Discussion
happychap said:
A500leroy said:
Within the next 10 years I will loose my family, I will be living on the equivalent of £200 a week,Ii do not have or want any friends as I dont trust anyone due to the amount of abuse of all kinds (physical, mental, sexual and financial) I received in my twenties, I look at people as scum until otherwise proved, and I have a mental illness that the NHS will not help me with (homosexuality)
So ill be living to get up and go to work ,to go to bed, to repeat. I have no further desire to anything or travel anywhere, im just keeping going now so i dont upset my family while they are alive.When theyve gone I have no further purpose so I might as well not be a drain on resources whilst getting old.
I’m sorry that you didn’t have anyone there for you in you’re twenties when you experienced this abuse, I guess if you view the world and people from that viewpoint it becomes a self fulfilling prophecy that that’s how it will always be.So ill be living to get up and go to work ,to go to bed, to repeat. I have no further desire to anything or travel anywhere, im just keeping going now so i dont upset my family while they are alive.When theyve gone I have no further purpose so I might as well not be a drain on resources whilst getting old.
tty situation. Can you work towards getting renting your own place, even if for now it's only a little bedsit?As you say, other people tend to be causing you grief for the most part, so you can start living life more on your own terms and choosing who you invite into it.
For starters, maybe you don't feel like right now you can be openly gay. When you're living life on your own terms, hopefully you'll see that it's not something shameful to be hidden away like we're still living in the 1950s. Not saying that you need to shack up with the first bloke that comes along, but you at least don't need to feel ashamed about a part of yourself. Maybe that will help you to love yourself a little better. Of course if you've been surrounded by people telling you a large part of your make-up is bad and dirty, you'll not feel good about yourself. But that's not your fault. Is the trick to realise (as difficult as it is) that THEY'RE the ones in the wrong, not you. If you can learn to be happy with a part of yourself then that has to be a start.
You can choose who to speak to and socialise with. If people turn out to be a
holes who will treat you unkindly or make you feel bad about yourself, you can get them fked off. My colleague said something once about his family: "They're not my family, we're just related" which made me sad at first, but actually it struck me as kind of hopeful. Your family can be chosen by you, and made of people that will love and support you (and call you out on your bullst if needs be). You're not forced to include those you're blood-relatives with if they are doing you harm. Your family can be a massive gang of mates where you're out partying together every night, or it can be just you, happy in yourself, chatting to a couple of random strangers on the internet.I do think it may be worth you calling someone like the Samaritans. They're not just for people 5 minutes away from throwing themself off a bridge. It can be useful just to have a NON-JUDGEMENTAL stranger to offload onto. I realise a lot of my post comes across as a little "just pull yourself together, man!" which is the most useless bulls
t thing to say to someone with depression, so talking to someone that actually knows what they're doing will be more useful!crofty1984 said:
I realise a lot of my post comes across as a little "just pull yourself together, man!" which is the most useless bullst thing to say to someone with depression, so talking to someone that actually knows what they're doing will be more useful!
I actually thought your post was a good one. it is true that sometimes in life you need to ft thing to say to someone with depression, so talking to someone that actually knows what they're doing will be more useful!k the people off are doing you harm, and just stick with the good ones you know will support you.I was always bullied in school for my disability, but had a few (and it was only a few!) people look out for me, but i'm still in touch with these friends 30 years later.
Yes even now, people stare at me as i walk down the street, looking at me like i'm some sort of freak, but thats their problem. As said above, homosexuality isn't something to be ashamed of, and more and more people, especially those in the public eye, feel like they can speak out now and not be afraid (look at Phillip Schofield!).
James
I used to suffer exactly the same thing, for a few years, when I was in my twenties.
Two words... Panic Attack.
Mine was always around eating out, particularly with company, typically the GF at the time. Never had an issue when I was eating on my own, though.
It was debilitating. Don't know why it started, or why it ended after a couple of years. Baffling, but terrifying and embarrassing in equal measure.
You're in a mental rut with it now, and somehow you need to iron that rut out. How, I don't know. But I empathise with you hugely.
I know it's not the right answer but, I used to find having a couple of good quality stiff drinks before a meal out helped me.. instead of a beer, a strong G&T, or something similar. Used to relax me, and get you in the mood for a meal, the atmosphere, the company etc.
I used to suffer exactly the same thing, for a few years, when I was in my twenties.
Two words... Panic Attack.
Mine was always around eating out, particularly with company, typically the GF at the time. Never had an issue when I was eating on my own, though.
It was debilitating. Don't know why it started, or why it ended after a couple of years. Baffling, but terrifying and embarrassing in equal measure.
You're in a mental rut with it now, and somehow you need to iron that rut out. How, I don't know. But I empathise with you hugely.
