What has your "friend" been up to?
Discussion
Breadvan72 said:
I hope that we will now have several pages of manscaping and/or ladygardening anecdotes. My friend tells me that assymetric Veet application can lead to social embarrassment.
Since you brought up veet, my friend never quite understood how people get it quite so wrong with the stuff, resulting in those humorous Amazon reviews. Or at least he didn't until one day he hurried his veeting regime (knowing that he was in for a real treat after work with a visiting friend) and managed to leave a spot of the stuff on his gooch following a rushed rinse off process. He left his house and went to advise a client on their mortgage. As the client lived only a few minutes away he made it to the clients house without realising his mistake. By the time he was running through mortgage options he became aware that things were getting really quite painful down there. Never has he given such hurried mortgage advice. When he managed to leave he sprinted back to his house and straight to the shower. The red patch of nuked skin was not the look he'd been going for! The client was, however, very happy with the deal he got on his mortgage. The commission wasn't worth the pain. One weekend many years ago my then-18-year-old friend took his new girlfriend for a weekend in the Lake District in the Mk2 Fiesta that he'd recently acquired after passing his test. On the way up the M6 it started snowing ... and then it snowed some more. And then some more.
My friend finally arrived at the cottage they were staying in (owned by a relative of his) around 9pm on Friday night (having left the Midlands at lunchtime) . Luckily, the village in question was only a few hundred yards off the A66, or he would never have got there. By this time there were blizzard conditions and the snow was kicking on for a foot deep in places.
To put the car in the garage, my friend had to enter the cottage and locate the garage keys. Luckily the house keys were under the front mat, which was in a porch and therefore not buried under snow. He could not find the garage keys where they should be (on a hook by the connecting door), and so on the basis that "sod this, we'll sort it in the morning" he went back to the car. On arriving back at said car, he found he had automatically held the door handle up when he shut it, and had thus locked himself out of the car. With it still running.
Luckily, the pub in the village was still open, and so my friend and girlfriend walked the 100 yards or so to it (now in very deep snow), only to smash his knee on something unyielding and fall face first into the snow, where his face also met something equally unyielding buried in it. It turned out that the heavy snow had completely covered the low wall which surrounded the pub car park, and just inside that was a wooden planter that would hold flowers in better weather conditions.
My friend, with bleeding knee and nose, caused much amusement in the pub, which was much busier than usual as a number of tourists and others had pulled in there to take shelter because of the appalling road conditions.
He borrowed a screwdriver from the car of one of the said customers, and went back (being careful to climb over the wall this time) to enter the car, by carefully removing the front quarter light. Which he promptly broke, managing to cut his finger at the same time. Now he could retrieve the car keys and turn the engine off, however snow was entering the vehicle at a high rate through said broken window. My friend managed to "fix" this with an old plastic bag and some electrical tape which he found in the cottage, although by this time the interior of the car was nicely damp.
My friend washed the blood off his face, hands and knees and returned to the pub for a badly needed pint. As he sat down with his pint next to his girlfriend (who was already on her second glass of wine, and had found the whole thing hysterically funny), he put the house keys on the table only to notice that the garage keys were actually on the same keyring.
Edit: My friend has found the date - Friday 7 December 1990 - https://www.ukweatherwatch.co.uk/viewtopic.php?t=1...
My friend finally arrived at the cottage they were staying in (owned by a relative of his) around 9pm on Friday night (having left the Midlands at lunchtime) . Luckily, the village in question was only a few hundred yards off the A66, or he would never have got there. By this time there were blizzard conditions and the snow was kicking on for a foot deep in places.
To put the car in the garage, my friend had to enter the cottage and locate the garage keys. Luckily the house keys were under the front mat, which was in a porch and therefore not buried under snow. He could not find the garage keys where they should be (on a hook by the connecting door), and so on the basis that "sod this, we'll sort it in the morning" he went back to the car. On arriving back at said car, he found he had automatically held the door handle up when he shut it, and had thus locked himself out of the car. With it still running.
Luckily, the pub in the village was still open, and so my friend and girlfriend walked the 100 yards or so to it (now in very deep snow), only to smash his knee on something unyielding and fall face first into the snow, where his face also met something equally unyielding buried in it. It turned out that the heavy snow had completely covered the low wall which surrounded the pub car park, and just inside that was a wooden planter that would hold flowers in better weather conditions.
