SOTW: Rover Vitesse
From a time when people actually wanted to own a Rover
Shed has been dreaming of featuring an SD1 in its pages for months, but alas they seem rarer than a reliable Peugeot. So we have found this executive bad boy – the Rover 800.
Designed to be the spiritual successor to the SD1, the Rover 800 was (in the early 1990s) Britain’s best selling executive car and it was used by the boys in blue.
These cars were not just an executive run-around, but also quick, hence the take up by traffic coppers. Put one in the hands of Tony Pond, and with racing tyres and safety upgrades, the car lapped the Isle of Man's TT course at an average speed of over 100mph, a first for a road car.
Despite the speed, early 800s were notorious for poor build quality, and a facelift (codename: R17) in 1992 fixed the majority of the quality and build issues. But not all.
This didn't put off the 800's list of previous owners, including Neil Hamilton, Peter Mandelson, Clement Freud, Max Bygraves, Michael Parkinson and even Tony Blair. Oh, and Alan Partridge.
The example we found is a (just) post-facelift 800 Vitesse, which features a two litre turbocharged engine that pushes out 180bhp and 167lb ft. The Vitesse models featured half-leather Recaro seats, electric windows, ABS, electric mirrors, driver and passenger airbags, traction control and even an electric sunroof. Not bad when you think about it.
When new, it retailed at £19,695 and the one we have found is a mere £250 - 1.3% of the original cost of the car.
1992 ROVER VITESSE 2.0 TWIN CAM TURBO
Manual, 126,000 miles, ROVER VITESSE 2.0 Litre TWIN CAM, TURBO-CHARGED, RATED AT 200 BHP. 5 SPEED MANUAL. GOOD ENGINE, NO SMOKE. GOOD TURBO,GOOD GEARBOX. NO REAL PROBLEMS. NEW CLUTCH FITTED APPROX 5000 MILES AGO, CAM BELT FITTED APPROX 8000 MILES AGO MOT UNTIL MID SEPT, TAXED UNTIL END THIS MONTH. FITTED, AS STANDARD, RECARO HALF LEATHER SEATS, IN REASONABLE CONDITION. FACTORY FITTED UP-RATED SUSPENSION. E/WINDOWS E/SUNROOF, E/MIRRORS, 16INS ALLOYS. ETC. THE CAR DRIVES REALLY WELL, IF FACT GOES LIKE STINK, FOR A BIG CAR. BAD BITS: MINOR SCUFFS ON BODY AND BUMPERS, SMALL CRACK ON BOTTOM LEFT OF WINDSCREEN, REAR EXHAUST BOX BLOWING, AND WHEN DAMP OVERNIGHT, MISFIRES FOR ABOUT THE FIRST MILE OR SO, THEN IT IS FINE. THE PRIVATE PLATE IS INCLUDED IN THE SALE. I HAVE OWNED THIS CAR FOR THE LAST TWO YEARS AND IT HAS NEVER LET ME DOWN. IT USUALLY STARTS AT THE FIRST TURN OF THE KEY. IT IS BEING SOLD AS SPARES OR REPAIR, BUT IT WOULD BE SHAME TO BREAK IT AS IT REALLY GOES WELL. CAN BE SEEN RUNNING AND CAN BE DRIVEN IF NEEDED. ANY QUESTIONS PLEASE ASK. £250. ono (sic)
[Michael shakes his head and sighs. He speaks with an impenetrable Geordie accent.]
Vandals, eh, Mr. Partridge? You know, it meks ya wunder what it's all aboot.
Well tooled Gary came spurting up the fundy looking for a tidy Driver Reg. Waving the gravy, told him he’d need to whistle on a pistol. Got on the Nellie to an old Ethel at spurting, grasped a fat nadger on the fart he was clisping. Run up it the basket at an onion over six briskets. The Gary nearly grips his biscuits. Slapped down the Aspel at five Rollins, lovely touch, smells firm, meet his mum at 17 weasels. I’m simply dying to see your new conservatory extension. Sturdy.
Two Grahams later, spikey nice pipe comes by looking for a hearty Tarby. Dig out the gristle, touch someone’s sister, find a crisp glisby at a grunting down the arse bulbs. Nail it to a sock, folded all the curtains, punched in the turtle for an Alsation over six Lyndhurst. Chucked in a pair of flip flops I’ve had piped to my lovehut since Grimsdale. This is completely unacceptable behaviour for someone who lives near Chichester. Minty.
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