Help with elderly relatives - Parkinson's + Dementia issues?
Discussion
Oh, my..."behaved inappropriately"?! At their age?! Hope it's not too serious, Mexican?
Popped in to see the fossils earlier. They were both asleep in the lounge when we got there. FIL hasn't been shaved in days, so I'll do a wet shave for him tomorrow. It makes him look like a poor down and out as he's so frail, bless him.
Local, erm, "collectors" popped in today and asked if they could take metal from the skip. Yep, as long as you leave it tidy, as I've more to go in there. They did.
Cleared out much of the wardrobes today, and tonnes of paperbacks, all gone to the Cancer Research charity shop in Romsey. More to go later this week! Anyone need about 50 packs of incontinence pants? No idea why my MIL bought sooo many! There's about a year's supply there, FFS. Hopefully the new facility will be able to use them for him as they'll be wasted otherwise, I don't suppose they're cheap, either!
Mrs RC1807 sorted out bank stuff today in person, so the top-up we owed to the care home has now been paid. That'll keep their Accounts person off our back now the folks are moving on Thursday. We can pay Hants SS later for the larger amounts.
Tomorrow: house valuation!
Popped in to see the fossils earlier. They were both asleep in the lounge when we got there. FIL hasn't been shaved in days, so I'll do a wet shave for him tomorrow. It makes him look like a poor down and out as he's so frail, bless him.
Local, erm, "collectors" popped in today and asked if they could take metal from the skip. Yep, as long as you leave it tidy, as I've more to go in there. They did.
Cleared out much of the wardrobes today, and tonnes of paperbacks, all gone to the Cancer Research charity shop in Romsey. More to go later this week! Anyone need about 50 packs of incontinence pants? No idea why my MIL bought sooo many! There's about a year's supply there, FFS. Hopefully the new facility will be able to use them for him as they'll be wasted otherwise, I don't suppose they're cheap, either!
Mrs RC1807 sorted out bank stuff today in person, so the top-up we owed to the care home has now been paid. That'll keep their Accounts person off our back now the folks are moving on Thursday. We can pay Hants SS later for the larger amounts.
Tomorrow: house valuation!
RC1807 said:
Oh, my..."behaved inappropriately"?! At their age?! Hope it's not too serious, Mexican?
Popped in to see the fossils earlier. They were both asleep in the lounge when we got there. FIL hasn't been shaved in days, so I'll do a wet shave for him tomorrow. It makes him look like a poor down and out as he's so frail, bless him.
Local, erm, "collectors" popped in today and asked if they could take metal from the skip. Yep, as long as you leave it tidy, as I've more to go in there. They did.
Cleared out much of the wardrobes today, and tonnes of paperbacks, all gone to the Cancer Research charity shop in Romsey. More to go later this week! Anyone need about 50 packs of incontinence pants? No idea why my MIL bought sooo many! There's about a year's supply there, FFS. Hopefully the new facility will be able to use them for him as they'll be wasted otherwise, I don't suppose they're cheap, either!
Mrs RC1807 sorted out bank stuff today in person, so the top-up we owed to the care home has now been paid. That'll keep their Accounts person off our back now the folks are moving on Thursday. We can pay Hants SS later for the larger amounts.
Tomorrow: house valuation!
Is FiL on blood thinning meds? (could be a reason why he hasn't had a wet shave, still no reason why he can't have an electric one)Popped in to see the fossils earlier. They were both asleep in the lounge when we got there. FIL hasn't been shaved in days, so I'll do a wet shave for him tomorrow. It makes him look like a poor down and out as he's so frail, bless him.
Local, erm, "collectors" popped in today and asked if they could take metal from the skip. Yep, as long as you leave it tidy, as I've more to go in there. They did.
Cleared out much of the wardrobes today, and tonnes of paperbacks, all gone to the Cancer Research charity shop in Romsey. More to go later this week! Anyone need about 50 packs of incontinence pants? No idea why my MIL bought sooo many! There's about a year's supply there, FFS. Hopefully the new facility will be able to use them for him as they'll be wasted otherwise, I don't suppose they're cheap, either!
Mrs RC1807 sorted out bank stuff today in person, so the top-up we owed to the care home has now been paid. That'll keep their Accounts person off our back now the folks are moving on Thursday. We can pay Hants SS later for the larger amounts.
Tomorrow: house valuation!
Unopened packs of inco pads should be useful
FIL didn't want to be shaved yesterday. He wasn't having a 100% day, confused as to why we are moving them both today - which of course has been explained, over the past weeks, and everyday from Sat to Wed so it wasn't a surprise, however, it is what it is....
