Discussion
Opara said:
Hi , I was hoping for some advice regarding the above. Since Xmas time I have been feeling low and anxious. It all happened out of the blue , I was sat in a lecture theatre for uni and suddenly felt like I couldn't breathe , this all made it worse and I got panicky.This happened a few more times (I always sat at the back near the door afterwards) and then I seemed to go through a crisis. I was keeping my eyes closed trying to keep calm when all of a sudden I had an overwhelming feeling that when I opened my eyes again I wouldn't exist anymore.For a few weeks after I felt like I was living life in the third person.
I ended up withdrawing , staying away from uni and people. Suddenly my tolerance to stress was non existant. Doing work set me off , the thought of deadlines set me off.I managed to get through it without missing any deadlines and things have got slowly better.
I now have exams coming up and the thought of it all has set me off again , my thoughts are fuzzy , simple tasks seem to take alot of effort. I'm studying engineering and even simple tasks I could easily do previously are a struggle.
I'm just a bit lost on what to do , I've cut coffee down to one weak cup , tried meditating. Just feels like everthing I've worked for to get into uni is going to go down the pan.
Thanks for reading
I just wanted to let you (and others) know that I am reading posts such as yours with great interest. I don't feel in a position to give you advice seeing as I can't sort myself out let alone help someone else.I ended up withdrawing , staying away from uni and people. Suddenly my tolerance to stress was non existant. Doing work set me off , the thought of deadlines set me off.I managed to get through it without missing any deadlines and things have got slowly better.
I now have exams coming up and the thought of it all has set me off again , my thoughts are fuzzy , simple tasks seem to take alot of effort. I'm studying engineering and even simple tasks I could easily do previously are a struggle.
I'm just a bit lost on what to do , I've cut coffee down to one weak cup , tried meditating. Just feels like everthing I've worked for to get into uni is going to go down the pan.
Thanks for reading
Regular readers of this thread will be familiar with the video I have posted in my blog but it is as powerful now as when I first watched it.
https://howfootballruinedmylife.wordpress.com/2015...
https://howfootballruinedmylife.wordpress.com/2015...
abc42523 said:
Many thanks for the kind responses.
I feel so terribly embarrassed about the whole thing and i know i shouldn't but as grown ups we are not meant to do this kind of thing… its reserved for the playground, at least in my narrow minded head.
I feel very numb, my cognitive functions are slipping.. my memory is super sharp normally but I'm struggling to remember what i had for lunch yesterday or what prices i agreed with clients. Easily over come but writing things down but I've not experienced "vacantness" to this extent before.
I feel a little hopeless if I'm honest.. I've sat trying to write this for 10 mins my hands just resting on the keyboard unable to make my mind concentrate on typing, instead it flickers to distant places or where i should go on holiday, what i should cook… all things in 5 mins i will struggle to recall.
I don't currently have a GP as i recently moved house. I should sign up but its a welcome excuse.
I have 2 people inside my head ones clear as day happy and functioning.. the other hell bent of self distraction and interference… its like trying to perform surgery with a 2 year old wanting your attention at the same time.
does any of that make sense to anyone?
Im really sorry to hijack this thread away from the people that need it. Please tell me to go away if you want.
The common theme on this thread is there are lots of people struggling with similar things. I am the last person to dish advice out, if you have read my blog you will know why but defo tell your Mrs and see the GP.I feel so terribly embarrassed about the whole thing and i know i shouldn't but as grown ups we are not meant to do this kind of thing… its reserved for the playground, at least in my narrow minded head.
I feel very numb, my cognitive functions are slipping.. my memory is super sharp normally but I'm struggling to remember what i had for lunch yesterday or what prices i agreed with clients. Easily over come but writing things down but I've not experienced "vacantness" to this extent before.
I feel a little hopeless if I'm honest.. I've sat trying to write this for 10 mins my hands just resting on the keyboard unable to make my mind concentrate on typing, instead it flickers to distant places or where i should go on holiday, what i should cook… all things in 5 mins i will struggle to recall.
I don't currently have a GP as i recently moved house. I should sign up but its a welcome excuse.
I have 2 people inside my head ones clear as day happy and functioning.. the other hell bent of self distraction and interference… its like trying to perform surgery with a 2 year old wanting your attention at the same time.
does any of that make sense to anyone?