My friend, with bleeding knee and nose, caused much amusement in the pub, which was much busier than usual as a number of tourists and others had pulled in there to take shelter because of the appalling road conditions.
He borrowed a screwdriver from the car of one of the said customers, and went back (being careful to climb over the wall this time) to enter the car, by carefully removing the front quarter light. Which he promptly broke, managing to cut his finger at the same time. Now he could retrieve the car keys and turn the engine off, however snow was entering the vehicle at a high rate through said broken window. My friend managed to "fix" this with an old plastic bag and some electrical tape which he found in the cottage, although by this time the interior of the car was nicely damp.
My friend washed the blood off his face, hands and knees and returned to the pub for a badly needed pint. As he sat down with his pint next to his girlfriend (who was already on her second glass of wine, and had found the whole thing hysterically funny), he put the house keys on the table only to notice that the garage keys were actually on the same keyring.
Edit: My friend has found the date - Friday 7 December 1990 - https://www.ukweatherwatch.co.uk/viewtopic.php?t=1...
Edited by sim72 on Tuesday 9th October 10:30
My friend once tried to demonstrate a reverse flick in a strange automatic rental car, and reversed it through a barbed wire fence, leaving parallel scores all up the back. When returning the rental car, the Hertz woman checked it over and either didn't care or didn't see. My friend was mightily relieved.
This same friend cracked the sump on his mum's car on a humpbacked bridge, which also ruined the alignment of the front wheels, resulting in two destroyed tyres 2 weeks later
He also binned his mum's previous car on a country lane when he was 15, wrecking the back axle.
He's never had an accident of any description in any car he's actually owned.
This same friend cracked the sump on his mum's car on a humpbacked bridge, which also ruined the alignment of the front wheels, resulting in two destroyed tyres 2 weeks later
He also binned his mum's previous car on a country lane when he was 15, wrecking the back axle.
He's never had an accident of any description in any car he's actually owned.
drjdog said:
My friend once tried to demonstrate a reverse flick in a strange automatic rental car, and reversed it through a barbed wire fence, leaving parallel scores all up the back. When returning the rental car, the Hertz woman checked it over and either didn't care or didn't see. My friend was mightily relieved.
This same friend cracked the sump on his mum's car on a humpbacked bridge, which also ruined the alignment of the front wheels, resulting in two destroyed tyres 2 weeks later
He also binned his mum's previous car on a country lane when he was 15, wrecking the back axle.
He's never had an accident of any description in any car he's actually owned.
reminds me of my friend, who when he was about 14 was washing his Mum's Citroen AX GT when everyone else wasn't home, and decided to rev it / move it around on the driveway, just because. Not really knowing how to drive, he then proceeded to accidentally slam it forward, driving into and smashing a huge stone chimney pot which was at the side of the house and being used to grow flowers. Large lumps of the chimney dropped onto the bonnet, and my friend started to panic that there was going to be a lot of damage and there was no way he was going to get away with it. In an incredible stroke of luck, the thin sThis same friend cracked the sump on his mum's car on a humpbacked bridge, which also ruined the alignment of the front wheels, resulting in two destroyed tyres 2 weeks later
He also binned his mum's previous car on a country lane when he was 15, wrecking the back axle.
He's never had an accident of any description in any car he's actually owned.
tty french paint seemed to have behaved like ceramic and there wasn't even a scratch. After carefully pushing the car back where it was (he didn't trust his ability to drive it any more) he only had to explain the smashed chimney pot - "sorry i got the hose accidentally wrapped around it and pulled it over". His Mum was not really even that annoyed. Breadvan72 said:
I hope that we will now have several pages of manscaping and/or ladygardening anecdotes. My friend tells me that assymetric Veet application can lead to social embarrassment.
My friend once used a razor to shave his balls. The wrinkled skin and lack of shaving ability lead to bloody pouring from said balls and stains on wooden bathroom floor.Back in February my friend was short of parking spaces, and decided to park a car outside a scrapyard very close to where he lived. (clever move)
It had a flat battery and so it had been taken off to charge up. When he returned a couple of days later the car had vanished.
My friend had a strong suspicion that the scrapyard had taken/stolen it, and so gained entry to the yard in the early hours to confirm his suspicions. He indeed found various parts of his car around the yard.
The next day my friend went into the yard with the police alongside and identified an engine that seemed very familiar. The engine was seized by police and my friend found the engine code on it which married up to the one on his logbook.