Went to visit the new facility yesterday. Wow! What a home! Brand new, purpose built, á la carte menus - 5 hot choices at breakfast, plus cereals, toast, drinks, etc., 3 choices for lunch, 3 for dinner... Such a lovely environment, and, only 200 yards from where I used to live when I was about 5! The home manager suggested we stay for lunch with the outlaws today to help them settle in, and to make sure we are comfortable with their new environment too.
Please, wish us luck!
Went to visit the new facility yesterday. Wow! What a home! Brand new, purpose built, á la carte menus - 5 hot choices at breakfast, plus cereals, toast, drinks, etc., 3 choices for lunch, 3 for dinner... Such a lovely environment, and, only 200 yards from where I used to live when I was about 5!
The home manager suggested we stay for lunch with the outlaws today to help them settle in, and to make sure we are comfortable with their new environment too. Please, wish us luck!
RC1807 said:
Went to visit the new facility yesterday. Wow! What a home! Brand new, purpose built, á la carte menus - 5 hot choices at breakfast, plus cereals, toast, drinks, etc., 3 choices for lunch, 3 for dinner... Such a lovely environment, and, only 200 yards from where I used to live when I was about 5!
Blimey.Sounds like a nice place.
Hope all goes well
RC1807 said:
FIL didn't want to be shaved yesterday. He wasn't having a 100% day, confused as to why we are moving them both today - which of course has been explained, over the past weeks, and everyday from Sat to Wed so it wasn't a surprise, however, it is what it is....
Went to visit the new facility yesterday. Wow! What a home! Brand new, purpose built, á la carte menus - 5 hot choices at breakfast, plus cereals, toast, drinks, etc., 3 choices for lunch, 3 for dinner... Such a lovely environment, and, only 200 yards from where I used to live when I was about 5! The home manager suggested we stay for lunch with the outlaws today to help them settle in, and to make sure we are comfortable with their new environment too.
Please, wish us luck!
Good luck!Went to visit the new facility yesterday. Wow! What a home! Brand new, purpose built, á la carte menus - 5 hot choices at breakfast, plus cereals, toast, drinks, etc., 3 choices for lunch, 3 for dinner... Such a lovely environment, and, only 200 yards from where I used to live when I was about 5!
The home manager suggested we stay for lunch with the outlaws today to help them settle in, and to make sure we are comfortable with their new environment too. Please, wish us luck!
I can always tell what sort of mood my dad is in by whether they've managed to shave him or not...
My mother phoned me urgently to talk about where her dad was and if I knew where her grandmother was. She was also confused that where she was (her house that she's owned for five years) had "some of her clothes in the cupboard". She has also told the carers that she'd lost £500 of cash (she has access to £20 on an occasional basis from the local branch of her bank).
In better news, her Attendance Allowance came through. The forms were a pain but ultimately worth doing.
In better news, her Attendance Allowance came through. The forms were a pain but ultimately worth doing.
about time something went really well, the home and staff sounds amazing for them and you, and will make the transition better, we even mention to my MIL that she is staying in the best hotel she ever has, with her own staff, she always agrees and says much better than Eastbourne!!
she has been separated from "the person and incident" and her and her best mate are now socialising upstairs with a new gang, loving meeting the new people that live upstairs. Homes was very thorough and had a meeting with them straight away so feel very reassured.
keep us updated how they get settled
she has been separated from "the person and incident" and her and her best mate are now socialising upstairs with a new gang, loving meeting the new people that live upstairs. Homes was very thorough and had a meeting with them straight away so feel very reassured.
keep us updated how they get settled
Thank you all!
AstonZ: we still need to sort the attendance allowance... £85/week ea. will go some way to helping the costs. FIL also qualifies for another subsidy that's about £120/week too, so combined, that will cover 1 week's care cost for one of them each month....~£1200 of the monthly £10k!
FIL had sort of shaved this morning, so he looked better. Carers in Romsey were genuinely sad they were leaving, but nursing care is needed. So, off to Sunny Bournemouth we went. Such a lovely welcome there, too!
Unloaded, unpacked, sorted their respective immense amount of toiletries....MIL always bought Boots 3 for 2 offers, but probably once a month....6 Listerine each, 5 Colgate each, numerous shower gels, shampoos, etc., so not much needed for the next 6-8 months!
Care home organised so my wife and I could join for lunch, The others had pasta, I had gammon with parsley sauce - really very good food.
Staff are more than happy that MIL can make a cuppa whenever she wants. There's also cakes and biscuits galore available to residents and guests, so no one is ever hungry.
Only left them about 4pm as my FIL needed a good sleep, and MIL was sewing name labels in their clothes - like "back to school", so their laundry doesn't go astray. Made some notes of things they still need, so will get that stuff over to them tomorrow. No phone calls tonight - oh, they don't have a direct dial phone yet.
