Help with elderly relatives - Parkinson's + Dementia issues?
Discussion
Ah s
t, I'm very sorry.
It MAY be worth having a conversation about getting him back to the nursing home and his missus for his final days - really depends what state he's in already, and whether you think he'd want that, though. Might help the MIL, although what he needs (including if you think he'd want to try and help her come to terms) is definitely the priority. Old folks' homes do a lot of palliative care, and it might be easier for all of you to cope with things happening there rather than being split between him in hospital and MIL in the home.
t, I'm very sorry. It MAY be worth having a conversation about getting him back to the nursing home and his missus for his final days - really depends what state he's in already, and whether you think he'd want that, though. Might help the MIL, although what he needs (including if you think he'd want to try and help her come to terms) is definitely the priority. Old folks' homes do a lot of palliative care, and it might be easier for all of you to cope with things happening there rather than being split between him in hospital and MIL in the home.
FlyingMeeces said:
Ah st, I'm very sorry.
It MAY be worth having a conversation about getting him back to the nursing home and his missus for his final days - really depends what state he's in already, and whether you think he'd want that, though. Might help the MIL, although what he needs (including if you think he'd want to try and help her come to terms) is definitely the priority. Old folks' homes do a lot of palliative care, and it might be easier for all of you to cope with things happening there rather than being split between him in hospital and MIL in the home.
Agree with this.t, I'm very sorry. It MAY be worth having a conversation about getting him back to the nursing home and his missus for his final days - really depends what state he's in already, and whether you think he'd want that, though. Might help the MIL, although what he needs (including if you think he'd want to try and help her come to terms) is definitely the priority. Old folks' homes do a lot of palliative care, and it might be easier for all of you to cope with things happening there rather than being split between him in hospital and MIL in the home.
Being a nursing home, they should have access to proper end of life care. This is what they did for my Mum, as with LPA, once I signed the do not resus forms etc., and made it clear I didn't want her to go to hosp for her final days, as the home were much better at the end of life scenario than hosp. It's a much more dignified end in the home than hosp, other than a dedicated hospice.
Thanks, aeropilot - and yes, my wife & I both agree
The hospital was asked if this was possible: yes
Nurse at nursing home: yes
We will see what happens over the next day
Hospital specialist said chest infection caused by 'aspiration' - food/drink went into his windpipe when he choked on it
Since FIL is so frail, he doesn't have the strength to either cough it back up or fight off the infection created. It will likely cause pneumonia
The hospital was asked if this was possible: yes
Nurse at nursing home: yes
We will see what happens over the next day
Hospital specialist said chest infection caused by 'aspiration' - food/drink went into his windpipe when he choked on it
Since FIL is so frail, he doesn't have the strength to either cough it back up or fight off the infection created. It will likely cause pneumonia
oh we are so sorry, even though you can be prepared, or know its for the best, it does not help at all, feel so much for you 2 now, we only found out recently that we can do the same for the MIL so she can be at the care home at the end when its time rather than in a hospital. some consolation.
when the FIL passed from pneumonia, something we didn't know he had (another story ref care at a hospital) in the last few hours he had almost gone, so we just talked to him, promised to do our best for the family and the MIL and I for his son, brings back so much, but a year on, it does get easier, and knowing that your MIL is being cared for, active and will have her own friends, will be a massive comfort.
have you thought about letting MIL know, ours was different as she just thought he was in hospital then stopped asking, so we went with our heart and with all the advice from the experts, and did not take her to the funeral or tell her.
seemed to have worked for us, but you will know what's best. just thinking of you at this time, and we are all here for you,
when the FIL passed from pneumonia, something we didn't know he had (another story ref care at a hospital) in the last few hours he had almost gone, so we just talked to him, promised to do our best for the family and the MIL and I for his son, brings back so much, but a year on, it does get easier, and knowing that your MIL is being cared for, active and will have her own friends, will be a massive comfort.
have you thought about letting MIL know, ours was different as she just thought he was in hospital then stopped asking, so we went with our heart and with all the advice from the experts, and did not take her to the funeral or tell her.
seemed to have worked for us, but you will know what's best. just thinking of you at this time, and we are all here for you,
Sadly we didn't get the chance to move my father in law back to the nursing home. My wife's dad died this morning at Royal Bournemouth Hopsital. 