It was proof that the yard had handled stolen goods, which prompted a community resolution order, this gives the offender the option of compensating the victim instead of being prosecuted.
My friend received a fair amount of financial compensation, which was very welcome as it was not viable for him to claim on his insurance for the loss.
It had a flat battery and so it had been taken off to charge up. When he returned a couple of days later the car had vanished.
My friend had a strong suspicion that the scrapyard had taken/stolen it, and so gained entry to the yard in the early hours to confirm his suspicions. He indeed found various parts of his car around the yard.
The next day my friend went into the yard with the police alongside and identified an engine that seemed very familiar. The engine was seized by police and my friend found the engine code on it which married up to the one on his logbook.
It was proof that the yard had handled stolen goods, which prompted a community resolution order, this gives the offender the option of compensating the victim instead of being prosecuted.
My friend received a fair amount of financial compensation, which was very welcome as it was not viable for him to claim on his insurance for the loss.
juliethotel said:
Back in February my friend was short of parking spaces, and decided to park a car outside a scrapyard very close to where he lived. (clever move)
It had a flat battery and so it had been taken off to charge up. When he returned a couple of days later the car had vanished.
My friend had a strong suspicion that the scrapyard had taken/stolen it, and so gained entry to the yard in the early hours to confirm his suspicions. He indeed found various parts of his car around the yard.
The next day my friend went into the yard with the police alongside and identified an engine that seemed very familiar. The engine was seized by police and my friend found the engine code on it which married up to the one on his logbook.
It was proof that the yard had handled stolen goods, which prompted a community resolution order, this gives the offender the option of compensating the victim instead of being prosecuted.
My friend received a fair amount of financial compensation, which was very welcome as it was not viable for him to claim on his insurance for the loss.
Do the owners of the scrapyard know where your friend lives?It had a flat battery and so it had been taken off to charge up. When he returned a couple of days later the car had vanished.
My friend had a strong suspicion that the scrapyard had taken/stolen it, and so gained entry to the yard in the early hours to confirm his suspicions. He indeed found various parts of his car around the yard.
The next day my friend went into the yard with the police alongside and identified an engine that seemed very familiar. The engine was seized by police and my friend found the engine code on it which married up to the one on his logbook.
It was proof that the yard had handled stolen goods, which prompted a community resolution order, this gives the offender the option of compensating the victim instead of being prosecuted.
My friend received a fair amount of financial compensation, which was very welcome as it was not viable for him to claim on his insurance for the loss.
juliethotel said:
Back in February my friend was short of parking spaces, and decided to park a car outside a scrapyard very close to where he lived. (clever move)
It had a flat battery and so it had been taken off to charge up. When he returned a couple of days later the car had vanished.
My friend had a strong suspicion that the scrapyard had taken/stolen it, and so gained entry to the yard in the early hours to confirm his suspicions. He indeed found various parts of his car around the yard.
The next day my friend went into the yard with the police alongside and identified an engine that seemed very familiar. The engine was seized by police and my friend found the engine code on it which married up to the one on his logbook.
It was proof that the yard had handled stolen goods, which prompted a community resolution order, this gives the offender the option of compensating the victim instead of being prosecuted.
My friend received a fair amount of financial compensation, which was very welcome as it was not viable for him to claim on his insurance for the loss.
christ. I mean it sounds completely made up but stranger things have happened.It had a flat battery and so it had been taken off to charge up. When he returned a couple of days later the car had vanished.
My friend had a strong suspicion that the scrapyard had taken/stolen it, and so gained entry to the yard in the early hours to confirm his suspicions. He indeed found various parts of his car around the yard.
The next day my friend went into the yard with the police alongside and identified an engine that seemed very familiar. The engine was seized by police and my friend found the engine code on it which married up to the one on his logbook.
It was proof that the yard had handled stolen goods, which prompted a community resolution order, this gives the offender the option of compensating the victim instead of being prosecuted.
My friend received a fair amount of financial compensation, which was very welcome as it was not viable for him to claim on his insurance for the loss.
juliethotel said:
Back in February my friend was short of parking spaces, and decided to park a car outside a scrapyard very close to where he lived. (clever move)
It had a flat battery and so it had been taken off to charge up. When he returned a couple of days later the car had vanished.
My friend had a strong suspicion that the scrapyard had taken/stolen it, and so gained entry to the yard in the early hours to confirm his suspicions. He indeed found various parts of his car around the yard.