Fingers and toes crossed!
We go to bed tonight very tired, but also very relieved.
AstonZ: we still need to sort the attendance allowance... £85/week ea. will go some way to helping the costs. FIL also qualifies for another subsidy that's about £120/week too, so combined, that will cover 1 week's care cost for one of them each month....~£1200 of the monthly £10k!
FIL had sort of shaved this morning, so he looked better. Carers in Romsey were genuinely sad they were leaving, but nursing care is needed. So, off to Sunny Bournemouth we went. Such a lovely welcome there, too!
Unloaded, unpacked, sorted their respective immense amount of toiletries....MIL always bought Boots 3 for 2 offers, but probably once a month....6 Listerine each, 5 Colgate each, numerous shower gels, shampoos, etc., so not much needed for the next 6-8 months!
Care home organised so my wife and I could join for lunch, The others had pasta, I had gammon with parsley sauce - really very good food.
Staff are more than happy that MIL can make a cuppa whenever she wants. There's also cakes and biscuits galore available to residents and guests, so no one is ever hungry.
Only left them about 4pm as my FIL needed a good sleep, and MIL was sewing name labels in their clothes - like "back to school", so their laundry doesn't go astray. Made some notes of things they still need, so will get that stuff over to them tomorrow. No phone calls tonight - oh, they don't have a direct dial phone yet.
Fingers and toes crossed!
We go to bed tonight very tired, but also very relieved.
Finally got my old man's flat cleared out totally yesterday, ready for the keys to go back to the housing association - the tenancy notice expires on Tuesday. Gawd, that's been hard work.
He seemed a bit subdued today, was dressed... chaotically... and his bed sheet looked to have had a cup of tea (I hope!) spilt all over one end. Had a good chat with one of the carers, though, and was very reassured that they're trying their damndest to get him to be a bit more social, but he just utterly refuses to have various bits of care and help - except from some of the carers. Turned me in minutes from wondering if I should be looking to move him, back to "No, this really is a good place for him".
He seemed a bit subdued today, was dressed... chaotically... and his bed sheet looked to have had a cup of tea (I hope!) spilt all over one end. Had a good chat with one of the carers, though, and was very reassured that they're trying their damndest to get him to be a bit more social, but he just utterly refuses to have various bits of care and help - except from some of the carers. Turned me in minutes from wondering if I should be looking to move him, back to "No, this really is a good place for him".
TooMany: Well done on the packing up! I think my wife will come back in the coming weeks to pack up glass and china stuff to go in storage, along with *some furniture*
For your Dad, settling in and being more involved is the most important thing in care homes, we found. I'm sure he will over time,
At the last home, my MIL only got involved with activities on the occasion my FIL was hospitalised, then stopped when he was back, out of guilt - thinking she should be with him all the time. Then she moaned about being bored! FIL told her yesterday to get involved.
The way the new home is laid out means they have access to a dining room that has an open plan kitchen in it, and they can help themselves to tea, coffee, soft drinks, cakes, biccies, etc., whenever they want. The carers already said if my MIL wants to help them, to be more active, they really wouldn't mind - of course!
I couldn't understand a lot of my FILs speech yesterday, but the nurse explained they'd had the paramedics in during the night as my FIL was found on the floor! He has sensor mats next to his bed so they know if he gets up, but he was flat of the floor. Seems he was ok and was going to the toilet, but crawling, as he has in the past, then slumped over. He's now had rails fitted to his bed and will have an alarm pendant so he can buzz for assistance. MIL didn't know anything about the commotion as she's now in a separate room, so at last she could sleep, and not interfere.
Will go and see the fossils again later.
450 mile drive home tomorrow, then back to work for a "rest" next week!!
For your Dad, settling in and being more involved is the most important thing in care homes, we found. I'm sure he will over time,
At the last home, my MIL only got involved with activities on the occasion my FIL was hospitalised, then stopped when he was back, out of guilt - thinking she should be with him all the time. Then she moaned about being bored! FIL told her yesterday to get involved.
The way the new home is laid out means they have access to a dining room that has an open plan kitchen in it, and they can help themselves to tea, coffee, soft drinks, cakes, biccies, etc., whenever they want. The carers already said if my MIL wants to help them, to be more active, they really wouldn't mind - of course!
I couldn't understand a lot of my FILs speech yesterday, but the nurse explained they'd had the paramedics in during the night as my FIL was found on the floor! He has sensor mats next to his bed so they know if he gets up, but he was flat of the floor. Seems he was ok and was going to the toilet, but crawling, as he has in the past, then slumped over. He's now had rails fitted to his bed and will have an alarm pendant so he can buzz for assistance. MIL didn't know anything about the commotion as she's now in a separate room, so at last she could sleep, and not interfere.
