
My partner has always had a problem getting her ex to pay maintenance for his two girls. He is a chartered surveyor but had problems holding down a job where he had to work for other people. When he got another job working in a different career he gave that up too. He did pay some maintenance at the time but the ex had to take him to court to get it and then he was only ordered to pay £50 pm in arrears. It's hit & miss whether she gets that.
In the last couple of years it looks like he has decided that working legitably is not for him and has turned his hand to fitting kitchens/bathrooms etc and doing handy man jobs for cash in hand. He seems to be good at it and earning good money (I guess), working full-time at it.
He owns 2-3 road race bikes which I know are in excess of £1k to buy or more, then there are the competition fees he has to pay for triathlons he competes in.
His current wife has separated from him, he now has to live elsewhere, but returns to their family home when the daughter visits. The other daughter has chosen to live with the stepmom.
The daughter returned Sunday from time with him saying he'd paid for this & that, bought dinner for them and swanky places etc. My partner & I exchanged glances and commented it's be nice if he paid some of her arrears.
When my partner and I moved in together in August, I changed my own custody arrangements with my boys and started paying maintenance to my ex for them (I had them 50/50 at the time so didn't have to).
Now I'm living with my partner it has dawned on me I am paying for the upkeep of his daughter as well albeit in sharing the bills equally with my partner.
I am tempted to confront him next time he drops off the girl back to my address but ultimately, what can we do? I can try to guilt-trip him about his duty and leaving another man to help raise his daughter but he is an arrogant prick, I doubt it will have an effect.
Threaten him with HMRC?
My partner has always had a problem getting her ex to pay maintenance for his two girls. He is a chartered surveyor but had problems holding down a job where he had to work for other people. When he got another job working in a different career he gave that up too. He did pay some maintenance at the time but the ex had to take him to court to get it and then he was only ordered to pay £50 pm in arrears. It's hit & miss whether she gets that.
In the last couple of years it looks like he has decided that working legitably is not for him and has turned his hand to fitting kitchens/bathrooms etc and doing handy man jobs for cash in hand. He seems to be good at it and earning good money (I guess), working full-time at it.
He owns 2-3 road race bikes which I know are in excess of £1k to buy or more, then there are the competition fees he has to pay for triathlons he competes in.
His current wife has separated from him, he now has to live elsewhere, but returns to their family home when the daughter visits. The other daughter has chosen to live with the stepmom.
The daughter returned Sunday from time with him saying he'd paid for this & that, bought dinner for them and swanky places etc. My partner & I exchanged glances and commented it's be nice if he paid some of her arrears.
When my partner and I moved in together in August, I changed my own custody arrangements with my boys and started paying maintenance to my ex for them (I had them 50/50 at the time so didn't have to).
Now I'm living with my partner it has dawned on me I am paying for the upkeep of his daughter as well albeit in sharing the bills equally with my partner.
I am tempted to confront him next time he drops off the girl back to my address but ultimately, what can we do? I can try to guilt-trip him about his duty and leaving another man to help raise his daughter but he is an arrogant prick, I doubt it will have an effect.
Threaten him with HMRC?
Edited by Fastchas on Tuesday 23 October 15:46
Is the CSA toothless? Can they seize assets?
It infuriates me that he is keeping up his hobbies when not paying for his daughters. In my eyes, you pay your dues first then spend the remainer but I know that's wasted on some folk.
TBH, I wouldn't be happy unless I saw him boiling in oil.
It infuriates me that he is keeping up his hobbies when not paying for his daughters. In my eyes, you pay your dues first then spend the remainer but I know that's wasted on some folk.
TBH, I wouldn't be happy unless I saw him boiling in oil.
Smitters said:
Do you need it or want it? If you need it, then chase. If you want it, but it means keeping a stronger tie with a bloke who's either got some issues, or is just a dick, I would probably learn to do without and consider it a cheap way to avoid the hassle. If he's disinterested enough to neglect his child, I'd be grateful to be rid, but I wouldn't get into (legit, e.g. HMRC) threats. You've got to live with his offspring, who could come home with an earful of half-truths and make home-life a misery. Speculative, but hey ho, this is Mums-heads.
Good luck, whatever.
We don't NEED it, but then he doesn't NEED to pay for luxury items before his kids. My ex doesn't NEED my contibutions either but I pay them regardless.Good luck, whatever.
I think an anon call to HMRC may be in the pipeline in the future anyway.
Christmassss said:
Fastchas said:
Is the CSA toothless? Can they seize assets?
It infuriates me that he is keeping up his hobbies when not paying for his daughters. In my eyes, you pay your dues first then spend the remainer but I know that's wasted on some folk.
TBH, I wouldn't be happy unless I saw him boiling in oil.
I'm with you, I pay over the odds for my son and I pay for my step daughters too.It infuriates me that he is keeping up his hobbies when not paying for his daughters. In my eyes, you pay your dues first then spend the remainer but I know that's wasted on some folk.
TBH, I wouldn't be happy unless I saw him boiling in oil.
In my experience the CMA is toothless, especially if he is self employed (i'm assuming he is).
I don't think he's doing that, it's purely cash in hand.
CastroSays said:
Fastchas said:
When my partner and I moved in together in August
When you say moved in together - do you mean you moved in with his ex in what was previously their marital home??If so, maybe he thinks that if you're living in his house and shagging his wife then you can just cover the costs too and he'll be fkd if he's putting any money towards you both?
I'm not saying he's right. But that is how some people think......
We moved into a new home together in August so it's a clean start for everyone.
NDA said:
Fastchas said:
the ex had to take him to court to get it and then he was only ordered to pay £50 pm in arrears. It's hit & miss whether she gets that.
Is he in contempt of court if he is ignoring a court order?I am not a lawyer, but surely if a court order has been made, he can't simply decide not to comply?
He pays a couple of months then it drops off again.
Dan_M5 said:
You got into the relationship knowing your partner has kids. You either accept they are part of your life and have no issues paying for them or have a chip on your shoulder about the dad for the rest of your life.
He is a scum bag and wont pay maintenance lots of men do it and its an utter disgrace they dont have the balls to financially help your own but thats the way it is. I wouldn't waste your time.
Just sounds like you are a resentful because you pay maintenance for your child but he doesn't.
I'm more than happy to pay for my own kids. As soon as my wages hit my bank account the standing order pings the maintenance to my ex-wife. I'm not smug about it or anything, I just see it as my priorities. He is a scum bag and wont pay maintenance lots of men do it and its an utter disgrace they dont have the balls to financially help your own but thats the way it is. I wouldn't waste your time.
Just sounds like you are a resentful because you pay maintenance for your child but he doesn't.
I do resent him not even attempting to pay his £50pm from a court order, especially when he's working and paying for his hobbies/luxury items.
Saw him last night as he dropped off his daughter. He now has a '65 reg Ford Transit, he bought it last week I presume to enable him to carry on with his illicit business.
When his daughter came in, she mentioned he has just booked a cycling holiday/competition for 5 days in Majorca, week leading up to Christmas.
I think he really does have the ability to pay something, even if it's £100 a month.
When his daughter came in, she mentioned he has just booked a cycling holiday/competition for 5 days in Majorca, week leading up to Christmas.
I think he really does have the ability to pay something, even if it's £100 a month.
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