One single thing that makes you think "knob" Vol 4

[captain_cynic]

kowalski655 said:

A Defence solicitor has to take his clients evidence. Behind the scenes he may have pointed out to that scumbag that no one in their right mind will believe him, but if that's what he insisted upon, then he goes with that.

More precisely, a defence attorney's job is to get their client acquitted. The best way to do this is to question the validity of the charges. barring that try to draw the evidence into question or find a flaw in the procedure the police or other authority used. The Police screwing up, I've been told from a defence attorney (sister of an ex) was how she got most people off, she usually defended speeding tickets and the first thing she told new clients was "forget whatever harebrained defence you've dreamed up, it won't stand up in court. Tell me what happened and I'll find a defence".

You've got to have hired a pretty stupid defence attorney for them to turn around and declare that you've given them permission to drive and wreck the car they stole... But not every lawyer is bright.

[Hol]

kowalski655 said:

Hol said:

It might not have been a story of his creation.

I had a car stolen from a train station and crashed into a roundabout during a police chase minutes later.

The first thing his solictor did, was insist I (as the vehcile owner) had given a complete stranger permission to drive my car, without any keys or insurance..


Apparently, providing the best possible defence to your client trumps any need for personal your own personal honesty.

A Defence solicitor has to take his clients eveidence. Behind the scenes he may have pointed out to that scumbag that no one in their right mind will believe him, but if that's what he insisted upon, then he goes with that.

The feedback and verbage used at the time indicated the solicitor concerned used that challenge often/had many clients with the same issue.

I had to go the station and sign a statement confirming that I hadn’t given any such permission/ knew the thief - that evening.
They didn’t want or need to know where I was at the time of the theft, just that element.

[48k]

Liquid Knight said:

This again?

Under the Bridle paths and Footways act (added to the Highways Act in 1835) the speed limit on a section shared with pedestrians and other traffic is a slow trot (13mph) if you were going more than that you are obligated to use the road. Primarily this covers horses (trot being where both front hooves are off the floor) but I'm sure pedestrians appreciate you not riding at them with enough speed to cause injury or even death should there be a collision.

A horse doesn't lift both front hooves off the floor together in trot. I think you are thinking of horse wheelies.

[bluezedd]

Liquid Knight said:

Thank heck for sunken kerbs.

add people who drive on the pavement to the knob list!

[993kimbo]

A few of those around here. Beards, vapes, tats and motorised scooters and skateboards with no lights, bombing up and down the pavements of residential streets at night. Pratts.

[Hackney]

Absolutely fuming over this.

Just went to my local Co-op, the car park is one loop with a double row of spaces in the middle.
I went around the first bit of the loop anti- clockwise and was about to reverse into one of two empty spaces, back and to my left. I put the car in reverse, checked behind me and a car was in the middle of four spaces, ie blocking the two I could’ve reversed into and the two spaces that faced them.

I assumed he had driven forward through two spaces and was choosing one of the two I had access to. I pulled forward a bit so he could make his choice. No movement.

Waited. No movement.
Utched my car around in the space available to take a space between to cars that had been to my right.

Then watched as this guy pulled forward through the two spaces and exited the car park.

The c**t had already been parked and had pulled forward, made me move out of the way rather than reverse out of a space. The lazy f***ing b***ard.

Unbelievable.

[Hackney]

nonsequitur said:

Monkeylegend said:

Drew106 said:

Triumph Man said:

I've noticed a general thing recently, and that seems to be that more people are very close to, or over, the centre line of the road.

Now, clearly, there are times when it is advantageous to be very near or slightly over the line, but not when something is coming the other way, or around a corner!

I've also noticed this. Very annoying.

Surely when there is someone coming the other way you stick to your own lane!

Advanced motorists preparing to "offside".

Having read a description of Offsiding, it is almost certainly this.

Given the standard of driving in general and the small number of advanced drivers it’s almost certainly not this.

[nonsequitur]

'Gang' of bikers taking over my local petrol station this morning. Blocked exits, access to pumps, three abreast at one pump, (only one filling), Did I mention constant blipping of the throttle? That as well.

A group knob award. Let's call it 'The Combination of Annoying Behaviour and General Don't Give a F**k Award'.

Winners.

[anonymous-user]

nonsequitur said:

'Gang' of bikers taking over my local petrol station this morning. Blocked exits, access to pumps, three abreast at one pump, (only one filling), Did I mention constant blipping of the throttle? That as well.

A group knob award. Let's call it 'The Combination of Annoying Behaviour and General Don't Give a F**k Award'.

Winners.

Reminds me of the chaos we used to cause at the nearest petrol station after the Ultimate Dubs show. As it was an indoor show, your car needed to have the fuel gauge well into the red before you could enter the hall. Cue an awful lot of VW's driving carefully to the nearest services straight after the show. We weren't popular

[993kimbo]

nonsequitur said:

'Gang' of bikers taking over my local petrol station this morning.

They used to do this every Sunday morning when I lived in a village.

