What has your "friend" been up to?
Discussion
My friend has updated me on the location of his motorbike. The scumbag who had gone off with it brought it back, under threat of a conversation with Kenny the heavily armed biker cop, on Thursday. The bike is in a totally terrible state. The big bloke who breaks up old cars on a patch of wasteland next to my friend's office (itself next to the main road slap in the middle of the capital "city" of the frightful third world kip where my friend works) has come over and offered my friend some dollars for the bike. Not many dollars. My friend is pondering his options.
Breadvan72 said:
My friend has updated me on the location of his motorbike. The scumbag who had gone off with it brought it back, under threat of a conversation with Kenny the heavily armed biker cop, on Thursday. The bike is in a totally terrible state. The big bloke who breaks up old cars on a patch of wasteland next to my friend's office (itself next to the main road slap in the middle of the capital "city" of the frightful third world kip where my friend works) has come over and offered my friend some dollars for the bike. Not many dollars. My friend is pondering his options.
Tell your Friend to sell him the bike on the proviso that he breaks the legs of the scrote who took the bike in the first place!!!! Not too motoring related except my friend had a part time job at a petrol filling station when he was 16/17 literally 200 yards from where he lived. His shift finished at 22:30 but he’d been chatting up a rather nice redhead whilst working. As his parents were always in bed when he got home he thought nothing of going back to this girls house straight from work in an attempt to lose his cherry. After a few hours of snogging and groping It became apparent that it wasn’t going to go much further so trudged home....
To find the house lit up like a Christmas tree a police car outside (he’d been reported missing) and a parental waiting party. Much embarrassing questioning of where he’d been, what he’d been doing and with whom. This was mid seventies when sexual freedoms weren’t what they are now! Discovered the next day that all his friends had been contacted/woken by the police asking if they knew where he was, much covering up went on. Who knew that parents would be awake until they heard him come in eh?
Cool story.. never got a second chance either.
To find the house lit up like a Christmas tree a police car outside (he’d been reported missing) and a parental waiting party. Much embarrassing questioning of where he’d been, what he’d been doing and with whom. This was mid seventies when sexual freedoms weren’t what they are now! Discovered the next day that all his friends had been contacted/woken by the police asking if they knew where he was, much covering up went on. Who knew that parents would be awake until they heard him come in eh?
Cool story.. never got a second chance either.
My friend reckons that the 70s he lived in were pretty louche, at least for his parents who were then in their thirties and having a good time. My friend says that he lost his cherry at the stroke of midnight as 1979 became 1980. He met the lady in question again in 2004 by which time she was the bored trophy MILF wife of a dull banker. My friend is a bit cagey about what happened next.
My friend took a wrong turning in the dark (about 3:30 am), and ended up on really the wrong road, on a pushbike. He was kind enough to send photos from his excursion.
Said friend blames the Highways Agency for leaving the gate of an emergency slip road open, thus no statuatory signage was passed. He also states that he was on the main carriageway (hard shoulder) for less than a mile, before taking the first exit possible. I had been by that way a few days earlier, and his story does check out.
I am still of the opinion that my friend is an idiot.
Said friend blames the Highways Agency for leaving the gate of an emergency slip road open, thus no statuatory signage was passed. He also states that he was on the main carriageway (hard shoulder) for less than a mile, before taking the first exit possible. I had been by that way a few days earlier, and his story does check out.
I am still of the opinion that my friend is an idiot.
Solocle said:
My friend took a wrong turning in the dark (about 3:30 am), and ended up on really the wrong road, on a pushbike.
My friend had a similar experience on a pushbike one dark night. Somewhere outside Bracknell, he took a turning onto the A329. He failed to observe that the road sign actually said A329(M).Shortly after joining the carriageway, he realised his mistake. This realisation may have been prompted by a close encounter of the articulated lorry kind. He extricated himself from the situation by cycling the wrong way back up the slip road, keeping to the hard shoulder "for safety".
I also firmly believe my friend is an idiot. He may have been drinking but he could not expect this to be taken as mitigation. If anything, it would make him even more of an idiot.
