How to calm down...

[R1gtr]

The Nur said:

R1gtr, you know it has been years since I thought about learning to ride a bike. The idea really intrigues me, even thought bikes scare the crap out of me. Though that is the point, isn't it?

To be fair mate you sound like a decent chap and you recognise you have maybe hit a low and got stuck in a rut. A visit to the docs is a great idea-print out your opening post and let him read that,you may forget lots or clam up when speaking to him but a copy of your thoughts will give him the general idea of how you are feeling.
Anger can come from being depressed,uncertainty and having no focus but as you recognise it may be causing problems with friends and family so tell them how you feel and tell them you are dealing with it, this will make them much more understanding.

As i mentioned earlier a Hobby is a fantastic idea, it would be even better if you find something that your best mate fancies trying too, take up something together or possibly a Hobby he already does you could join.
I got a bit stuck in a rut and had nothing interesting to talk about but my best mate who rides Motorbikes convinced me to give it a shot even tho it scared me s***less, best thing I ever did and now we go out on the bikes together and never ever struggle for conversation as we just natter on and on about biking.

Go for it, get your CBT booked and rope your mate in, if you enjoy it(you will, trust me) find a old cheap bike or one that has been dropped and do it up as a project for when you do your proper test.
Good luck buddy.

[TameRacingDriver]

I've been smoking it on off for 20 years. I still enjoy it, I've got to be honest. But between it and the boozing, its done me no good whatsoever. I am actually doing OK considering but know I haven't achieved half of what I could without it. At the moment my mind is trashed, and my body won't be far behind.

I don't want to give up either entirely but I do want to regain control. Start by giving it up through the week and take it from there. Once you see the changes in yourself, the rest will follow. I've done it before bug relapsed somewhere. Its all about having the power and confidence back in your life.

Feel free to send me a mail if you ever need another perspective.

[hidetheelephants]

DrTre said:

Go back to uni and try to deliberately immerse yourself in clubs/societies etc. Perfect opportunity to cultivate (no pun intended) new interests, and one that you'll regret not taking advantage of later in life. Easier said than done, I know, and what I've said is trite, but really it's on your shoulders change who you are, and you're taking the right steps in confronting it.

Disco You said:

Going to uni should mean that you make new friends, aim to make new friends who aren't stoners and that'll help you get away from the weed.

What they said; in first year, everyone's a stranger so making friends is a lot easier and subsidised sports clubs and hobby societies(try the debating soc, if you succeed there you'll never have problems socialising!) will give you an opportunity to socialise with non-stoners. Just because you broke up with this bird shouldn't result in your uni friends dumping you(unless you did something unspeakable; did you?). On a more practical note, universities generally have free counselling and medical services; use them, they deal with this stuff every day.

[LordGrover]

The Nur said:

The one friend I do have who has quit weed is, coincidentally my oldest friend, and is getting married soon so is spending his time with his fiance. Understandably too, the lucky bd.

Is this not the person who's already close to you and has done what you'd like to do?
Maybe ask him what helped? At least he'll have an idea of what you're going through.

[vsonix]

I know I will have a few people disagree with me here but I think it's important not to see the excess weed consumption as the problem in itself; I think it is mostly a symptom of a greater malaise and it sounds like most of it is down to frustration because you're feeling powerless and out of control over the relationships in your life, and it's very easy to retreat into the 'stoner' shell when suffering from any kind of social anxiety problem; also by its very nature it can cause you to spend too much time overthinking how st a situation is rather than taking positive action to solve it. Weed in itself is (unless it's the commercial crap grown by people 100% in it for the money) pretty awesome, it is a great medicine as well as a social lubricant and the hemp plant itself is nothing short of a global panacea.

BUT it is easy to overdo it if you're on an escapism tip. Not only that, but as you have already recognised, it's murder on the wallet as a regular habit, especially if you're trying to run a car on a limited income, and all your friends want to smoke your weed too.

It sounds like what you really need is a change of life/routine. When you're stuck in a rut, it's very tempting to get baked just to make being awake and functioning seem a bit more bearable. If there are plenty of other external things going on to keep you busy, it's amazing how quickly smoking a J goes back to being something you can do to relax with mates/at the end of a long day and it stops seeming as important as it is.

your post strikes a chord or two with how I have been/felt in the past, I'd be more than happy to share my thoughts with you on the whole situation but I'd rather keep it as a one-to-one so feel free to fire over a PM dude

Edited by vsonix on Tuesday 3rd July 00:16

[vsonix]

Badabing said:

Meet a like minded chick

That's probably kinda part of the overall problem. 'Meeting Girls' can be really hard if you've never really been taught how or had role models who've been good with the ladies. For so many guys it's been blown into such a major thing it's no wonder every time they see a woman they want to get with their tongue turns to sawdust and they either choke up or turn into needy sleazebags... or just don't realise when they've been given a green light to go for it.

