Depression

[SSR007]

Never thought of it like that! You are not being harsh at all.. I do try, but it's difficult when you are working hours like mine.. The thing is to keep paying the mortgage i have no real choice but to sell the house and that is something that will cause upheaval for my family.

WinstonWolf said:

There is one person missing in the list of who does what, you. Sorry to say it (and I'm not trying to be harsh) but looking from the outside in you're not currently present in the relationship.

Edited by SSR007 on Wednesday 12th February 15:40

[Fanboy911]

SSR007 said:

Edited by SSR007 on Wednesday 12th February 15:40

Women don’t want to deal with aggression and anger especially around the kids so maybe her lack of engagement with you is because she is desperate to not have a ‘kick off’ when she gets onto the subject of how she feels.

Constant anger is a big turn off for women and you can’t expect her to be onside with you when you display aggression.

You clearly have mounting pressures which won’t be easy to deal with but in some way you have to learn to control your temper or this situation will worsen.

Just my 2p of course but I see it in other relationships where the wife spills out all her thoughts to friends as she can’t/dare not try to tell her husband how she feels.

You’ve suffered depression for a long time and that’s not easy but maybe your wife has suffered as a result too.

Not to mention what the kids are witnessing too.

Good luck with sorting this but nothing is worth losing your family for.

[tim0409]

How are people coping through the lockdown?

I've suffered with depression and anxiety pretty much all my life and haven't had much luck with antidepressants, so the best I can do is exercise and eat well but it has been difficult of late although a new Vizsla puppy has made a big difference!

I did uncover something interesting a couple of weeks ago; I was experiencing dental problems before Covid and was due an appointment for root canal, which was subsequently cancelled due to the lockdown. I then developed a dental abscess and had to wait over the weekend for antibiotics. Standard painkillers weren't working, so as a last resort I took some Tramadol my wife had been prescribed after a recent operation. I noticed my depression (and especially my early morning anxiety) disappeared when I was taking what was a low dose overnight. I then googled it and it's apparantly not uncommon, and results from increased serotonin levels from the SNRI effects of the opioid. Obviously it's not something I could/would take longterm but I found it interesting none the less, especially as the improvement was immediate as opposed to AD's, which can take weeks to work.

[mcelliott]

I've really enjoyed lockdown, I thought it would present a problem, but I have structured my days with keeping really busy with exercise and family, I have also done loads of reading, my depression is I feel under control, however my anxiety still needs lots of work, mornings are bad, at worse they can be crippling.

[twing]

Funny you say that, I have worked the whole way through under very different circumstances and I am, for the first time in years, clear as a bell, thoroughly productive & very happy. Good luck to all

[xjay1337]

tim0409 said:

How are people coping through the lockdown?

I've suffered with depression and anxiety pretty much all my life and haven't had much luck with antidepressants, so the best I can do is exercise and eat well but it has been difficult of late although a new Vizsla puppy has made a big difference!

I did uncover something interesting a couple of weeks ago; I was experiencing dental problems before Covid and was due an appointment for root canal, which was subsequently cancelled due to the lockdown. I then developed a dental abscess and had to wait over the weekend for antibiotics. Standard painkillers weren't working, so as a last resort I took some Tramadol my wife had been prescribed after a recent operation. I noticed my depression (and especially my early morning anxiety) disappeared when I was taking what was a low dose overnight. I then googled it and it's apparantly not uncommon, and results from increased serotonin levels from the SNRI effects of the opioid. Obviously it's not something I could/would take longterm but I found it interesting none the less, especially as the improvement was immediate as opposed to AD's, which can take weeks to work.

I'm glad you found a good solution as a short term something :-)

For me the lockdown was no different to normal life, although i Missed going to the office occasionally or to see my friends and had to cancel some trackdays.

I didn't really want to go out but I was annoyed I couldn't - and some stress by means of a 50% paycut and the money issues that go with that...... fortunately this last week I heard some good news we are 75% salary in June and 100% salary from 1st July so that's positive, I'm hoping that means our jobs are safe also long term.

Once I have a little money I'll treat myself to some car parts :-)

[M22s]

tim0409 said:

How are people coping through the lockdown?

