Stupid things non petrolheads say... Vol 2

[MorganP104]

Ransoman said:

My Dad, yesterday I was fitting some decat manifolds to my Alfa GT v6:

Dad "I take it you are doing this to make it louder?"
Me: "That's one of the reasons yes"
Dad "It's already too loud, why would you wan't to make it any louder, it's just a normal saloon car"
Me: "...."

Give him the full "It's not a car, it's an ALFA!" Alex Ferguson hairdryer treatment.

[Nik da Greek]

PixelpeepS3 said:

my sister...

"i want to buy another car this one is too slow"

to be fair its a 1.6 Focus so not the quickest car in the world - i was quite impressed that she seemed to be going all petrol head on me.

that was, until i went out in the car with her a week later...

the revs didn't go above 1500rpm before she changed gear....(1st-5th)

"Laura, let the revs get a little higher before you change gear, you'll get more speed out of the car!!"

ohhhhh no she said, the engine makes a right old noise and it's not good for it..

--slaps forehead--

To be fair to your sister, my wife has a 1.6 Focus and they do indeed make a bloody horrible noise when you rev them. Sort of sounds like a nasty, weedy F*rd four-pot, in fact

[J4CKO]

I went in a local dealers, an quite apart from the fact none of the cars listed were actually still there, seems they just leave the ads running to drum up footfall, he talked crap.

I said I wouldn't mind better MPG than my CLS but not a big concern, he said I should be thrilled with 18 MPG, his Audi Q7 3.0 TDI averages about 10 and his Evo does 5 MPG, all the time, whatever he does, which sounds like bks to me, apparently its tuned to 700 bhp, now I can imagine on track, single figures are possible, but as an average, and dont Q7 diesels do 20 odd mpg ?

[dannyDC2]

J4CKO said:

I went in a local dealers, an quite apart from the fact none of the cars listed were actually still there, seems they just leave the ads running to drum up footfall, he talked crap.

I said I wouldn't mind better MPG than my CLS but not a big concern, he said I should be thrilled with 18 MPG, his Audi Q7 3.0 TDI averages about 10 and his Evo does 5 MPG, all the time, whatever he does, which sounds like bks to me, apparently its tuned to 700 bhp, now I can imagine on track, single figures are possible, but as an average, and dont Q7 diesels do 20 odd mpg ?

I hate nothing more than people who brag about how low, or how high, their MPG is.

Not an entry to the thread as such, but I felt it needed saying. fk off, no one cares.

It's a smile and wave moment for me!

[TameRacingDriver]

dannyDC2 said:

I hate nothing more than people who brag about how low, or how high, their MPG is.

Not an entry to the thread as such, but I felt it needed saying. fk off, no one cares.

It's a smile and wave moment for me!

Agreed, it seems like every time I get into a conversation with someone about cars, the topic of MPG has to come up. I usually just switch off and change the subject at that point. It's like nothing else matters to them. And if someone does talk about anything else, its usually how many 'torques' their diesel has.

[Stick Legs]

And on the subject of fuel economy people who need to point out 'facts' about your car despite never having had one...

Big engines in big cars:

"oohhh I bet that's thirsty" or "bet you don't drive past many petrol stations in that!" or "get an oil tanker to follow you around"

Thanks, I hadn't noticed the economy until you pointed it out to me.

Big engines in small cars:

"That's a licence loser"

Then the Jaguar XJ-S V12 HE specific myth that "you know they shut off 6 cylinders when they are cruising to save fuel".
I have had this gem from everyone from the postman to the plumber. Didn't bother to explain the May high swirl high compression head...

[alorotom]

J4CKO said:

I went in a local dealers, an quite apart from the fact none of the cars listed were actually still there, seems they just leave the ads running to drum up footfall, he talked crap.

I said I wouldn't mind better MPG than my CLS but not a big concern, he said I should be thrilled with 18 MPG, his Audi Q7 3.0 TDI averages about 10 and his Evo does 5 MPG, all the time, whatever he does, which sounds like bks to me, apparently its tuned to 700 bhp, now I can imagine on track, single figures are possible, but as an average, and dont Q7 diesels do 20 odd mpg ?

I've got a 4.2 Tdi Q7 and it averages 23mpg (but does drop to around 18mpg around the doors) ... highly doubt the 3.0 is getting that low. It should be high 20s ... def a smile and walk on moment

[vsonix]

MorganP104 said:

Blown2CV said:

no-one ever got fked solely because of their car

[...] she got into my car, and I ended up with a new girlfriend for a few months.

If you have the kind of car that can make a young 20-something woman squeal with delight every time you put your foot down but still not be scaring her with bad driving, it's safe to say that car will get you laid a lot more than a 1.6 Astra GL. It doesn't have to be expensive, just look relatively cute and be fun.
Of course many females simply aren't interested in or turned on by cars at all, but as a petrolhead, do you really want one of those in your life?

[oceanview]

Some dopey bird on the local radio was saying she was worried her car wasn't going to pass its MOT and they might ring her up and tell her "the big ends gone or something" !!

Turns out it did fail- on crap wipers- so that explains why her windscreen got all smeary!!

[Blown2CV]

PixelpeepS3 said:

my sister...

"i want to buy another car this one is too slow"

to be fair its a 1.6 Focus so not the quickest car in the world - i was quite impressed that she seemed to be going all petrol head on me.

that was, until i went out in the car with her a week later...

the revs didn't go above 1500rpm before she changed gear....(1st-5th)

"Laura, let the revs get a little higher before you change gear, you'll get more speed out of the car!!"

ohhhhh no she said, the engine makes a right old noise and it's not good for it..

