Mid life crisis. Has anybody had one?
Discussion
Other than playing with my 3 year old son I really struggle to work out what actually makes me happy.
I’ve always been a collector of things - I enjoy researching stuff but after buying the ‘thing’ find myself back at square one so it’s feeling more and more vacuous. I enjoy working out - but the health benefits are the main thing, rather than some rush of happiness, so I wonder if I really enjoy it or just the ongoing effects and clinging onto ‘youth’. Work is ok - I’m senior enough that I’m left to my own devices largely.. but it’s ultimately just a job and certainly isn’t a ‘calling’. It’s all just ‘meh’.
I don’t really know what makes me happy anymore, aside from my children. I could buy a new car but worry about losing money on it, or regretting it, or not using it… and I used to really covet fast cars, but not I can afford one I seem far less bothered - or maybe just more responsible.
I have friends but not close friends - only 1 friend I open up to and I don’t see him much due to geography.
We’ve had a few deaths in the family - which has certainly led me to question my mortality.
Is this normal for your mid 40s? Is this the point people buy a Ducati and shag their PA (I’m not planning on riding either!)
I’ve always been a collector of things - I enjoy researching stuff but after buying the ‘thing’ find myself back at square one so it’s feeling more and more vacuous. I enjoy working out - but the health benefits are the main thing, rather than some rush of happiness, so I wonder if I really enjoy it or just the ongoing effects and clinging onto ‘youth’. Work is ok - I’m senior enough that I’m left to my own devices largely.. but it’s ultimately just a job and certainly isn’t a ‘calling’. It’s all just ‘meh’.
I don’t really know what makes me happy anymore, aside from my children. I could buy a new car but worry about losing money on it, or regretting it, or not using it… and I used to really covet fast cars, but not I can afford one I seem far less bothered - or maybe just more responsible.
I have friends but not close friends - only 1 friend I open up to and I don’t see him much due to geography.
We’ve had a few deaths in the family - which has certainly led me to question my mortality.
Is this normal for your mid 40s? Is this the point people buy a Ducati and shag their PA (I’m not planning on riding either!)
Maxf said:
Other than playing with my 3 year old son I really struggle to work out what actually makes me happy.
I’ve always been a collector of things - I enjoy researching stuff but after buying the ‘thing’ find myself back at square one so it’s feeling more and more vacuous. I enjoy working out - but the health benefits are the main thing, rather than some rush of happiness, so I wonder if I really enjoy it or just the ongoing effects and clinging onto ‘youth’. Work is ok - I’m senior enough that I’m left to my own devices largely.. but it’s ultimately just a job and certainly isn’t a ‘calling’. It’s all just ‘meh’.
I don’t really know what makes me happy anymore, aside from my children. I could buy a new car but worry about losing money on it, or regretting it, or not using it… and I used to really covet fast cars, but not I can afford one I seem far less bothered - or maybe just more responsible.
I have friends but not close friends - only 1 friend I open up to and I don’t see him much due to geography.
We’ve had a few deaths in the family - which has certainly led me to question my mortality.
Is this normal for your mid 40s? Is this the point people buy a Ducati and shag their PA (I’m not planning on riding either!)
Start living "for the moment". You ARE going to die at some stage. You have one shot at this. BUY that car, fI’ve always been a collector of things - I enjoy researching stuff but after buying the ‘thing’ find myself back at square one so it’s feeling more and more vacuous. I enjoy working out - but the health benefits are the main thing, rather than some rush of happiness, so I wonder if I really enjoy it or just the ongoing effects and clinging onto ‘youth’. Work is ok - I’m senior enough that I’m left to my own devices largely.. but it’s ultimately just a job and certainly isn’t a ‘calling’. It’s all just ‘meh’.
I don’t really know what makes me happy anymore, aside from my children. I could buy a new car but worry about losing money on it, or regretting it, or not using it… and I used to really covet fast cars, but not I can afford one I seem far less bothered - or maybe just more responsible.
I have friends but not close friends - only 1 friend I open up to and I don’t see him much due to geography.
We’ve had a few deaths in the family - which has certainly led me to question my mortality.