I know it's not the right answer but, I used to find having a couple of good quality stiff drinks before a meal out helped me.. instead of a beer, a strong G&T, or something similar. Used to relax me, and get you in the mood for a meal, the atmosphere, the company etc.
Edited by phil1979 on Friday 25th September 22:58
phil1979 said:
James
I used to suffer exactly the same thing, for a few years, when I was in my twenties.
Two words... Panic Attack.
Mine was always around eating out, particularly with company, typically the GF at the time. Never had an issue when I was eating on my own, though.
It was debilitating. Don't know why it started, or why it ended after a couple of years. Baffling, but terrifying and embarrassing in equal measure.
You're in a mental rut with it now, and somehow you need to iron that rut out. How, I don't know. But I empathise with you hugely.
I know it's not the right answer but, I used to find having a couple of good quality stiff drinks before a meal out helped me.. instead of a beer, a strong G&T, or something similar. Used to relax me, and get you in the mood for a meal, the atmosphere, the company etc.
I'm not much of a drinker but maybe this is a bloody good idea I used to suffer exactly the same thing, for a few years, when I was in my twenties.
Two words... Panic Attack.
Mine was always around eating out, particularly with company, typically the GF at the time. Never had an issue when I was eating on my own, though.
It was debilitating. Don't know why it started, or why it ended after a couple of years. Baffling, but terrifying and embarrassing in equal measure.
You're in a mental rut with it now, and somehow you need to iron that rut out. How, I don't know. But I empathise with you hugely.
I know it's not the right answer but, I used to find having a couple of good quality stiff drinks before a meal out helped me.. instead of a beer, a strong G&T, or something similar. Used to relax me, and get you in the mood for a meal, the atmosphere, the company etc.
Edited by phil1979 on Friday 25th September 22:58
Maybe i'll just start out at the local pub having a light bite, and see where i go from there.
Roguexcess said:
For the first time ever I’m starting to think my depression can be curable thanks to therapy
It depends on the cause. Sometimes "curable" is the wrong phrase. Its not a disease as such. Recovery is probably a better description as I think we all have darker or down periods or days in our life, its the quantity and how far down you go that causes the issues. In some cases there are specific reasons for it, and resolving those issues help resolve the depression, some times its chemical or genetic and its more about learning to deal with depression in a healthy way so that it doesn't descend so deep or for so long without it. As someone with long term depressive symptoms, even when I am good, its still there in the back of my mind. eg I still think of suicide every day despite having no active plans to do it. Its still always an "option" in my mind, where as someone who's never been that ill won't have suicide as a viable subconcious "solution" to problems.
If you are lucky enough to recover back to "normal" then that is great.
BipMan said:
Hello,
As you can probably tell from the new login, I'm a long-standing member here under a new name as I'd rather not give out any clues.
I'm 50 now and am struggling with life and what it throws at me. It's not one big thing, it's a dozen small things and I just haven't got the physical energy, the mental strength or the emotional maturity to deal with it. Hence I'm struggling to deal with stuff right now.
I find my general sense of wellbeing is mainly affected by the lack of money. I work around 20 hours a week, self employed and earn about £600 a month. The rest of my income is made up of tax credits, housing benefits and child benefit for my two lads that live with me. They are in full time further education for another year or so. They want to learn to drive but neither their mother (who I'm split from, not married) nor I can afford them so they are going to look for jobs to fit in with studying.
As I said, I'm not with their mum, we split up when they were four. Aside from an eight month relationship in 2008, I haven't had a relationship since. I find it hard to trust women as the last two I've been out with have cheated on me and so I find it easier to not get involved. I'd love the love of a good woman but at 50, with little money, I am hardly a decent catch.
In addition, I have a serious weight problem. Although I'm tall, I am 22 stone + and obviously at my age, I'm a risk for a shed load of conditions such as heart disease, diabetes, arthritis etc. I did lose six stone in a year in 2013 through eating healthy and going to the gym but I put it all back on again inside eighteen months. This weight issue has destroyed my self-esteem and although to meet me, you'd think I was a happy go lucky guy, inside I'm far from it.
I can hear you now, screaming at me to pull myself together. You're right, I should, but I can't. I work from home and don't do a lot really each day. Money/weight/being on my own combines into a mix that has left me just bimbling through life with little or no oomph. I became a grandad in April but my daughter lives 100 miles awayand I can't get the motivation to go and see her. I have a son that lives 40 miles away that I rarely see, he's a good lad but drifts through life a little too really.
There are good bits in my life. I live in a house in a small village that I like and I've got good neighbours. The rent is cheap, I have a good landlord and my kids love me.
