B5 in Heroic Rompenkreig
Discussion
Holy Mother.
I may be wrong here but that thing is searingly, monumentally rapid.
For obvious reasons I can't go into sepcifics but for those involved, speculation is now at hand theorising as to the realities of Alpina's stated outputs.
In my mind's eye, there is a strict regimen of performance parameters into which various motors receive a pidgeon hole.
Obviously at the summit, exists the divine trinity: Veyron with lieutenancy supplied c/o Koeniggsegg & Pagani.
Lurking just below are the uber variants from Ferrari and Porsche: Enzo, F50, CGT and GT1, all of which are undeniably enmoistening specialties, no less expensive but somehow overegged trinkets of the Octane movement, of which about 50 people globally exist but sycophantic editors indulge as normal in some painful exercise in willfull, socio-economic self denial.
Then, the real meat of variously achievable fantasy: topped ito sheer performance by RUF (and please, no arguments) and then, frankly, it gets a bit messy...
For in reality, there now exist quite a few wretched hun with the temerity to crash the traditional order. I speak not just of the subject of this piece, nor the M Div kit but also the stuff in particular from AMG, though predominantly the twice blown V12 beasties.
What the B5 brings to the table is an ability to smooch way too far into this Twiglet Zone using Thor's very hammer, albeit damped in a celestial vat of Valhallic motoring honey with a scarcely credible effortlessness.
Now, this isn't an invitation to 'yeah but no involement' treat because that would be disingenuous: there's a glorious whine come scream like 500 galley slaves ramming Mesopotamia, present at all levels of blitzkreig but it doesn't come remotely close to sweaty palmed and for this brief, that's perfect.
That it's speed piles exponentially, is an ongoing voyage of delight, as is the sensation of parity with the non fettled ranks of factory spec, water chilled Oink Turbos: everything, in particular the horizon, melds into one lungedacious mound of dead, French annexation and as the landscape risies and falls, so the desire to go ever faster seeps, like a never ending lap dance by Heather Locklear, over your swooning psyche.
Is it quicker than an unshackled Munchen V10? Well it's certainly more accessible but once up to the realms reserves for the flying craft of Roswell, you genuinely wonder if BMW want this one downplaying, just a tad.
493bhp? If so, then to parapilfer the RUF verbage, perhaps there are horses... and then there are princely, Arabian thoroughbreds...
What it does clarify and justify the rationale underpinning even greater power for if Audi can deliver a controlled 600 from the upcoming RS6, we really must get down and thank our collective automotive totem poles because just occasionally, the grunt is exploitable.
And even if it's fraught with all sorts of inconvenient reality checks, my God, it's the stuff which keeps my pick axe swinging at the seam...
{Slow burner, a characteristic many great cars possess but fickle journalism cannot and does not accredit and thus, cars like this pass entirely by, straight under the radar...}
I may be wrong here but that thing is searingly, monumentally rapid.
For obvious reasons I can't go into sepcifics but for those involved, speculation is now at hand theorising as to the realities of Alpina's stated outputs.
In my mind's eye, there is a strict regimen of performance parameters into which various motors receive a pidgeon hole.
Obviously at the summit, exists the divine trinity: Veyron with lieutenancy supplied c/o Koeniggsegg & Pagani.
Lurking just below are the uber variants from Ferrari and Porsche: Enzo, F50, CGT and GT1, all of which are undeniably enmoistening specialties, no less expensive but somehow overegged trinkets of the Octane movement, of which about 50 people globally exist but sycophantic editors indulge as normal in some painful exercise in willfull, socio-economic self denial.
Then, the real meat of variously achievable fantasy: topped ito sheer performance by RUF (and please, no arguments) and then, frankly, it gets a bit messy...
For in reality, there now exist quite a few wretched hun with the temerity to crash the traditional order. I speak not just of the subject of this piece, nor the M Div kit but also the stuff in particular from AMG, though predominantly the twice blown V12 beasties.
What the B5 brings to the table is an ability to smooch way too far into this Twiglet Zone using Thor's very hammer, albeit damped in a celestial vat of Valhallic motoring honey with a scarcely credible effortlessness.
Now, this isn't an invitation to 'yeah but no involement' treat because that would be disingenuous: there's a glorious whine come scream like 500 galley slaves ramming Mesopotamia, present at all levels of blitzkreig but it doesn't come remotely close to sweaty palmed and for this brief, that's perfect.