--slaps forehead--

to be fair she's probably right about it making a horrible noise

[Blown2CV]

MorganP104 said:

Blown2CV said:

so what you are saying is you pulled a girl and then got in your car. So what the fk does that have to do with what i said??

Up until she saw both our cars (his = poo brown MkI Astra, mine = bright red XR3i), the girl was showing an equal amount of interest in both me and my mate (hence my comment she was hedging her bets).

As soon as she clapped eyes on my highly polished Dagenham dustbin, she made a beeline for the fake Recaro on the passenger side.

I'm pretty sure that if the cars had been reversed (me with the crappy Astra, him with the shiny XR3i), my mate would have ended up with the girl.

Capisce?

are you sure you are not just imagining it, and in fact it was more like she just flipped an internal coin?

[Blown2CV]

vsonix said:

MorganP104 said:

Blown2CV said:

no-one ever got fked solely because of their car

[...] she got into my car, and I ended up with a new girlfriend for a few months.

If you have the kind of car that can make a young 20-something woman squeal with delight every time you put your foot down but still not be scaring her with bad driving, it's safe to say that car will get you laid a lot more than a 1.6 Astra GL. It doesn't have to be expensive, just look relatively cute and be fun.
Of course many females simply aren't interested in or turned on by cars at all, but as a petrolhead, do you really want one of those in your life?

i've seen the type of women who like cars, and TBH I'd rather have one that doesn't.

[Strudul]

Blown2CV said:

i've seen the type of women who like cars, and TBH I'd rather have one that doesn't.

http://www.itechpost.com/articles/45890/20161024/adult-star-mareike-fox-owns-750-hp-prior-design-gt.htm

[Blown2CV]

Strudul said:

Blown2CV said:

i've seen the type of women who like cars, and TBH I'd rather have one that doesn't.

http://www.itechpost.com/articles/45890/20161024/adult-star-mareike-fox-owns-750-hp-prior-design-gt.htm

that's the first box ticked. Max Power girls, where are you now.

[zeDuffMan]

TameRacingDriver said:

Agreed, it seems like every time I get into a conversation with someone about cars, the topic of MPG has to come up. I usually just switch off and change the subject at that point. It's like nothing else matters to them. And if someone does talk about anything else, its usually how many 'torques' their diesel has.

It's worst when you've just got a new car. People at work know I picked up a new car at the weekend so the questions have been:

1. how's the car? (obviously I don't mind this one, but I think they want to know how 'nice' it is rather than its actual strengths and weaknesses)
2. how much did it cost?
3. what kind of mpg do you get out of it?

Where 2 and 3 are usually trying to lead you onto something else you could spend your money on.

[Strudul]

zeDuffMan said:

It's worst when you've just got a new car. People at work know I picked up a new car at the weekend so the questions have been:

1. how's the car? (obviously I don't mind this one, but I think they want to know how 'nice' it is rather than its actual strengths and weaknesses)
2. how much did it cost?
3. what kind of mpg do you get out of it?

Where 2 and 3 are usually trying to lead you onto something else you could spend your money on.

Do you not find petrol heads also almost always ask about MPG? Although admittedly it's usually so we can all laugh at how poor it is, though still worth the sacrifice.

[zeDuffMan]

Strudul said:

Do you not find petrol heads also almost always ask about MPG? Although admittedly it's usually so we can all laugh at how poor it is, though still worth the sacrifice.

Some do, but you're right, it's done as a piss take. They won't reply saying their 1.5 diesel Qashqai does 78mpg at 68mph on the motorway or some bullst like that.

[InitialDave]

It's quite fun from the opposite side, disappointing them with how an EV doesn't save any money at all, and you aren't really that fussed anyway.

But then you don't get the targeted "MPG" question when people are trying to find fault, it's "but how much range do you have? What if you need to go on a journey longer than that?"

"Well, just drive one of your other cars, then" always seems to stump them.

[Muddle238]

A relative had a reversing light out the other day on their old Ka. I mentioned it, they went around the back to "check it". I then pointed out that it was still switched off and in neutral, so they got back in, turned on the engine, selected reverse and looked at me. "Yes, it's still out..." :rollseyes:

They came round the back to where I was stood, pointed at the brake light and said "is that it?". This is a driver who describes their car as "nippy" and fast through the bends. Usually because if the bend is in a 30, they're doing 40. But will rarely venture on the motorway and when they do, stick to 50 because "it's safe".

Not a natural PHer...

[Gad-Westy]

InitialDave said:

It's quite fun from the opposite side, disappointing them with how an EV doesn't save any money at all, and you aren't really that fussed anyway.

But then you don't get the targeted "MPG" question when people are trying to find fault, it's "but how much range do you have? What if you need to go on a journey longer than that?"

"Well, just drive one of your other cars, then" always seems to stump them.

When my wife had a Leaf I used to use it a lot and was surprised by how much attention it attracted. Much of it was quite positive or lots of inquisitive stuff when public charging it etc.

But on the other side of the coin, it's amazing how many strangers were determined to lecture me on where electricity comes from, how many years I'd need to own it before it repaid it's debt to the planet, people who'd just learnt and liked the sound of the term 'rare earth metals' and on one occasion an unprovoked sermon on how smug electric car drivers are (I hadn't actually engaged with the guy other than a nod as he walked past).