I'm mentally broken
Discussion
xjay1337 said:
Fine, I understand that situation. But to blame yourself is not the right outlook.
By saying you cracked you have implied that you are at fault, you cannot handle the pressure and that your boss is not the issue
When he was actually the issue.
You need to make note of what he has done, said, corroborating evidence from any colleagues who are sympathetic to you.
For my case I had most of our bank of team who have witnessed things going on.
Of course he will rebuke what you have said, he doesn't want to appear to be at fault.
I do understand the issue with regards to working and needing to keep the money coming in.
If it helps I found a position and interviewed and was offered the job within 2 weeks of looking, however I didn't take it in the end.
Just a little reminder if you want to find other work you can do so quite easily. Which I would recommend you doing.
But taking the blame yourself is not the answer.
Thanks. I understand what you are saying. However, I'm not blaming myself, it just appears so on the paperwork. The reason it appears like that is because I was in an uncomfortable situation that wouldn't ever be positive for me. Why pick a fight that I couldn't win?By saying you cracked you have implied that you are at fault, you cannot handle the pressure and that your boss is not the issue
When he was actually the issue.
You need to make note of what he has done, said, corroborating evidence from any colleagues who are sympathetic to you.
For my case I had most of our bank of team who have witnessed things going on.
Of course he will rebuke what you have said, he doesn't want to appear to be at fault.
I do understand the issue with regards to working and needing to keep the money coming in.
If it helps I found a position and interviewed and was offered the job within 2 weeks of looking, however I didn't take it in the end.
Just a little reminder if you want to find other work you can do so quite easily. Which I would recommend you doing.
But taking the blame yourself is not the answer.
The mere fact that my manager attended my meeting was enough to tell me how it is. I think that I raised one issue and that was about the attitude of other employees towards me. That was instantly rebuked by my manager who stated an employee I had mentioned was great. He stated that he would argue my statement about this person as they had done a lot of good work for him. With an attitude like that, what could I achieve? Every grievance I mentioned would be denied, dismissed and ultimately pointed back at me.
I mentioned the fact that my manager and I had had a chat a few months ago. He spoke over me, said it was at Christmas and after initially denying we had talked, said he had told me to do this and that. What he didn't tell the HR lady was that at the time, he was grinning and didn't want to entertain my thoughts.
I just thought it best to say enough, get it over with and get on with things. I haven't got the time, the will or the energy to argue anything with them. It won't help me, so there isn't much point.
Edited to add - I won't have any support from colleagues. My department has four people in. They all moan, but they would never escalate anything to HR or support me.
Edited by funkyrobot on Monday 14th March 11:31
You would have been better off saying actually never mind you dont want to enter a meeting.
Because on paper that is what matters in business. Someone could be a complete moron in real life but if on paper / reports they appear good then fine - because when they are looking to cut staff they will cut you because you are "unable to manage work load" and "need hand holding".
I hope everything is ok for you anyway pal, chin up and move on as best as you can from this part of your employment.
Because on paper that is what matters in business. Someone could be a complete moron in real life but if on paper / reports they appear good then fine - because when they are looking to cut staff they will cut you because you are "unable to manage work load" and "need hand holding".
I hope everything is ok for you anyway pal, chin up and move on as best as you can from this part of your employment.
0000 said:
funkyrobot said:
the form I signed
I'm not a lawyer, but I wouldn't be in a rush to sign anything.xjay1337 said:
You would have been better off saying actually never mind you dont want to enter a meeting.
Because on paper that is what matters in business. Someone could be a complete moron in real life but if on paper / reports they appear good then fine - because when they are looking to cut staff they will cut you because you are "unable to manage work load" and "need hand holding".
I hope everything is ok for you anyway pal, chin up and move on as best as you can from this part of your employment.
Could I really have told them that? They informed me I had to go to the meeting. I didn't think I had a choice.Because on paper that is what matters in business. Someone could be a complete moron in real life but if on paper / reports they appear good then fine - because when they are looking to cut staff they will cut you because you are "unable to manage work load" and "need hand holding".
I hope everything is ok for you anyway pal, chin up and move on as best as you can from this part of your employment.
If they cut me, so be it. I still haven't been here two years, so they could bin me off tomorrow. However, I'm not leaving whilst I have the option of finding something else before I go.
As I have just posted above, a form signed here isn't going to affect anything outside of this business.
