Tales of infidelity and woe

[Classicsport]

Hi all,

I suspect my other half of going wayward...I guess the reason I am posting is that I am looking to get advice but not in the direct sense, by tapping into the ph community and seeing if anyone wishes to share any moments in their past when you suspected your OH and it turned out to be nothing, or not....would be very appreciated!

I guess I will talk to the OH, but at the moment I am trying to settle that flip flopping in my stomach first

Thanks,

CS

[Classicsport]

Hi Chaps,

Thanks for the responses, really appreciated

I left my post a little cryptic, sorry. I'll elaborate with all the necessary salient points.

Im not the jealous type, I havent had an experience like this ever before in previous relationships to warrant suspicious behaviour on my part either.

We have been going out for a long time (3+ years) and I think I could say that I know her better than I have known anyone. The thing that go me at first was the change in her behaviour. Little things which I off handedly attributed to her oncoming final exams at university which she is working very hard for.

Her changes in behaviour towards me are subtle I guess, but to me quite noticeable. For instance, I spent a long time recently away (just under a month) on work in the states, apon returning home naturally wanted to jump her bones- she was not really interested, instead preferring to watch a dvd I brought back. That evening in bed she said to me, and i quote (though not as accurately as i would like) "I am sorry, its just that it is weird having you around again". Took three days of very clear signals of my part to have sex with her. Then I had to make another business trip leaving early on a friday morning. My house is nearer to the airport than hers so I was at mine with her on the thursday and then she said she would like to head back to her place on that evening to study rather than stay with me on thursday night and leave in the morning on friday when I was. This was odd, as usually this girl would find any excuse to be with me for as long as possible- especially overnight. Nagging doubts were filling my head, this was weird behaviour to be honest.

So I became suspicious and chance was there after I returned from my trip that her phone was lying on the bedside table and I hate to admit it but i checked her text messages, (something I have never done before), and sadly I found many messages from a chap at her uni who I had never met though knew of as she told me she hung out with him with some mutual friends of ours.

I scanned them quickly and they were not 100% proof, he was far too chummy with her and used terms like "sweetie" and xoxoxox. There was one message which now really worries me, it was simply "9:30??" and then "ok now?". Which I cant remember now (blasted fked up brain) but I think it was the on that thursday evening when she left me.....Though like I said I am not completely sure.

I havent confronted her, Im away again, she is working but I amm seeing her tomorrow. Its pretty damning reading it back to myself. Either way I hate the feeling of ambiguity and helplessness. This is a woman who I would describe as the most loyal and loving creature I have ever met. I still think its 50/50....

Thanks for reading,

CS

[Classicsport]

Steamer said:

Classicsport said:

...he was far too chummy with her and used terms like "sweetie" and xoxoxox.

3 years does tend to be a bit of a defining time in most relationships (well certainly in mine anyway).

As for those texts - I wouldnt worry too much - he sounds like a bit of a 'lovey' hes probably got a bit of a 'fag-hag' friendship with your otherhalf. No normal male would put that many 'x's in a text!!

Unless he actually intended to type: OXO OXO (in which case you do have a problem!!)

The thing is, in my experience no guy is friends with a girl for reasons other than wanting to hop in the sack with her (especially if she is cute). Bit of a generalisation, I know, but for the most part true.

cs

[Classicsport]

hora said:

classicsport. You could be putting a negative spin with your post however from how it reads I think she is moving on.

Yes I agree with you, i feel ashamed to say but thats the way I feel at the moment. And its hard to see the positive aspects.

These finals are really tough, and I really feel loathed to cause her any worry/grief til she has finished.

Thanks for your thoughts chaps,

best,
CS

[Classicsport]

Hi Brains,

Thanks for that, good advice.

[Classicsport]

Thanks for your thoughts Hora.

Yes its interesting, she did mention that she resented me for being away in the states she resented me for it as she was "stuck at home revising". Whilst, to be fair I had a good time.

re: non aggression, indeed I am a pretty laid back person but when I read this messages I felt so angry, and I really am drawing a near blank about them, I can barely remember them- really strange.

I was so angry I had to leave and thats why I am having a cool off.

cheers again,

cs

[Classicsport]

esselte said:

Jasandjules said:

You can get a friend to follow her? (a friend she doesn't know by sight though). OR you can pay a PI to do it (more and more common by all accounts).

If you have this much mistrust in your partner then it's over anyway (in my opinion)

Indeed, its worrying when you have to do something like that. And I am nowhere near that!

But, this is the first time my trust in her has been hit, which is pretty sad considering the 3+ years of solid foundation of trust.

cs