What has your "friend" been up to?
Discussion
irocfan said:
. . . . . . . . Whilst being taught how to drive by his father my friend overtook a police car. On a zebra crossing. Mr Policeman, understandably, rather unhappy about this proceeded to rip my friends father a new one (but was kind enough not to proceed with fines/points etc). My friends father was distinctly unimpressed with my friend.
My friend is immensely proud of the fact that he received his first speeding conviction, which did involve points and a fine, whilst he still had L plates on! His elder brother, who was the accompanying full licence holding driver at the time, thought this very amusing as the copper gave my friend a 'full on' lecture about the perils of speed. My friend's brother was not so amused when the copper then told my friend's brother that he was responsible for my friend and he should count himself lucky that the copper was very lenient and was not going to 'do him' for aiding and abetting said driving misdemeanour. My friend's brother became very unimpressed with my friend at this time particularly as my friend kept chuckling for the rest of the 'lesson'.Garvin said:
My friend is immensely proud of the fact that he received his first speeding conviction, which did involve points and a fine, whilst he still had L plates on! His elder brother, who was the accompanying full licence holding driver at the time, thought this very amusing as the copper gave my friend a 'full on' lecture about the perils of speed. My friend's brother was not so amused when the copper then told my friend's brother that he was responsible for my friend and he should count himself lucky that the copper was very lenient and was not going to 'do him' for aiding and abetting said driving misdemeanour. My friend's brother became very unimpressed with my friend at this time particularly as my friend kept chuckling for the rest of the 'lesson'.
My friend failed his first driving test for speeding. 
Mr E said:
rolando said:
Breadvan72 said:
My friend caused a mahoosive traffic jam on the Westway on the eve of a bank holiday weekend by letting his forty two year old BL car conk out on the flyover bit near Paddington Green nick. He had to be rescued by no fewer than eight burly and sarcastic coppers.
The last time this happened to my friend was in the early 1980s when the dreadful VV carb on his few weeks old Ford decided to drown itself with petrol when on the front row of the grid at traffic lights. This was westwards on the A4 Crowell Road at the height of the early evening rush hour. My friend's car was also shoved off the main carriageway by coppers. My friend then had a two hour wait for the RAC to dry the engine out. My friend, understandably, was not happy.In the dartford tunnel.
Before the bridge was built, so only two lanes each way.
On Boxing Day.
My friend can confirm this causes a significant impairment to traffic flow, is incredibly heavy to push out, that the air inside said tunnel is really not nice to breathe for any length of time and that encouraging beeps from traffic passing in the second lane wasn't what he needed at the time.
However, the final straw for her occurred at traffic lights in the middle of St Ives when my friend had to stop as the lights turned red. As the red & amber lights turned to green my friend realised that he could not select any of the forward gears (gearbox centre bearing had decided to 'give up the ghost'). It took him four changes of the lights to discover that he could select reverse and this would line up the gearbox shafts such that first could then be selected and forward motion engaged. In the middle of the day at the height of the holiday season the queue of traffic that built up behind trailed back further than the eye could see and was accompanied by a deafening cacophony of horns. My friend's girlfriend was so traumatised by this that nuptial favours were withdrawn! This resulted in both my friend and his girlfriend being equally pissed off with each other.*
*Until they made up again the next day.
bad company said:
My friend failed his first driving test for speeding.
So did mine, amongst other things. 
He can't remember why he failed his second, but arrived for his third at Chippenham test station to have the nice man point out that the form said Cheltenham.My friend says thanks for the reminder as it makes him chuckle in a "wasn't I a tit!" kind of way.
Bill said:
bad company said:
My friend failed his first driving test for speeding.
So did mine, amongst other things. He can't remember why he failed his second, but arrived for his third at Chippenham test station to have the nice man point out that the form said Cheltenham.My friend says thanks for the reminder as it makes him chuckle in a "wasn't I a tit!" kind of way.
Mr E said:
Years ago, my friend had a large old vauxhall that broke down.
In the dartford tunnel.
Before the bridge was built, so only two lanes each way.
On Boxing Day.
My friend can confirm this causes a significant impairment to traffic flow, is incredibly heavy to push out, that the air inside said tunnel is really not nice to breathe for any length of time and that encouraging beeps from traffic passing in the second lane wasn't what he needed at the time.
When my friend was a very small boy, his dad's Ford Prefect broke down in the Rotherhithe Tunnel. In the dartford tunnel.
Before the bridge was built, so only two lanes each way.
On Boxing Day.