Is this normal for your mid 40s? Is this the point people buy a Ducati and shag their PA (I’m not planning on riding either!)
k the risk, fk the possible loss of money. You won't give a st when you are dead. Do stuff now. In your 40's you are not far off your prime. Go nuts. Live.Sod collecting, it's the same as shopping - a short term fix.
My advice - travel. See the world. It's the most exciting thing you can do.
"collecting" and shopping is just gathering tat that noone will ever care about or mention at your funeral.
Griffith4ever said:
Start living "for the moment". You ARE going to die at some stage. You have one shot at this. BUY that car, fk the risk, fk the possible loss of money. You won't give a st when you are dead. Do stuff now. In your 40's you are not far off your prime. Go nuts. Live.
Sod collecting, it's the same as shopping - a short term fix.
My advice - travel. See the world. It's the most exciting thing you can do.
"collecting" and shopping is just gathering tat that noone will ever care about or mention at your funeral.
Yes, I’ve come to realise that about collecting - I’ve got a lot of stuff with a dealer at the moment being sold, so that’s largely going. I’ll always ‘collect’ a bit - it’s just in me, but having stuff which a leaky pipe could ruin was probably a bit daft tbh. k the risk, fk the possible loss of money. You won't give a st when you are dead. Do stuff now. In your 40's you are not far off your prime. Go nuts. Live.Sod collecting, it's the same as shopping - a short term fix.
My advice - travel. See the world. It's the most exciting thing you can do.
"collecting" and shopping is just gathering tat that noone will ever care about or mention at your funeral.
Travel… maybe - I think we’ll do more when the boys are out of nappies. So that’s on the horizon for sure. Planning on some trips over the summer
Isn’t the car just a trinket though really? I’m not convinced a new one will make me happy - but I guess at least I’ll know!
Next week is my last week in work until November so planning on making the most of that!
Edited by Maxf on Friday 30th June 20:48
Griffith4ever said:
...
My advice - travel. See the world. It's the most exciting thing you can do.
"collecting" and shopping is just gathering tat that noone will ever care about or mention at your funeral.
Travel and see the world if that's what you want to do. Don't do it because people tell you to, if it's not what you actually want. If you want to sit in a rocking chair and read books, or paint pictures or write poetry, then do that.My advice - travel. See the world. It's the most exciting thing you can do.
"collecting" and shopping is just gathering tat that noone will ever care about or mention at your funeral.
As you age (or so I've found), you care less and less about what strangers think of you, and more and more about what you enjoy.
Whether you collect thimbles, or whether you've been to Bali (Charlie) or whether you can recite the scripts of the Monty Python films matters not one jot because even if people remember you for it, it'll be meaningless to you be ause you'll be dead.
Do what means something to you. Collect Lego. Start a YouTube channel about plasticine. Become a Toby Jones impersonator. Whatever.
The best thing I learned is that external validation is the best way to waste a life. Don't keep score. Don't assume the situations of others based upon appearances and don't expect anyone other thz your immediate family and friends to give a s
t about you or your Life Score TM
Interesting to see this has come back to life.
csd19 said:
I'd say I get the occasional tip into what feels like an MLC, the feelings of helplessness and pointlessness really for lack of a better description?
I turn 43 in just over 6 weeks, been separated and then divorced and on my own for the last 4 1/2 years. Another childless PHer here. On paper I'm not struggling at all, very well paid job, 4-bed house, 3 cars to enjoy and tinker with as my heart sees fit. But I have no goals or dreams anymore, nothing to currently look forward to apart from my next time at home and it really does feel like I'm just going through the motions of whatever this life is.
Not looking to buy an MX-5 this week (although I have driven an 124 Spyder, that was fun) but I understand what others are feeling. My way of dealing with it? It'll be my usual stoic way, bury it away with everything else and hope it doesn't resurface.
Apart from the separated and divorced bit, I could have typed that.I turn 43 in just over 6 weeks, been separated and then divorced and on my own for the last 4 1/2 years. Another childless PHer here. On paper I'm not struggling at all, very well paid job, 4-bed house, 3 cars to enjoy and tinker with as my heart sees fit. But I have no goals or dreams anymore, nothing to currently look forward to apart from my next time at home and it really does feel like I'm just going through the motions of whatever this life is.
