Anxiety the return
Discussion
Wow, its amazing how one little thing that you are slightly aware of can have such a massive sub-conscious impact.
Part of my anxiety has been about this one project at work. The client is a nuclear powered
and is so rude.
Felt st this morning. Came into work and heard that this person has left the client company. Feel so much better, the work still needs doing and there is plenty more but not having to deal with that fk tard any longer has made me feel better.
Part of my anxiety has been about this one project at work. The client is a nuclear powered
and is so rude.Felt s
t this morning. Came into work and heard that this person has left the client company. Feel so much better, the work still needs doing and there is plenty more but not having to deal with that fk tard any longer has made me feel better.Two days into my T replacement therapy. No side effects that I can feel at the mo.
Interesting to see how different I feel in a month or so. Seems like from stories on the internet most men either feel nothing or its life changing.
As I mentioned above I did suddenly feel better after hearing that horrible person from our client had left. When I had counselling last year a lot of what we spoke about was how my parents were with me (strict & disappointed) and how this impacts me in later life. The counselor used to refer to this situation of the wounded child, seeking approval and getting disappointment and being told off.
Kind of all ties together with dealing with difficult people, not wanting a bking, want to please and impress everyone.
Not sure how I change that though!
Interesting to see how different I feel in a month or so. Seems like from stories on the internet most men either feel nothing or its life changing.
As I mentioned above I did suddenly feel better after hearing that horrible person from our client had left. When I had counselling last year a lot of what we spoke about was how my parents were with me (strict & disappointed) and how this impacts me in later life. The counselor used to refer to this situation of the wounded child, seeking approval and getting disappointment and being told off.
Kind of all ties together with dealing with difficult people, not wanting a b
king, want to please and impress everyone.Not sure how I change that though!
Patch1875 said:
Hope the T treatment works, what are the side effects if any?
So far I haven't had any but the "possible" side effects are quite something:Man boobs
Anger
Blood clots
Prostate cancer (although a lot of research seems to indicated there is no link, thought it was long considered that there was)
Congestive heart failure
High blood pressure
Depression
Anger
Headache
Acne
Most of those are aggravating existing conditions or if you are taking too much.
The common side effect with the gel is a rash or irritation where you apply it, but I haven't had that either.
5potTurbo said:
Does it list septic fingers as another side effect?
I had my first 1:1 with my boss yesterday since November, due to holidays and business travel. Despite me having gone skiing for 2 weeks over the festive period, I'm still out of sorts and my counselling continues. I told my boss about my state of mind, my ongoing counselling, etc., and she demanded I get signed off for 2 weeks to rest, reset my grey matter and not to think about work. So, I'm now signed off for 2 weeks, since my GP wanted to do that for me before Christmas. I'm now ready to restart my long bike rides (although snow's forecast later in the week) and I've just booked to go skiing next weekend in Flaine, so things I love doing and that will hopefully boost my seratonin levels.
I had my first 1:1 with my boss yesterday since November, due to holidays and business travel. Despite me having gone skiing for 2 weeks over the festive period, I'm still out of sorts and my counselling continues. I told my boss about my state of mind, my ongoing counselling, etc., and she demanded I get signed off for 2 weeks to rest, reset my grey matter and not to think about work. So, I'm now signed off for 2 weeks, since my GP wanted to do that for me before Christmas. I'm now ready to restart my long bike rides (although snow's forecast later in the week) and I've just booked to go skiing next weekend in Flaine, so things I love doing and that will hopefully boost my seratonin levels.
Finger happened before the T started. Think the antibiotics are causing me agro. Feel very tired today, had a two hour nap this afternoon. Making me feel sick/hungry as well.
Good that you have got some time of with the bosses blessing. Part of them problem I have is that I can never take a day off without being interrupted. So few staff and I only Can do certain things. On my list this year to get other people trained up.
