Discussion
Indoraptor said:
worsy said:
MiL has just been diagnosed with a combo of Vascular Dementia and Alzheimer's. Apparently she scored 60/100 in the test they do. Suggestion is that drugs are not available due to medication she has for epilepsy.
Anyone who might be able to provide some experience, prognosis etc?
My dad died a couple of years back, primarily of complications arising from vascular dementia. There wasn’t much anyone could do, regarding ‘treatments’ as there aren’t any. Adding Alzheimer's to the equation will complicate things, but almost certainly speed the demise along as well. Alzheimer’s is a terminal condition, the medics can make her as comfortable as possible, but ultimately, it is a terminal condition, and the patient loses pretty much all of their short term memory capabilities. The long term memory is often not so severely affected though, so they will remember things from years ago, but not remember who you are, within a few minutes. It’s a really difficult thing to deal with. Anyone who might be able to provide some experience, prognosis etc?
MiL has FiL who is still lucid to care for her currently, plus of course MrsWorsy. So far we have only got to the confused stage. She'll not recognise me or MrsWorsy on occasions, and has trouble with phone calls, saying I'll get your Grandad rather than Dad.
She's always been a bit cantankerous, so episodes where she gets angry because we've popped shopping round and not said hello we can't tell if part of the illness
She's always been a bit cantankerous, so episodes where she gets angry because we've popped shopping round and not said hello we can't tell if part of the illness
phumy said:
Grandad Gaz said:
phumy said:
My wife has had it for 6 years now, she was 59 when diagnosed, its been a terrible road to travel, she is in a care home and as one poster said above moving her from home to the care home was the hardest thing ive ever done, even typing about it brings it all back and brings tears to my eyes right now.
That is so sad. My wife is the same age (65). Makes me realise how lucky I am.Having a parent with it is bad enough, you kind of expect it but, I can’t imagine what it’s like for a partner to suffer.
I can only wish you well.
t place to be. I wouldnt wish it on anyone. My three boys have all suffered too, even though they are grown up and have their own children, they miss sharing their own family experiences with her, she doesnt recognise any of us now, its really difficult when i/we go to visit ( although we have not had any physical contact for a year now, CV19) we just get a "through the window" visit and i can see that she is confused as fk when she sees us. She doesnt want to cuddle the grandkids, nothing, it breaks their hearts because they know that if she didnt have this disease she would be all over the grandkids, just like any other grand parent. I realise i have a life to live and i try my very best to do that but its f
king difficult, very difficult.An update.
MiL had a fall Weds morn (in the early hours) and FiL called an ambulance. 4 Hours later they turned up and got her back into bed. An hour later she got up and promptly had another fall. 5 hour wait for an ambulance followed by 5 hours queued at A&E (The NHS is really st at the moment) and she has been admitted. Still in today and not much chance of release at the moment due to weakness.
Turns out FiL has been doing everything including having to dress her etc. He is knackered. So wife will be attending a bit more often and trying to give him a break. Also looking to see what help is available through the council.
MiL had a fall Weds morn (in the early hours) and FiL called an ambulance. 4 Hours later they turned up and got her back into bed. An hour later she got up and promptly had another fall. 5 hour wait for an ambulance followed by 5 hours queued at A&E (The NHS is really s
t at the moment) and she has been admitted. Still in today and not much chance of release at the moment due to weakness. Turns out FiL has been doing everything including having to dress her etc. He is knackered. So wife will be attending a bit more often and trying to give him a break. Also looking to see what help is available through the council.
BobToc said:
worsy said:
Turns out FiL has been doing everything including having to dress her etc. He is knackered. So wife will be attending a bit more often and trying to give him a break. Also looking to see what help is available through the council.
Everyone’s situation is different, but my dad went through something similar with mum. Up all hours trying to deal with her confused state, temper, mind-numbing conversation. We managed to get help from the council to come around every day and help with cleaning her, which was a help, but the toll was still heavy.It all came to a head when she fell and couldn’t or wouldn’t get up again. Dad had to go across the road and get a neighbour to help him. She ended up transferring into a home. Terrible guilt on my dad’s shoulders but I think after a few weeks he came to terms with it. She’s more settled and content while he’s not absolutely exhausted all the time. A think he’s a changed person now.
