What has your "friend" been up to?

What has your "friend" been up to?

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anonymous-user

Original Poster:

55 months

Sunday 10th January 2021
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Tyre Smoke said:
My friend's wife has cut his hair this morning. She's done a decent job with a £9.99 clipper set from B+M.
My friend thinks he will buy a Wahl clippers from Amazon, such is the decent job she's done.
Back, sack, and crack?

anonymous-user

Original Poster:

55 months

Sunday 10th January 2021
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classicaholic said:
Will your friend be using the clippers for his wife's hair? If you do a good job she may allow him to do her head as well!
Underrated Tweet.

anonymous-user

Original Poster:

55 months

Sunday 10th January 2021
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It is called Veet, and when you read the bit that says DO NOT PUT VEET ON YOUR NADGERS, well, let's just say you should treat that as law and not as guidance.

anonymous-user

Original Poster:

55 months

Monday 11th January 2021
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That drink is now officially known as a Lemmy.

anonymous-user

Original Poster:

55 months

Friday 22nd January 2021
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Even as a respecter of Lemmy, I must say that I agree about JD and indeed about several other but not all American whiskeys. Adding coke to JD is a way to ruin a perfectly pleasant glass of coke.

My friend prefers rye, especially for Old Fashioneds and Manhattans. Canadian rye if possible, but there are some good American ryes.

Edited by anonymous-user on Friday 22 January 06:51

anonymous-user

Original Poster:

55 months

Friday 22nd January 2021
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My friend reminds me that although Lemmy was only 69 when he died, that is 2400 in Rock Star Years.

anonymous-user

Original Poster:

55 months

Friday 22nd January 2021
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About fifteen years ago my friend was at the Royal Opera House watching The Magic Flute and there in the Crush Bar were Mick Jagger, Jerry Hall, Ronnie Wood, and some random teenaged blonde. Jagger and Hall looked liked themselves, only taller. Wood looked like a man who had been dead for several decades but had enjoyed every minute of it. The signs of every blonde, every drink, every drug, every cigarette, every punch up, were etched on his face. He looked great.

anonymous-user

Original Poster:

55 months

Friday 22nd January 2021
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Breadvan72 said:
Even as a respecter of Lemmy, I must say that I agree about JD and indeed about several other but not all American whiskeys. Adding coke to JD is a way to ruin a perfectly pleasant glass of coke.

My friend prefers rye, especially for Old Fashioneds and Manhattans. Canadian rye if possible, but there are some good American ryes.

Edited by Breadvan72 on Friday 22 January 06:51
Whiskey and rye. Was this a long, long time ago, perchance? Do you remember how it used to make you smile?

anonymous-user

Original Poster:

55 months

Friday 22nd January 2021
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RonaldMcDonaldAteMyCat said:
hiskey and rye. Was this a long, long time ago, perchance? Do you remember how it used to make you smile?
Bad news on the doorstep, I couldn't take one more step.



anonymous-user

Original Poster:

55 months

Friday 22nd January 2021
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Volvolover said:
Breadvan72 said:
Arse. Now he has to remember where he put his bike helmet. He hasn't ridden a bike in about ten years, apart from a bit in Norfolk last lockdown. He already possesses spray-on clothing from his Marathoning. Yes, we are talking "last turkey in the shop".
My friend would respectfully ask that you tell your friend a ten year old bike helmet will not be very safe any more and it may be wise to buy a new one
He did, last week. The spray on clothing is not very safe, but the danger is to viewers, not the wearer.

anonymous-user

Original Poster:

55 months

Friday 22nd January 2021
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ElectricSoup said:
My friend has never driven a Chevy to a levvy, but he was once in an Opel Kadett which ended up in a ditch.
Basically the same thing. Can you remember if you cried?

anonymous-user

Original Poster:

55 months

Friday 22nd January 2021
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At 1730 GMT, my friend was told that his short video-hearing in a Caribbean Commercial Court at 1400 local, 1800 GMT had been called off. He made himself and his old mum, who is cooking Lasagne, a Martini. He drank his, decanted a bottle, and considered another cocktail.

My friend then received an email from his learned opponent at 1802 saying that the case was on and the learned Judge was waiting. Frantic attempts to find the email with the dial in login, and he got into the video court with slightly mad hair but his tie straight enough.