Not looking to buy an MX-5 this week (although I have driven an 124 Spyder, that was fun) but I understand what others are feeling. My way of dealing with it? It'll be my usual stoic way, bury it away with everything else and hope it doesn't resurface.
sharkfan said:
First thought I had when reading everything that has been posted so far is that nothing ever gets better without talking. Read any book, listen to any podcast about mental health struggles (wherever you are on that spectrum) and it will say that you have to articulate what is going on to be able to find a way through it. Opening up is difficult and if just one person finds something useful from all this then that's amazing - kudos to the OP too for starting this and to everyone else for speaking up.
I don't know whether I've had a MLC as such but I've been depressed (clinically) and suicidal which led to many questions about why I do everything and anything. The drugs helped as did the therapy, but it took me a long time to find out what might be going on. For me it was coming across this that was my 'aha!' moment: https://drjonicewebb.com/emotional-neglect-questio...
I turn 50 next year and I did everything I was told I should do growing up. I worked hard at school and Uni. I went into a 'good' job and earnt well. I found someone I thought I loved, bought a house and tried to settle down including trying for kids. In the background though things weren't working. I went through jobs pretty quickly and split up from my first partner (thankfully before any kids arrived) because we were clearly not compatible.
I did find someone amazing and we now have two kids, but the restlessness was still there. Reading about CEN (see the link) made me realise that I was doing everything for everyone else and leaving nothing for me - running on empty. If you do nothing just for you then over time it can build up and make you feel as though you need to detonate everything just to feel something.
I'm great company because I am always interested in other people. What I didn't ever do is talk about myself or what I was feeling. My parents are lovely people and I know they love me, but my Dad is in a world of his own. My mum is the same - she recently said to me that she hadn't realised I was "that into cars". Being into cars has been a constant in my life since I was pushing Matchbox cars across the floor as a child (being on here also gives the game away somewhat).
Some of the posters on this thread have spoken about needing to be selfish to get better. It is definitely that but maybe in a way that is kinder to yourself. We all need to find a way to recharge and to be ourselves (not just a worker, a partner or a parent). Without that you can forget who you are and not be there for the people who need us most.
For me that has meant doing stuff just for me (and encouraging my wife to do the same). As well as doing the usual parent and husband activities, I now go out to the pub and to concerts with friends or with my brother. I recently went on a boys trip to Le Mans for the first time. I still feel guilty sometimes for doing these things, but less than I did. I'm also more open about how I am feeling - small steps for now - which really helps.
This thread is about having a MLC, but there are so many crossovers with mental health that I am not sure you can talk about one without the other. If you are struggling then please know that you are not alone. But talk to someone - your partner, a friend or even your GP - as without that it's going to be really difficult for things to get better...
I'm going to read the link later. For me getting selfish and doing stuff I want to do is not the problem, if anything it is the opposite problem. I seem to spend too much time doing stuff by myself, and it would be nice to do stuff with others.I don't know whether I've had a MLC as such but I've been depressed (clinically) and suicidal which led to many questions about why I do everything and anything. The drugs helped as did the therapy, but it took me a long time to find out what might be going on. For me it was coming across this that was my 'aha!' moment: https://drjonicewebb.com/emotional-neglect-questio...
I turn 50 next year and I did everything I was told I should do growing up. I worked hard at school and Uni. I went into a 'good' job and earnt well. I found someone I thought I loved, bought a house and tried to settle down including trying for kids. In the background though things weren't working. I went through jobs pretty quickly and split up from my first partner (thankfully before any kids arrived) because we were clearly not compatible.
I did find someone amazing and we now have two kids, but the restlessness was still there. Reading about CEN (see the link) made me realise that I was doing everything for everyone else and leaving nothing for me - running on empty. If you do nothing just for you then over time it can build up and make you feel as though you need to detonate everything just to feel something.
I'm great company because I am always interested in other people. What I didn't ever do is talk about myself or what I was feeling. My parents are lovely people and I know they love me, but my Dad is in a world of his own. My mum is the same - she recently said to me that she hadn't realised I was "that into cars". Being into cars has been a constant in my life since I was pushing Matchbox cars across the floor as a child (being on here also gives the game away somewhat).