I've suffered with depression and anxiety pretty much all my life and haven't had much luck with antidepressants, so the best I can do is exercise and eat well but it has been difficult of late although a new Vizsla puppy has made a big difference!

I did uncover something interesting a couple of weeks ago; I was experiencing dental problems before Covid and was due an appointment for root canal, which was subsequently cancelled due to the lockdown. I then developed a dental abscess and had to wait over the weekend for antibiotics. Standard painkillers weren't working, so as a last resort I took some Tramadol my wife had been prescribed after a recent operation. I noticed my depression (and especially my early morning anxiety) disappeared when I was taking what was a low dose overnight. I then googled it and it's apparantly not uncommon, and results from increased serotonin levels from the SNRI effects of the opioid. Obviously it's not something I could/would take longterm but I found it interesting none the less, especially as the improvement was immediate as opposed to AD's, which can take weeks to work.

I was fine for the first 3 weeks, it was a little challenging juggling Daddy day care and work but was manageable. My boss told me concentrate on my little girl more than work with this time which helped.

I’ve struggled more as it’s gone on though - I am not very good at not being busy and have always had to force myself to do the child’s play stuff at the best of times. We put our little lady back into school 2 days a week from week 5 to give me a break - my wife’s a nurse so could have done this from the start but didn’t want to put unnecessary load on the school but my frustration was starting to affect my wife and child.

I now find myself totally fed up with it and count the hours down until bed time each day - it’s helped the weather is good as I am still able to give myself a kick up the a*se and get outside to do the garden with the threenager.

I am desperate to get back to work properly and cannot wait to for the schools to open up properly again!

One foot in front of the other and keep going folks!!! And keep going M22s

[A500leroy]

No worse than usual, just waiting for the next decade to bugger off so there wont be anyone around to miss me then i can carry on and peacefully slip away, im thinking tablets would be quickest and pain free when the time comes?

[Speed addicted]

A500leroy said:

No worse than usual, just waiting for the next decade to bugger off so there wont be anyone around to miss me then i can carry on and peacefully slip away, im thinking tablets would be quickest and pain free when the time comes?

I found this site a while ago.
https://www.hsph.harvard.edu/means-matter/means-ma...
As you can see tablets are not that effective and you risk properly damaging yourself without the intended effect.
There’s also a good chance of spending hours on the floor in pain until you’re found.

Obviously firearms are the most effective option for the Americans and other countries with less strict gun laws.

My biggest fear would be fking it up.

[A500leroy]

Speed addicted said:

A500leroy said:

No worse than usual, just waiting for the next decade to bugger off so there wont be anyone around to miss me then i can carry on and peacefully slip away, im thinking tablets would be quickest and pain free when the time comes?

I found this site a while ago.
https://www.hsph.harvard.edu/means-matter/means-ma...
As you can see tablets are not that effective and you risk properly damaging yourself without the intended effect.
There’s also a good chance of spending hours on the floor in pain until you’re found.

Obviously firearms are the most effective option for the Americans and other countries with less strict gun laws.

My biggest fear would be fking it up.

Bugger, train it is then i guess

[Baldchap]

Hardly fair on the driver.

[A500leroy]

Baldchap said:

Hardly fair on the driver.

well whats the best way then, i dont want to be a burden in life so i dont in death either

[vaud]

A500leroy said:

well whats the best way then, i dont want to be a burden in life so i dont in death either

Dignitas?

[Speed addicted]

vaud said:

A500leroy said:

well whats the best way then, i dont want to be a burden in life so i dont in death either

Dignitas?

Dignitas cater for people who are terminal or have severe illnesses, rather than for people who are otherwise healthy but would like a way out.

Looking at methods, as I have previously, effective typically means messy.
Less messy often leads to ineffective or partially effective possibilities. If life is hard just now it’s likely to be worse with brain damage or other disabilities.

Any method will require clean-up, pain for those around you and people wondering if they could have done something to help.
You may reach the stage where your pain outweighs all of this, you may not.
For a lot of people the consequence of ending it is enough to keep them around.

Don’t get me wrong, I would much prefer to live in a world where people didn’t need to exit early.
But we don’t.

