Confused about an ex-girlfriend
Discussion
Petrolhead95 said:
I don't give up that easy. If two people want it, it will work. It just needs time and space, even if that is a matter of months.
But she doesn't want it....she is stringing you along.EXACTLY what happened to me before... still paid for dinner all the time.. polished her car etc etc.
Honestly mate no matter how much you think this one is a keeper there is always another one at some point.
That is the whole "power" thing women have. They will keep you around as you serve a purpose (giving her money and some sort of company).
I may consider waiting months if I was married with kids in my 50's.
25 year old me would have told 21 year old me to tell that f
k off. Tell her that you have thought about it and you have decided that you do not want to have further contact and you do not want to pursue a relationship with her.
Two things will happen.
She will either kick off saying how can you do that etc etc
Or
She will beg you to stay and re-consider, or accept it then start sneaking in texts
Either way it will stop after a month.
Honestly mate step up to the plate, man up, sack her off. Not being rude, it's genuine advice. We have been there before.
Hainey said:
At £300 quid a week? What films do I search for with her in on YouPorn then because she must be pro standard (hello Theresa May and all the team at GCHQ 
)
Haha! Well I got an early night and woke up to a goodnight message she sent last night. Already broke her no contact rule. )Does she have lots of mates, popular, go out a lot, is she the strong and confident type or insecure, happy childhood, was single a long time before she met you or lots of relationships, phone always beeping with messages from other friends and so on?
i.e is she lonely and using you or genuinely in two minds about you.
Also how old is she? As you talk as if she has her own place rather than living at parents/house share.
i.e is she lonely and using you or genuinely in two minds about you.
Also how old is she? As you talk as if she has her own place rather than living at parents/house share.
Edited by hyphen on Thursday 1st December 08:42
Have we done the, she wants space then let her bloody well have it.... no contact with her for 4 weeks whilst she sorts herself out, that includes no chatting of xmas and new year.
1 of 2 things will happen, either you will get back together as she wants to, or you both move on.
However you sound like you have some issues that need to sort in those 4 weeks and not use your partner as an emotional punching bag.
1 of 2 things will happen, either you will get back together as she wants to, or you both move on.
However you sound like you have some issues that need to sort in those 4 weeks and not use your partner as an emotional punching bag.
hyphen said:
Does she have lots of mates, popular, go out a lot, is she the strong and confident type or insecure, happy childhood, was single a long time before she met you or lots of relationships, phone always beeping with messages from other friends and so on?
i.e is she lonely and using you or genuinely in two minds about you.
Also how old is she? As you talk as if she has her own place rather than living at parents/house share.
She has more friends than I can count. Each day without fail guys messaging her asking to go out etc but never takes them up on it because she doesn't feel the need for it. Prior to me was single for almost 2 years, no dates, nothing. Definitely not lonely. She's 18 - I know, still really young. i.e is she lonely and using you or genuinely in two minds about you.
Also how old is she? As you talk as if she has her own place rather than living at parents/house share.
Edited by hyphen on Thursday 1st December 08:42
She appears to be in the "wants to really break up as she feels there is no serious future with you but doesn't have the inner strength yet to follow through" phase.
If so, your time is short. As utgJon said, you need to have a proper sit down conversation. When she is ready to talk, have a serious conversation of what you need to do to overcome her fears. Until then keep some distance, if you do meet/talk/text concentrate on listening to her (how are you, how was your day), making her laugh/telling her about the new and exciting stuff you have been up to (actually do stuff, don't make it up she will know) balanced with the right amount of "I miss you" type stuff as well You need to show her that her life is better with you in it, than without you.
DO NOT ARGUE. If you know you are going to be meeting her, go for one of your long runs before hand so you are relaxed when you see her.
Sort out your own "taking meds/eating properly" bits, take that burden away from her. Try to minimise you asking for the 'benefits' part of the friendship, unless it is her explicitly making the move.
Be honest with what you hear her views, if you can't change to fit what she wants then walk away rather than dragging it out. You are both very young and the probability is that this won't be your forever relationship, so don't get too hung up on it.
If so, your time is short. As utgJon said, you need to have a proper sit down conversation. When she is ready to talk, have a serious conversation of what you need to do to overcome her fears. Until then keep some distance, if you do meet/talk/text concentrate on listening to her (how are you, how was your day), making her laugh/telling her about the new and exciting stuff you have been up to (actually do stuff, don't make it up she will know) balanced with the right amount of "I miss you" type stuff as well You need to show her that her life is better with you in it, than without you.