I'm getting fking sick of this now. I'm off ill today due my highly amusing finger episode, the antibiotics have given me a right dicky tummy, been up most of the night with Montezuma's revenge. Got an arse like the fukcing bonanza map now.
Anyway that's not what I am sick of. Whilst off sick, I get the usual fking work phone call, massive bking cause a client has the hump because we have bneen a bit slow on our of our systems has a "couple" of bugs. That has set me right off, feel like utter st again.
T is having no impact so far.
I'm doing what self help I can. No booze, eating well, exercising etc.
Going to give it a month on the T and either it will work or I will have to go back to the GP for something else.
What's peoples experience with CBT? When I had counselling last year it was with a talking therapies counsellor. He wasn't that sold on CBT and said it was very hard work and a lot of people it fails for because they don't do the tasks they have been set.
king sick of this now. I'm off ill today due my highly amusing finger episode, the antibiotics have given me a right dicky tummy, been up most of the night with Montezuma's revenge. Got an arse like the fukcing bonanza map now.Anyway that's not what I am sick of. Whilst off sick, I get the usual f
king work phone call, massive bking cause a client has the hump because we have bneen a bit slow on our of our systems has a "couple" of bugs. That has set me right off, feel like utter st again.T is having no impact so far.
I'm doing what self help I can. No booze, eating well, exercising etc.
Going to give it a month on the T and either it will work or I will have to go back to the GP for something else.
What's peoples experience with CBT? When I had counselling last year it was with a talking therapies counsellor. He wasn't that sold on CBT and said it was very hard work and a lot of people it fails for because they don't do the tasks they have been set.
Finger is cleared up and and I have finished the anti-bs yesterday so hopefully that is the end of that.
Interesting what you say about CBT. Similar to what I found with the normal counselling. We explored the way I feel and how I react to things and then looked at my upbringing etc to see why I was like that. When we got to the end it was kind of like "you feel like this,because of this" but with no guidance on how to change it. In some ways it was helpful to see how and why I do react in a certain way, but I know that now and still react so obviously need some other way of changing my thoughts.
All I seem to have done so far with SSRIs/Counselling/T/Self help is to try and "deal" with the problem rather than solve it.
Interesting what you say about CBT. Similar to what I found with the normal counselling. We explored the way I feel and how I react to things and then looked at my upbringing etc to see why I was like that. When we got to the end it was kind of like "you feel like this,because of this" but with no guidance on how to change it. In some ways it was helpful to see how and why I do react in a certain way, but I know that now and still react so obviously need some other way of changing my thoughts.
All I seem to have done so far with SSRIs/Counselling/T/Self help is to try and "deal" with the problem rather than solve it.
Patch1875 said:
Hopefully your t treatment helps what time scale did the doc say for them to start having an effect?
The doc didn't really give an indication as she didn't really want to prescribe it. She was a bit of a know it all and quite dismissive of the whole thing.According to the Internet (!) it is usually a couple of weeks before people notice a difference but can bet 4-6 weeks.
Really feeling quite fking terrible today. Yesterday I felt like I had some control back and started to feel a bit like I could beat this. I woke early this morning, thought it was Sunday. When I realised it was Monday I felt like life just drained from me like a wave.
I felt so close to going to the Dr and asking to be signed off. Just really not sure that is going to help. Stuff wont get done when I'm not here and I know I will just come back to the same pile of crap, only worse. Plus thes I work with wont leave me alone and will be phoning and emailing.
I'm going to get back into training and might enter an triathlon. I didn't want to do anything like that this year as I thought it would put extra pressure on me. But actually I think it will give me something else to occupy my mind plus will get me off my arse doing something rather than sitting around feeling sorry for myself hoping things will get better. Not going to put any pressure as I must do it in X time. Just going to get round the course and enjoy myself.
I do want my kids to see me sitting round looking gloomy. Want to make them proud and get up off the floor and do something and have fun.