But I'm fed up, lonely, broke, fat, ugly, sweat too much, lacking in energy and motivation. I miss being close to a woman, not necessarily the sex but just the cuddling etc and the way life is going, I can't ever see being with someone again.
The money situation is gloomy too. I went bankrupt in 2005, having an early discharge; a debt relief order in 2013 and an admin order in 2016. I don't owe much money but it's doing my head in each month, not being able to afford nice stuff, driving lessons for the kids, holidays. I haven't been abroad for a holiday since 1988, and have just gone on Sun £9.50 holidays with the lads when they were younger. We don't do them anymore as they are mid-teens now and past it, but they were good times.
I don't really know where to go from here really. I feel better for unloading but that feeling will go shortly, I guess. If we knew each other, we'd probably be friends as I can make people laugh, cheer them up & I'm good company. But I don't want to be like this in life, seeing people of my age doing well, earning good money, living well and enjoying their existence makes me realise what a complete fk up my life really is.
After about half an hour of searching for my login details, I can't find them so bugger it, I'll post this under my usual user name... As you can probably tell from the new login, I'm a long-standing member here under a new name as I'd rather not give out any clues.
I'm 50 now and am struggling with life and what it throws at me. It's not one big thing, it's a dozen small things and I just haven't got the physical energy, the mental strength or the emotional maturity to deal with it. Hence I'm struggling to deal with stuff right now.
I find my general sense of wellbeing is mainly affected by the lack of money. I work around 20 hours a week, self employed and earn about £600 a month. The rest of my income is made up of tax credits, housing benefits and child benefit for my two lads that live with me. They are in full time further education for another year or so. They want to learn to drive but neither their mother (who I'm split from, not married) nor I can afford them so they are going to look for jobs to fit in with studying.
As I said, I'm not with their mum, we split up when they were four. Aside from an eight month relationship in 2008, I haven't had a relationship since. I find it hard to trust women as the last two I've been out with have cheated on me and so I find it easier to not get involved. I'd love the love of a good woman but at 50, with little money, I am hardly a decent catch.
In addition, I have a serious weight problem. Although I'm tall, I am 22 stone + and obviously at my age, I'm a risk for a shed load of conditions such as heart disease, diabetes, arthritis etc. I did lose six stone in a year in 2013 through eating healthy and going to the gym but I put it all back on again inside eighteen months. This weight issue has destroyed my self-esteem and although to meet me, you'd think I was a happy go lucky guy, inside I'm far from it.
I can hear you now, screaming at me to pull myself together. You're right, I should, but I can't. I work from home and don't do a lot really each day. Money/weight/being on my own combines into a mix that has left me just bimbling through life with little or no oomph. I became a grandad in April but my daughter lives 100 miles awayand I can't get the motivation to go and see her. I have a son that lives 40 miles away that I rarely see, he's a good lad but drifts through life a little too really.
There are good bits in my life. I live in a house in a small village that I like and I've got good neighbours. The rent is cheap, I have a good landlord and my kids love me.
But I'm fed up, lonely, broke, fat, ugly, sweat too much, lacking in energy and motivation. I miss being close to a woman, not necessarily the sex but just the cuddling etc and the way life is going, I can't ever see being with someone again.
The money situation is gloomy too. I went bankrupt in 2005, having an early discharge; a debt relief order in 2013 and an admin order in 2016. I don't owe much money but it's doing my head in each month, not being able to afford nice stuff, driving lessons for the kids, holidays. I haven't been abroad for a holiday since 1988, and have just gone on Sun £9.50 holidays with the lads when they were younger. We don't do them anymore as they are mid-teens now and past it, but they were good times.
I don't really know where to go from here really. I feel better for unloading but that feeling will go shortly, I guess. If we knew each other, we'd probably be friends as I can make people laugh, cheer them up & I'm good company. But I don't want to be like this in life, seeing people of my age doing well, earning good money, living well and enjoying their existence makes me realise what a complete f
k up my life really is. 
First of all, have followed the thread since my original post more than two years ago. I did reply to some of you at the time but one person I didn't respond to was toohuge, thanks a lot for your post, it helped me a lot.
So how have the last two and a bit years gone?
Well I took some of your advice and started doing exercise more. I set myself an ambitious target of losing eight stone in a year but missed it, but still lost five stone, going from near 23 stone to under 18 stone. Did it by walking lots; there's a railway path near my house which until lockdown, was quite quiet and I literally spent hundreds of hours on it walking. I don't like swimming or cycling, running would kill my knees at any distance so walking was my best bet. That said, I also completed one round of Couch 25k too.