Thanks for your help. Chin is up and I intend to do the only thing possible to help my situation, find something else.
funkyrobot said:
Could I really have told them that? They informed me I had to go to the meeting. I didn't think I had a choice.
If they cut me, so be it. I still haven't been here two years, so they could bin me off tomorrow. However, I'm not leaving whilst I have the option of finding something else before I go.
As I have just posted above, a form signed here isn't going to affect anything outside of this business.
Thanks for your help. Chin is up and I intend to do the only thing possible to help my situation, find something else.
The return to work meeting is part of the process, however your manager attending is just part of his bullying tactics. HR would have reported back to him any relevant info as part of the support that may assist you. Its interesting that you imagine that you feel you haven't the right to determine if he attended or not. Out of interest what do you think I mean when about taking your autonomy beck from this situation. If they cut me, so be it. I still haven't been here two years, so they could bin me off tomorrow. However, I'm not leaving whilst I have the option of finding something else before I go.
As I have just posted above, a form signed here isn't going to affect anything outside of this business.
Thanks for your help. Chin is up and I intend to do the only thing possible to help my situation, find something else.
happychap said:
The return to work meeting is part of the process, however your manager attending is just part of his bullying tactics. HR would have reported back to him any relevant info as part of the support that may assist you. Its interesting that you imagine that you feel you haven't the right to determine if he attended or not. Out of interest what do you think I mean when about taking your autonomy beck from this situation.
I didn't get a choice. As soon as I got in this morning, he said we have a meeting with HR, and that was that. HR didn't give me the choice either.I guess you mean me getting my ability to make my own decisions back and control how I feel, rather than be governed by worry, my brain and external influence. Was this what you meant?
funkyrobot said:
I didn't get a choice. As soon as I got in this morning, he said we have a meeting with HR, and that was that. HR didn't give me the choice either.
I guess you mean me getting my ability to make my own decisions back and control how I feel, rather than be governed by worry, my brain and external influence. Was this what you meant?
That's what I mean yes, even though he and HR ambushed you, you still had choice to refuse his request to join you with HR. I appreciate in these situations it may feel as if you have little or no choice, but with practice you can become skilful at managing such situations. I'm not having a dig at you by the way, if this situation is new to you it can feel over whelming just to try and keep your head above water.I guess you mean me getting my ability to make my own decisions back and control how I feel, rather than be governed by worry, my brain and external influence. Was this what you meant?
happychap said:
That's what I mean yes, even though he and HR ambushed you, you still had choice to refuse his request to join you with HR. I appreciate in these situations it may feel as if you have little or no choice, but with practice you can become skilful at managing such situations. I'm not having a dig at you by the way, if this situation is new to you it can feel over whelming just to try and keep your head above water.
No worries. Thanks for your input.I simply didn't know that I could ask for a HR only interview. I do now.
Just got called into a meeting with my manager.
Said he was disappointed I had decided to have time off work.
He then gave me some pointers about how to try and manage my day better. He told me he is trying to ensure I am left to work on my main project, and will help deal with some of the issues I am having with external suppliers etc.
Have we turned a corner here? Is he doing it because it's a bad reflection on him that an employee is having anxiety issues? Or is he setting me up for a fall (as in I haven't got that much to do now, so everything should be amazing)? Who knows.
I think he was hunting for more of a response in our meeting as I only gave brief, 'ok' answers. It also went painfully quiet for a few minutes as I think he was expecting me to say something. It wasn't a very comfortable meeting.
Oh well. Will see how it progresses.
Said he was disappointed I had decided to have time off work.
He then gave me some pointers about how to try and manage my day better. He told me he is trying to ensure I am left to work on my main project, and will help deal with some of the issues I am having with external suppliers etc.
Have we turned a corner here? Is he doing it because it's a bad reflection on him that an employee is having anxiety issues? Or is he setting me up for a fall (as in I haven't got that much to do now, so everything should be amazing)? Who knows.
I think he was hunting for more of a response in our meeting as I only gave brief, 'ok' answers. It also went painfully quiet for a few minutes as I think he was expecting me to say something. It wasn't a very comfortable meeting.
Oh well. Will see how it progresses.
Edited by funkyrobot on Monday 14th March 16:18
Tallow said:
He sounds like an inept manager and a pretty passive aggressive person in how he deals with conflict. I'm pretty sure I wouldn't want to report to someone like that.