Breadvan72 said:
My friend reckons that the 70s he lived in were pretty louche, at least for his parents who were then in their thirties and having a good time. My friend says that he lost his cherry at the stroke of midnight as 1979 became 1980. He met the lady in question again in 2004 by which time she was the bored trophy MILF wife of a dull banker. My friend is a bit cagey about what happened next.
He obviously went looking for his lost cherry.I think he probably found where it had gone.
Edited by archie456 on Sunday 26th January 23:05
He is still a bit coy about that, but he apparently went about with her for a while In the mid noughties. He says that when he last saw her for a drink about two years ago, she had left her dull husband, shacked up with some insurance and yachty dullard, and de-MILFed.
My friend is currently Demob Happy. He is what the Vietnam types would have described as "short". He finishes a gig in a rather grotty place quite soon, and is mad keen to get back to London in search of unwise life decisions and even, dare I say it, imbroglios.
My friend is currently Demob Happy. He is what the Vietnam types would have described as "short". He finishes a gig in a rather grotty place quite soon, and is mad keen to get back to London in search of unwise life decisions and even, dare I say it, imbroglios.
Edited by anonymous-user on Monday 27th January 01:10
It's 1982.
Alfa GTV, rust holes you could walk your dog through but a healthy motor.
It's 3am, M5 to Plymouth, 125mph constant speed, completely deserted butI'm he's a banned driver after rolling my his car over in a Milton Keynes petrol station after a night out where our sober driver me, not me, may have been a smidgen over the limit and the attempted a J turn that didn't quite work out the way he envisaged.
Then......headlights behind are catching us, little bit suprised given our speed.
The blue lights go on and 'he' s
ts his pants.
But....the marked up Rover Vitesse sails by at 130+ and we're in the clear.
Alfa GTV, rust holes you could walk your dog through but a healthy motor.
It's 3am, M5 to Plymouth, 125mph constant speed, completely deserted but
Then......headlights behind are catching us, little bit suprised given our speed.
The blue lights go on and 'he' s
ts his pants.But....the marked up Rover Vitesse sails by at 130+ and we're in the clear.
My friend was in a rush on the way to work one morning. It was chilly and the car was taking ages to deice/ demist.
On the motorway slip road, he heard a squeak and spotted his can of deicer on the outside of the car's windscreen, tucked in the crevice next to the windscreen wiper.
He gingerly trundled to the next junction, and thanked his lucky stars he didn't damage his own or anyone else's car. My friend has had a good talking to and agreed that he was a knob who will never put anything down on the outside of the car again.
On the motorway slip road, he heard a squeak and spotted his can of deicer on the outside of the car's windscreen, tucked in the crevice next to the windscreen wiper.
He gingerly trundled to the next junction, and thanked his lucky stars he didn't damage his own or anyone else's car. My friend has had a good talking to and agreed that he was a knob who will never put anything down on the outside of the car again.
Cob1 said:
My friend may have joined a charity car ride club. Showing off at a car show in his loud, sidepiped, shiny old sportcar, and doing stuff for kids charities... looks like a good day out. Sun is shining.
Friends car cuts out on the way to car show with a break in the the fire wire to the starter. No problem, friend hotwired it with a bit of spare cable. Friend is pleased with his enginuity. Later on, Friend is asked to move his car forward. Friend looks forward to revving engine and showing off to crowd.
Friend is proud of attention his car is getting. crowd increases in size..
Friend lifts bonnet. Crowd gather closer to have a look at v8 engine & edelbrock carb, and see what friend is doing with bit of old cable.
Friend reaches for starter motor to hotwire.
Friend burns hand on hot tubular manifold.
Friends says bad word, but pretends not to have done anything stupid as large crowd is looking.
Friends hand hurts.
Friend tries again & applies bit of old cable/hotwire.
Friend burns hand for second time. quite badly this time, making friend jump upright with pain....
Friend cracked head on bonnet
Friends head hurts
Friend tries again &for third time and applies bit of old cable/hotwire.
Friends 4.6 v8 turns over this time.
Friend has forgotten to take car out of gear.
Friends shiny show off car shoots forward a foot or so.