However when lockdown came, my income dropped so I started working at my local supermarket, 3am to 7am picking online orders for three mornings a week. Ended up continually knackered, knees really hurting and of course, ended up stopping the walks. Whole work/life/sleep balance went out the window so knocked the job on the head after two months.
Now, another two months on and I've put more than 2.5 stone back on through the binge eating again. I literally stuff myself silly most days and barely get out the door for a walk at all. It's so silly really that having got to within a couple of stone of a good weight, I'm now miles away again. Swear I'm not wired up right (no offence to anyone that takes offence at that!!).
Money situation is no better although now football's back I can earn a few quid doing the analysis work again which is enjoyable and pays me. Courier work is back to normal but my income is still down, now at a situation where my rent is 50% of my gross income, which is still inflated by tax credits and housing benefit.
I've also had a bit of a knock back in another area too. About three years ago, I found out I had a brother that my Mum put up for adoption shortly after he was born. Sent off for his birth certificate & an adoption agency + a tracer set out to try to find him. They traced him, but sadly by finding his death certificate - he died about five months before I started looking for him. Slightly worrying thing is that (a) he was 52, same age as me and (b) he died of cancer, same as my Mum who passed aged 47. Since I found this out, seem to have had a cloud over my head these past few weeks.
On the plus side, my lads are both doing well at Uni and both my older two children have presented me with a grandchild in the last six months, so now I have three. Life is a little brighter than two years ago but I'm still a wee bit unhappy really. I've started to write a book too but getting frustrated that the host of emails I send out to people often gets ignored.
Hope everyone else's situation gets better. Mine did for a while until I shot myself in the foot again.
Oh, and still no woman! Am on Plenty Of Fish but failing to attract anyone, even on there!!
Edited by GloverMart on Saturday 10th October 07:07
I'm having a rough time of it at the moment. Nothing suicidal like some poor people, just what you might call extreme fed-upedness. Just can't get motivated to work, I'm a little irritable, feel guilty that I should be doing something, but god knows what. My wife's having a stressful time at the moment too, so in addition to how I'm feeling, I'm having to try and push things forward like a house sale that's been a nightmare, or just try and keep spirits up in general. Now Christmas is on the way, that's just more to worry about and people to feel like I've let down. I'm just well and truly fked off with everything.
Thankfully nowhere near as bad as I have been in the past.
ked off with everything. Thankfully nowhere near as bad as I have been in the past.
crofty1984 said:
I'm having a rough time of it at the moment. Nothing suicidal like some poor people, just what you might call extreme fed-upedness. Just can't get motivated to work, I'm a little irritable, feel guilty that I should be doing something, but god knows what. My wife's having a stressful time at the moment too, so in addition to how I'm feeling, I'm having to try and push things forward like a house sale that's been a nightmare, or just try and keep spirits up in general. Now Christmas is on the way, that's just more to worry about and people to feel like I've let down. I'm just well and truly fked off with everything.
Thankfully nowhere near as bad as I have been in the past.
Hi mate.ked off with everything. Thankfully nowhere near as bad as I have been in the past.
Well done for posting. It's good to get things off your chest so that's probably a good first step forward.
One thing I'd say is that I've been in a similar position to you and I find with my wife, I have to bear most burdens as I'm the main breadwinner, I'm the one that sorts most problems out even though she's part time and I'm full time.
There have been times where I've felt I'm a complete failure and let everyone down. Easy to say but I was completely wrong. I was suffering bad depression but was taking each day as it came and ultimately my family were fed and warm. My little boy was happy with his lot.
Christmas can be an absolute nightmare for may people. It has been for me in the past and even now there are times I have low periods but I able to take a step back and think things through.
Can you take any time out either with your wife or on your own? I see you're in Norfolk, there are some beautiful places there to walk and relax. You might find you just need to have some down time.
heisthegaffer said:
Hi mate.
Well done for posting. It's good to get things off your chest so that's probably a good first step forward.
One thing I'd say is that I've been in a similar position to you and I find with my wife, I have to bear most burdens as I'm the main breadwinner, I'm the one that sorts most problems out even though she's part time and I'm full time.
There have been times where I've felt I'm a complete failure and let everyone down. Easy to say but I was completely wrong. I was suffering bad depression but was taking each day as it came and ultimately my family were fed and warm. My little boy was happy with his lot.
Christmas can be an absolute nightmare for may people. It has been for me in the past and even now there are times I have low periods but I able to take a step back and think things through.
Can you take any time out either with your wife or on your own? I see you're in Norfolk, there are some beautiful places there to walk and relax. You might find you just need to have some down time.
