In sickness and in health...

[RemainAllHoof]

Just wondering, on a quiet Sunday... if you're in a long term relationship (living together, perhaps you have children, you may be married) and one partner has a long term debilitating illness (eg MS, IBS, vertigo, alcoholism) which massively impacts both your lives and may require on-going care and stops the pair from enjoying activities a "normal" couple may do, how does the healthy partner cope and stay when the person they first met was perfectly healthy? Is it simply the love they have for that person which is reflected back and makes it worthwhile? A sense of duty? Something else?

Furthermore, what if your unwell partner was always grumpy due to the nature of the illness, would you feel less inclined to stay?

Edited by RemainAllHoof on Sunday 19th June 17:43

[RemainAllHoof]

Jasandjules said:

If you love someone then that is all there is to it. You stay with them because you want to regardless of their ill health.

Life can be cruel at times, but you just have to get on with it.

Thanks for the reply. Was expecting more replies!

I agree in principle but if your partner is suffering a chronic illness and is always angry because of it, taking it out on you, how long will your love last?

[RemainAllHoof]

Thom987 said:

True love knows no bounds.

If the love appears to be a one way street, then could that love start to know a boundary?

[RemainAllHoof]

Xtriple129 said:

I don't know why my missus stays with me - she's 15 years younger and quite a looker while I'm 50 and falling apart.

I've acquired a crumbling spine and arthritus in my hips and knees which makes walking/ sitting/ anything painful. I'm on Morphine 3 times a day and generally a right miserable bd. I hate walking with a stick and having to give up biking/ green laning/car resto's and so I do take it out on her.

Why she sticks around is a complete mystery but I'm bloody glad she does!

Sorry to hear you're in that state health-wise. It's the kind of thing I am thinking about but I daren't ask you to ask her.

[RemainAllHoof]

Thom987 said:

I would hope not and I sincerely hope neither of us are ever in a position to find out.

Of course re finding out. I just wonder how much someone could take and also should they be expected to take. We promise to be there in sickness and in health - but if one partner is always taking it out on the other, then it can be hard for the other person.

[RemainAllHoof]

neilski said:

Yes.

Mmm.

[RemainAllHoof]

Funk said:

My mum is going through exactly this. Her partner of 7 years has developed Parkinsons with, the docs suspect, dementia. She's finding it very hard to deal with 'losing' him, and finding herself unexpectedly in the role of carer,

I guess that is another aspect - you talk about "losing" him, I can only guess what it must feel like.

[RemainAllHoof]

Interesting replies. As I say, it is more a point of interest than anything as I am not in a relationship but do work with people with long term illness.