One single thing that makes you think "knob" Vol 3

[WJNB]

A Brighton sea front Café Rouge & an ugly overweight pimply faced unwashed hair-that's-never-seen-a-stylist off-duty teacher (I overheard her mouthing off about her school on her mobile) decides to admonish parents at an adjacent table for not shading their child from the sun. Parents showed immense restraint by not uttering a word. I so wish I had interfered myself & suggested to the fat one that before criticising others she looks at herself in a full length mirror. 'Teachers' - they know it all.

[BigLion]

The dipstick in lycra, cycling on the pavement and expecting myself and my 40kg 'bike chasing' dog to move out of his way. We didn't and we ended up standing there whilst he worked out he would have to get off his bike or go in the road.

[Blown2CV]

WinstonWolf said:

Any thrad where TooMany2CVs is the second poster.

i am hoping you are not meaning me?

[WinstonWolf]

Blown2CV said:

WinstonWolf said:

Any thrad where TooMany2CVs is the second poster.

i am hoping you are not meaning me?

Nope, that's another poster. Watch for him, second post in any thread sticking the boot in. It's comically predictable...

[Blown2CV]

WinstonWolf said:

Blown2CV said:

WinstonWolf said:

Any thrad where TooMany2CVs is the second poster.

i am hoping you are not meaning me?

Nope, that's another poster. Watch for him, second post in any thread sticking the boot in. It's comically predictable...

Other PHers get us confused us a lot! Apparently he's even more of a bellend than me.

[anonymous-user]

Blown2CV said:

WinstonWolf said:

Blown2CV said:

WinstonWolf said:

Any thrad where TooMany2CVs is the second poster.

i am hoping you are not meaning me?

Nope, that's another poster. Watch for him, second post in any thread sticking the boot in. It's comically predictable...

Other PHers get us confused us a lot! Apparently he's even more of a bellend than me.

Whoever told you that is correct

[sim72]

Hackney said:

"As safe as Milton Keynes", not heard that before and really not sure what it means.
Is MK not safe? What did I miss?

Only place I've ever had a car stolen. Never got it back either.

Though I did have an entire set of wheels stolen when I lived in Manchester. Made getting to work that morning a bit of a pain.

[Brilad]

l354uge said:

What else makes me think "knob" is people who pick up their children in an x5 with two rear tyres worn to the point where only a slight trace of the 3 middle longitudinal treads are visible on one side and only TWO on the other side, if you cant afford to change the low profile 305 section tyres on your sherman tank DON'T BUY ONE.

My phone also made me think knob, when I took a picture of the offending vehicle and it decided not to save it. I have no issue with reporting someone for that level of idiocy; maybe 1.4-5mm of tread is negligence, any less is blatant disregard for physics and other humans.

Apologies if this has already been said I have not caught up with the rest of the thread yet.

I'm not normally a busy-body but as it's at school pick up time that car will be there regularly - if you can get pics or at least directly notify officer dibble of your worries because with Winter coming on that car could kill someone - maybe not the occupants but anyone hit by an out of control lump of German pig-iron is not going to do well.

[ManOpener]

V494 EFH- burgundy Vauxhall Astra estate driven by a very fat, very angry man.

Having taken umbrage to being honked at for blocking both lanes of a road so he could drop his wife off directly outside the doctors surgery instead of 10m further down the road where the car park is, he followed me aggressively at a distance of two feet through the town's residential back streets for about a mile, swerving violently, feigning overtaking attempts, flashing and honking at me, until I got to the train station where, rather than following me in so we could have a nice, frank discussion about the abysmal quality of his driving and his serious anger management issues, he sped off the way he'd come.

One can only hope the apoplectic rage he exhibited shortens his life significantly more than his morbid obesity already has. Ideally by lunchtime.

[jimmy the hat]

ben5575 said:

Somebody kindly went to the trouble to upgrade the rather frayed
tarzy on the oak tree opposite the local pub with a large belt/tow rope thing. It's been enjoyed by the children whilst the adults enjoy a pint for the past two years.

Um, what's a 'tarzy'? Genuine question.

Cheers, Jim

[Hol]

jimmy the hat said:

ben5575 said:

Somebody kindly went to the trouble to upgrade the rather frayed
tarzy on the oak tree opposite the local pub with a large belt/tow rope thing. It's been enjoyed by the children whilst the adults enjoy a pint for the past two years.

Um, what's a 'tarzy'? Genuine question.

Cheers, Jim

Tarzan swing??

[GTIAlex]

http://www.chroniclelive.co.uk/news/north-east-new...

Guy gets mugged so women helps raised £330,000 for him.
Women gets landed with £6k PR agent bill.
Guy offers to help pay for it.....£10 of it.


