Feeling low after child born
Discussion
At least you can look forward to all the kids parties, restricted social life, reduced sex life and trying to find a 'practical' car with a bit of poke and style.
There's nothing more satisfying than spending all weekend arseing around visiting relatives and similarly encumbered friends. Those dreary, wet Autumnal Sundays will just fly by.
Nursery, childcare and continually buying clothing will soon hoover the wallet clean too.
You'll get to enjoy taking your holidays during school holiday time with all the other annoying families at kid friendly resorts too.
May the force be with you
There's nothing more satisfying than spending all weekend arseing around visiting relatives and similarly encumbered friends. Those dreary, wet Autumnal Sundays will just fly by.
Nursery, childcare and continually buying clothing will soon hoover the wallet clean too.
You'll get to enjoy taking your holidays during school holiday time with all the other annoying families at kid friendly resorts too.
May the force be with you
Maxf said:
Men get postnatal depression as well as women
Glad to see someone has already said this.Additionally, OP you don't mention if the birth was particularly traumatic or difficult, but if it was then please be aware that partners who witness a traumatic childbirth can develop PTSD. Sometimes the Mum can come out of it perfectly fine mentally but the Dad is one more affected.
Please OP, give the medication a chance to work, and do go back to the doctor in a few weeks if you're still struggling.
lord trumpton said:
At least you can look forward to all the kids parties, restricted social life, reduced sex life and trying to find a 'practical' car with a bit of poke and style.
There's nothing more satisfying than spending all weekend arseing around visiting relatives and similarly encumbered friends. Those dreary, wet Autumnal Sundays will just fly by.
Nursery, childcare and continually buying clothing will soon hoover the wallet clean too.
You'll get to enjoy taking your holidays during school holiday time with all the other annoying families at kid friendly resorts too.
May the force be with you
You forgot to mention increased holiday costs at school holidays.There's nothing more satisfying than spending all weekend arseing around visiting relatives and similarly encumbered friends. Those dreary, wet Autumnal Sundays will just fly by.
Nursery, childcare and continually buying clothing will soon hoover the wallet clean too.
You'll get to enjoy taking your holidays during school holiday time with all the other annoying families at kid friendly resorts too.
May the force be with you
Other than that being a parent is great .
WR. Three lads, 38,37 and 35
Wacky Racer said:
lord trumpton said:
At least you can look forward to all the kids parties, restricted social life, reduced sex life and trying to find a 'practical' car with a bit of poke and style.
There's nothing more satisfying than spending all weekend arseing around visiting relatives and similarly encumbered friends. Those dreary, wet Autumnal Sundays will just fly by.
Nursery, childcare and continually buying clothing will soon hoover the wallet clean too.
You'll get to enjoy taking your holidays during school holiday time with all the other annoying families at kid friendly resorts too.
May the force be with you
You forgot to mention increased holiday costs at school holidays.There's nothing more satisfying than spending all weekend arseing around visiting relatives and similarly encumbered friends. Those dreary, wet Autumnal Sundays will just fly by.
Nursery, childcare and continually buying clothing will soon hoover the wallet clean too.
You'll get to enjoy taking your holidays during school holiday time with all the other annoying families at kid friendly resorts too.
May the force be with you
Other than that being a parent is great .
WR. Three lads, 38,37 and 35
At my workplace, they have been having a bit of a push lately to try and encourage staff to take care of mental health as well as physical health.
Anything you’re worried about - money, stress, career worries, children, relationships etc, is all covered - just pick up the phone and talk, it’s all free of charge.
I don’t know how common this is - but maybe something to look into at work? At least you’ll get a professional to talk to quickly, unlike the NHS equivalent services.
Anything you’re worried about - money, stress, career worries, children, relationships etc, is all covered - just pick up the phone and talk, it’s all free of charge.
I don’t know how common this is - but maybe something to look into at work? At least you’ll get a professional to talk to quickly, unlike the NHS equivalent services.
Don't discount the time of year, either. Dark, cold, claustrophobic. It's a headf
k at the best of times, but mix that with lack of sleep, that new parent sense of dread, and a knackered wife, it's a lot to adapt to. I found summer months a lot easier to deal with in the early days of parenthood.
You'll have a couple of little wins soon, and you will feel better and build from there.
Despite what every other fker tells you, it's not much fun at first.