My friend can confirm this causes a significant impairment to traffic flow, is incredibly heavy to push out, that the air inside said tunnel is really not nice to breathe for any length of time and that encouraging beeps from traffic passing in the second lane wasn't what he needed at the time.
For those who've never used it, it's design doesn't really allow overtaking of stationary vehicles.
My friend mainly remembers the cacophony of angry car horns.
My friend went out on the lash with some bloke. They drank some Martinis, ate a hearty dinner at an overpriced restaurant, necked some medium indifferent claret, glugged some Pol Rog, and then planned to call it early, and definitely to avoid 4 AM coke and hookers scenaria. My friend suggested one last nightcap at his club. They had Negronis. The bloke then staggered off home, but my friend fell asleep in an armchair, the club staff either didn't notice or decided to leave him be, and my friend didn't wake up until 4.15 AM. My friend may now be Rowley Birkin, but my friend's wife is not at all best pleased with him. Nor is his head.
Breadvan72 said:
My friend went out on the lash with some bloke. They drank some Martinis, ate a hearty dinner at an overpriced restaurant, necked some medium indifferent claret, glugged some Pol Rog, and then planned to call it early, and definitely to avoid 4 am coke and hookers scenaria. My friend suggested one last nightcap at his club. They had Negronis. The bloke then staggered off home, but my friend fell asleep in an armchair, the club staff either didn't notice or decided to leave him be, and my friend didn't wake up until 4.15 AM. My friend may now be Rowley Birkin, but my friend's wife is not at all best pleased with him.
Consequent on the above mentioned imbroglio, and also several others the details of which are too sordid and regrettable to mention here, my friend's wife has taken to showing my friend pictures of a very cool black leather biker jacket that Dior are currently knocking out for about three grand. My friend has, however discovered by assiduous use of his internet personal shopper GBF skills that Whistles are doing a pretty fair copy of said jacket for 350 quid. My friend is going shopping tomorrow.
My friend (more of an aquaintance) was in Tesco's car park. He was pulling into the drop of bay. There were some stupid kids throwing around a traffic cone. He paid so much attention to them, he missed the metal bollard right in front of him. Fortunately, his car is barely even scratched.
Another time, same friend. Went for a drive, totally forgetting that he'd had a small tumbler of rum an hour earlier. Was probably under the limit, but he felt a right plonker for risking it.
Yet another, different friend. (Who'd believe that the same guy got up to 3 different idiot things anyway). Friend has just dropped his dad off at Birmingham airport. This is January, and it's cold. Anyway, friend needs petrol. He is on the slip road onto the A45. He takes "slip road" too seriously and slides his back end out on the black ice.
Then goes sailing right past that Esso station because of it!
So, friend ends up on the M42 looking for a petrol station. His car is ticking down the driving range. He enters the M42-M40 interchange with it reading 0. By some miracle (and slipstreaming a lorry) he made it to a petrol station, but it was a close run thing. Could easily have run out on an interchange.
Another time, same friend. Went for a drive, totally forgetting that he'd had a small tumbler of rum an hour earlier. Was probably under the limit, but he felt a right plonker for risking it.
Yet another, different friend. (Who'd believe that the same guy got up to 3 different idiot things anyway). Friend has just dropped his dad off at Birmingham airport. This is January, and it's cold. Anyway, friend needs petrol. He is on the slip road onto the A45. He takes "slip road" too seriously and slides his back end out on the black ice.
Then goes sailing right past that Esso station because of it!
So, friend ends up on the M42 looking for a petrol station. His car is ticking down the driving range. He enters the M42-M40 interchange with it reading 0. By some miracle (and slipstreaming a lorry) he made it to a petrol station, but it was a close run thing. Could easily have run out on an interchange.
Edited by Solocle on Thursday 20th April 23:52
My friend, who is still feeling quite unwell after his recent drink-related exploits, has just put a deposit on a very questionable vehicle. It is very old, very British, and is the sort of vehicle in which it is quite common to fall asleep, drunk or otherwise. He is going to go and see it tomorrow.
My friend picked up an actual friend of his from the airport last Friday.
The two of them decided to go for a walk and parked in a very remote car park, despite my friend's hangover.
My friend was careful to park on the very uneven surface in such a way as to protect his car, and made a mental note how to reverse out to avoid damaging it. When he returned to the car (after about three minutes), he reversed straight and ripped the bumper half off
The two of them decided to go for a walk and parked in a very remote car park, despite my friend's hangover.
My friend was careful to park on the very uneven surface in such a way as to protect his car, and made a mental note how to reverse out to avoid damaging it. When he returned to the car (after about three minutes), he reversed straight and ripped the bumper half off
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