Friends car lurches to a halt only an inch away from hitting brand new McLaren 675 Longtail.
Friend realises large crowd is still watching so still tries to pretend nothing has happened.
Friend tries to step backwards.
Friend cant.
Friend realises that when car lurched forward, front off side tyre rolled on top of right foot.
Friends foot hurts.
Friends tries to pull foot out from under tyre.
Friend cant.
Friend tries to subtly push car off foot hoping crowd still wont notice, bit of a funny angle, but friend is a big unit he can push car.
Friend cant push car.
Friend now realises in addition to leaving car in gear......
Friend also left handbrake on.
Friend now has a hundred people looking at him with shiny show off car.
Friend has hurt foot. Has hurt hand. Has hurt head.
Friend has parked shiny show off car on own foot.
He had to ask member of crowd to take handbrake off and move the car. he then went quietly home to apply ice, and pray no-one puts video of incident on youtube....
Hysterical laughter, to the point that my friend is crying and snorting, red faced, out of breath with a stabbing pain in his ribs due to laughing too hard, for too long. Friends car cuts out on the way to car show with a break in the the fire wire to the starter. No problem, friend hotwired it with a bit of spare cable. Friend is pleased with his enginuity. Later on, Friend is asked to move his car forward. Friend looks forward to revving engine and showing off to crowd.
Friend is proud of attention his car is getting. crowd increases in size..
Friend lifts bonnet. Crowd gather closer to have a look at v8 engine & edelbrock carb, and see what friend is doing with bit of old cable.
Friend reaches for starter motor to hotwire.
Friend burns hand on hot tubular manifold.
Friends says bad word, but pretends not to have done anything stupid as large crowd is looking.
Friends hand hurts.
Friend tries again & applies bit of old cable/hotwire.
Friend burns hand for second time. quite badly this time, making friend jump upright with pain....
Friend cracked head on bonnet
Friends head hurts
Friend tries again &for third time and applies bit of old cable/hotwire.
Friends 4.6 v8 turns over this time.
Friend has forgotten to take car out of gear.
Friends shiny show off car shoots forward a foot or so.
Friends car lurches to a halt only an inch away from hitting brand new McLaren 675 Longtail.
Friend realises large crowd is still watching so still tries to pretend nothing has happened.
Friend tries to step backwards.
Friend cant.
Friend realises that when car lurched forward, front off side tyre rolled on top of right foot.
Friends foot hurts.
Friends tries to pull foot out from under tyre.
Friend cant.
Friend tries to subtly push car off foot hoping crowd still wont notice, bit of a funny angle, but friend is a big unit he can push car.
Friend cant push car.
Friend now realises in addition to leaving car in gear......
Friend also left handbrake on.
Friend now has a hundred people looking at him with shiny show off car.
Friend has hurt foot. Has hurt hand. Has hurt head.
Friend has parked shiny show off car on own foot.
He had to ask member of crowd to take handbrake off and move the car. he then went quietly home to apply ice, and pray no-one puts video of incident on youtube....
Best piece of writing this year!
Cob1 said:
Friends car cuts out on the way to car show with a break in the the fire wire to the starter. No problem, friend hotwired it with a bit of spare cable. Friend is pleased with his enginuity.
enginuity - noun - the quality of being cleverly inventive or resourceful with engines[quote=Olas][quote=Cob1]My friend may have joined a charity car ride club. Showing off at a car show in his loud, sidepiped, shiny old sportcar, and doing stuff for kids charities... looks like a good day out. Sun is shining.
Friends car cuts out on the way to car show with a break in the the fire wire to the starter. No problem, friend hotwired it with a bit of spare cable. Friend is pleased with his enginuity. Later on, Friend is asked to move his car forward. Friend looks forward to revving engine and showing off to crowd.
Friend is proud of attention his car is getting. crowd increases in size..
Friend lifts bonnet. Crowd gather closer to have a look at v8 engine & edelbrock carb, and see what friend is doing with bit of old cable.
Friend reaches for starter motor to hotwire.
Friend burns hand on hot tubular manifold.
Friends says bad word, but pretends not to have done anything stupid as large crowd is looking.