Edited by vsonix on Tuesday 3rd July 01:04

[The Nur]

Bosshog, Torquey, andy_s, you all make some great points from 3 varying positions and I agree with a lot of what you guys are saying. There is a void in my life for sporting activity that doesn't involve sitting on a leather seat, extending my feet and twirling my arms Something that I can really get into, expend some energy on and dedicate some time to.

The idea of a more expensive car I like but it doesn't really sit with me at the moment. I've just bought a 328 coupe

Uni is a priority though. It was going well in Aber, I just couldn't stay, which is a shame because I was only paying 3.5k a year there, it is 9k a year now. What a kick in the teeth eh?

andy_s, I know what you mean. Weed doesn't really inhibit my working or uni life these days, it did when I was a kid but I would like to think I am smarter now. I've never let weed encroach in to my working life, I have a very clear divide with that, never going to work stoned, etc. Not that I could anyway, pink eyes and paranoid and like I wrote last night, I did actually pick up running before I left Aber, time to put the shoes back on methinks.

r1gtr, great idea about printing this thread out and showing it to the doctor. Makes things much easier. I'm not great with physically talking about this stuff so changing it into a medium I am comfortable with makes sense. Why I didn't think of simplifying the situation and printing the OP out I don't know.

TameRacingDriver, a hell of a lot of your post echoed with with me. Almost all of it in fact, you sound like how I imagine me in the future would sound like.

hidetheelephants, you are right, it wasn't so bad when I went to aber but even then only really made friends with the guys I lived in the same block as(and only about 1/3 of them) and the guys I had to work with in groups. Even in a situation when everybody is on an even keel with regards to knowing other people I still shy away, always have. It was a weird situation with the uni friends, I managed what I have done with a lot of groups of in the past which is effectively alienate myself via one way or another. To be honest I started to retreat into my shell even then, my girlfriend at the time had health problems that was a catalyst for depression, I got miserable too because she was and I just withdrew from being really outgoing and social to my old self within the space of 5 months. In a way they sort of cut me off and I wasn't involved with their stuff anymore, the most of them turned on me eventually, even though I hadn't really done anything against them. I suppose they felt betrayed. Quite right too I suppose, I effectively turned my back on them to be with a girl that changed dramatically for a number of reasons over a very short period of time and a relationship that blew up in my face.

LordGrover, unfortunately that bloke is cut from different cloth that myself, he stopped smoking weed years ago and didn't have a shred of difficulty doing it. I can still talk to him about anything though, oldest mate and all.

vsonix, I shall fire over a pm in the day.

[happychap]

When I read your first post I felt that you might not be fully committed to the task ahead, however reading your subsequent post's I have now been convinced that you intend to make changes. You might want to contact a service that can offer ongoing support in a structured way and be able to provide startergies to deal with any cravings you will have. Learning new stratergies to deal with day to day anxieties will help, along with the other suggestions that have been mentioned to improve your physical wellbeing. If you have cravings, take each hour at a time, tell yourself you wont be smoking any Cannabis for the next hour, keep doing that for as long as the craving is present.
It sounds like you are making good progress with your planning stage of how you intend changing your priorities, well done, keep posting.

[VinceFox]

Goos luck old chap

[cwis]

I'd like to take a slightly different viewpoint to the majority of the posters on here, without contradicting them.

I'm approaching my 40th year, and smoke weed on a daily basis. Not nicotine - gave that up a few years ago, just weed.

Why?

I'm a high functioning Aspergers type, so I understand the social isolation, the anger, being crap with members of the opposite sex, hating crowds, etc etc that the OP describes.

I can add some more traits that the OP may recognise: No sense of direction. No, or a limited sense of time. An overriding interest in something that you've had for a long time. Having to WORK at empathy and understanding how other people feel, rather than it being obvious as it is for other people. The inability to follow more than once conversation at once in a group of friends. An adversion to loud noises or bright lights, or the feeling that, after a certain volume, music stops you from being able to concentrate on what people say.

Unfortunately for all of you well meaning folk, the anger etc is caused by the condition, not the weed. The best way of dealing with all the above is introspection - understanding why you lose your rag in certain circumstances, etc. There WILL be a reason - it may be obscure but it will be there - you're not just acting like an asshat for the hell of it. Understanding the triggers allow you to control oyur emotions and also lets you understand yourself better. Aspies are generally crap at introspection without practice...