DO NOT ARGUE. If you know you are going to be meeting her, go for one of your long runs before hand so you are relaxed when you see her.
Sort out your own "taking meds/eating properly" bits, take that burden away from her. Try to minimise you asking for the 'benefits' part of the friendship, unless it is her explicitly making the move.
Be honest with what you hear her views, if you can't change to fit what she wants then walk away rather than dragging it out. You are both very young and the probability is that this won't be your forever relationship, so don't get too hung up on it.
Edited by hyphen on Thursday 1st December 09:53
@ this thread.Come on guys, seriously? It's DONE! Finito! There is no going back, stop deluding yourself. She's had enough of your bulls
t but doesn't have any better offers on the table at the moment so you're now firmly a FWB/fk buddy and nothing more. Also it's coming up to Christmas so she won't be letting you go anywhere until that's out of the way as she knows you'll be showering her with a ton of expensive gifts.As soon as she's got a better offer on the table you'll be history. Cut all contact now, ignore all her calls and texts, get yourself on Tinder and move on.
Edited by All that jazz on Thursday 1st December 10:08
^^ is why half of UK marriages end in divorce. Relationships are hard work, and by his own admission Petrolhead95 appears to be more hard work than his gf so he has more to lose.
Don't get her a xmas gift if not not back together properly though! "I didn't think it appropriate so only got you a card"
Don't get her a xmas gift if not not back together properly though! "I didn't think it appropriate so only got you a card"
hyphen said:
^^ is why half of UK marriages end in divorce. Relationships are hard work, and by his own admission Petrolhead95 appears to be more hard work than his gf so he has more to lose.
Don't get her a xmas gift if not not back together properly though! "I didn't think it appropriate so only got you a card"
^ Don't get her a xmas gift if not not back together properly though! "I didn't think it appropriate so only got you a card"
Do that, definitely! 
Extra man points if you manage to get a photo of her face in the 5 seconds that follow it too. Petrolhead95 said:
Unfortunately I've already done all of her Christmas shopping.
?! What 20-something guy does all the Christmas shopping for his g/f a month beforehand?! You are talking ste. It's a well know fact that guys don't do any Christmas shopping until Christmas Eve.Regardless, whatever you've bought her take it back and get a refund or put it on Ebay. Your expensive gifts won't make any difference to your chances of access inside her knickers and as she already has that on permanent offer at the moment anyway then there's no point wasting your money.
All that jazz said:
?! What 20-something guy does all the Christmas shopping for his g/f a month beforehand?! You are talking ste. It's a well know fact that guys don't do any Christmas shopping until Christmas Eve.
Regardless, whatever you've bought her take it back and get a refund or put it on Ebay. Your expensive gifts won't make any difference to your chances of access inside her knickers and as she already has that on permanent offer at the moment anyway then there's no point wasting your money.
I do all my Christmas shopping this time of the year so that it's done and out of the way before things get crazy. It's common sense.te. It's a well know fact that guys don't do any Christmas shopping until Christmas Eve.Regardless, whatever you've bought her take it back and get a refund or put it on Ebay. Your expensive gifts won't make any difference to your chances of access inside her knickers and as she already has that on permanent offer at the moment anyway then there's no point wasting your money.
Petrolhead95 said:
She has more friends than I can count.
Facebook "friends" don't count.Petrolhead95 said:
Each day without fail guys messaging her asking to go out etc but never takes them up on it because she doesn't feel the need for it.
Why would she when she has you on tap? I think you will soon find that will change as she's looking for your replacement as I write.Petrolhead95 said:
Prior to me was single for almost 2 years, no dates, nothing. Definitely not lonely.
OK she's either ugly or mental then.Petrolhead95 said:
All that jazz said:
?! What 20-something guy does all the Christmas shopping for his g/f a month beforehand?! You are talking ste. It's a well know fact that guys don't do any Christmas shopping until Christmas Eve.
Regardless, whatever you've bought her take it back and get a refund or put it on Ebay. Your expensive gifts won't make any difference to your chances of access inside her knickers and as she already has that on permanent offer at the moment anyway then there's no point wasting your money.
I do all my Christmas shopping this time of the year so that it's done and out of the way before things get crazy. It's common sense.te. It's a well know fact that guys don't do any Christmas shopping until Christmas Eve.Regardless, whatever you've bought her take it back and get a refund or put it on Ebay. Your expensive gifts won't make any difference to your chances of access inside her knickers and as she already has that on permanent offer at the moment anyway then there's no point wasting your money.
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