Some of the posters on this thread have spoken about needing to be selfish to get better. It is definitely that but maybe in a way that is kinder to yourself. We all need to find a way to recharge and to be ourselves (not just a worker, a partner or a parent). Without that you can forget who you are and not be there for the people who need us most.
For me that has meant doing stuff just for me (and encouraging my wife to do the same). As well as doing the usual parent and husband activities, I now go out to the pub and to concerts with friends or with my brother. I recently went on a boys trip to Le Mans for the first time. I still feel guilty sometimes for doing these things, but less than I did. I'm also more open about how I am feeling - small steps for now - which really helps.
This thread is about having a MLC, but there are so many crossovers with mental health that I am not sure you can talk about one without the other. If you are struggling then please know that you are not alone. But talk to someone - your partner, a friend or even your GP - as without that it's going to be really difficult for things to get better...
Maxf said:
Other than playing with my 3 year old son I really struggle to work out what actually makes me happy.
I’ve always been a collector of things - I enjoy researching stuff but after buying the ‘thing’ find myself back at square one so it’s feeling more and more vacuous. I enjoy working out - but the health benefits are the main thing, rather than some rush of happiness, so I wonder if I really enjoy it or just the ongoing effects and clinging onto ‘youth’. Work is ok - I’m senior enough that I’m left to my own devices largely.. but it’s ultimately just a job and certainly isn’t a ‘calling’. It’s all just ‘meh’.
I don’t really know what makes me happy anymore, aside from my children. I could buy a new car but worry about losing money on it, or regretting it, or not using it… and I used to really covet fast cars, but not I can afford one I seem far less bothered - or maybe just more responsible.
I have friends but not close friends - only 1 friend I open up to and I don’t see him much due to geography.
We’ve had a few deaths in the family - which has certainly led me to question my mortality.
Is this normal for your mid 40s? Is this the point people buy a Ducati and shag their PA (I’m not planning on riding either!)
Same here. It used to be fishing, but I now find myself wondering why I am alone.I’ve always been a collector of things - I enjoy researching stuff but after buying the ‘thing’ find myself back at square one so it’s feeling more and more vacuous. I enjoy working out - but the health benefits are the main thing, rather than some rush of happiness, so I wonder if I really enjoy it or just the ongoing effects and clinging onto ‘youth’. Work is ok - I’m senior enough that I’m left to my own devices largely.. but it’s ultimately just a job and certainly isn’t a ‘calling’. It’s all just ‘meh’.
I don’t really know what makes me happy anymore, aside from my children. I could buy a new car but worry about losing money on it, or regretting it, or not using it… and I used to really covet fast cars, but not I can afford one I seem far less bothered - or maybe just more responsible.
I have friends but not close friends - only 1 friend I open up to and I don’t see him much due to geography.
We’ve had a few deaths in the family - which has certainly led me to question my mortality.
Is this normal for your mid 40s? Is this the point people buy a Ducati and shag their PA (I’m not planning on riding either!)
I'm coming around to the idea that the meaning of life is to struggle.
We have evolved from beings that had to struggle every day for millions of years simply to survive. Human beings have been around for around 150,000 years and it's only in the past 70 or so that for us in the West having enough food to eat hasn't been a struggle. In many parts of the world it still is.
Without an externally defined struggle, many of us seem to suffer mental health issues. Call it a distraction from the futility of life if you like, but have a challenge seems to kill off depression and anxiety at least. So it's no wonder that as we become more comfortable in our middle aged years, the issues are more keenly felt.
If you accept that's the case, then the solution is to define your own challenge. Simply choose something that you want to do that is not readily achievable and try to do it.
Build a kit car, climb Everest, learn a foreign language, get a qualification, practice a sport and set a goal. Whatever, just something that you enjoy and can strive towards. Convincing yourself it's worthwhile is the difficult part though...
We have evolved from beings that had to struggle every day for millions of years simply to survive. Human beings have been around for around 150,000 years and it's only in the past 70 or so that for us in the West having enough food to eat hasn't been a struggle. In many parts of the world it still is.
Without an externally defined struggle, many of us seem to suffer mental health issues. Call it a distraction from the futility of life if you like, but have a challenge seems to kill off depression and anxiety at least. So it's no wonder that as we become more comfortable in our middle aged years, the issues are more keenly felt.