Thanks for the kind words. I think 2021 will be the year I actually talk to someone, even if it is just a 5 min call to the Samaritans. Very hypocritical of me to suggest it to that other fella further up the thread and not do it myself! (Joke). I have been bobbing around the edges of depression for a few years I think, but because I haven't been really bad with it - my wife really used to suffer and I've an aquaintance who died of it (I don't like "he killed himself". It's a disease and unfortunately he didn't get better) - I've tended to feel like a bit of a fraud as if really struggling with it is like the flu, the worst I've got is a common cold. But still, it would be nice to feel better if I can.Well done for posting. It's good to get things off your chest so that's probably a good first step forward.
One thing I'd say is that I've been in a similar position to you and I find with my wife, I have to bear most burdens as I'm the main breadwinner, I'm the one that sorts most problems out even though she's part time and I'm full time.
There have been times where I've felt I'm a complete failure and let everyone down. Easy to say but I was completely wrong. I was suffering bad depression but was taking each day as it came and ultimately my family were fed and warm. My little boy was happy with his lot.
Christmas can be an absolute nightmare for may people. It has been for me in the past and even now there are times I have low periods but I able to take a step back and think things through.
Can you take any time out either with your wife or on your own? I see you're in Norfolk, there are some beautiful places there to walk and relax. You might find you just need to have some down time.
We've got Friday booked off actually, we're going to go to a garden centre to pick some bits up. I might have a drive out in the van on my own at the weekend, see where I see.
crofty1984 said:
heisthegaffer said:
Hi mate.
Well done for posting. It's good to get things off your chest so that's probably a good first step forward.
One thing I'd say is that I've been in a similar position to you and I find with my wife, I have to bear most burdens as I'm the main breadwinner, I'm the one that sorts most problems out even though she's part time and I'm full time.
There have been times where I've felt I'm a complete failure and let everyone down. Easy to say but I was completely wrong. I was suffering bad depression but was taking each day as it came and ultimately my family were fed and warm. My little boy was happy with his lot.
Christmas can be an absolute nightmare for may people. It has been for me in the past and even now there are times I have low periods but I able to take a step back and think things through.
Can you take any time out either with your wife or on your own? I see you're in Norfolk, there are some beautiful places there to walk and relax. You might find you just need to have some down time.
Thanks for the kind words. I think 2021 will be the year I actually talk to someone, even if it is just a 5 min call to the Samaritans. Very hypocritical of me to suggest it to that other fella further up the thread and not do it myself! (Joke). I have been bobbing around the edges of depression for a few years I think, but because I haven't been really bad with it - my wife really used to suffer and I've an aquaintance who died of it (I don't like "he killed himself". It's a disease and unfortunately he didn't get better) - I've tended to feel like a bit of a fraud as if really struggling with it is like the flu, the worst I've got is a common cold. But still, it would be nice to feel better if I can.Well done for posting. It's good to get things off your chest so that's probably a good first step forward.
One thing I'd say is that I've been in a similar position to you and I find with my wife, I have to bear most burdens as I'm the main breadwinner, I'm the one that sorts most problems out even though she's part time and I'm full time.
There have been times where I've felt I'm a complete failure and let everyone down. Easy to say but I was completely wrong. I was suffering bad depression but was taking each day as it came and ultimately my family were fed and warm. My little boy was happy with his lot.
Christmas can be an absolute nightmare for may people. It has been for me in the past and even now there are times I have low periods but I able to take a step back and think things through.
Can you take any time out either with your wife or on your own? I see you're in Norfolk, there are some beautiful places there to walk and relax. You might find you just need to have some down time.
We've got Friday booked off actually, we're going to go to a garden centre to pick some bits up. I might have a drive out in the van on my own at the weekend, see where I see.
Do you have any close pals you can talk with? One thing that surprised me was how many people go through low periods. People from the outset you wouldn't expect to. I've had pals say to me they were amazed I've suffered. Does your work have any helplines at all?
Listen, drop me a PM if you want a chat mate (if I don't respond put something on here!) I'm no expert but have been at rock bottom twice. The difference between those times I'm felt low is that I genuinely believe there is always hope. Before I wouldn't have cared what happened to myself.
Again, another easy thing to say, another cliche but things will be better.
May not impact you but I am very wary of booze now. Can make me really low for days on end.
Take care mate. I'll keep an eye on this thread.
I nearly called the Samaritans today, thats shameful. Instead ive decided to cancel this week i have off and go back to work tomorrow. A family member is ill. they randomly cant walk and although the nhs is trying theres many delays which is causing great distress and cant bear to see them sitting crying on the toilet floor cause they cant get to it, i have googled ways to end it but they all seem less than certain so im stook with not wanting to live but not wanting to die on top of all my other (posted on here) issues.
I know none of you can help but writing might release something? Shame its not the 80s still and i catch a disease that cant be cured that would solve a few things.