Indeed. He won't deal with problems people raise, just avoids them. If I was a more assertive, straight talking person, I wouldn't be here. He wouldn't want anyone like that beneath him.Like I have said above, he is on the senior management team, people here flock to him because he runs the accounts and can use reporting software, and he is pretty much untouchable.
There is no hope for a minion like me.
funkyrobot said:
Indeed. He won't deal with problems people raise, just avoids them. If I was a more assertive, straight talking person, I wouldn't be here. He wouldn't want anyone like that beneath him.
Like I have said above, he is on the senior management team, people here flock to him because he runs the accounts and can use reporting software, and he is pretty much untouchable.
There is no hope for a minion like me.
I'm assertive, I had no problems with telling people what I thought. It didn't stop me cracking up and it didn't stop them booting me in the groin when I was down. They pulled an outrageous stunt and when, after leaving, I went to see a brief in order to sue, he had trouble believing what they had done. What I couldn't believe was that I took it and didn't go to my boss's boss, and sit in his office until something was done. Like I have said above, he is on the senior management team, people here flock to him because he runs the accounts and can use reporting software, and he is pretty much untouchable.
There is no hope for a minion like me.
It's not a character failing on your behalf by not being in your face.
Now is not the time to look at your performance for character defects. You are no judge.
Derek Smith said:
I'm assertive, I had no problems with telling people what I thought. It didn't stop me cracking up and it didn't stop them booting me in the groin when I was down. They pulled an outrageous stunt and when, after leaving, I went to see a brief in order to sue, he had trouble believing what they had done. What I couldn't believe was that I took it and didn't go to my boss's boss, and sit in his office until something was done.
It's not a character failing on your behalf by not being in your face.
Now is not the time to look at your performance for character defects. You are no judge.
Cheers Derek. It's not a character failing on your behalf by not being in your face.
Now is not the time to look at your performance for character defects. You are no judge.
funkyrobot said:
Indeed. He won't deal with problems people raise, just avoids them. If I was a more assertive, straight talking person, I wouldn't be here. He wouldn't want anyone like that beneath him.
Like I have said above, he is on the senior management team, people here flock to him because he runs the accounts and can use reporting software, and he is pretty much untouchable.
There is no hope for a minion like me.
I don't mean this as an attack, but you need to change your outlook / attitude to work.Like I have said above, he is on the senior management team, people here flock to him because he runs the accounts and can use reporting software, and he is pretty much untouchable.
There is no hope for a minion like me.
Most of us work to support our families and strange hobbies, work isn't real life it's just a bunch of people some nice, some tossers.
Whenever you feel anxiety / stress, remind yourself it isn't real life, in reality they can't do anything, you're there just for the money for your family. Your real life is at home.
Repeat this to yourself before every meeting.
WestyCarl said:
I don't mean this as an attack, but you need to change your outlook / attitude to work.
Most of us work to support our families and strange hobbies, work isn't real life it's just a bunch of people some nice, some tossers.
Whenever you feel anxiety / stress, remind yourself it isn't real life, in reality they can't do anything, you're there just for the money for your family. Your real life is at home.
Repeat this to yourself before every meeting.
No offence taken. You are quite correct. Most of us work to support our families and strange hobbies, work isn't real life it's just a bunch of people some nice, some tossers.
Whenever you feel anxiety / stress, remind yourself it isn't real life, in reality they can't do anything, you're there just for the money for your family. Your real life is at home.
Repeat this to yourself before every meeting.
The way I look at life, when work is stressful is this:
I have some skills. I choose to apply them here. If I get bored here, I'll apply them somewhere else.
I always repeat, "I choose to do this. I am not "lucky to have a job". They are lucky to have me."
Hope it works out for you. One good thing to do is to update your CV, even if you decide to stay. Write down all of the positives, capabilities and skills that you have, all that you are proud of.
I'm always happy help with CVs (as is Rog007 as I understand it)
I have some skills. I choose to apply them here. If I get bored here, I'll apply them somewhere else.
I always repeat, "I choose to do this. I am not "lucky to have a job". They are lucky to have me."
Hope it works out for you. One good thing to do is to update your CV, even if you decide to stay. Write down all of the positives, capabilities and skills that you have, all that you are proud of.
I'm always happy help with CVs (as is Rog007 as I understand it)
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