I thought about taking Friday off, turning all phones off and going and doing something. My wife is having a bit of a bad time also with what she is doing and would feel guilty suiting myself. Guess I could take another day off and take the kids to school and out after school and let me wife have a different day to herself.
king terrible today. Yesterday I felt like I had some control back and started to feel a bit like I could beat this. I woke early this morning, thought it was Sunday. When I realised it was Monday I felt like life just drained from me like a wave.I felt so close to going to the Dr and asking to be signed off. Just really not sure that is going to help. Stuff wont get done when I'm not here and I know I will just come back to the same pile of crap, only worse. Plus the
s I work with wont leave me alone and will be phoning and emailing.I'm going to get back into training and might enter an triathlon. I didn't want to do anything like that this year as I thought it would put extra pressure on me. But actually I think it will give me something else to occupy my mind plus will get me off my arse doing something rather than sitting around feeling sorry for myself hoping things will get better. Not going to put any pressure as I must do it in X time. Just going to get round the course and enjoy myself.
I do want my kids to see me sitting round looking gloomy. Want to make them proud and get up off the floor and do something and have fun.
I thought about taking Friday off, turning all phones off and going and doing something. My wife is having a bit of a bad time also with what she is doing and would feel guilty suiting myself. Guess I could take another day off and take the kids to school and out after school and let me wife have a different day to herself.
Patch1875 said:
Hope your having a better day today mate, sounds like you need a break from work you got a holiday with the family booked? might help having something to look forward to.
Last couple of days have felt a little better. I drag myself out of ed yesterday and went for a swim. Felt a lot better for it. Reminded me how when I am swimming and focusing on that my anxiety goes for that hour.I've booked tomorrow off, booked a massage. I'm leaving my Blueberry at work and I have warned anyone that if they try and phone me they are in deep s
t.Monty Python said:
I think you need to find a less stressful job.
Its an interesting point of view. Is my job too stressful or am I just crap at dealing with the stress?I find dealing with difficult people hard. I get angry and just have to say nothing or walk away before blowing my top. A lot of the anxiety comes from fearing these confrontations, whether with clients or colleagues.
I'm quite senior and its not about fearing those above me, but everyone.
5potTurbo said:
Are there really stressless jobs out there?
I've a lot of mates from school who had their own businesses and stuff, and jacked it in to become....... TAXI drivers! Given that my hometown's Bormuff, the traffic's terrible for the town's size (although it's rather a conurbation now), I think I'd find driving all day stressful too!
Like 944fan, I'm quite senior at work. That said, even if our CEO or Chairman were to F.O., the company would survive, and that's rather how I've been looking at things. That and, "It's not MY fking problem!"
944fan: dodgy, puss-filled finger aside
(how is that by the way?.... I'll go and check *that* thread!) , I think it's more a case of mental chamical issues. We need to learn how to deal with the stress, not to avoid it. I'm generally good with people, but 2 weeks ago, if someone had pissed me off, I'd have called them a and told them to fk off. I'm not *quite* that bad today after 2 weeks out
As people, I think when you're in a stressful role, you do need time to yourself, whether walking, swimming, running, cycling - stuff you enjoy doing, to help those seratonin levels?
Thoughts?
It is difficult. I think part of the reason I have been able to rise to the level I am at, and earn what I do is because I care. I care about the job I do, how the company does etc etc. The downside is that because I care I carry the burden with me.I've a lot of mates from school who had their own businesses and stuff, and jacked it in to become....... TAXI drivers! Given that my hometown's Bormuff, the traffic's terrible for the town's size (although it's rather a conurbation now), I think I'd find driving all day stressful too!