Knob

[Blanchimont]

GTIAlex said:

http://www.chroniclelive.co.uk/news/north-east-new...

Guy gets mugged so women helps raised £330,000 for him.
Women gets landed with £6k PR agent bill.
Guy offers to help pay for it.....£10 of it.


Knob

I was thinking the same. He got 330k, what's 6? He could pay it anonymously. After all, without her he wouldn't have got that money.
Tight git.

[Krikkit]

Blanchimont said:

GTIAlex said:

http://www.chroniclelive.co.uk/news/north-east-new...

Guy gets mugged so women helps raised £330,000 for him.
Women gets landed with £6k PR agent bill.
Guy offers to help pay for it.....£10 of it.


Knob

I was thinking the same. He got 330k, what's 6? He could pay it anonymously. After all, without her he wouldn't have got that money.
Tight git.

Absolutely bang on. Selfish arse.

[trixyD]

Krikkit said:

Blanchimont said:

GTIAlex said:

http://www.chroniclelive.co.uk/news/north-east-new...

Guy gets mugged so women helps raised £330,000 for him.
Women gets landed with £6k PR agent bill.
Guy offers to help pay for it.....£10 of it.


Knob

I was thinking the same. He got 330k, what's 6? He could pay it anonymously. After all, without her he wouldn't have got that money.
Tight git.

Absolutely bang on. Selfish arse.

Seriously, what a dick. At least cover her costs and then some for doing it for you. Common Courtesy and all that.

[Blanchimont]

Krikkit said:

Blanchimont said:

GTIAlex said:

http://www.chroniclelive.co.uk/news/north-east-new...

Guy gets mugged so women helps raised £330,000 for him.
Women gets landed with £6k PR agent bill.
Guy offers to help pay for it.....£10 of it.


Knob

I was thinking the same. He got 330k, what's 6? He could pay it anonymously. After all, without her he wouldn't have got that money.
Tight git.

Absolutely bang on. Selfish arse.

To be honest, I would be happy with a thousandth of the 330k! Even £20 would've given me hope that not all people in the world are utter knobs. Unfortunately, the woman raised the money for a knob.

[ben5575]

Hol said:

jimmy the hat said:

ben5575 said:

Somebody kindly went to the trouble to upgrade the rather frayed
tarzy on the oak tree opposite the local pub with a large belt/tow rope thing. It's been enjoyed by the children whilst the adults enjoy a pint for the past two years.

Um, what's a 'tarzy'? Genuine question.

Cheers, Jim

Tarzan swing??

Yes sorry Jim, Hol is quite correct. I live oop north now, but I'm sure there were known as tarzys down south as well Anyhow, there has been a rope swing on the tree by the village pub for as long as I can remember, but sadly not any more.

O/T but any opportunity to spuriously link to Jason Byrne's special eye/rope swing routine cannot be passed up... https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=B0VtkCrbLd8

[yellowjack]

Captainawesome said:

The utter cock socket on an empty M40 last night doling along in the middle lane. As I approached in the correct lane (yes I was going to undertake the MLM tt), he indicates and cuts me up as he pulls into the correct lane, I had to brake, pull into lane 2, overtake and then return to the correct lane. The tt then immediately pulls back out into the middle lane to continue driving on an empty motorway in the wrong lane. KNOB!

AJXX1 said:

Merging onto the A1 this morning on a work call out - full of numpties sat gormelessly on L2 and L3 - L1 perfectly clear.

Not wanting to undertake 10+ cars, I moved into L3 immediately and got up to speed, which seemed to annoy the L3 dweller some distance back who decided a good headlight flashing was in order? I then overtook several of the L2 dwellers before moving back to L1.

Further up the road there was a further set of L2 dwellers who I swiftly (and safely) undertook - the final one - a silly old tortoise in a Picasso also started a flashing marathon.

What's wrong with these idiots? It was circa 6 am - limited traffic on the road and they're all sitting in L2/L3. Move over you bunch of cretins. If you can be safely undertaken then you're in the wrong chuffing lane, don't get your knickers in a twist just bloody move.

MLM? = Middle Lane Mong/Moron/Muppet. Which I take to mean idiots to lazy or stupid to recognise opportunities to move left on multi lane roads.

I've identified an important sub-species, the MLO. This is the Middle Lane ONLY driver. One who deliberately seeks out lane 2 at whatever cost, for unfathomable reasons. I think they ought to be forced to display a prominent "MLO" sticker on the rear of their cars so that the rest of us know that there is no chance whatsoever that they'll move across to lane 1 except at their required exit. We'll then KNOW that away from junctions we can safely pass to their left and maintain our rate of progress.