Best wishes, hombre.
k at the best of times, but mix that with lack of sleep, that new parent sense of dread, and a knackered wife, it's a lot to adapt to. I found summer months a lot easier to deal with in the early days of parenthood.You'll have a couple of little wins soon, and you will feel better and build from there.
Despite what every other f
ker tells you, it's not much fun at first.Best wishes, hombre.
Edited by phil1979 on Sunday 19th November 18:36
It's a shame that it's described as such but it's a brave post, I found a lot of people checking up on the Mrs after our daughter but all I seemed to get was jokes about no sleep, bikes to be sold etc.
Nothing prepares you for the life changing event that is becoming dad, there's no shame in feeling low after the excitement of it happening there's definitely a drop where it hits you, you've brought the baby home and this is your life now and it's blooming scary.
Like people have mentioned before me a lot of anxiety is brought on by the thought of any harm coming to baby I was extra careful around bottle sterilisation, people holding her and everytime I watched a video on Facebook there was some other danger I'd not been told about, but they are sturdy and really at that point just needs warmth,food and shelter so don't worry you'll be giving baby everything needed.
Then again like people have mentioned there's like a mourning for your old life, I've a two year old and a baby on the way next month and it has hit me again, I often think of times I had wages all to myself did what I wanted when I wanted but I balance that out with actually would I still want to be uptown every weekend and to be honest I have adjusted and got some balance of hobbies etc so try to keep friendships going, still plan things with your partner or friends and keep your eye in with your hobbies and likes even if you can't give them as much time or attention as before you have to keep some of your identity. Yesterday I bartered a Barney bear and Peppa pig on my phone so I could watch the moto gp so it's doable 🤣
I think every guy feels like a spare part in this early stage, mothers instincts kick in and we are on the back foot and trying to guess what we need to do, don't take any silly arguments personally when you're tired every comment or word can rile you, just be present and try to help it won't go unnoticed even if it's little things that might make mum's life easier.
And always speak out and tell someone how you feel, that baby needs it's parents and it might not feel like it now but growing up without you will affect their hole future. I still worry now about finances, time, etc but it does get better I think I am a better dad now she's running around and she can be in the garden while I faff around with my bikes or wash a car, and seeing them grow and learn things and form their own personality is something to be treasured.
Sorry for the essay just hope you can see how much any kid needs their dad and any fears or worries have a habit of working themselves out, and if you ever want to vent my dms are open and I'm sure others would lend an ear too.
Nothing prepares you for the life changing event that is becoming dad, there's no shame in feeling low after the excitement of it happening there's definitely a drop where it hits you, you've brought the baby home and this is your life now and it's blooming scary.
Like people have mentioned before me a lot of anxiety is brought on by the thought of any harm coming to baby I was extra careful around bottle sterilisation, people holding her and everytime I watched a video on Facebook there was some other danger I'd not been told about, but they are sturdy and really at that point just needs warmth,food and shelter so don't worry you'll be giving baby everything needed.
Then again like people have mentioned there's like a mourning for your old life, I've a two year old and a baby on the way next month and it has hit me again, I often think of times I had wages all to myself did what I wanted when I wanted but I balance that out with actually would I still want to be uptown every weekend and to be honest I have adjusted and got some balance of hobbies etc so try to keep friendships going, still plan things with your partner or friends and keep your eye in with your hobbies and likes even if you can't give them as much time or attention as before you have to keep some of your identity. Yesterday I bartered a Barney bear and Peppa pig on my phone so I could watch the moto gp so it's doable 🤣
I think every guy feels like a spare part in this early stage, mothers instincts kick in and we are on the back foot and trying to guess what we need to do, don't take any silly arguments personally when you're tired every comment or word can rile you, just be present and try to help it won't go unnoticed even if it's little things that might make mum's life easier.
And always speak out and tell someone how you feel, that baby needs it's parents and it might not feel like it now but growing up without you will affect their hole future. I still worry now about finances, time, etc but it does get better I think I am a better dad now she's running around and she can be in the garden while I faff around with my bikes or wash a car, and seeing them grow and learn things and form their own personality is something to be treasured.
Sorry for the essay just hope you can see how much any kid needs their dad and any fears or worries have a habit of working themselves out, and if you ever want to vent my dms are open and I'm sure others would lend an ear too.
Yep, can only echo what's already been said here.