If you accept that's the case, then the solution is to define your own challenge. Simply choose something that you want to do that is not readily achievable and try to do it.
Build a kit car, climb Everest, learn a foreign language, get a qualification, practice a sport and set a goal. Whatever, just something that you enjoy and can strive towards. Convincing yourself it's worthwhile is the difficult part though...
youngsyr said:
I'm coming around to the idea that the meaning of life is to struggle.
https://centaur.reading.ac.uk/86701/10/MahmoodiKah...youngsyr said:
I'm coming around to the idea that the meaning of life is to struggle.
We have evolved from beings that had to struggle every day for millions of years simply to survive. Human beings have been around for around 150,000 years and it's only in the past 70 or so that for us in the West having enough food to eat hasn't been a struggle. In many parts of the world it still is.
Without an externally defined struggle, many of us seem to suffer mental health issues. Call it a distraction from the futility of life if you like, but have a challenge seems to kill off depression and anxiety at least. So it's no wonder that as we become more comfortable in our middle aged years, the issues are more keenly felt.
If you accept that's the case, then the solution is to define your own challenge. Simply choose something that you want to do that is not readily achievable and try to do it.
Build a kit car, climb Everest, learn a foreign language, get a qualification, practice a sport and set a goal. Whatever, just something that you enjoy and can strive towards. Convincing yourself it's worthwhile is the difficult part though...
Jordan Peterson says what makes people happy is setting difficult but achievable goals and then working towards them. Same thing as you’re saying really and yes I think you’re right, humans have evolved in that way. We have evolved from beings that had to struggle every day for millions of years simply to survive. Human beings have been around for around 150,000 years and it's only in the past 70 or so that for us in the West having enough food to eat hasn't been a struggle. In many parts of the world it still is.
Without an externally defined struggle, many of us seem to suffer mental health issues. Call it a distraction from the futility of life if you like, but have a challenge seems to kill off depression and anxiety at least. So it's no wonder that as we become more comfortable in our middle aged years, the issues are more keenly felt.
If you accept that's the case, then the solution is to define your own challenge. Simply choose something that you want to do that is not readily achievable and try to do it.
Build a kit car, climb Everest, learn a foreign language, get a qualification, practice a sport and set a goal. Whatever, just something that you enjoy and can strive towards. Convincing yourself it's worthwhile is the difficult part though...
I’m not so sure about that, some people are just happy, and that’s that. An endless pursuit of the latest new task strikes me as the opposite tbh.
Happiness comes from being comfortable in your own skin and understanding who you are, good and bad. If you’re able to understand that, then you’re up and running. Many people fail at this because they think they need to fit some form of presumed ideal or they’re not honest enough.
I had a good, proper, old-school MLC a few years ago but I got through it alive and solvent. Oddly enough, I actually learnt little new but ultimately reconnected with who I am and what made me happy (not that all of this was ‘good’!).
Happiness comes from being comfortable in your own skin and understanding who you are, good and bad. If you’re able to understand that, then you’re up and running. Many people fail at this because they think they need to fit some form of presumed ideal or they’re not honest enough.
I had a good, proper, old-school MLC a few years ago but I got through it alive and solvent. Oddly enough, I actually learnt little new but ultimately reconnected with who I am and what made me happy (not that all of this was ‘good’!).
youngsyr said:
I'm coming around to the idea that the meaning of life is to struggle.
We have evolved from beings that had to struggle every day for millions of years simply to survive. Human beings have been around for around 150,000 years and it's only in the past 70 or so that for us in the West having enough food to eat hasn't been a struggle. In many parts of the world it still is.
Without an externally defined struggle, many of us seem to suffer mental health issues. Call it a distraction from the futility of life if you like, but have a challenge seems to kill off depression and anxiety at least. So it's no wonder that as we become more comfortable in our middle aged years, the issues are more keenly felt.
If you accept that's the case, then the solution is to define your own challenge. Simply choose something that you want to do that is not readily achievable and try to do it.
Build a kit car, climb Everest, learn a foreign language, get a qualification, practice a sport and set a goal. Whatever, just something that you enjoy and can strive towards. Convincing yourself it's worthwhile is the difficult part though...