M40, early this afternoon. Orange Transit-style pickup van forces me to brake hard as he enters the M-way at Jct 11(S). I had no-where to go, as lane 2 was chockers, so I'd left a gap ahead, and there was a vast gap behind,but no,this tosser decides he just has to enter right there and then. So he then eases off, down to 60mph. I had the limiter on for 65mph because the weather was rotten. So I push the pedal down to cancel the limiter and overtake into a safe gap, whereupon he decides to pace me. I don't want a confrontation, so lift and let him move into lane 2 ahead of me. Daft move on my part because now I'm in lane 1 again, he's ahead in lane 2, but I'm 'reeling him in' despite having eased back to 65mph. Make a plan time. I need to be far away from this Muppet,so ease off some more, then move out into lane 2 behind him, wait for a gap in lane three, overtake while keeping up with lane 3 traffic, then back, lane by lane, into lane 1. When I'd gained some ground on him, I just settled in at between 65mph and 70mph, changing lanes as necessary to maintain decent progress. Behind me, this prize prick is stuck steadfastly in lane 2. He was still visible in my mirrors as I left the M40 for the A404 at High Wycombe. I saw him depart lane 2 only twice. Once, when lane 1 ran out as an off-slip,so he was technically in lane 1,but only until the following on-slip which reintroduced the extra lane to his left. The second time was a brief foray into lane 3 to overtake an even slower middle-lane-dweller.

He had company too. A silver XC-90 what's driver seemed unable to maintain anywhere near a constant speed. He too was planted in lane 2, but we continually traded places over about 20 miles. Again, I was electronically limited, whereas he would be tootling at 55mph to 60mph whenever I passed him, yet was quite happy to blast along at 85mph+ when lane 2 was empty ahead of him. That seemed to be the pattern. Not prepared to "lower himself" to driving in lane 1, yet not happy to make even a brief excursion into lane 3. Just drive as fast (or as slow) as traffic allowed in lane 2, in heavy spray.

A special place reserved in hell, hopefully, for the BMW 1-Series retread who suddenly caught up with me in lane 2 of the A404(m). Traffic, as anyone with functioning eyes could see, was solid in both lanes. I'd ended up in lane 2, with traffic alongside me in lane 1 at pretty much the same speed. Hell, it was so busy there were even HGVs in lane 2 ahead, yet they were not the reason for the heavy traffic, or the relatively low speed. He barreled up behind me, and his grille and lights disappeared from view. I was concerned that if the queue ahead slowed, or some biffer changed lanes, then he'd not have time to react and I'd get clouted from the rear. So I 'flashed' my fog lights a couple of times. He backed off a little then I got a sustained burst of high-beams followed by a "ramming speed" approach, which got no reaction out of me. Then he dived into a space in lane 1, and out ahead of me in lane 2. Some might suggest that he "couldn't have done so if I'd been in the 'correct' lane" but I could easily have prevented his move, but eased back to accommodate it. My reward for enabling him to get ONE CAR LENGTH ahead of me? A full-on brake check, almost to a standstill, in heavy rain, spray, and generally poor visibility on a major link 'A' road, followed by a series of hand signals that left me in no doubt that he wanted to fight me. He was still that one car ahead of me all the way up until I managed to negotiate a gap in lane one to leave on the White Waltham exit to avoid the queues heading toward the M4. FWIW I hope you're still stuck in a queue you fkwit. I also hope you got home to find the flash-flood faerie had visited while you were out. You sir, are a wker of the highest order. To quote my wife? "Thank you. It's unusual for you to be so restrained, especially when faced with such stupidity". Next time I might be unaccompanied. Perhaps we can stop in that layby and discuss it like gentlemen. Or I could simply beat you to death with a tyre iron and throw you into the Thames? laugh in your face while you exert yourself into an early grave, you lardy, fat, pastey faced pie-eater. Heaven knows, you'd deserve it.

Seriously. All three of these chimps were driving at a time when we were experiencing the tail end of the horrible overnight weather that had caused land slips on railways, flash floods in Berkshire towns, huge delays earlier that very morning due to rainwater closing whole sections of the M4 and accidents on the M40 causing tailbacks because some chimps couldn't amend their driving to account for the conditions and subsequently collided with other chimps. It's been all over the TV and more topically all over the radio, and yet you still drive like you've got souls to harvest. Bunch of Bulls' Pizzles.

[Hol]

^^ Has anyone else seen this doing the FacePalm rounds?

[Timbergiant]

The driver of a white Audi A7 with black wheels that accelerates like its a grand prix start whenever he drives around the corner where my BMW M4 is parked, seems to be a big bore corsa/saxo thing but he does it in his big boring diesel, doesn't do it when my other cars are parked there though, the street is only about 20 meters long.
although, I do tend to think "bell end" rather than knob

Edited by Timbergiant on Thursday 25th May 14:46