Im really sorry to hijack this thread away from the people that need it. Please tell me to go away if you want.
My latest blog post is around music that helps me through.
https://howfootballruinedmylife.wordpress.com/2015...
https://howfootballruinedmylife.wordpress.com/2015...
jogger1976 said:
Well I was doing well, but I can feel it slowly unraveling again.
Work is manic, I think the turbo on my car is f
ked and I'm having constant financial problems.
I think I've come to the conclusion that my life is pretty st and I don't know what to do to resolve it. I'm now 38 (39 in a few months) and I have come to realise that I'm pretty much fked because
1. I don't own my own house and probably never will, having given up the chance when things were more manageable to bail my dad out financially with my deposit. Said dad then royally fked me over by choosing his new wife over family and disappearing off the face of the earth 13 years ago.
2. The only member of my family that is still alive or is in contact with me is my sister, who lives a 7 hr plane ride away
3. I am employed in an industry (healthcare) that I love, but barely pays me enough to get through most months.This is even with being careful. Not very PH, I appreciate, but we can't all be multimillionaire directors with supercars, mansions and skiing holidays.
4. I'm totally at a loss regarding friendships,as I don't really have any friends.Used to, not just now though, as I end up not being able to cope and find I just want to run away from it all.
5.Relationships and dating are also hopeless as I think women just don't find me very attractive. The first 3 reasons are a massive handicap and I can't really see any way they can change, so I've pretty much given up and resigned myself to never having a happy ending.
Quite honestly, if you could give me a pill that would ensure I never woke up I'd take it.The only thing stopping me is the upset It'd probably cause.
too much upset.
Life really is st, isn't it?
Sorry to hear of your troubles. Nothing much I can say without sounding hypocritical. Work is manic, I think the turbo on my car is fked and I'm having constant financial problems. I think I've come to the conclusion that my life is pretty s
t and I don't know what to do to resolve it. I'm now 38 (39 in a few months) and I have come to realise that I'm pretty much fked because1. I don't own my own house and probably never will, having given up the chance when things were more manageable to bail my dad out financially with my deposit. Said dad then royally f
ked me over by choosing his new wife over family and disappearing off the face of the earth 13 years ago. 2. The only member of my family that is still alive or is in contact with me is my sister, who lives a 7 hr plane ride away
3. I am employed in an industry (healthcare) that I love, but barely pays me enough to get through most months.This is even with being careful. Not very PH, I appreciate, but we can't all be multimillionaire directors with supercars, mansions and skiing holidays.
4. I'm totally at a loss regarding friendships,as I don't really have any friends.Used to, not just now though, as I end up not being able to cope and find I just want to run away from it all.
5.Relationships and dating are also hopeless as I think women just don't find me very attractive. The first 3 reasons are a massive handicap and I can't really see any way they can change, so I've pretty much given up and resigned myself to never having a happy ending.
Quite honestly, if you could give me a pill that would ensure I never woke up I'd take it.The only thing stopping me is the upset It'd probably cause.
too much upset.
Life really is s
t, isn't it?Here is my latest blog on what I am doing to address my problems.
https://howfootballruinedmylife.wordpress.com/2015...
I would genuinely like to know what people are thinking when they read my blog. The feedback means a lot. The blog has at the time of posting had over 5500 views.
https://howfootballruinedmylife.wordpress.com/2015...
I would genuinely like to know what people are thinking when they read my blog. The feedback means a lot. The blog has at the time of posting had over 5500 views.
My new blog post on feeling isolated when suffering with depression.
https://howfootballruinedmylife.wordpress.com/2015...
As usual all feedback, good or bad appreciated.
https://howfootballruinedmylife.wordpress.com/2015...
As usual all feedback, good or bad appreciated.
New Blog. Depression contributing to the demise of my relationship.
https://howfootballruinedmylife.wordpress.com/2015...
https://howfootballruinedmylife.wordpress.com/2015...
227bhp said:
Ruskie said:
New Blog. Depression contributing to the demise of my relationship.
https://howfootballruinedmylife.wordpress.com/2015...
It's really difficult for me to post without seeming uh, 'naff' or without using corny quotes and one liners (so i'll just let rip https://howfootballruinedmylife.wordpress.com/2015...