It's an interesting theory, and I have said something similar myself in the past. The human race has evolved, certainly in the west, beyond what the majority of out brain's can deal with.We have evolved from beings that had to struggle every day for millions of years simply to survive. Human beings have been around for around 150,000 years and it's only in the past 70 or so that for us in the West having enough food to eat hasn't been a struggle. In many parts of the world it still is.
Without an externally defined struggle, many of us seem to suffer mental health issues. Call it a distraction from the futility of life if you like, but have a challenge seems to kill off depression and anxiety at least. So it's no wonder that as we become more comfortable in our middle aged years, the issues are more keenly felt.
If you accept that's the case, then the solution is to define your own challenge. Simply choose something that you want to do that is not readily achievable and try to do it.
Build a kit car, climb Everest, learn a foreign language, get a qualification, practice a sport and set a goal. Whatever, just something that you enjoy and can strive towards. Convincing yourself it's worthwhile is the difficult part though...
Douglas Quaid said:
Jordan Peterson says what makes people happy is setting difficult but achievable goals and then working towards them. Same thing as you’re saying really and yes I think you’re right, humans have evolved in that way.
I've seen a video by him that resonates with that.okgo said:
Is why sport becomes such a huge passion of people mid life - cycling, running, triathlons, etc etc. all such clubs of middle aged folk looking for an outlet perhaps.
This is very much the case now that TRT has been in fashion for at least a decade. Now I have to endure talking to all these noobs with low body fat and lean muscle mass that started six months ago. I try to take it easy on them.A number of my friends had new born babies when they hit middle age for some reason. Guess they felt more comfortable with a baby in the house?
I wonder if the MLC feeling is coming from burnout and/or isolation?
Now that uni is done for the summer, reflecting back last year I was close to, or completely burnt out about 2-3 times. It was work, uni, uni, work, research, uni work, work. Nothing outwith that has changed from this month to last month, infact with the BoE rate increases things are somewhat harder but the difference in me mentally is night and day. Then, I was questioning everything, "whats the point", "thats st", "where's my life gone" etc etc. Fast forward 4 weeks and i wake up with a spring in my step, even en route to my minimum wage over worked job.
Isolation was another factor for me looking back at my "career" days. Me, probably most of us, aren't conditioned to stare at a screen 40 hours a week over 5 days, which leaves us with little energy or time to actually find our purpose in life. The isolation is exacerbated by screens everywhere. Order a coffee? Do it on the touch screen at the counter. Want a burger and fries? Do it on the screen at the entrance. Need to pay for your shopping? Do it on a screen a self checkout. There's little to no human interaction these days making people feel more isolated.
I also think we need societal changes as to how we see or define success or happiness. Currently, under this capitalistic model we live under, we've been conditioned to see happiness and success by how much money we earn and how much branded stuff we have acquired. You could have Person A earning £300k in the city of London, flash car parked under his Thame-side flat full to the brim of stuff, but working 70 hours a work and can only get through that week by red wine and cocaine binges, completely burnt out and miserable. Person B teaches yoga, knits and makes soap all from her log cabin and loves life, has enough to get by but plenty of spare time to do as she pleases. Person B would be classed as a failure and everyone saying we should be aspiring to be Person A.
Now, I'm not saying we should all become hippys and live in the woods, but most probably do need to address a work life balance so we can find the time to actually do the things we enjoy doing. That's the thing i'll have to work on next year once the degree is finished. On one hand, with no "proper" work for 3-4 years, i'll need the cash. But on the other, i'm getting heart palpitations about the though for another 40 hour, 5 day week in the corporate world watching the world go by as I answer yet another pointless email, and I know if i go back to that environmnent there will be an even bigger and harder MLC.
It's a tough ol' world ain't it. Stick in all.