Friends hand hurts.
Friend tries again & applies bit of old cable/hotwire.
Friend burns hand for second time. quite badly this time, making friend jump upright with pain....
Friend cracked head on bonnet
Friends head hurts
Friend tries again &for third time and applies bit of old cable/hotwire.
Friends 4.6 v8 turns over this time.
Friend has forgotten to take car out of gear.
Friends shiny show off car shoots forward a foot or so.
Friends car lurches to a halt only an inch away from hitting brand new McLaren 675 Longtail.
Friend realises large crowd is still watching so still tries to pretend nothing has happened.
Friend tries to step backwards.
Friend cant.
Friend realises that when car lurched forward, front off side tyre rolled on top of right foot.
Friends foot hurts.
Friends tries to pull foot out from under tyre.
Friend cant.
Friend tries to subtly push car off foot hoping crowd still wont notice, bit of a funny angle, but friend is a big unit he can push car.
Friend cant push car.
Friend now realises in addition to leaving car in gear......
Friend also left handbrake on.
Friend now has a hundred people looking at him with shiny show off car.
Friend has hurt foot. Has hurt hand. Has hurt head.
Friend has parked shiny show off car on own foot.
He had to ask member of crowd to take handbrake off and move the car. he then went quietly home to apply ice, and pray no-one puts video of incident on youtube....
my friend has a very upset tummy and almost had his own embarrassing incident whilst laughing at this!!
Friends car cuts out on the way to car show with a break in the the fire wire to the starter. No problem, friend hotwired it with a bit of spare cable. Friend is pleased with his enginuity. Later on, Friend is asked to move his car forward. Friend looks forward to revving engine and showing off to crowd.
Friend is proud of attention his car is getting. crowd increases in size..
Friend lifts bonnet. Crowd gather closer to have a look at v8 engine & edelbrock carb, and see what friend is doing with bit of old cable.
Friend reaches for starter motor to hotwire.
Friend burns hand on hot tubular manifold.
Friends says bad word, but pretends not to have done anything stupid as large crowd is looking.
Friends hand hurts.
Friend tries again & applies bit of old cable/hotwire.
Friend burns hand for second time. quite badly this time, making friend jump upright with pain....
Friend cracked head on bonnet
Friends head hurts
Friend tries again &for third time and applies bit of old cable/hotwire.
Friends 4.6 v8 turns over this time.
Friend has forgotten to take car out of gear.
Friends shiny show off car shoots forward a foot or so.
Friends car lurches to a halt only an inch away from hitting brand new McLaren 675 Longtail.
Friend realises large crowd is still watching so still tries to pretend nothing has happened.
Friend tries to step backwards.
Friend cant.
Friend realises that when car lurched forward, front off side tyre rolled on top of right foot.
Friends foot hurts.
Friends tries to pull foot out from under tyre.
Friend cant.
Friend tries to subtly push car off foot hoping crowd still wont notice, bit of a funny angle, but friend is a big unit he can push car.
Friend cant push car.
Friend now realises in addition to leaving car in gear......
Friend also left handbrake on.
Friend now has a hundred people looking at him with shiny show off car.
Friend has hurt foot. Has hurt hand. Has hurt head.
Friend has parked shiny show off car on own foot.
He had to ask member of crowd to take handbrake off and move the car. he then went quietly home to apply ice, and pray no-one puts video of incident on youtube....
my friend has a very upset tummy and almost had his own embarrassing incident whilst laughing at this!!
My friend is currently not allowed to buy Lego or trainers - his other found his secret stash of the aforementioned stuff & was not impressed with the amount of ‘crap’ (her words) he had accumulated.
My friend, after seeking guidance from fellow PHers, has just spent £200 on Lego.....
He will get a bking if they arrive whilst his other half is home. He hopes the parcel arrives on Wednesday when she is at out.
My friend, after seeking guidance from fellow PHers, has just spent £200 on Lego.....
He will get a b
king if they arrive whilst his other half is home. He hopes the parcel arrives on Wednesday when she is at out.Gassing Station | General Gassing | Top of Page | What's New | My Stuff