It may be helpful to stop thinking of it as an abstract option, a glamorised notion that you could end it and the world would continue on without you.
Thinking properly about what would actually be required is very different, how exactly would you want to go, who you would effect negatively, what would happen to your things, what would happen to your body afterwards, who would you want to find your body etc.

[Fermit and Sexy Sarah]

Leroy, you need to talk to people. On here, friends, family, Mind, just make sure you do. Life can be bloody tough, but ending it all is rarely a good idea.I'm talking as someone who sadly has had such thoughts at times, the black dog growling at me. It is st, I get it.

What is it that you feel you can't overcome?

[xjay1337]

If you really want to die then I'd probably do it by gunshot or jump from a really high place.

I wouldn't ever want to do it using a Train or Lorry etc. No way hosay.

Although, a permanent solution to an often temporary problem ...

[patmahe]

Fermit and Sexy Sarah said:

Leroy, you need to talk to people. On here, friends, family, Mind, just make sure you do. Life can be bloody tough, but ending it all is rarely a good idea.I'm talking as someone who sadly has had such thoughts at times, the black dog growling at me. It is st, I get it.

What is it that you feel you can't overcome?

Speaking as someone who has lost a brother to suicide and someone who has had their own brushes with the dark side of life I have to agree with Fermit and he asks a good question. Please talk to someone, talking therapy does work, sometimes medication is needed too, but get it off your chest, put it down on paper or talk it through with someone. You might just find a way of reframing things so not all hope is lost. You have nothing to lose and everything to gain.

My brother must have seen no other way and that haunts me every day for the past 5 years since he died and will haunt me the rest of my life, because he couldn't see the beauty and wonder of life at that time, he is now lost forever, he has missed so much and will miss it forever. Talk it out please.

And as for the people advising about the 'best' technique, please have a word with yourselves, everybody has something to offer and something to live for, mistakes of the past do not mean there is no future or no hope, life can and will get better. Advising on technique just keeps the spiral and the one train of thought going.

[xjay1337]

patmahe said:

And as for the people advising about the 'best' technique, please have a word with yourselves, everybody has something to offer and something to live for, mistakes of the past do not mean there is no future or no hope, life can and will get better. Advising on technique just keeps the spiral and the one train of thought going.

That's true. but if someone has made up their mind then that's their decision. It's not like we're all chanting go on go on go on do it.
I've tried and failed in the past (I used Paracetamol).

If someone wants to genuinely end their life then you can't say that can't be discussed. And being honest here for a minute, therapy doesn't ALWAYS work for everyone. It didn't for me. Lucky I have some good friends.

[vaud]

patmahe said:

And as for the people advising about the 'best' technique, please have a word with yourselves, everybody has something to offer and something to live for, mistakes of the past do not mean there is no future or no hope, life can and will get better.

I prepare to be flamed on this, it is not necessarily a popular view and I have a recent bias right now.

Not always, no. My mother had an array of debilitating illness (on top of 20 years of visits to pain clinics) in recent years with an extremely low quality of life (to the point that the range of consultants had basically given up), which then got compounded by significant mental health issues. Before her mental health issues developed (psychosis) she had talked about methods, DNR, etc. She had started exploring Dignitas. She had been having counselling and various antidepressants. Sectioning had been considered.

She died in Jan from pneumonia which to be honest while very painful to watch, was with the support of palliative care and ultimately a release for her.

Life is precious but it is also a right to have options in my view for both physical and mental issues.

So yes, get all the help you can - but I also accept that it doesn't work for everyone, and some people have a right to "release" even if it is hard for everyone else.

[Speed addicted]

patmahe said:

And as for the people advising about the 'best' technique, please have a word with yourselves, everybody has something to offer and something to live for, mistakes of the past do not mean there is no future or no hope, life can and will get better. Advising on technique just keeps the spiral and the one train of thought going.

I’m assuming that was aimed at me.
I’m not advising the best way of ending it all. I was pointing out that the nicer ways, the easier ‘just go to sleep’ ways are far less likely to be effective and far more likely to put a person in a worse position than the one the started out in.

I also suggested thinking seriously about how it would all work. The reality of suicide is messy and hurts everyone around the victim, it’s not some nice ending where you just chill out and slip away then everyone goes on as normal.

Sometimes actually thinking about the realities is enough to stop a train of thought.