I wish we’d done it earlier but I can’t change the past. I suspect it takes a moment of crisis to finally convince a lot of people to relocate a loved one to a home. I know the stories about awful awful homes, but for mum it was the right thing to do.
Suggestion is unlikely to be going home, so care home is the living option. Wife spoke to her on phone yesterday and she had no idea how to use a phone let alone who her daughter was. Gone downhill very quickly.
Boringvolvodriver said:
worsy said:
This seems to be where it is going. MiL discharged to local hospital for rehab. Seems like when she is drinking it goes down the wrong pipe. Doctors have engaged FiL on the DNR question.
Suggestion is unlikely to be going home, so care home is the living option. Wife spoke to her on phone yesterday and she had no idea how to use a phone let alone who her daughter was. Gone downhill very quickly.
Sadly a hospital stay can have this effect. A change of location into unfamiliar surroundings with people they don’t know has an adverse effect.Suggestion is unlikely to be going home, so care home is the living option. Wife spoke to her on phone yesterday and she had no idea how to use a phone let alone who her daughter was. Gone downhill very quickly.
Happened to my MIL after she fell and broke her hip although she was really struggling before that.
I would try to visit as many care homes as you can to find the right one, even if it means a longer drive to visit. They are not all the same and the ability of the staff varies.
They may say they can cope with dementia but many really can’t and at the first sign of a client becoming more challenging, then they will give notice for them to leave.
My advice would be to get MIL into a more specialist one to start with as dementia sadly, only gets worse and the better homes will minimize that happening.
And also look at the NHS Continuing Care option - it is not an easy process by any means although with some care homes charging £1700 per week for specialist care, personal funds may not last long.
Occ Health have visited the in laws bungalow to check it is ok and have come up with a few suggested changes, one of which involves getting rid of their stressless couches for high back chairs. This has upset the FiL who is adamant that they are not being replaced.
We then find out he was abusive to the staff and yesterday called my wife twice thinking she had called him. We are now naturally beginning to worry about him as well.
My Dad died at 56, twenty years ago and I'm beginning to be thankful I didn't have to go through this with him.
Thnaks to those posting, some of the stories are horrific and although we are only beginning the journey, it helps us focus the mind.
Some advice please.
We have had a call from the occ health team who advise us that MiL is unable to seat to stand on her own. This is a consequence of the dementia they tell us. They are using a Sara Stedy to help her but believe that it would not be suitable for her at home and she is classed as High Risk. they can not categorically advise her to go straight to care home but reading between the lines this is what they are saying. Of course when we call the council, they would prefer 4x a day carers etc.
Night before last she had a bit of an episode due to COPD. Sounds like they thought there was a lung clot but a scan revealed nothing (although some historical rib fractures were a concern). She is on IV antibiotics for the next 5 days so imminent discharge unlikely.
Unfortunately because Covid we can't see her, only FiL allowed so difficult to make our own determination.
For those who have been there, what do you suggest based on the info above. That is pretty much all I have to go on as well.
Some advice please.
We have had a call from the occ health team who advise us that MiL is unable to seat to stand on her own. This is a consequence of the dementia they tell us. They are using a Sara Stedy to help her but believe that it would not be suitable for her at home and she is classed as High Risk. they can not categorically advise her to go straight to care home but reading between the lines this is what they are saying. Of course when we call the council, they would prefer 4x a day carers etc.
Night before last she had a bit of an episode due to COPD. Sounds like they thought there was a lung clot but a scan revealed nothing (although some historical rib fractures were a concern). She is on IV antibiotics for the next 5 days so imminent discharge unlikely.
Unfortunately because Covid we can't see her, only FiL allowed so difficult to make our own determination.
For those who have been there, what do you suggest based on the info above. That is pretty much all I have to go on as well.
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