I know none of you can help but writing might release something? Shame its not the 80s still and i catch a disease that cant be cured that would solve a few things.
Please call The Samaritans if you feel the need, or just to offload and share some chat with another real person - that is what they are there for, that is why their staff and volunteers signed up, to help people at their lowest moments. There is no shame in calling, it's a good thing to do for yourself and those around you. I hope you can get help at home too, that sounds very distressing for both of you.
tonyvid said:
Please call The Samaritans if you feel the need, or just to offload and share some chat with another real person - that is what they are there for, that is why their staff and volunteers signed up, to help people at their lowest moments. There is no shame in calling, it's a good thing to do for yourself and those around you. I hope you can get help at home too, that sounds very distressing for both of you.
Thanks, i can chat on here cause it doesnt feel as real, calling someone suddenly makes it very real. I hope going to work distracts me and helps me to cope.A500leroy said:
I nearly called the Samaritans today, thats shameful.
No it's not. Not now, not ever.I've realised over the last year that there are times when our own minds turn on us...that we get stuck in unhelpful or downright destructive thought patterns, and that introspection in those circumstances actually makes things worse.
It sounds like you're there. There are ways out, but you need to grasp them...people like the Samaritans can help start you on that road, or at least let you vent the stuff that you'd never tell anyone else.
If you don't want to talk to them, google CALM - Campaign Against Living Miserably. Same sort of thing, but a more modern way of looking at things...their approach might suit you better.
...or just rant on here. No-one in this thread is judgemental, and we're all total strangers...
A500leroy said:
I hope going to work distracts me and helps me to cope.
I get that.Try and find other things to distract you then...
- Walking / running - ideally with music, to keep your mind from wandering
- Sport? Not now, obviously...
- ANYTHING creative. Not sure if that's you or not...but worth a go
- Projects. DIY? Car??
A500leroy said:
I nearly called the Samaritans today, thats shameful. Instead ive decided to cancel this week i have off and go back to work tomorrow. A family member is ill. they randomly cant walk and although the nhs is trying theres many delays which is causing great distress and cant bear to see them sitting crying on the toilet floor cause they cant get to it, i have googled ways to end it but they all seem less than certain so im stook with not wanting to live but not wanting to die on top of all my other (posted on here) issues.
I know none of you can help but writing might release something? Shame its not the 80s still and i catch a disease that cant be cured that would solve a few things.
No shame in calling the Samaritans. I don't see why you think it would be. FWIW, I did just before Christmas in the end.I know none of you can help but writing might release something? Shame its not the 80s still and i catch a disease that cant be cured that would solve a few things.
havoc said:
A500leroy said:
I nearly called the Samaritans today, thats shameful.
No it's not. Not now, not ever.I've realised over the last year that there are times when our own minds turn on us...that we get stuck in unhelpful or downright destructive thought patterns, and that introspection in those circumstances actually makes things worse.
It sounds like you're there. There are ways out, but you need to grasp them...people like the Samaritans can help start you on that road, or at least let you vent the stuff that you'd never tell anyone else.
If you don't want to talk to them, google CALM - Campaign Against Living Miserably. Same sort of thing, but a more modern way of looking at things...their approach might suit you better.
...or just rant on here. No-one in this thread is judgemental, and we're all total strangers...
A500leroy said:
I hope going to work distracts me and helps me to cope.
I get that.Try and find other things to distract you then...
- Walking / running - ideally with music, to keep your mind from wandering
- Sport? Not now, obviously...
- ANYTHING creative. Not sure if that's you or not...but worth a go
- Projects. DIY? Car??
Thought I'd post a little update, as people were so kind on (and off) this thread to offer advice/support, and as Samaritans have come up I thought it might be worth sharing a first-timer's experience.
So, first the Samaritans bit. Before I start I want to say that anyone thinking of calling them should do, and also that we should all be grateful that people volunteer to do this.
I've considered it a few times over the last few years, but never called. One thing putting me off was that I guess they have an image of they're the people you call when you're about to jump off a bridge (and my apologies if that comes across as a little insensitive). Not being anywhere near that I felt like I didn't want to use up valuable talk time from someone in a really really desperate situation. Hence the worried about feeling like a fraud in my earlier comment.
Actually it turns out it's fine to call them for whatever reason, either a bit low, really stressed, or you're lonely and just fancy telling another human about your day. Or indeed if you're right at the tipping point, but if calling them before that point helps you to not get to that point in the first place, all the better.
I was on hold for a couple of minutes before I could get through, but they're understandably pretty chock a block before Xmas.
Not knowing how it works I guess I was a little awkward at first, meaning the chap I spoke to didn't really have much to go on. However, he did nudge the conversation here and there to get me started.