It was the Fulham & Chelsea Chapter of the Hells Angels, they all rode Hardly-Davidsons (sic) and they were bloody scary.

A quick Mocha Frappuccino from Costa, a chat about house prices, and they were off, revving and revving and waking up the village, their new Harley-Davidson two-piece leather suits flapping in the breeze.





Tossers.

Edited by 993kimbo on Sunday 30th June 17:22

[nonsequitur]

The thing is, they are all old enough to know better. The little grey beard and the harrowed lined faces visible through the visor, gives them away. Get a life granddad.

[S1KRR]

Seen this morning whilst out running!

There's a cyclist riding along a main road. There's a Van following him, but indicating left for a side turning 100m or so further up. So is hanging back as per the Highway code

The silver focus estate (with I think at least 1 child in the car!) behind them both, over takes the van, then carves left cutting up the cyclist. Causing cyclist to brake and the van to brake heavily. Into the same side turning the van is about to turn into.

So Mr "I'm so important, but my life is dogst" if you're reading this, I hope you get some fking flesh eating disease in your ear that eats your 2 remaining brain cells. You inbred faced fk!

[Fermit and Sexy Sarah]

Me. Last night. I'd kindly been recommended a bbq briquette brand by someone on here (or maybe it was a to all recommendation) so bought some, first barbie of the year. It flopped. My Webbers temperature didn't climb above 120. One side went out. Crap charcoal I cursed, posted that it was st etc etc. Bought some Aldi charcoal (crap for other reasons, my back garden had more smoke than 9/11) but it did the same.

Hmmm, this can't be coincidence me thinks. My darling piped up, you have got all the vents open? Me 'yes, the one on the lid is wide ope..... oh, st!' completely forgetting the bottom one existed and was closed.

Had a bbq tonight, same recommended coal used, it worked absolutely superb, the steak was medium (I prefer medium/rare) in all of 2 mins a side. Scathing review of coals redacted, because of the pink fleshy idiot at the controls!

Edited by Fermit and Sexy Sarah on Sunday 30th June 22:25

[yellowjack]

S1KRR said:

Seen this morning whilst out running!

There's a cyclist riding along a main road. There's a Van following him, but indicating left for a side turning 100m or so further up. So is hanging back as per the Highway code

The silver focus estate (with I think at least 1 child in the car!) behind them both, over takes the van, then carves left cutting up the cyclist. Causing cyclist to brake and the van to brake heavily. Into the same side turning the van is about to turn into.

So Mr "I'm so important, but my life is dogst" if you're reading this, I hope you get some fking flesh eating disease in your ear that eats your 2 remaining brain cells. You inbred faced fk!

[yellowjack]

Me, the other day. For "revenge pump blocking" at our local fuel filling station.

Tesco, so typical Tesco design with solid white lines marking a through-way between the two rows of pumps, such that the car at the rear pump on either side can exit the place even when a car is filling up at each of the front pumps. And so that queuing cars can get past cars at the rear pumps to access the front pumps thereby reducing queue length and queuing time.

Some older tosspot in a generic SUV thing decided that he'd like to park halfway over the white line, preventing me from getting to either of the two empty pumps ahead of him. the car to our right was parked closer to the pump, despite that one needing more space to open the drivers door. In the end I ran out of patience and reversed, went around the front of the kiosk, and reversed into the front pump ahead of Mr Hugely-Important. Sadly, I fell into temptation, and copied his blocking tactic by leaving the offside wheels of my big-ass Mondeo well over the white line. And you could hear his piss boiling from where I was stood filling up. The revenge element was all the more sweet because he'd been coming out of the kiosk as I reversed into position, so he had to wait while I tanked up with 68 litres. And we all know how slowly modern pumps dispense diesel. And of course I'd selected 'pay at kiosk', as the icing on the cake. Then came the cherry on the top. Not deliberate, but as I got to the door of the kiosk I realised I'd left my house key (with clubcard attached) in the car, so I had to walk back and fetch it with his eyes burning into me.

He's probably cursing me even now, and it almost certainly won't teach him to park with greater consideration next time. It was also very very childish, and meant I would have prevented someone else from getting to the pump that SUV man no longer needed. But there was no-one queuing behind him so he could have used his noggin and reversed out like I'd reversed in in front of him. But then if he had the intelligence to do that he'd probably also have realised how badly he'd parked in the first place, and not blocked my way.

There'll be no repeat performance any time soon, though. Having moved house I'm now within walking distance of the supermarket and no longer need the car for commuting, so this full tank will probably last me the month now.

[George Smiley]

Nicely done.

[cmvtec]

yellowjack said:

stuff

I had a prat in a Sainsbury's petrol station (which doesn't have the lane through the centre) pull around me (I was on the rear pump) then reverse up to the front of my car, whilst a van simultaneously pulled on the pump alongside.

I wouldn't have minded, but I was back in the car and I'd just selected Drive to pull away. If he'd waited less time than it took him to drive around me and reverse, I'd have been gone.

Obviously I just called him a tosser and reversed out, and drove the long way out.