), but no matter how dim you let it get, don't let the light go out, just don't give up. Keep facing forward and try to move in the right direction. I think keeping that light on is your job, not anyone elses.It is like swimming against the tide, walking against a force ten and it is quite often one step forward and two back, just keep on clinging to whatever it is you have - and you do have things, positive things; all is not lost and never should be.
You'll have something to talk about at your next counselling session, sounds daft that at first, but it used to worry me a little that when it was coming up to my day for going I would have nothing to talk about. I seem to think that if you have several sessions of 'nothing much to talk about' then maybe you are better or at least getting there.
Keep the blogs coming, you write very well, people are reading them and relating to them.
Here's a thought for you and anyone else; should fellow 'depressives' get together for a chat? I don't mean a group, nothing heavy, no trying to give advice. I've often wondered and thought that if I knew someone in my area was suffering like I do sometimes or have done, that I would reach out a hand if they wanted to chat. I'm certainly no councillor (far from it), but often just listening and agreeing because you've been there can help.
A really good friend and I both suffer sometimes and he tells me he gets a lot out of just talking to me, but we do get along really well in other respects so maybe that helps as we have lots of other things to talk about.
Thoughts anyone?
Edited by 227bhp on Wednesday 3rd June 10:01
muppetdave said:
I don't think I've ever posted in this thread, but I often read it. What I'm about to say is not meant to offend any of you guys who I know from my own experiences are suffering terribly, but I had a 'life-changing experience' last year, which may just offer one person a new perspective that might help them.
My own experiences - I'm 35 in a couple of days time (Friday). I've always been 'odd'; quite bright, but never quite had the focus to fully capitalise on that (think nightmare child/at school etc!), never really comfortable in my own skin etc. I was 17 when I realised that I was a depressive, and tried to get help from my GP (yeah, ok...). So it's hammered me for over half of my life.
In that time, I go up, down, up down. I've never pushed to find out, but honestly, I would guess at some element of bi-polar in there. The downs have been very down; suicidal status etc. Anyway, it's never happened. I always like myself to a cockroach; try as it might, nothing will take me out!
I'll just footnote here, very few people know of 'my battles' and just see someone who's doing ok - got friends, family, house, own business etc. so doing ok.
Anyway, January 2014, ongoing situations in my business (a client shafting me for a LOT of money the year before) caught up with me. we were facing a massive imminent debt that I thought would bring us down - losing the house, the lot. Anxiety really didn't help the situation escalating in my head. I didn't help matters by keeping it all to myself and not telling my wife (not proud). It escalated to the point of my wife expecting me to disappear off and not reappear alive. And to be honest I could see that happening too.
We actually got that sorted, just telling the wife helped massively, and we could strategise, I finally got my finger out of my arse and we started to get sorted. In actual fact, a lucky break with another client helped out massively, and I totally cleared the decks and got us straight again within four months, debts cleared, the lot!
Whilst the worst of that was going on, I was away for a weekend working, and the wife found out she was pregnant with child #2. And pretty much freaked out given where we/I were at. But we weren't going to change that.
Roll on to September and the baby's imminent, in fact one day overdue. The wife had a perfect pregnancy, no real issues and all was looking well. Until the waters broke and we 'popped in to the hospital for a quick once over' until labour got to the point of pushing. All well and good generally, other than the contractions being consistently close despite only being very slightly dilated. A long story short and the baby was born incredibly unwell - as in they expected her to survive hours if lucky.
That was the game changer - stood outside Colchester Hospital thinking I would be arranging my baby's funeral. Nothing ever has, nor ever will be as black as that moment for me. I don't care what happens to me personally, obviously I do about the rest of my friends and family. But that was the pits. And as a result, that thought will be with me forever, particularly when things look a bit st.
As I say, that's not meant to knock anyone here at all, but it may be an eye-opener for some
(Ps. our little girl must have been born under a lucky star, she was given amazing treatment at every step of the way and made a nigh on perfect recovery!).
Sounds like that last event gave you perspective. I'm glad your little girl is doing well I was dreading reaching the last paragraph!My own experiences - I'm 35 in a couple of days time (Friday). I've always been 'odd'; quite bright, but never quite had the focus to fully capitalise on that (think nightmare child/at school etc!), never really comfortable in my own skin etc. I was 17 when I realised that I was a depressive, and tried to get help from my GP (yeah, ok...). So it's hammered me for over half of my life.