It's interesting what they're not, if that makes sense. They're not there to give you therapy, or ask probing precise questions, or to tell you what to do. They're just there to listen. That's not a criticism, that's the whole point of them and they're very open about that. Sort of just enough to keep you talking and get it out. In the end I was on the phone for about 45 mins, mostly incoherent train-of-thought stuff and/or repeating myself, but the listening guy was very patient and stuck it out.
I'd say that I'm glad I called. I didn't know what to expect or how it works, but just having someone to vent at was useful - saying things out loud can help organise your thoughts a bit better.
Did I finish the conversation "cured" or with some sort of action plan? No. (Again, that's not what they're for). But at the end of the call I did feel in a better place than when I started. So it was the right decision I think. I don't know if I expected them to drive the conversation a bit more, but I can see that in a lot of situations that would be the wrong thing to do and spook people into putting the phone down. Ultimately I went from felt bad - did a thing - felt less bad. So that's a win.
In general, I'm feeling better than I was. Not perfect, but taking steps to improve things. had a rough last few days, but that's just a blip. I did also say to my boss and supervisor I was having a rough time before Christmas and they were very supportive, which was good of them (and not unexpected as they're both good blokes). There were just lots of little things all happening at once catching me at just the wrong time. Nothing that in isolation was terrible, but just too much at once.
So, first the Samaritans bit. Before I start I want to say that anyone thinking of calling them should do, and also that we should all be grateful that people volunteer to do this.
I've considered it a few times over the last few years, but never called. One thing putting me off was that I guess they have an image of they're the people you call when you're about to jump off a bridge (and my apologies if that comes across as a little insensitive). Not being anywhere near that I felt like I didn't want to use up valuable talk time from someone in a really really desperate situation. Hence the worried about feeling like a fraud in my earlier comment.
Actually it turns out it's fine to call them for whatever reason, either a bit low, really stressed, or you're lonely and just fancy telling another human about your day. Or indeed if you're right at the tipping point, but if calling them before that point helps you to not get to that point in the first place, all the better.
I was on hold for a couple of minutes before I could get through, but they're understandably pretty chock a block before Xmas.
Not knowing how it works I guess I was a little awkward at first, meaning the chap I spoke to didn't really have much to go on. However, he did nudge the conversation here and there to get me started.
It's interesting what they're not, if that makes sense. They're not there to give you therapy, or ask probing precise questions, or to tell you what to do. They're just there to listen. That's not a criticism, that's the whole point of them and they're very open about that. Sort of just enough to keep you talking and get it out. In the end I was on the phone for about 45 mins, mostly incoherent train-of-thought stuff and/or repeating myself, but the listening guy was very patient and stuck it out.
I'd say that I'm glad I called. I didn't know what to expect or how it works, but just having someone to vent at was useful - saying things out loud can help organise your thoughts a bit better.
Did I finish the conversation "cured" or with some sort of action plan? No. (Again, that's not what they're for). But at the end of the call I did feel in a better place than when I started. So it was the right decision I think. I don't know if I expected them to drive the conversation a bit more, but I can see that in a lot of situations that would be the wrong thing to do and spook people into putting the phone down. Ultimately I went from felt bad - did a thing - felt less bad. So that's a win.
In general, I'm feeling better than I was. Not perfect, but taking steps to improve things. had a rough last few days, but that's just a blip. I did also say to my boss and supervisor I was having a rough time before Christmas and they were very supportive, which was good of them (and not unexpected as they're both good blokes). There were just lots of little things all happening at once catching me at just the wrong time. Nothing that in isolation was terrible, but just too much at once.
A500leroy said:
havoc said:
A500leroy said:
I nearly called the Samaritans today, thats shameful.
No it's not. Not now, not ever.I've realised over the last year that there are times when our own minds turn on us...that we get stuck in unhelpful or downright destructive thought patterns, and that introspection in those circumstances actually makes things worse.
It sounds like you're there. There are ways out, but you need to grasp them...people like the Samaritans can help start you on that road, or at least let you vent the stuff that you'd never tell anyone else.
If you don't want to talk to them, google CALM - Campaign Against Living Miserably. Same sort of thing, but a more modern way of looking at things...their approach might suit you better.
...or just rant on here. No-one in this thread is judgemental, and we're all total strangers...
A500leroy said:
I hope going to work distracts me and helps me to cope.
I get that.Try and find other things to distract you then...
- Walking / running - ideally with music, to keep your mind from wandering
- Sport? Not now, obviously...
- ANYTHING creative. Not sure if that's you or not...but worth a go
- Projects. DIY? Car??
crofty1984 said:
Thought I'd post a little update, as people were so kind on (and off) this thread to offer advice/support, and as Samaritans have come up I thought it might be worth sharing a first-timer's experience.