My daughter is 5 now, just turned, and we were only reminiscing about this a few days ago, but the very first time we brought her home, in her car seat, transferred her to a little portable moses basket and plonked her in the middle of the living room floor on her back staring up at us, completely helpless. The single most surreal and uneasy feeling day of my life. I felt physically sick.
Thinking WTF do we do now. This time of year as well, dark cold weather, winter drawing in, felt like my life was over. I've always been susceptible to periods of feeling low anyway, and this just compounded things massively.
You might not want to hear this, but this was my experience; it took me a good 6-12 months to even bond with her, which is gut wrenching to say now as we now have a bond and closeness that I've never experienced and can't even imagine not having that.
That first day, she felt like an absolute stranger, an alien, and didn't feel a 'part' of me whatsoever.
The old cliche turned out to be true though, TIME is the only thing that rectified things.
Just try to relax and don't overthink things, take each day at a time, things improve. Before you know it you'll be dreading watching peppa pig for the 1000th time.
Best wishes to you all.
My daughter is 5 now, just turned, and we were only reminiscing about this a few days ago, but the very first time we brought her home, in her car seat, transferred her to a little portable moses basket and plonked her in the middle of the living room floor on her back staring up at us, completely helpless. The single most surreal and uneasy feeling day of my life. I felt physically sick.
Thinking WTF do we do now. This time of year as well, dark cold weather, winter drawing in, felt like my life was over. I've always been susceptible to periods of feeling low anyway, and this just compounded things massively.
You might not want to hear this, but this was my experience; it took me a good 6-12 months to even bond with her, which is gut wrenching to say now as we now have a bond and closeness that I've never experienced and can't even imagine not having that.
That first day, she felt like an absolute stranger, an alien, and didn't feel a 'part' of me whatsoever.
The old cliche turned out to be true though, TIME is the only thing that rectified things.
Just try to relax and don't overthink things, take each day at a time, things improve. Before you know it you'll be dreading watching peppa pig for the 1000th time.
Best wishes to you all.
MentalSarcasm said:
Maxf said:
Men get postnatal depression as well as women
Glad to see someone has already said this.Additionally, OP you don't mention if the birth was particularly traumatic or difficult, but if it was then please be aware that partners who witness a traumatic childbirth can develop PTSD. Sometimes the Mum can come out of it perfectly fine mentally but the Dad is one more affected.
Please OP, give the medication a chance to work, and do go back to the doctor in a few weeks if you're still struggling.
I ended up in a horrible dark hole after our second one was born. After out son sleeping through the night from 12 weeks old it didn't help that she wouldn't sleep properly for the best part of a year. Ended up tired constantly and just couldn't see a way out, couldn't get excited or look forward to anything (I got given a ticket to Goodwood FoS which should have been awesome but I went and just wasn't fussed about it). The whole time I was aware that I was probably horrible to be around- crap moods, short temper etc.
A couple of things really helped- chatting to a medical professional- I think talking to family etc. is great but they are too personally involved and it's hard to listen to things you don;t want to hear. My mum in law was insistent I needed to go on anti-depressants which I really didn't want to do and we came close to falling out over it. I also got back into cycling and doing regular exercise- being outside gave me some headspace and a decent workout.
Was ok until lockdown came along and I think I had a bit of a relapse but thats another story.
All ok now though and my daughter is literally the most beautiful thing in my life so hang in there, talk to someone and it will get better
I can only echo what others have said, especially if it is your first child it changes your world and those first few months I have to say are incredibly hard work, the wife has a picture of me still somewhere laid on the living room floor asleep on my back with my eldest laid on top of me asleep, I think I basically just ran out of energy. The lack of sleep can be brutal.
I'm not sure medication is the answer but I don't know you at all OP so maybe it is right for you.
All I can really say is if it helps then talk about it, to a friend or family member and you may be surprised how quickly you settle into it and things start coming together for you. A good mate of mine recently had his first child with his girlfriend at 42 and I know he has found it very hard to adapt but now at 6 months in he loves it, he says his only regret is he wishes he started younger.
I'm not sure medication is the answer but I don't know you at all OP so maybe it is right for you.
All I can really say is if it helps then talk about it, to a friend or family member and you may be surprised how quickly you settle into it and things start coming together for you. A good mate of mine recently had his first child with his girlfriend at 42 and I know he has found it very hard to adapt but now at 6 months in he loves it, he says his only regret is he wishes he started younger.
Not posted for a while but seeing the OP felt I really needed to.
As you will have seen - you aren’t the first dude to struggle with the transition!