I smoke last thing at night, after I've "got stuff done" so enable me to sleep (another issue you get "free" with aspergers is difficulty in turning your brain off and sleeping). It also lowers my anxiety levels for the day. To explain how that feels - you know when you get in the car and drive off, and then get that nagging feeliong you've left something you need at home, like your keys. phone, wallet? Generally you'll stop and make sure. Aspies generally have that feeling of "light dread" all of the time. Weed reduces the feelings - not just when you're toked, but afterwards too, for about a day.

There are side effects - I feel terrible first thing in the morning and need 30 odd minutes in the morning to warm up before I do anything, but after years and years of insomnia and generalised feelings of doom in my teens and twenties it's a small price to pay.

I would therefore not advise knocking the weed on the head completely, but to give yourself rules on how and when you do indulge (and being and aspie, you'll stick to them) so you can both get things done, have a social life, and still manage to sleep and reduce your general stress and anxiety levels.

10 years ago I would have traded 30 IQ points to "be normal". Not now - I see certain advantages to my neurological condition and I'm quite happy with where I am. But growing up like it was tough and you need to work at it - luckily if you're neurotypical as an aspie you'll be pretty intelligent!

Feel free to PM me, OP, if you think I could help.

[The Nur]

happychap said:

When I read your first post I felt that you might not be fully committed to the task ahead, however reading your subsequent post's I have now been convinced that you intend to make changes. You might want to contact a service that can offer ongoing support in a structured way and be able to provide startergies to deal with any cravings you will have. Learning new stratergies to deal with day to day anxieties will help, along with the other suggestions that have been mentioned to improve your physical wellbeing. If you have cravings, take each hour at a time, tell yourself you wont be smoking any Cannabis for the next hour, keep doing that for as long as the craving is present.
It sounds like you are making good progress with your planning stage of how you intend changing your priorities, well done, keep posting.

This is the thing. In the traditional sense of addiction I would say that I am not. I don't think about it during the day, whilst I am working or at uni or anything because I don't want to, infact, during those hours I am actually the most likely to turn a j down out of all my mates. My reasoning for this is that it makes me useless, I go silent and paranoid which is no good to anyone but I am aware of this. I only smoke when my checklist is empty for the day and I can chill. When I do stop smoking (holidays, weed droughts) I can get irritable but the frustration can be relieved about 75% as effectively with a couple of beers, although I am ironically highly aware of the addictive dangers of alcohol. This leads me down to my differing viewpoints on weed that is dependent on my mood. Part of me know that weed is a part of my life and I am unlikely to stop using it, ever. The other part of me thinks that maybe that is just the "weed talking". I mean I can get by in my day to day life very well without it, people still think I am weird whether I am stoned or not, it is only the end of the day when I slow down but my mind doesn't that gets me, which leads me on to this..

[The Nur]

cwis said:

I'd like to take a slightly different viewpoint to the majority of the posters on here, without contradicting them.

I'm approaching my 40th year, and smoke weed on a daily basis. Not nicotine - gave that up a few years ago, just weed.

Why?

I'm a high functioning Aspergers type, so I understand the social isolation, the anger, being crap with members of the opposite sex, hating crowds, etc etc that the OP describes.

I can add some more traits that the OP may recognise: No sense of direction. No, or a limited sense of time. An overriding interest in something that you've had for a long time. Having to WORK at empathy and understanding how other people feel, rather than it being obvious as it is for other people. The inability to follow more than once conversation at once in a group of friends. An adversion to loud noises or bright lights, or the feeling that, after a certain volume, music stops you from being able to concentrate on what people say.

Unfortunately for all of you well meaning folk, the anger etc is caused by the condition, not the weed. The best way of dealing with all the above is introspection - understanding why you lose your rag in certain circumstances, etc. There WILL be a reason - it may be obscure but it will be there - you're not just acting like an asshat for the hell of it. Understanding the triggers allow you to control oyur emotions and also lets you understand yourself better. Aspies are generally crap at introspection without practice...

I smoke last thing at night, after I've "got stuff done" so enable me to sleep (another issue you get "free" with aspergers is difficulty in turning your brain off and sleeping). It also lowers my anxiety levels for the day. To explain how that feels - you know when you get in the car and drive off, and then get that nagging feeliong you've left something you need at home, like your keys. phone, wallet? Generally you'll stop and make sure. Aspies generally have that feeling of "light dread" all of the time. Weed reduces the feelings - not just when you're toked, but afterwards too, for about a day.

There are side effects - I feel terrible first thing in the morning and need 30 odd minutes in the morning to warm up before I do anything, but after years and years of insomnia and generalised feelings of doom in my teens and twenties it's a small price to pay.

I would therefore not advise knocking the weed on the head completely, but to give yourself rules on how and when you do indulge (and being and aspie, you'll stick to them) so you can both get things done, have a social life, and still manage to sleep and reduce your general stress and anxiety levels.