The learned Judge, who was at the same university as my friend at the same time, was forgiving enough, but still wobbled my friend's clients (who are asleep in Beijing), along the lines of "Never mind all that apologising, I have been having a pleasant chat with your learned friend, but there are the following problems with your suggested Order: this, this, and mainly, THIS .... I will see you at 0930 next Thursday. Have your written arguments and copies of the cases in by 3pm on Wednesday."

Anyway, the week is now over and my friend has decided to skip cocktail number 2 and go straight to the wine.

anonymous-user

Original Poster:

55 months

Tuesday 23rd March 2021
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My friend has a really quite old car that is basically fine. In fact, it's really quite a good car. It's not rusty, and my friend has had lots of work done on it so that it drives really well. Naturally, therefore, my friend has decided that he will now try to sell that car because he just bought another even older car that is quite rusty in some places and which needs various things doing to it to make it drive well. I really, really, really thought that my friend was over that kind of thing, but I was wrong.

Also, my friend inadequately charged the battery on his quite old motorbike, which had been asleep in a shed for seven months. He went for a jolly on it, and just before turning for home he stalled it near the bottom of a hill. He
then flattened the battery, failed to kick start the bike, and, being unconfident that the bike would bump start, and mindful that if it didn't he would be right at the bottom of the hill and further from home, he pushed it back up the hill, which is longer than it looks, before going wheeeeee and coasting it down a gentle incline to get home (it did indeed decline to bump start).

He says that his unforgiving comedy bikey trousers now fit him a bit better than they did when he went out. Maybe he should make pushing old bikes up hills his new hobby.

anonymous-user

Original Poster:

55 months

Wednesday 24th March 2021
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My friend gets irrationally filled with irrational rage when people say "a few wines". My friend cannot articulate why it is that he thinks that you can say "a few beers", "a few vodkas", or "a few Pan Galactic Gargle Blasters", but you have to say "a few glasses of wine".

He whines that it is never permissible to say "I'll have a wine" when someone asks you want you want to drink.

I tell him not to sweat the small stuff, and really who cares, but he won't listen. This is one of the many reasons why he cannot go on Facebook.

Of, course if by "a few wines" you mean drinking through maybe ten or twelve bottles each of a different wine, then my friend approves of that sort of thing.

anonymous-user

Original Poster:

55 months

Wednesday 24th March 2021
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Yikes, my friend has just remembered that he left a 1970s watch with a bloke in a small watch shop in Jersey last November. He has remembered also that he last remembered this about three weeks ago and didn't do anything about it then. Now he's gone off to look for the repair ticket.

anonymous-user

Original Poster:

55 months

Wednesday 24th March 2021
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Tyre Smoke, does your friend find that classic car parts suppliers in Germany have clunky ordering systems and take AGES to send stuff when ordered? It must be the Teutonic efficiency. Italian classic car parts suppliers are of course lazy, chaotic, and always out at lunch, so they have super easy ordering systems and the stuff arrives from Italy the day after you order it, or maybe two days if the shambolic Latins are being super slack and negligent.

Last week my friend got quite a bit testy by email with a specialist supplier of Lancia parts located in Germany. Eventually Dietmar sent a somewhat huffy email saying that they were not Jeff Bezos, just three blokes who like Lancias, and if my friend wanted to cancel the order they would be happy. That guilted my friend out so much that he sent the three blokes who like Lancias some extra Euros by paypal along with a payment for some obscure bit of steering-related contraptionment, to buy them Friday beers. They responded by saying ah ha danke we are seeing that you Brits are still liking the telling jokes yes. So now at least my friend is super tight with Dietmar et al.

anonymous-user

Original Poster:

55 months

Wednesday 24th March 2021
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Well at least it's not Doll's Kill sending too many emails. Ahem.

anonymous-user

Original Poster:

55 months

Thursday 25th March 2021
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Ignore that. This is all you need -

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JH_CY1Mahr8

anonymous-user

Original Poster:

55 months

Thursday 25th March 2021
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Daveb257 said:
My friend is equally frustrated by people who use the word quote rather than quotation, sadly he has spent many many years in industries that constantly expose him to these sorts of people and it still grates to this day.

...
My friend fought for decades on that issue, but he finally gave up about three years ago. If he had known of your friend he would have tracked him down and offered to fight standing back to back with him, until both were overwhelmed by the unreasoning hordes.

My friend works in an industry which has as one of its outputs people being enjoined from doing things or enjoined to do things . My friend realised that all was lost when even the people who hand out the injunctions started saying "injuncted".

anonymous-user

Original Poster:

55 months

Thursday 25th March 2021
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Hordes of Wildebeeste roaming the Veldt.