That’s really important to remind yourself so be kind to yourself. Some great advice already (except the stop taking the medication one - keep taking it, it’ll help give you the headspace to process everything). When friends have had kids, I have always made a point to ask how Dad is, as we do seem to get forgotten.
I promise it gets easier - overnight this little person, who is totally dependent on you has turned your world upside down; everyone rebuilds in different ways but do talk to your wife, talk to friends, talk to the doctors, talk to your new little person. Set yourself small successes - changing a nappy, giving them a bath on your own, read them a book whilst they lay on your chest. And be ok with the fact things won’t go to plan - it’s ok and it doesn’t mean anything.
Make plans to go out, without baby, with your partner, a 15min walk, an hour for a drink at the pub - it’s so important to take time to appreciate each other still and give each other that quality time. Also, where possible, try and ensure you both maximise sleep and take it in turns to get up - sleep was the absolute killer for me. If I got 3 hours undisturbed, I could handle things, less than that and I was hopeless!
It’s ok to ask for help from friends and family - don’t let them just come over for baby cuddles - ask them to do something to help you if even it’s pop a wash load on or run the hoover round. It’ll be a nothing for them but be one less thing for you or your partner to worry about.
My final piece of advice is to take advice from anyone who will offer it - you’ll figure out really quickly what works and what doesn’t and it’ll be a bit of trial and error for a little while and you might find something which seems ridiculous works. Most people don’t offer you advice from anywhere but a place of good intentions.
I’ll keep an eye on your post OP - it may not feel like it all the time, but you’ve got this.
As you will have seen - you aren’t the first dude to struggle with the transition!
That’s really important to remind yourself so be kind to yourself. Some great advice already (except the stop taking the medication one - keep taking it, it’ll help give you the headspace to process everything). When friends have had kids, I have always made a point to ask how Dad is, as we do seem to get forgotten.
I promise it gets easier - overnight this little person, who is totally dependent on you has turned your world upside down; everyone rebuilds in different ways but do talk to your wife, talk to friends, talk to the doctors, talk to your new little person. Set yourself small successes - changing a nappy, giving them a bath on your own, read them a book whilst they lay on your chest. And be ok with the fact things won’t go to plan - it’s ok and it doesn’t mean anything.
Make plans to go out, without baby, with your partner, a 15min walk, an hour for a drink at the pub - it’s so important to take time to appreciate each other still and give each other that quality time. Also, where possible, try and ensure you both maximise sleep and take it in turns to get up - sleep was the absolute killer for me. If I got 3 hours undisturbed, I could handle things, less than that and I was hopeless!
It’s ok to ask for help from friends and family - don’t let them just come over for baby cuddles - ask them to do something to help you if even it’s pop a wash load on or run the hoover round. It’ll be a nothing for them but be one less thing for you or your partner to worry about.
My final piece of advice is to take advice from anyone who will offer it - you’ll figure out really quickly what works and what doesn’t and it’ll be a bit of trial and error for a little while and you might find something which seems ridiculous works. Most people don’t offer you advice from anywhere but a place of good intentions.
I’ll keep an eye on your post OP - it may not feel like it all the time, but you’ve got this.
Having kids is a crazy time and quite often not in a good way, Nothing will change your life as much as having children. When reality sets in around how relentless the whole thing is in the early days its easy to think 'What the fk have I done!' Me and my wife both said the same thing.
As time goes by you adapt and make lifestyle adjustments. It also takes a while for a man to bond with kids as I found when they are infants is hard to see the positive side as all they seem to do is scream, st and drink milk.
Take it easy on yourself. Try and get some exercise going as that helps massively with anxiety and depression. Better times ahead once your over the initial few months.
P.S. I found that people who tell you the early stages are amazing are pretty much liars! I swear they say it to make themselves look good and you wonder what your doing wrong!!
k have I done!' Me and my wife both said the same thing.As time goes by you adapt and make lifestyle adjustments. It also takes a while for a man to bond with kids as I found when they are infants is hard to see the positive side as all they seem to do is scream, s
t and drink milk. Take it easy on yourself. Try and get some exercise going as that helps massively with anxiety and depression. Better times ahead once your over the initial few months.
P.S. I found that people who tell you the early stages are amazing are pretty much liars! I swear they say it to make themselves look good and you wonder what your doing wrong!!
Edited by Four Litre on Tuesday 21st November 13:49
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