10 years ago I would have traded 30 IQ points to "be normal". Not now - I see certain advantages to my neurological condition and I'm quite happy with where I am. But growing up like it was tough and you need to work at it - luckily if you're neurotypical as an aspie you'll be pretty intelligent!

Feel free to PM me, OP, if you think I could help.

Uhhhhh, yeah, literally every word of that rings true with me. Every word.

Especially the music stops you from being able to concentrate on what people say, I use that to my advantage.

I'll PM you and vsonix later

[The Nur]

VinceFox said:

Goos luck old chap

Cheers Vince

[VinceFox]

I'm such a cacky fingered old witch sometimes.

Good. GOOD luck.

fk's sake.

[TameRacingDriver]

The Nur said:

Uhhhhh, yeah, literally every word of that rings true with me. Every word.

Especially the music stops you from being able to concentrate on what people say, I use that to my advantage.

A lot did with me too, but in my case I don't think its anything like Aspergers syndrome, I think in my case its actually anxiety, something which I have suffered for many years, and may be a reason I use various intoxicants as a crutch sometimes - it takes away the bad feelings.

I actually always said that i wished I could be as confident all of the time as I am after having just a single strong pint of beer - that's when I feel at my most robust, and most confident. I have even used [alcohol] before job interviews! Not too much mind as it scrambles my brain too much otherwise - a single pint of Stella always works wonders!

As for the difficulty with hearing people in loud places, I think I personally have some form of hearing damage causing this. Used to be frustrating for me when I was single as my mates could happily have conversations with women in loud bars where I'd be unable to hear a single word

[R1gtr]

In one weeks time you better be back on here with a new hobby, choose one, get to shop or phone someone, get it done today(before your first joint of the day)

[The Nur]

R1gtr said:

In one weeks time you better be back on here with a new hobby, choose one, get to shop or phone someone, get it done today(before your first joint of the day)

No, you are right, I was thinking about this whilst having a long hot bath this morning (there is nothing like a hot bath on a rainy day).

The other week I bought a Nikon coolpix L310 from argos for the princely sum of £119 and I am finding it fun I keep forgetting to pick it up out of the glove box, but it is working it's way into my mind slowly. I found myself saying out loud last night that I wished I had it on me

I have my running shoes, which I am quite looking forward to getting in. I may have a quick jaunt tonight after work actually, as long as the rain isn't too bad.

That is a good start for now I think?

[R1gtr]

The Nur said:

R1gtr said:

In one weeks time you better be back on here with a new hobby, choose one, get to shop or phone someone, get it done today(before your first joint of the day)

No, you are right, I was thinking about this whilst having a long hot bath this morning (there is nothing like a hot bath on a rainy day).

The other week I bought a Nikon coolpix L310 from argos for the princely sum of £119 and I am finding it fun I keep forgetting to pick it up out of the glove box, but it is working it's way into my mind slowly. I found myself saying out loud last night that I wished I had it on me

I have my running shoes, which I am quite looking forward to getting in. I may have a quick jaunt tonight after work actually, as long as the rain isn't too bad.

That is a good start for now I think?

Yeah great start, if camera aint too big take that out running with you, you may have to drive a little bit to get to the country but jogging round the countryside is much nicer than pounding pavement after pavement
Also don't let the bad weather put you off, if it is pissin down I will get out on the trails on the mountain bike, there is something satisfying in getting covered head to toe in mud, makes the hot shower so much better, and you will have earned yourself a reefer (not sure if the kids still call it that these days)

[The Nur]

I actually have dozens of miles of cycle tracks available to me at very short distance so I'm not short of places to go, either that or I can run along the front

Weather doesn't bother me too much, dry is good, pissing down is good, it is the in between that I don't enjoy, the drizzley stuff.

The job I started yesterday was alright. It is basic casual call centre work. They are very flexible and starting at 3pm is alright but minimum wage leaves a lot to be desired. Not complaining though, work is work and 8 hours out of the house away from the frustrations of the past few months was a welcome relief. I think I enjoyed my first day more than I should have as others looked miserable but there was me saying it's not too bad

[happychap]

I'm wondering if the two issues are seperate issues. You describein in great detail your Aspergers and the associatted traites. You then describe some of the benefits for using Cannabis and the effects when you for what ever reason abstain from its use. You would appear to have a great deal of controle on its use, what stops you taking full controle and finding an alternative activity to deal with the associated anxieties that you justify your usage. I hope this does not come across as challenging as it sounds.
Over time it becomes less clear why we keep on doing the same thing other then its familiar and comfortable. The exciting thing could be considering doing something differant and new and taking back our autonamy.