Now that uni is done for the summer, reflecting back last year I was close to, or completely burnt out about 2-3 times. It was work, uni, uni, work, research, uni work, work. Nothing outwith that has changed from this month to last month, infact with the BoE rate increases things are somewhat harder but the difference in me mentally is night and day. Then, I was questioning everything, "whats the point", "thats s
t", "where's my life gone" etc etc. Fast forward 4 weeks and i wake up with a spring in my step, even en route to my minimum wage over worked job. Isolation was another factor for me looking back at my "career" days. Me, probably most of us, aren't conditioned to stare at a screen 40 hours a week over 5 days, which leaves us with little energy or time to actually find our purpose in life. The isolation is exacerbated by screens everywhere. Order a coffee? Do it on the touch screen at the counter. Want a burger and fries? Do it on the screen at the entrance. Need to pay for your shopping? Do it on a screen a self checkout. There's little to no human interaction these days making people feel more isolated.
I also think we need societal changes as to how we see or define success or happiness. Currently, under this capitalistic model we live under, we've been conditioned to see happiness and success by how much money we earn and how much branded stuff we have acquired. You could have Person A earning £300k in the city of London, flash car parked under his Thame-side flat full to the brim of stuff, but working 70 hours a work and can only get through that week by red wine and cocaine binges, completely burnt out and miserable. Person B teaches yoga, knits and makes soap all from her log cabin and loves life, has enough to get by but plenty of spare time to do as she pleases. Person B would be classed as a failure and everyone saying we should be aspiring to be Person A.
Now, I'm not saying we should all become hippys and live in the woods, but most probably do need to address a work life balance so we can find the time to actually do the things we enjoy doing. That's the thing i'll have to work on next year once the degree is finished. On one hand, with no "proper" work for 3-4 years, i'll need the cash. But on the other, i'm getting heart palpitations about the though for another 40 hour, 5 day week in the corporate world watching the world go by as I answer yet another pointless email, and I know if i go back to that environmnent there will be an even bigger and harder MLC.
It's a tough ol' world ain't it. Stick in all.
If I judged happiness and success by the money I've earned then I'd probably just kill myself now quite honestly 
As long as I have enough to get by and enjoy the company of friends, have a few nights out, couple of short holidays, indulge my only hobby (cars) albeit at the budget end, and have a modicum of health then I'm content.
I have no interest in the rat race. Others can do as they please. Whatever, try and enjoy the journey, we all end up in the same place at the end of it.
As long as I have enough to get by and enjoy the company of friends, have a few nights out, couple of short holidays, indulge my only hobby (cars) albeit at the budget end, and have a modicum of health then I'm content.
I have no interest in the rat race. Others can do as they please. Whatever, try and enjoy the journey, we all end up in the same place at the end of it.
GilletteFan said:
okgo said:
Is why sport becomes such a huge passion of people mid life - cycling, running, triathlons, etc etc. all such clubs of middle aged folk looking for an outlet perhaps.
This is very much the case now that TRT has been in fashion for at least a decade. Now I have to endure talking to all these noobs with low body fat and lean muscle mass that started six months ago. I try to take it easy on them.A number of my friends had new born babies when they hit middle age for some reason. Guess they felt more comfortable with a baby in the house?
Now in my mid-40s and after 20 years of sitting at a desk all day, I'm a shadow of the player I was, but still enjoy playing for fun, with an emphasis on fun.
Seems that everyone who played seriously when they were younger gave up playing years ago (probably burnt out) and the only people left playing at over 35 are people who are new to the sport or are returnees who were never very good.
Only problem is that they take things SO seriously. Want to do drills in training that are frankly beyond them, want to play lots of competitive games and take them ultra seriously. And there's even politics involved.
I just want to turn up and have a knock about with mates.
youngsyr said:
Only problem is that they take things SO seriously. Want to do drills in training that are frankly beyond them, want to play lots of competitive games and take them ultra seriously. And there's even politics involved.
I just want to turn up and have a knock about with mates.
I just want to turn up and have a knock about with mates.
I know what you mean there. I know a few blokes who one day decided they would get into cycling, for example, but rather than do what I would do and just buy a bike and ride it somewhere, they have to buy the expensive road bike and the lycra uniform that goes with it, they go out looking like a fat Bradley Wiggins wannabe, some even in matching lycra with their mates. Looks really quite pathetic to me but what do I know.All the middle aged blokes I know that get into exercise seem to turn into utter zealots and end up overdoing everything as well, like my BiL who has already nearly had a heart attack. You ain't 21 anymore pal
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