In that time, I go up, down, up down. I've never pushed to find out, but honestly, I would guess at some element of bi-polar in there. The downs have been very down; suicidal status etc. Anyway, it's never happened. I always like myself to a cockroach; try as it might, nothing will take me out!
I'll just footnote here, very few people know of 'my battles' and just see someone who's doing ok - got friends, family, house, own business etc. so doing ok.
Anyway, January 2014, ongoing situations in my business (a client shafting me for a LOT of money the year before) caught up with me. we were facing a massive imminent debt that I thought would bring us down - losing the house, the lot. Anxiety really didn't help the situation escalating in my head. I didn't help matters by keeping it all to myself and not telling my wife (not proud). It escalated to the point of my wife expecting me to disappear off and not reappear alive. And to be honest I could see that happening too.
We actually got that sorted, just telling the wife helped massively, and we could strategise, I finally got my finger out of my arse and we started to get sorted. In actual fact, a lucky break with another client helped out massively, and I totally cleared the decks and got us straight again within four months, debts cleared, the lot!
Whilst the worst of that was going on, I was away for a weekend working, and the wife found out she was pregnant with child #2. And pretty much freaked out given where we/I were at. But we weren't going to change that.
Roll on to September and the baby's imminent, in fact one day overdue. The wife had a perfect pregnancy, no real issues and all was looking well. Until the waters broke and we 'popped in to the hospital for a quick once over' until labour got to the point of pushing. All well and good generally, other than the contractions being consistently close despite only being very slightly dilated. A long story short and the baby was born incredibly unwell - as in they expected her to survive hours if lucky.
That was the game changer - stood outside Colchester Hospital thinking I would be arranging my baby's funeral. Nothing ever has, nor ever will be as black as that moment for me. I don't care what happens to me personally, obviously I do about the rest of my friends and family. But that was the pits. And as a result, that thought will be with me forever, particularly when things look a bit s
t.As I say, that's not meant to knock anyone here at all, but it may be an eye-opener for some
(Ps. our little girl must have been born under a lucky star, she was given amazing treatment at every step of the way and made a nigh on perfect recovery!).
happychap said:
Ruskie said:
It was decided at my last counselling session that it wasn't working and that it was a bit pointless. It hadn't halted me falling further into depression so I won't be going again. Back to the drawing board.
Out of interest, who decided it wasn't working, and was there a preconceived idea that attending the sessions would be an instant magic wand in finding a way deal with your depression. Finding another therapist that you can work with and support you will pay off if you can allow the process to work. Finding the right therapist is like buying shoes, you rarely buy the fist pair you try on. Good Luckhttps://howfootballruinedmylife.wordpress.com/2015...
My new blog reveals my position and the reasons why I felt I needed to. Feedback as always is appreciated, good or bad.
My new blog reveals my position and the reasons why I felt I needed to. Feedback as always is appreciated, good or bad.
Nervasport said:
Hi all, this week I felt like I've hit a low point, I'm supposed to be on holiday for two weeks from work to get away from stress but I feel drained, my ex partners made this week feel like hell would be a better place to be, it's been stressful and just found myself drinking most nights to try feel some comfort, I've spent every night on the sofa or when I've been sober I've found myself going to the beach just for peace and quiet.
I'm starting to feel resentment towards those I care about and it seems like it's not going to stop, I've tried counselling but the counsellor stopped appointments. No idea why. I feel.... Empty. Not even the infectious smile from my daughter makes me feel happy anymore and I don't like it one little bit , sorry for the rant but felt like it had to be let out.
Welcome, your in good company here with many posters offering fantastic advice. I'm not one of them though but I hope you feel better for unloading here.I'm starting to feel resentment towards those I care about and it seems like it's not going to stop, I've tried counselling but the counsellor stopped appointments. No idea why. I feel.... Empty. Not even the infectious smile from my daughter makes me feel happy anymore and I don't like it one little bit , sorry for the rant but felt like it had to be let out.
Edited by Nervasport on Saturday 13th June 18:03
https://howfootballruinedmylife.wordpress.com/2015...
When will it get better?
Thank you for those who continue to read. The blog passed 3000 visitors and 8000 views recently.
When will it get better?
Thank you for those who continue to read. The blog passed 3000 visitors and 8000 views recently.
Gassing Station | Health Matters | Top of Page | What's New | My Stuff