Will go and see the fossils again later.
450 mile drive home tomorrow, then back to work for a "rest" next week!!
Saturday afternoon's visit: MIL had moved half her s
t into her husband's room, turning it into a fking mess in the meantime (!!) and packed the rest up in her room. She couldn't remember doing any of it, including leaving bundles of her pantliners (clean!) laying around his room. WTF?! We had to sort everything again whilst we were there.
Carers told us she'd packed on Fri evening too, then they unpacked everything. Same occurrences, different home. Ho, hum....
Still, the carers think my FIL's good fun - complaining about his now deaf Mrs (her hearing aid's not working! ) as she's wheeling him around, and he doesn't want to be moved anywhere! He's not lost his SoH.
He allowed me to wet shave him on Sat too, so he no longer has a long "neck beard" that he cant' shave himself. Looked tons better afterwards.
Oh, and useless BIL called to speak with my wife whilst we were in the UK. He thanked his suster for all the effort she's made and acknowledged he was rather daunted at the prospect, and "woudln't have an effing clue where to begin". Still, at least he's not in control of their £ as it'd be spent on other things, me thinks.
Anywhooo, fingers and toes crossed for the coming weeks, since the MIL doesn't have a direct dial phone, on purpose!
t into her husband's room, turning it into a fking mess in the meantime (!!) and packed the rest up in her room. She couldn't remember doing any of it, including leaving bundles of her pantliners (clean!) laying around his room. WTF?! We had to sort everything again whilst we were there. Carers told us she'd packed on Fri evening too, then they unpacked everything. Same occurrences, different home. Ho, hum....
Still, the carers think my FIL's good fun - complaining about his now deaf Mrs (her hearing aid's not working!
) as she's wheeling him around, and he doesn't want to be moved anywhere! He's not lost his SoH. He allowed me to wet shave him on Sat too, so he no longer has a long "neck beard" that he cant' shave himself. Looked tons better afterwards.
Oh, and useless BIL called to speak with my wife whilst we were in the UK. He thanked his suster for all the effort she's made and acknowledged he was rather daunted at the prospect, and "woudln't have an effing clue where to begin". Still, at least he's not in control of their £ as it'd be spent on other things, me thinks.
Anywhooo, fingers and toes crossed for the coming weeks, since the MIL doesn't have a direct dial phone, on purpose!
that's all excellent news, defo right regarding the activities, the MIL home love the fact that she is still quite active compared to some of the residents, so she goes to the library with the carers, shops or exercise class, and helps out with the meals, keeps an eye on new people as well. all sounds like your MIL and FIL is going in the right direction. have a safe trip back, and keep us posted.
we found that at least with everything sorted and MIL house being in order, ie house sold, funds from the house paying the care home, god forbid when the inevitable happens at least we haven't got the added trauma of house clearance, sale etc, its already done and dusted.
one less thing to worry about, hope they get settled quickly, sounds an amazing set up for them, and it does give comfort to know whey are being well looked after and are safe.
we found that at least with everything sorted and MIL house being in order, ie house sold, funds from the house paying the care home, god forbid when the inevitable happens at least we haven't got the added trauma of house clearance, sale etc, its already done and dusted.
one less thing to worry about, hope they get settled quickly, sounds an amazing set up for them, and it does give comfort to know whey are being well looked after and are safe.
We learned that my MIL *is* becoming involved in activities now, and leaving her husband alone a bit. Why?
Oh, he's in hospital.
He has a another chest infection and the home wanted to be sure he's checked out throughly so the home's nurses have the best info available to them locally (Royal Bournemouth now, vs. University Hospital Southampton before). The home's nurses suspect some food may have gone in his windpipe, which is a risk in older people, I'm told.
Wife's staying on top of that with the hospital and the home. DNR was in place from Soton earlier this year, and the home have that paperwork too. Let's see.
Oh, he's in hospital.
He has a another chest infection and the home wanted to be sure he's checked out throughly so the home's nurses have the best info available to them locally (Royal Bournemouth now, vs. University Hospital Southampton before). The home's nurses suspect some food may have gone in his windpipe, which is a risk in older people, I'm told.
Wife's staying on top of that with the hospital and the home. DNR was in place from Soton earlier this year, and the home have that paperwork too. Let's see.
Edited by RC1807 on Wednesday 8th November 11:07
RC1807 said:
fk fk fk
FIL is now on "end of life" care at Royal Bournemouth Hospital
They don't expect him to survive this infection
Fingers crossed it's as smooth as can be.k fk fkFIL is now on "end of life" care at Royal Bournemouth Hospital
They don't expect him to survive this infection
I know it sounds harsh, but let's be honest - he's not going to be missing much from here on in if he does recover, is he?
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