Like 944fan, I'm quite senior at work. That said, even if our CEO or Chairman were to F.O., the company would survive, and that's rather how I've been looking at things. That and, "It's not MY f
king problem!" 944fan: dodgy, puss-filled finger aside
(how is that by the way?.... I'll go and check *that* thread!) , I think it's more a case of mental chamical issues. We need to learn how to deal with the stress, not to avoid it. I'm generally good with people, but 2 weeks ago, if someone had pissed me off, I'd have called them a and told them to fk off. I'm not *quite* that bad today after 2 weeks out As people, I think when you're in a stressful role, you do need time to yourself, whether walking, swimming, running, cycling - stuff you enjoy doing, to help those seratonin levels?
Thoughts?
The finger is fine now, despite the dodgy advice received from "so called" Drs!
I think my job could be less stressful. It annoys me when I look round at others at a similar level and they dont seem to have any stress at all. Maybe they are better at dealing with it.
I feel like I am starting to feel a little better. The exercising is helping I think.
andy-xr said:
You kind of rise to the brink of you incompetence in jobs and some of that's through wanting to do well, people pleasing, you know, the things you're taught when you're young - work hard, get a good job, do well and life is good. It's not true for everyone
This is an interesting perspective. The Peter principle (everyone rises to their own level of incompetence) I always thought as a insult to more senior people as the rose where they can do less damage as the higher you go supposedly the more hands-off you become. However, in this context of stress and anxiety I think it does apply. As you say I have always been one of those employees who does a good job, doesn't rock the boat, and tries to please. I have seen the benefits of doing that and often have been promoted in order to keep me at a company. I wonder if that has meant I have rising to a point, where actually I can't do the job. Or certainly can't deal with the extra stress it involves. I have had an up and down few days. My office moved over the weekend. Two benefits to that, firstly I now have a 12 minute drive to work, compared to the 1hr15 I had before. Secondly my team (IT Dev) have been put in another building away from the account teams. This keeps me away from some of the people I had a hard time dealing with and gives me a little bit of peace. Felt pretty good for a couple of days but then slight hiccup at work and it set me right off again.
I stupidly had a drink last night. Don't know why I keep doing it. I know for a fact now that it makes me feel 10 times worse the next day.
J4CKO said:
I have a certain amount of loyalty to the company, have been treated pretty well but to be honest, the redundancy thing has made me realise it isn't the be all and end all, I can get a job elsewhere should I need to and I can walk out anytime I want and not come back if it gets too much, they pay me for 8 hours of my time, 5 days a week, not every waking hour, my family life and my soul.
Its good that you are able to get that perspective and live it. For me it is not that simple. I work in IT Development, as a manager leading a team. For those that have been involved in IT Dev will know there are 10 jobs for every person. I could leave this afternoon and would probably have a new job by the end of next week.There might be a small pay cut as my current salary is skewed in my area because of the office move but not massive.
I don't need this job but that doesn't mean I can convince myself that it doesn't matter and I should't worry.
I think I need to find some more help. The testosterone replacement seems to have had 0 effect. Not sure if I need counselling again or actually do I need some training in dealing with people and handling "conflict" etc.
I know that drinking again is making it worse but I can't seem to break free.
I actually right now just feel like crying.
This weekend represented an all time low for me. Friday I had a bit of a bad day at work. Nothing major happened but think I was so on the edge that anything set me off. Went home Friday in a state and hit the bottle. I know it wasn't going to do me any good and would make me worse on Saturday but I needed something. I didn't want to spend the rest of Friday evening feeling like that.
Saturday night I stayed up late drinking. I had felt like crying for a few days and it all came flying out. 30 minutes of uncontrollable sobbing.
I have phoned a counselor today and made an appointment.
I am wonder if I should tell my boss about what has been going on. He is new and I don't really know him. He knows I am busy but doubt he had any idea quite how bad it is affecting me.
One of our system is being audited this week. The client is a difficult one and so I am stting myself about that.
I definitely need to develop my "I don't care" attitude. Stupid thing is I feel guilty for not caring because I am paid quite well. I think those around me who don't give a st don't have to because they are not paid as well. I need to accept that I am paid for my skills and experience 9-5:30 Monday to Friday and anything outside of that is mine.