So, first the Samaritans bit. Before I start I want to say that anyone thinking of calling them should do, and also that we should all be grateful that people volunteer to do this.
I've considered it a few times over the last few years, but never called. One thing putting me off was that I guess they have an image of they're the people you call when you're about to jump off a bridge (and my apologies if that comes across as a little insensitive). Not being anywhere near that I felt like I didn't want to use up valuable talk time from someone in a really really desperate situation. Hence the worried about feeling like a fraud in my earlier comment.
Actually it turns out it's fine to call them for whatever reason, either a bit low, really stressed, or you're lonely and just fancy telling another human about your day. Or indeed if you're right at the tipping point, but if calling them before that point helps you to not get to that point in the first place, all the better.
I was on hold for a couple of minutes before I could get through, but they're understandably pretty chock a block before Xmas.
Not knowing how it works I guess I was a little awkward at first, meaning the chap I spoke to didn't really have much to go on. However, he did nudge the conversation here and there to get me started.
It's interesting what they're not, if that makes sense. They're not there to give you therapy, or ask probing precise questions, or to tell you what to do. They're just there to listen. That's not a criticism, that's the whole point of them and they're very open about that. Sort of just enough to keep you talking and get it out. In the end I was on the phone for about 45 mins, mostly incoherent train-of-thought stuff and/or repeating myself, but the listening guy was very patient and stuck it out.
I'd say that I'm glad I called. I didn't know what to expect or how it works, but just having someone to vent at was useful - saying things out loud can help organise your thoughts a bit better.
Did I finish the conversation "cured" or with some sort of action plan? No. (Again, that's not what they're for). But at the end of the call I did feel in a better place than when I started. So it was the right decision I think. I don't know if I expected them to drive the conversation a bit more, but I can see that in a lot of situations that would be the wrong thing to do and spook people into putting the phone down. Ultimately I went from felt bad - did a thing - felt less bad. So that's a win.
In general, I'm feeling better than I was. Not perfect, but taking steps to improve things. had a rough last few days, but that's just a blip. I did also say to my boss and supervisor I was having a rough time before Christmas and they were very supportive, which was good of them (and not unexpected as they're both good blokes). There were just lots of little things all happening at once catching me at just the wrong time. Nothing that in isolation was terrible, but just too much at once.
Great post sharing your experienceSo, first the Samaritans bit. Before I start I want to say that anyone thinking of calling them should do, and also that we should all be grateful that people volunteer to do this.
I've considered it a few times over the last few years, but never called. One thing putting me off was that I guess they have an image of they're the people you call when you're about to jump off a bridge (and my apologies if that comes across as a little insensitive). Not being anywhere near that I felt like I didn't want to use up valuable talk time from someone in a really really desperate situation. Hence the worried about feeling like a fraud in my earlier comment.
Actually it turns out it's fine to call them for whatever reason, either a bit low, really stressed, or you're lonely and just fancy telling another human about your day. Or indeed if you're right at the tipping point, but if calling them before that point helps you to not get to that point in the first place, all the better.
I was on hold for a couple of minutes before I could get through, but they're understandably pretty chock a block before Xmas.
Not knowing how it works I guess I was a little awkward at first, meaning the chap I spoke to didn't really have much to go on. However, he did nudge the conversation here and there to get me started.
It's interesting what they're not, if that makes sense. They're not there to give you therapy, or ask probing precise questions, or to tell you what to do. They're just there to listen. That's not a criticism, that's the whole point of them and they're very open about that. Sort of just enough to keep you talking and get it out. In the end I was on the phone for about 45 mins, mostly incoherent train-of-thought stuff and/or repeating myself, but the listening guy was very patient and stuck it out.
I'd say that I'm glad I called. I didn't know what to expect or how it works, but just having someone to vent at was useful - saying things out loud can help organise your thoughts a bit better.
Did I finish the conversation "cured" or with some sort of action plan? No. (Again, that's not what they're for). But at the end of the call I did feel in a better place than when I started. So it was the right decision I think. I don't know if I expected them to drive the conversation a bit more, but I can see that in a lot of situations that would be the wrong thing to do and spook people into putting the phone down. Ultimately I went from felt bad - did a thing - felt less bad. So that's a win.
In general, I'm feeling better than I was. Not perfect, but taking steps to improve things. had a rough last few days, but that's just a blip. I did also say to my boss and supervisor I was having a rough time before Christmas and they were very supportive, which was good of them (and not unexpected as they're both good blokes). There were just lots of little things all happening at once catching me at just the wrong time. Nothing that in isolation was terrible, but just too much at once.
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