[Fermit and Sexy Sarah]

Well done YJ for recognising that you should have risen above it, but it was no less than he deserved by the sounds of it.

[yellowjack]

Oh. And another one (keeping it to "one single thing" per post though )...

I went to the Chalke Valley History Festival on Saturday. It holds the record for the largest gathering of "old duffers in Panama hats" in one place, according to Guinness. We attended a talk by one Neil Oliver, the long haired Scottish archaeologist 'off of' Coast, and other TV shows. He was talking about his book The Story Of The British Isles In 100 Places.

In his introduction, he clearly stated that it wasn't a count-down of the best 100 places, nor the most important 100 places, nor was it a list of his favourite 100 places. It was the story of the British Isles told through 100 significant places.

So he talked, and showed photographs on a big screen to illustrate the talk, and he was entertaining, informative, and engaging. Then he asked if there were any questions. There were, and the microphone was passed around, some interesting questions were asked, some not so interesting questions were asked by the usual suspects who just need to be the centre of attention, and then a red faced old duffer got hold of the mic, and "here we go again" broke out. "What is your favourite place in the UK?" came the question.

Didn't Mr Oliver explain that clearly enough at the start, you stupid old fart? So he tried vainly to explain how your 'favourite part of the UK' could change according to your mood, or how recently you'd last visited it. Much like asking someone what their favourite TV show, song, or film might be. But, when pressed by this bulldog-jowled Daily Mail reader, Neil Oliver finally plumped for Iona as his favourite place in the British Isles, but inside I was secretly hoping that one day a speaker would treat such a stupid question with the contempt it so surely deserves.

Still, at least there were no idiots repeating the same question as another that has just been answered, as there usually is. The type who has thought up the bestest, most originalest question that has never before been asked, and who has had a mic put in their hand, but is trumped by another audience member asking the question before they can, with the other mic that is floating around the audience. So instead of accepting that their question has already been answered, and handing the mic off to someone with a more original question, they just ask the same question in an ever-so-subtly different way. Repeat ad infinitum around the marquee, as frustrated punters who clearly have more interesting questions to ask fail to get hold of the mic, and even more frustrated speakers fumble for a different way of answering THE SAME INANE QUESTION three or four times in a row.

I love history, but oh my Lord! I cannot bear the self-important Muppets wearing their "Friends Entrance" laminates, hogging the mic when questions are answered, and generally doing their level best to ruin a lovely day out in a field in Wiltshire with their superiority complexes...




Oh, and there was moaning too, when a couple of Sherman tanks toddled across the site to get to the arena for a demonstration, and the rifle and machinegun fire of that demo began. FFS? A) It's really NOT that loud in the tent, and B) It's a fking history festival you eejits. You can't expect the rest of the festival attendees and participants to go lie down in the shade for an hour while you listen to a talk. Everyone else is entitled to be entertained and educated while you are sat listening to a speaker. If the "wow" factor exhibits, such as Sherman tanks and Civil War cannon weren't here, there'd be far fewer families in attendance, subsidising your interests, and we'd swiftly end up with an absolute elitist festival too expensive for the great unwashed to attend (and be educated by), or there'd be no festival at all, so relax, listen to the speaker, and let the world carry on about you. I'm 60% deaf, at last count, and if the gunfire and engine noise didn't drown out the speaker for me, it really cannot have been that bad...

Edited by yellowjack on Monday 1st July 10:20

[yellowjack]

Fermit and Sexy Sarah said:

Well done YJ for recognising that you should have risen above it, but it was no less than he deserved by the sounds of it.

Yes, I should probably have just waited a little longer. Or maybe used another pump. Driving around and backing up to the pump probably saved me a negligible amount of time in terms of my whole journey, a 180 mile round trip to collect my son from his Uni house in Reading. After all, I wasn't rushing to keep an appointment, after all, and the world wasn't going to end because I arrived 1, 3, 5 or more minutes later than I'd planned. I wasn't even all that angry, and only really did what I had done out of a sense of childish mischief more than anything.

And I was a bit of a knob on the drive back. Traffic was horrendous, due to it being a lovely weekend and the roads full of people off to the coast for the weekend, along with a large number of drivers who I suspect were keen to get on the right side of the M27 closure before it was too late. So I left the A31 before Ringwood and dropped through the New Forest. Which went OK, but at one point we were near the village of Sopley. About 5 or 6 miles later, after wiggling our way through narrow New Forest roads, we once again found ourselves within half a mile of Sopley. Knob is a harsh description though. I've not long moved here, and don't yet know the lay of the land as well as I might. Any knobishness was in my flat refusal to admit I was "temporarily geographically embarrassed" and to pull in to either check a map or plug in the cronky old Satnav that lives at the back of the glovebox. But at least we were moving, and the road ahead was completely clear, with no-one swerving madly between lanes only to end up further back than if they'd stayed where they were. There was a lot of terrible driving going on on the M3/M27/A31, so it was lovely to get away from it, and great to have my son back at home too...