The next day my friend went into the yard with the police alongside and identified an engine that seemed very familiar. The engine was seized by police and my friend found the engine code on it which married up to the one on his logbook.
It was proof that the yard had handled stolen goods, which prompted a community resolution order, this gives the offender the option of compensating the victim instead of being prosecuted.
My friend received a fair amount of financial compensation, which was very welcome as it was not viable for him to claim on his insurance for the loss.
Great story. Why wasn't it feasible to claim on your insurance? Surely a vehicle being taken without permission is straightforward...It had a flat battery and so it had been taken off to charge up. When he returned a couple of days later the car had vanished.
My friend had a strong suspicion that the scrapyard had taken/stolen it, and so gained entry to the yard in the early hours to confirm his suspicions. He indeed found various parts of his car around the yard.
The next day my friend went into the yard with the police alongside and identified an engine that seemed very familiar. The engine was seized by police and my friend found the engine code on it which married up to the one on his logbook.
It was proof that the yard had handled stolen goods, which prompted a community resolution order, this gives the offender the option of compensating the victim instead of being prosecuted.
My friend received a fair amount of financial compensation, which was very welcome as it was not viable for him to claim on his insurance for the loss.
Whilst making dinner last night, my mate shoved the pan in the oven to keep it all warm and cooking. Obviously being intelligent, he then removed the pan with a tea towel and left it on the hob.
What he neglected to remember was it'd still be hot 2 minutes later when he went to serve it up. He was also in a rush, so by the time the burn was noticed, he was half pouring the delicious pasta & sauce onto his plate and dropped the whole bloody lot. It looked like someone has cut their aorta in half in the kitchen.
I was informed it did taste marvellous, he even posted a photo on the dinners thread...
What he neglected to remember was it'd still be hot 2 minutes later when he went to serve it up. He was also in a rush, so by the time the burn was noticed, he was half pouring the delicious pasta & sauce onto his plate and dropped the whole bloody lot. It looked like someone has cut their aorta in half in the kitchen.
I was informed it did taste marvellous, he even posted a photo on the dinners thread...
The Mad Monk said:
Do the owners of the scrapyard know where your friend lives?
My friend has since moved and I don't believe they have his address, even If they do, he knows where they live too.C70R said:
Great story. Why wasn't it feasible to claim on your insurance? Surely a vehicle being taken without permission is straightforward...
My friend had only just taken out a new trade policy 2 days prior to it happening, he couldn't face the risk of cancellation, complete loss of NC and basically being worse of if he claimed for it. Just seeing the stocking up at filling stations of deicers etc.
My friend, doing a favour early one morning for his ladyfriend at the time offered to de-ice her car on that frosty morn whilst she did her make up. He went to hall cupboard, got said necessary product from cupboard, went outside and promptly sprinkled a kilo or so of "de-icing" salt all over her windscreen.
My friend informs me that washing a car, outside, with buckets of water from a sink indoors on a freezing cold December morning is the way to demonstrate a) to neighbours he was to drunk from the night before to drive himself,
b) he probably just mullered any further relationship with said lady,
c) that at 9 am three hours later whilst you're, sorry, he was trying to get some shut eye, a neighbour will wake him to remove all the ice from the road when he watered the car.
If only he had some de-icing salt available it would have been a quick job........................
My friend, doing a favour early one morning for his ladyfriend at the time offered to de-ice her car on that frosty morn whilst she did her make up. He went to hall cupboard, got said necessary product from cupboard, went outside and promptly sprinkled a kilo or so of "de-icing" salt all over her windscreen.
My friend informs me that washing a car, outside, with buckets of water from a sink indoors on a freezing cold December morning is the way to demonstrate a) to neighbours he was to drunk from the night before to drive himself,
b) he probably just mullered any further relationship with said lady,
c) that at 9 am three hours later whilst you're, sorry, he was trying to get some shut eye, a neighbour will wake him to remove all the ice from the road when he watered the car.
If only he had some de-icing salt available it would have been a quick job........................
My friend tries to time his trimming activities for when he is travelling. Thus leaving any subsequent “can’t be arsed to clean up” bits to housekeeping. Unfortunately my friend tends to make the most of his travelling gig by way of wine and general entertainment. Therefore it is a bit hit and miss. My friend often awakes and views himself in the mirror and wonders why he resembles a dog that’s been in a fight with a badger with sharp teeth.