My wife's remarkably calm and already packed and on her way to Calais to get back to her Mum, who is, understandably, absolutely beside herself at this morning's news.
Rest in peace, John
1/6/37 - 12/11/17
My wife's remarkably calm and already packed and on her way to Calais to get back to her Mum, who is, understandably, absolutely beside herself at this morning's news.
Rest in peace, John
1/6/37 - 12/11/17
RC1807 said:
Sadly we didn't get the chance to move my father in law back to the nursing home. My wife's dad died this morning at Royal Bournemouth Hopsital.
My wife's remarkably calm and already packed and on her way to Calais to get back to her Mum, who is, understandably, absolutely beside herself at this morning's news.
Rest in peace, John
1/6/37 - 12/11/17
Very sorry to read this.... so many of our generation have faced or are facing almost identical situations. Both my parents died in broadly similar situations. I am going through an almost identical scenario with my MiL.My wife's remarkably calm and already packed and on her way to Calais to get back to her Mum, who is, understandably, absolutely beside herself at this morning's news.
Rest in peace, John
1/6/37 - 12/11/17
You are not alone.
Thank you all.
My wife whizzed, safely, back to Bournemouth yesterday to comfort her Mum. Funeral arrangements start today.
Family solicitor never did get my FIL's financial LPA resolved. I recall someone previoauly commenting that any cash will anyway go straight to my MIL, so that *should* be ok.
My wife whizzed, safely, back to Bournemouth yesterday to comfort her Mum. Funeral arrangements start today.
Family solicitor never did get my FIL's financial LPA resolved. I recall someone previoauly commenting that any cash will anyway go straight to my MIL, so that *should* be ok.
RC1807 said:
Family solicitor never did get my FIL's financial LPA resolved. I recall someone previoauly commenting that any cash will anyway go straight to my MIL, so that *should* be ok.
His death means any LPA would have ceased immediately anyway. His financial affairs are now the problem of his executor.If he had a will, it'll eventually be disbursed according to that.
If not, then intestacy laws apply - and the most likely, from what you've said, is...
https://www.gov.uk/inherits-someone-dies-without-w...
The house hasn't been sold yet, so it's still part of his estate - how was it owned? Joint tenants, tenants-in-common, or just his name?
TooMany2cvs said:
RC1807 said:
Family solicitor never did get my FIL's financial LPA resolved. I recall someone previoauly commenting that any cash will anyway go straight to my MIL, so that *should* be ok.
His death means any LPA would have ceased immediately anyway. His financial affairs are now the problem of his executor.If he had a will, it'll eventually be disbursed according to that.
If not, then intestacy laws apply - and the most likely, from what you've said, is...
https://www.gov.uk/inherits-someone-dies-without-w...
The house hasn't been sold yet, so it's still part of his estate - how was it owned? Joint tenants, tenants-in-common, or just his name?
Understood re LPA, just that FIL had an untapped pension pot my wife wished to start drawing an annuity on, so it would continue paying then to her Mum after his death. Need to see with the IFA how that works now.
My wife's the executor of the Will.
House is only in MIL's name, so existing LPA for MIL enables my wife to pursue its sale.
RC1807 said:
Thanks, toomany
Understood re LPA, just that FIL had an untapped pension pot my wife wished to start drawing an annuity on, so it would continue paying then to her Mum after his death. Need to see with the IFA how that works now.
My wife's the executor of the Will.
House is only in MIL's name, so existing LPA for MIL enables my wife to pursue its sale.
Been away for the weekend, so just seeing this, sorry it happened that quickly Understood re LPA, just that FIL had an untapped pension pot my wife wished to start drawing an annuity on, so it would continue paying then to her Mum after his death. Need to see with the IFA how that works now.
My wife's the executor of the Will.
House is only in MIL's name, so existing LPA for MIL enables my wife to pursue its sale.
Shame the MiL was moved out of the other home, but at some point she will likely need nursing care anyway as the dementia worsens.
That's handy the house in in MiL name, that's a bonus that, that process won't be affected. My Mum passed away 2 days after I had accepted an offer on her house (under LPA) which of course immediately ceased, turning everything over into the probate process!!
