Moral dilemma ...

[nick heppinstall]

I suppose I've asked for this.... I've got a mate who I've known for years. He is a good mate but he is the tightest git I've ever met. A couple of months ago I let him have a hard disk for £50( it was worth £120 ) because he's a mate. I've not heard from him since. I've asked him about the cash a couple of times and he's said 'oh yeah I forgot, sorry'. Last week I mailed him saying that I've got another buyer for this drive and if he did not want it then let me have it back this week or pay up. He said he would drop the cash over but I've heard nothing. I know for a fact that when ( if ) he ever pays up then he will suddenly revert back to normal with calls every other day. To be honest though I'm getting a bit sick of him taking the #iss. I'd be prepared to write the cash off and just tell him to get stuffed in future but the missus knows about it and I'm getting grief from her about getting it back bacause it's Christmas and things are a bit tight ..... Whadda you all think ?

[stainless_steve]

This sort of thing gets me mad you do someone a favour and they take the piss.
I use to lend people money , but after all the hassle no more
I had an agreement with someone for alot of money talking thousands, payment was agreed over afew years so much per month,took me over five years to get it back when i finally got it all he said well you don't need it ,this is when i lost my cool i didn't even charge any interest
as you can guess i don't see him any more

Nick go round to his house and get the money or your gear back, he is not a mate


hope this helps Steve

[NHyde]

Been there , seen it , done it . Lent a " Mate" £500 to buy a guitar , on the understanding that when we got out to the Middle East it would be paid back in three months . After NINE months and no contact , I confronted him and the next thing I know , I'm called in to the bosses office , and told I'm demanding money with menaces !!!!!

What ever happened to a good old handshake and keeping to your word ?

[Flintstone]

Sad indeed. Sounds to me like you're either going to have to confront him for the money (and risk falling out) or write the money off and incur your wife's wrath. If you do write it off the situation will just fester, after a while he'll think it's all ok while you quietly fume. This will probably blow up and you'll fall out anyway. At least if you ask for the money you'll fall oput (which is inevitable) but have your money.

I did a similar thing for a mate who was having personal problems.

I was out of work, loaned him my last £200 so his girlfriend could have the (petrol) fuel system on her car flushed through after he put diesel in it. Mid-winter and all that and they had a baby so needed the car.

Three years on and his life's getting back on track. He's working now and his other problems are all sorted out. I'd like to think he hasn't mentioned the money because he's saving it up (only been working for a month) but we'll see.

[Big_M]

With mates like these you don't need enemies.

My Dad drummed it into me 'neither a borrower or lender be'. Other than the mortgage if I can't afford it - I don't have it.

[shadowninja]

Big_M said:

With mates like these you don't need enemies. My Dad drummed it into me 'neither a borrower or lender be'. Other than the mortgage if I can't afford it - I don't have it.

[Deester]

Unfortunately I know lots of people like this. If it was possible to recall all the money owed to me from my mates I think I would be sitting quite pretty!

Money aside, the worst thing is; when one of my mates is ina tight situation and I help them out I get no thanks and generally no attempt to make it up.

Seems like most people try to take the pi55.

Its a shame but saves on stamps this xmas.

[Max Speed]

You're going to have to turn the pressure up. Start by insisting you at least get it in instalments, even a fiver now and again is better than nothing. That sometimes embarrasses people into action. I understand you are mates, but if you are determined to get the money he's going to have to see a different side to you. There's a risk that things will never be the same again, but sometimes we have to face the unthinkable and admit our mates aren't as top as we thought.

[minimax]

stainless_steve said:

This sort of thing gets me mad you do someone a favour and they take the piss. I use to lend people money , but after all the hassle no more I had an agreement with someone for alot of money talking thousands, payment was agreed over afew years so much per month,took me over five years to get it back when i finally got it all he said well you don't need it ,this is when i lost my cool i didn't even charge any interest as you can guess i don't see him any more Nick go round to his house and get the money or your gear back, he is not a mate hope this helps Steve

my view too I'm afraid

[JonRB]

I had a mate like this who I met as a student. Always used to feel that I should pay for everything because my parents were loaded (in his view) and his were poor.

Always wanted a 'mate rate' from me if I was selling, but wanted a good price if I was buying.

Towards the end he only ever used to contact me if he wanted something off me, which left him increasingly persona non grata with me and the final crunch came when I invited him to my wedding via email and instead of responding with "congratulations" he gave me grief about our 'no kids' policy (see this thread). I emailed back telling him to forget about coming because he was no longer welcome and I haven't heard from him in the 18 months since. And this was my best mate in the whole world when I was a student.

Some friends just aren't worth keeping, so if I were you I'd go round and tell him he's a sponging tight bastard and to pay up or give the goods back.

>> Edited by JonRB on Saturday 20th December 17:25

[theLemming]

On the other hand there are some people who can be trusted to come back with the readies.

Ive had a running balance (one way or the other) with my best mate for close to the last 6 or 7 years. One of us always seems to have money when the other doesnt.

I think the record was about £800 when he bought his new car at auction and got a little carried away....

On the other hand Ive owed him a few hundred in the past. Not mega bucks, but there are some people (ok VERY few people) who no matter what will come through for you.

On the other hand I spent about 6 months trying to get £50 back off someone, who was always "broke this week" and promising it next week, or payday or whatever...

Funny how some people can be too poor to repay money borrowed off friends, but rich enough to be in the pub every Friday and Saturday night!