My friend trimmed his and veeted it late one November. Two months of celibacy followed as every time the "meat and stuffing balls" were revealed (intentionally or otherwise) to his lady friend, the reply was ha-ha, that is scrawnier than what your, sorry his, parent in laws would serve up at Christmas!!!! Hence a couple of month hiatus for the event to pass and then self re-assembly of egos and growth of naturalis pubis before any action would ever take place again.
I have another friend whom states that evolutionary the reason we (He) has hair there is due to it being a natural barrier against friction and that a good trim should be OK, no need to go clean shaven fur burger or any other state. Though his standards are to stop "at the point she has to fart to give him a clue which hole to use". He has worked as a vet. Perhaps one too many mamal??
I have another friend whom states that evolutionary the reason we (He) has hair there is due to it being a natural barrier against friction and that a good trim should be OK, no need to go clean shaven fur burger or any other state. Though his standards are to stop "at the point she has to fart to give him a clue which hole to use". He has worked as a vet. Perhaps one too many mamal??
StanleyT said:
My friend trimmed his and veeted it late one November. Two months of celibacy followed as every time the "meat and stuffing balls" were revealed (intentionally or otherwise) to his lady friend, the reply was ha-ha, that is scrawnier than what your, sorry his, parent in laws would serve up at Christmas!!!! Hence a couple of month hiatus for the event to pass and then self re-assembly of egos and growth of naturalis pubis before any action would ever take place again.
I have another friend whom states that evolutionary the reason we (He) has hair there is due to it being a natural barrier against friction and that a good trim should be OK, no need to go clean shaven fur burger or any other state. Though his standards are to stop "at the point she has to fart to give him a clue which hole to use". He has worked as a vet. Perhaps one too many mamal??
😂😂I have another friend whom states that evolutionary the reason we (He) has hair there is due to it being a natural barrier against friction and that a good trim should be OK, no need to go clean shaven fur burger or any other state. Though his standards are to stop "at the point she has to fart to give him a clue which hole to use". He has worked as a vet. Perhaps one too many mamal??
jako1 said:
StanleyT said:
My friend trimmed his and veeted it late one November. Two months of celibacy followed as every time the "meat and stuffing balls" were revealed (intentionally or otherwise) to his lady friend, the reply was ha-ha, that is scrawnier than what your, sorry his, parent in laws would serve up at Christmas!!!! Hence a couple of month hiatus for the event to pass and then self re-assembly of egos and growth of naturalis pubis before any action would ever take place again.
I have another friend whom states that evolutionary the reason we (He) has hair there is due to it being a natural barrier against friction and that a good trim should be OK, no need to go clean shaven fur burger or any other state. Though his standards are to stop "at the point she has to fart to give him a clue which hole to use". He has worked as a vet. Perhaps one too many mamal??
????I have another friend whom states that evolutionary the reason we (He) has hair there is due to it being a natural barrier against friction and that a good trim should be OK, no need to go clean shaven fur burger or any other state. Though his standards are to stop "at the point she has to fart to give him a clue which hole to use". He has worked as a vet. Perhaps one too many mamal??
SNC Lavallin
What did those numbers mean - when I googled them I got the above as a reply - which seems to be a Canadian company. If you had meant ???? as the ransom numbers and amphasands preview as, why not type them? &123546&!
StanleyT said:
SNC Lavallin
What did those numbers mean - when I googled them I got the above as a reply - which seems to be a Canadian company. If you had meant ???? as the ransom numbers and amphasands preview as, why not type them? &123546&!
I believe they're supposed to be emoji, but this forum ain't work like that.What did those numbers mean - when I googled them I got the above as a reply - which seems to be a Canadian company. If you had meant ???? as the ransom numbers and amphasands preview as, why not type them? &123546&!
My friend was in my left hand drive car and was exiting a multi story carpark with a barrier.
He thought he had put the electronic hand brake on at the barrier, got out of the car ,leaving the drivers door half opened.
As he went round the front of the car to put the ticket in the machine the car rolled slowly forwards and the barrier mechanism took a neat one inch long slice of paint out of the top of the door !!!
He thought he had put the electronic hand brake on at the barrier, got out of the car ,leaving the drivers door half opened.
As he went round the front of the car to put the ticket in the machine the car rolled slowly forwards and the barrier mechanism took a neat one inch long slice of paint out of the top of the door !!!
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