That it's speed piles exponentially, is an ongoing voyage of delight, as is the sensation of parity with the non fettled ranks of factory spec, water chilled Oink Turbos: everything, in particular the horizon, melds into one lungedacious mound of dead, French annexation and as the landscape risies and falls, so the desire to go ever faster seeps, like a never ending lap dance by Heather Locklear, over your swooning psyche.
Is it quicker than an unshackled Munchen V10? Well it's certainly more accessible but once up to the realms reserves for the flying craft of Roswell, you genuinely wonder if BMW want this one downplaying, just a tad.
493bhp? If so, then to parapilfer the RUF verbage, perhaps there are horses... and then there are princely, Arabian thoroughbreds...
What it does clarify and justify the rationale underpinning even greater power for if Audi can deliver a controlled 600 from the upcoming RS6, we really must get down and thank our collective automotive totem poles because just occasionally, the grunt is exploitable.
And even if it's fraught with all sorts of inconvenient reality checks, my God, it's the stuff which keeps my pick axe swinging at the seam...
{Slow burner, a characteristic many great cars possess but fickle journalism cannot and does not accredit and thus, cars like this pass entirely by, straight under the radar...}
Edited by derestrictor on Wednesday 12th September 12:07
Spokey were you at the last VMAX?One word only Sublime!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
The best all round car in the world
Punch like a 996Turbo
Ride like a Lexus
4 Doors and a cavernous boot
and as discrete as a minicab at midnight
Thors hammer is called Mjolnir very apt
Don't take one on if the road is of A or M class
just pull over .
Oh and by the way when cruising an easy 25-28 mpg possible
Why do people beat a path to Garchings finest
When the B5 is the better everyday car.
Regards Gandalf...
The best all round car in the world
Punch like a 996Turbo
Ride like a Lexus
4 Doors and a cavernous boot
and as discrete as a minicab at midnight
Thors hammer is called Mjolnir very apt
Don't take one on if the road is of A or M class
just pull over .
Oh and by the way when cruising an easy 25-28 mpg possible
Why do people beat a path to Garchings finest
When the B5 is the better everyday car.
Regards Gandalf...
Guyr said:
DeR,
Love your eloquent prose, just beautiful to read as always
I've always admired the B5 and have an Alpina bond from still owning a B10 Touring as my everyday wagen, so I finally relented and bought a B5 today to join this little club. Car is black, naturally.........
Guy
Guy, the only word appropriate in response is vindication.Love your eloquent prose, just beautiful to read as always
I've always admired the B5 and have an Alpina bond from still owning a B10 Touring as my everyday wagen, so I finally relented and bought a B5 today to join this little club. Car is black, naturally.........
Guy
To quote from the original Hugo (Drax), "Mr Bovenseipen, your B5 appears with the (far from) tedious, inevitability of a much loved season."
Don't be unsettled by the initial damping which can feel less than M calibre (much less 911 cum RUF std) - push on and the secondary ride holds the sway within parameters which allow for saloon car defying schnelligkeit.
derestrictor said:
a glorious whine come scream like 500 galley slaves ramming Mesopotamia,
Not even 08.30 and we have quote of the day already 
Great write up Simon ... once I have my little piece of Germanic V12 back together again, I will then start to investigate the cost and complexities of, how should I say it ... bunging a couple of blowers on
Aeroresh said:
I drove a B5 the other week. Sensation wise it felt very similar to my DMS 535d...but more so in every way and of course accompanied by that soundtrack.
In comparison the M5 feels spineless
I drove the B5 and M5 back to back and came away bored by the B5. Personal taste I suppose.In comparison the M5 feels spineless
I was going to get rid of mine after 4 weeks. 12 weeks later and I reckon it's the best compromise car on the planet.
Mate, you cannot possibly rate it so after one, solitary drive, unless it involved The Bottrop Pass or your chauffeur bore more than a passing similarity to a hirsute character from a Tolkein tome with little to no care for the parlous state of their licence.
You have my unmitigated assurance that it is truly intoxicating and yes, diametrically polar in delivery to the screamschleife c/o das V10.
It is absolutely not even remotely trying to dynamicise the romp in the manner of us Ms.
Airee?