As regards the FiL's pension pot, that all depends on what provision he made as the pension benefactor in event of his passing. Assume the pension benefactor was the MiL, in which case it should be relatively easy once the pension company is in receipt of the death cert?
so sorry, made me cry, if you need anything we are all here for you both,
ref pension once they have the certificate, we found that our MIL had a reduced payment that we didn't know she was entitled to from FIL pension which goes a little way to the care home fees.
don't know what else to say, so sad, but over the last year we have realised that life is too short so if you want to do something, just do it, at least the care home should be excellent helping you to get your MIL through this time, as you and your wife.
make sure you both take comfort in the fact that you was doing everything that you could do to make their life better. at least MIL is safe, and will be looked after.
ref pension once they have the certificate, we found that our MIL had a reduced payment that we didn't know she was entitled to from FIL pension which goes a little way to the care home fees.
don't know what else to say, so sad, but over the last year we have realised that life is too short so if you want to do something, just do it, at least the care home should be excellent helping you to get your MIL through this time, as you and your wife.
make sure you both take comfort in the fact that you was doing everything that you could do to make their life better. at least MIL is safe, and will be looked after.
I'm sorry it upset you. Thank you for your kind words too. 
My wife's had to explain to her Mum twice (so far) today that her husband's dead. It's news to her each time. That's very tough for Mrs RC1807.
RBH still haven't issued the Death Certificate. Dr's are too busy to get to sign it!
Well, we can't have him moved until....and there are many things to get sorted this working week.
Thank you for your kind words too. My wife's had to explain to her Mum twice (so far) today that her husband's dead. It's news to her each time. That's very tough for Mrs RC1807.
RBH still haven't issued the Death Certificate. Dr's are too busy to get to sign it!
Well, we can't have him moved until....and there are many things to get sorted this working week.
Thanks, we still have the ongoing Alzheimer's issue with my MIL. My wife had to explain to her 4 times yesterday, in the end, that her husband had died. News to her each time.
RBH now have a signed death certificate, which my wife's collecting today, then off to the registrar to register the death. Solicitor advised there's an online site to notify many govt depts together, so that will also be utilised. First trip to the funeral director today, too, and since MIL will be with my wife, and out of the home, then to the solicitor so the Will can be (officially) read.
I hope my MIL can cope with today's tasks. Yesterday she was talking about going back home. That clearly can't happen without a full-time support network around her. We don't have that luxury.
RBH now have a signed death certificate, which my wife's collecting today, then off to the registrar to register the death. Solicitor advised there's an online site to notify many govt depts together, so that will also be utilised. First trip to the funeral director today, too, and since MIL will be with my wife, and out of the home, then to the solicitor so the Will can be (officially) read.
I hope my MIL can cope with today's tasks. Yesterday she was talking about going back home. That clearly can't happen without a full-time support network around her. We don't have that luxury.
RC1807 said:
Thanks, we still have the ongoing Alzheimer's issue with my MIL. My wife had to explain to her 4 times yesterday, in the end, that her husband had died. News to her each time.
RBH now have a signed death certificate, which my wife's collecting today, then off to the registrar to register the death. Solicitor advised there's an online site to notify many govt depts together, so that will also be utilised. First trip to the funeral director today, too, and since MIL will be with my wife, and out of the home, then to the solicitor so the Will can be (officially) read.
I hope my MIL can cope with today's tasks. Yesterday she was talking about going back home. That clearly can't happen without a full-time support network around her. We don't have that luxury.
It might be better to say "he's nipped to the shops" or some other plausible explanation. If the news of the death hasn't sunk in there's very little benefit in explaining it, there's also the fact that the news will be momentarily distressing each time she hears it.RBH now have a signed death certificate, which my wife's collecting today, then off to the registrar to register the death. Solicitor advised there's an online site to notify many govt depts together, so that will also be utilised. First trip to the funeral director today, too, and since MIL will be with my wife, and out of the home, then to the solicitor so the Will can be (officially) read.
I hope my MIL can cope with today's tasks. Yesterday she was talking about going back home. That clearly can't happen without a full-time support network around her. We don't have that luxury.
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