Going to try and stay off the booze and get back into exercising. Downloaded the Headspace app and will try 10 mins meditation each day. Also probably will go back to the GP.
Saturday night I stayed up late drinking. I had felt like crying for a few days and it all came flying out. 30 minutes of uncontrollable sobbing.
I have phoned a counselor today and made an appointment.
I am wonder if I should tell my boss about what has been going on. He is new and I don't really know him. He knows I am busy but doubt he had any idea quite how bad it is affecting me.
One of our system is being audited this week. The client is a difficult one and so I am s
tting myself about that.I definitely need to develop my "I don't care" attitude. Stupid thing is I feel guilty for not caring because I am paid quite well. I think those around me who don't give a s
t don't have to because they are not paid as well. I need to accept that I am paid for my skills and experience 9-5:30 Monday to Friday and anything outside of that is mine.Going to try and stay off the booze and get back into exercising. Downloaded the Headspace app and will try 10 mins meditation each day. Also probably will go back to the GP.
5potTurbo said:
944fan: Did you speak to your boss and did you do anything about counselling?
I haven't fully disclosed it all to my boss. We have had some changes at work and I have new boss now so trying to find where the land lies. I have said that I am very stretched and resourcing is a real issue and to his credit he is doing the best he can to find alternative help from other teams.I have found another counsellor and been for a few sessions. At the minute in each session I seem to be bringing something new up and it feels like there is a lot in the air at the moment in terms of what I am feeling and the possible reasons behind it.
Had a really interesting conversation with my wife about it all. She has also had a bit of difficult time with college and getting back into work after having kids. Anyway she said that part of the problem she as having was because of the way I am at home. I had been putting this down to being grumpy because I am constantly stressed and worried. She thinks that I may be on the autism spectrum, albeit highly functioning end of it. I did some reading and took some on lines tests and whilst nothing definitive came out there was a lot that made sense about explaining my behaviour and the way I feel and act.
I find the social side of things awkward and this leads to some anxiety. However one of the things that struck me was about how people on the autism spectrum struggle with having routine disrupted. I am very much like this. I don't like surprises and hate spontaneity. I think this maybe one reason why I find my current job more stressful than others because it is so chaotic. In my last role I would work on month long projects with fewer interruptions. My current role is very much constant fire fighting with things often going wrong and need resolving. I am at the point now where I am just fearing the interruption more than anything else.
I am working on my care-less attitude and trying to be a bit assertive at work. I am stopping trying to be the superstar who can do it all and saying no a bit more. Feel like there is some changes I am making and are happening in the business anyway that will help in the long term.
I feel more confused about my situation than ever. There are distinct triggers I know that cause my anxiety but I do not have a strategy for dealing with them at the moment.
Annoyingly I got in to a reasonably good place, didn't drink for a bit, was exercising and felt good. Then for some reason it fell apart. The stupid things is that it didn't fall apart because I was stressed or anxious like it usually did, but because I felt good and thought I could "treat" myself.
5potTurbo said:
Monday's here again, and I'm really not "on it" at work. I keep finidng myself dipping in PH, reading, posting, anything but working! That's NOT good!
Yes I have been doing the same as well. Kind reached a point where the stress as abated slightly and so now I feel like I have given up.Stopping drinking again now and going to get back into exercising.
Running in some sun sounds good 5pot.
I feel bloody crap at the moment. Taken last two days off from work as I just couldn't face it. Tempted to take the full week.
I've driven myself into a hole with not looking after myself and drinking again. I know I need to stop and I am going to from today. I bought a fun car a week ago and that has had some issues. That is not helping me at all worrying about that. Not sure why I am worrying though, its all being fixed on warranty. Just frustrating.
Feel like I am in a real rut and need a bit of a push to get me out of it. Think taking the week off might help. Considering emailing my boss and telling him I wont be in for the whole week and telling him the reason why. Feel like I would be telling him for sympathy though.
