How does one moderate one's farts, chaps?

[didelydoo]

Apply for a role in Brazilian fart porn. (it's real)

[mybrainhurts]

Errr...no

[LordGrover]

Does nursey know?

[Papa Hotel]

You should do some variant of the cake fart theme. The lass that started that has made a fortune. Peanut butter fart is my personal favourite.

[King Herald]

There was a period many years ago when I shared a cabin with a chap on a ship. Some mornings I would wake up to find the curtain to his bunk effectively tucked under his mattress all the way round, in a vain attempt to stop the malignant, malodorous stench from my midnight botty-coughs.

It was awful. When you can smell your own farts still lingering in the room next morning it is a bit much.

I did research on anti-fart medications, but could find nothing. Even the food I ate was nothing out of the ordinary, though I was on a bit of a keep fit period so did a lot of physical exercise.

However, time passed, and 'the bog of eternal stench' must have cured internally as the smelly farts stopped and peace descended once again on the Herald cabin.

[tubbystu]

mybrainhurts said:

tubbystu said:

NHS direct - flatulence

Is it that difficult

Thank you. Glad someone is taking this seriously. However, I fear the NHS has not experienced the magnitude of my malady...

Well, if all else fails a new career as a Flatulist might beckon. See also Le Pétomane

I recall Queen Victoria used to swear by charcoal tablets for the same problem, but from where I recall it I can't imagine.

[mybrainhurts]

I sniff loads of money...

[Doofus]

mybrainhurts said:

I sniff loads of money...

That's risky in itself.

I think there's a statistic that says something like 70% of all the banknotes in circulation have traces of Columbian farting powder on them.

[mybrainhurts]

Boom, boom...

[Changedmyname]

I think it's a sign that you are getting OLD......because I do it as well.

[Doofus]

I'm here all week.

Unfortunately...

[sunbeam alpine]

Changedmyname said:

I think it's a sign that you are getting OLD......because I do it as well.

And when you get really old you don't even realise you're doing it (at least that's what my dad used to say).

Mind you, his didn't stink.

SWMBO on the other hand, when fed brussels sprouts, can stun a polecat at 10 yards. I'm quite jealous.

[retreat]

Pack in the beer!

Found I was allergic to the stuff and my bot has smelt of roses ever since!

[Zwolf]

I can't see arse-less trousers helping at all unfortunately.

[Changedmyname]

retreat said:

Pack in the beer!

Found I was allergic to the stuff and my bot has smelt of roses ever since!

This is sound advice.

[mybrainhurts]

Changedmyname said:

retreat said:

Pack in the beer!

Found I was allergic to the stuff and my bot has smelt of roses ever since!

This is sound advice.

Strewth, I can live with the sound, it's the frequency I'm having trouble with...

Here we go again...

Now I'm knocking moths down in flight...

[Changedmyname]

mybrainhurts said:

Strewth, I can live with the sound, it's the frequency I'm having trouble with...

Here we go again...

Now I'm knocking moths down in flight...

You could have fun with this and record this/them/it on your phone for a ring tone,
I tried many times,only to run out of wind so to speak.

[mybrainhurts]

True, but I spend too much time with my customers....not good.

[Halb]

The Smelly Fart Cure

[mybrainhurts]

Thanks. Don't think that's the problem.

Cripes, if this goes on much longer, I'll be able to wear a cape, hold a match and fly like a Chinese lantern...