Mate, you cannot possibly rate it so after one, solitary drive, unless it involved The Bottrop Pass or your chauffeur bore more than a passing similarity to a hirsute character from a Tolkein tome with little to no care for the parlous state of their licence.
You have my unmitigated assurance that it is truly intoxicating and yes, diametrically polar in delivery to the screamschleife c/o das V10.
It is absolutely not even remotely trying to dynamicise the romp in the manner of us Ms.
Airee?
burriana said:
derestrictor said:
a glorious whine come scream like 500 galley slaves ramming Mesopotamia,
Not even 08.30 and we have quote of the day already Great write up Simon ... once I have my little piece of Germanic V12 back together again, I will then start to investigate the cost and complexities of, how should I say it ... bunging a couple of blowers on
derestrictor said:
I was going to get rid of mine after 4 weeks. 12 weeks later and I reckon it's the best compromise car on the planet.
Mate, you cannot possibly rate it so after one, solitary drive, unless it involved The Bottrop Pass or your chauffeur bore more than a passing similarity to a hirsute character from a Tolkein tome with little to no care for the parlous state of their licence.
You have my unmitigated assurance that it is truly intoxicating and yes, diametrically polar in delivery to the screamschleife c/o das V10.
It is absolutely not even remotely trying to dynamicise the romp in the manner of us Ms.
Airee?
Irie!Mate, you cannot possibly rate it so after one, solitary drive, unless it involved The Bottrop Pass or your chauffeur bore more than a passing similarity to a hirsute character from a Tolkein tome with little to no care for the parlous state of their licence.
You have my unmitigated assurance that it is truly intoxicating and yes, diametrically polar in delivery to the screamschleife c/o das V10.
It is absolutely not even remotely trying to dynamicise the romp in the manner of us Ms.
Airee?
I can see where you are coming from, but it seemed to me that the engine was better suited to the B7. Now that is a fine car.
After 12mths and 30,000 miles of Alpina ownership, I'm considering the whole concept in a fairly critical manner at the moment.
I agree that modern Alpinas are the best compromise car available - based on a BMW chassis.
However, frustration has started to creep in on mine now. When in sensible mode it makes absolutely no sense at all - it consumes tyres, brakes, petrol, and suspension bushes with a thirst close to that of the M3. In full attack mode it similarly makes little sense - it'll keep with an M3 in straight line drag race, but show it a decent A-Road, and the softer set-up, combined with no LSD and the inherently choppy E46 chassis means it gets very hairy very quickly.
So, in effect, whilst I have the best of both worlds in the practicality of a 4dr automatic M3, I also have the worst of both worlds in the shape of disproportionately high running costs and compromised suspension set-up.
At the moment I seem to spend 80% of my time thinking I should have got a 330d, 10% thinking I should have got an M3, and the remaining 10% thinking it's the greatest car ever made.
I've fallen out of love with it.
I agree that modern Alpinas are the best compromise car available - based on a BMW chassis.
However, frustration has started to creep in on mine now. When in sensible mode it makes absolutely no sense at all - it consumes tyres, brakes, petrol, and suspension bushes with a thirst close to that of the M3. In full attack mode it similarly makes little sense - it'll keep with an M3 in straight line drag race, but show it a decent A-Road, and the softer set-up, combined with no LSD and the inherently choppy E46 chassis means it gets very hairy very quickly.
So, in effect, whilst I have the best of both worlds in the practicality of a 4dr automatic M3, I also have the worst of both worlds in the shape of disproportionately high running costs and compromised suspension set-up.
At the moment I seem to spend 80% of my time thinking I should have got a 330d, 10% thinking I should have got an M3, and the remaining 10% thinking it's the greatest car ever made.
I've fallen out of love with it.
Dunk, you need a dose of Bottorpinium, cunningly administered at such a time and in such a place as you can retain your liberty and I assure you, faith restoration is assured.
Things move on and the very latest o/burners do raise some awkward contemplations. Issues which evaporate quite demonstrably beyond about, well, you can imagine..
Trust me, I could be a doctor.
DeR, MSChnell, DipHimmel, LLbuglefuglestrasse.
Things move on and the very latest o/burners do raise some awkward contemplations. Issues which evaporate quite demonstrably beyond about, well, you can imagine..
Trust me, I could be a doctor.
DeR, MSChnell, DipHimmel, LLbuglefuglestrasse.
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