I feel bloody crap at the moment. Taken last two days off from work as I just couldn't face it. Tempted to take the full week.
I've driven myself into a hole with not looking after myself and drinking again. I know I need to stop and I am going to from today. I bought a fun car a week ago and that has had some issues. That is not helping me at all worrying about that. Not sure why I am worrying though, its all being fixed on warranty. Just frustrating.
Feel like I am in a real rut and need a bit of a push to get me out of it. Think taking the week off might help. Considering emailing my boss and telling him I wont be in for the whole week and telling him the reason why. Feel like I would be telling him for sympathy though.
How's everyone doing? I finished my counselling. I have also quit the grog for good and really got back into my training. Feel a lot better. There was a point not long ago where I actually felt happy, first time in a long time.
Still have difficult patches and periods of anxiety that hit, but mostly I don't carry them with me after the event. Still have bad Sunday even blues but I guess a lot of people do.
Have really started to keep work at arms length also. My blackberry sits in a drawer at home with a flat battery and has been there for months. I just don't check it anymore.
Had an interesting trip to the doctors though. I had been exploring whether low testosterone was contributing to my anxiety. The first dr was quite dismissive and I was given testogel for a couple of months. I went back after finishing that and saw a great Dr. She did another test and also said that there are two other hormones that should be tested as these are what tell the body to make T.
She said that if they are low she will refer me to an endocrynologist (sp?). Anyway I expected my T to have improved having lost weight and stopped drinking. T is out side the normal range again and something called LH serum level was very low. Apparently this is what tells the body to produce T and because its so low my body doesn't produce enough. Dr has referred me straight to the specialist.
Still not sure what I should I do about my job long term. It doesn't make me happy but I am not sure if changing jobs would make any difference or not. Things have changed here recently and it is a bit better
Still have difficult patches and periods of anxiety that hit, but mostly I don't carry them with me after the event. Still have bad Sunday even blues but I guess a lot of people do.
Have really started to keep work at arms length also. My blackberry sits in a drawer at home with a flat battery and has been there for months. I just don't check it anymore.
Had an interesting trip to the doctors though. I had been exploring whether low testosterone was contributing to my anxiety. The first dr was quite dismissive and I was given testogel for a couple of months. I went back after finishing that and saw a great Dr. She did another test and also said that there are two other hormones that should be tested as these are what tell the body to make T.
She said that if they are low she will refer me to an endocrynologist (sp?). Anyway I expected my T to have improved having lost weight and stopped drinking. T is out side the normal range again and something called LH serum level was very low. Apparently this is what tells the body to produce T and because its so low my body doesn't produce enough. Dr has referred me straight to the specialist.
Still not sure what I should I do about my job long term. It doesn't make me happy but I am not sure if changing jobs would make any difference or not. Things have changed here recently and it is a bit better
funkyrobot said:
Thanks Andy.
I shall indeed look into that. You have given me some great advice on the other thread I started, and you continue on here.
Thinking about it, it's very true. I guess how you react defines how you cope with things. Some people shrug things off, some people get eaten away by things.
Absolutely. I am definitely one who gets eaten away by things. Little things build for me, an unhappy client here, missed deadline etc. They build and they build like the death of a thousand cuts.I shall indeed look into that. You have given me some great advice on the other thread I started, and you continue on here.
Thinking about it, it's very true. I guess how you react defines how you cope with things. Some people shrug things off, some people get eaten away by things.
As andy says you can learn to handle thing differently and/or you can remove the stressors. Sometimes there is no hope for a job and you have to leave. I have made the mistake in the past of being so keen to get away from a job that I have jumped from the frying pan into the fire. Learning to handle it differently is more a longer term goal but ultimately one that will have the biggest impact.
For me a lot of it is learning to give less of a s
t about what people think. Its all my parents fault as they were too critical and I am always trying to please.Gassing Station | Health Matters | Top of Page | What's New | My Stuff