Removing cheating spouse from home - URGENT advice needed

[theboss]

Today I sent the form requesting my decree absolute.

A lot has happened since my last update but fortunately it’s all been generally very stable and co-operative so far as the day to day needs of the children are concerned.

The Ex has recently stated she wants “long term” maintenance for the children and seems to be using our autistic daughter as a crutch, citing that she will have care needs long beyond reaching adulthood.

She is also back in an “established” relationship with the original antoagnist if the thread. Kids are not impressed.

My medico-legal proceedings are in progress. I’m seeing a consultant neurologist this week and after his report my claim will be sent to the defendant trust along with 5 other expert witness reports all very supportive of my position.

I’m in a new relationship as of 6 months ago and things are going well.

Edited by theboss on Monday 23 April 00:34

[Starfighter]

Nice to hear that you are so positive about all of this. It could have ended very badly for all but you held it together.

[elanfan]

Whilst I’m certain you would (and will) want to provide for and support your daughter for however long she needs letting the ‘grasper’ use her for her own support is dreadful. Is there any way a court would put any settlement beyond the grasper’s reach or is it all fair game?

I guess if you spend it she can’t have any of it?? Gold bars which mysteriously disappear under your floorboards or you buy an appreciating old Ferrari or similar. Could they force you to sell it.

Your ex sounds like a desperately sad case with no self esteem whatsoever.

[Psycho Warren]

So in effect she wants PIP payments from you?

[theboss]

Psycho Warren said:

So in effect she wants PIP payments from you?

Sadly, it seems that way, although I’m actually the one in receipt of PIP myself. She doesn’t work but conveniently plays the disabled child card which of course only stands to hold our daughter back.

Essentially any compensation paid in respect of lost future income is vulnerable to a claim by the ex in the future; it’s unavoidable unless she dies, remarries or I do something extreme such as leaving the country. Unfortunately my circumstances are such that my claim will be structured based largely on the likely loss of income - my disabilities are at the less severe end of the spectrum as far as spinal injuries go - but on the other hand I was a high earner in my early thirties when it happened. It would be morally dispicable to try and get her hands on this money and she would stand to alienate herself from her own children if she did so - but that wouldn’t stop her. The best thing I can do is restructure my work/life balance to be able to accommodate the kids more, meaning that she would have a harder time basing any claim on the needs of the children (assuming I am caring for them half of the time). I think eventually the kids will vote with their feet. My job is about to allow flexible home working from the summer months onwards which brings great potential.

So the big news is that this afternoon, just over 2 years since I started this thread, I received my decree absolute which was granted a few days ago. I feel a huge sense of relief. I’m flying this evening to see my attractive, younger girlfriend of 6 months in her home country for a champagne-fuelled dirty weekend. Life has continued to get better and better.

[paintman]

And long may it continue to do so.

[andburg]

Good to see the nice guy winning

Enjoy yourself!

[Ultra Sound Guy]

theboss said:

I’m flying this evening to see my attractive, younger girlfriend of 6 months in her home country for a champagne-fuelled dirty weekend. Life has continued to get better and better.

That’s too young, even by my standards,

[theboss]

Ultra Sound Guy said:

That’s too young, even by my standards,

[theboss]

Well, I gave her a copy of the decree absolute because she's moved house so many times in 2 years that her copy from the court will be lost.

Full blown mental. "You can't do that, I wasn't involved, I didn't give my permission, you can't do that, you can't do that". Taking me for everything she can get. New solicitors instructed by her. The gloves are back on....

I must admit, I still took some enjoyment in the moment.

Edited by theboss on Sunday 20th May 16:54

[Don1]

It's a decree absolute. Isn't the name in the title. It's done. Over. Isn't it?

[anonymous-user]

''Once you get the decree absolute, you are divorced, no longer married and free to marry again if you wish.''

[CoolHands]

How did she think it would end?

[theboss]

The marriage is finally over, yes. If only that meant the end.

Finances are as yet unresolved and, unless she either remarries or dies, or unless I can get a court issued consent order dictating a clean break settlement, she can continue to be a pain in the arse.

Sadly with very little to give her now (no property or substantial assets) to divide and thus incentivise her co-operation, and with the prospective medical negligence award I’m seeking hanging in the future, I think it’s going to be hard to put the matter to rest.

[theboss]

CoolHands said:

How did she think it would end?

With a judge ordering me to give her x% of my future income forever, and a large slice of whatever compo settlement I might obtain in 2-4 years time.

[Psycho Warren]

I dont understand how they can get their claws into YOUR personal disability compensation. Thats for YOUR disability not hers. When I had an ex go psycho years ago, she tried to get her claws into my house and war pension. Thank fk I never married her and luckily her kids were somebody elses.

Lesson hard learnt as i only let her move in thinking i was doing the right thing when as a G/f she had been made homeless. Turned out she had fabricated the whole situaton to try and get a home and income for her kids by taking me for a mug.

[theboss]

Psycho Warren said:

I dont understand how they can get their claws into YOUR personal disability compensation. Thats for YOUR disability not hers. When I had an ex go psycho years ago, she tried to get her claws into my house and war pension. Thank fk I never married her and luckily her kids were somebody elses.

Lesson hard learnt as i only let her move in thinking i was doing the right thing when as a G/f she had been made homeless. Turned out she had fabricated the whole situaton to try and get a home and income for her kids by taking me for a mug.

Unfortunately it seems impossible to completely protect compensation payments from money grabbing exes.

In particular, any sums paid in respect of lost future earnings are 'fair game' for such a claim - damages for pain and suffering, future care needs etc. less so. In my case loss of earnings will be a considerable head of loss because I earn well and have inevitably had 5-10 years taken off my working life.

It also seems as though 'needs of the children' override all common sense, she will claim she is their primary caregiver and destitute vs. me being comfortably well off but only having the children 20-30% of the time (in actuality all weekend every weekend vs school mornings/nights), and 'their needs' - and by extension hers - will take precedence. She has effectively crafted her own financial dependency on the children and will aggressively protect her interests e.g. becoming dictatorial about who has the children and when. We went through this in the past, I started court proceedings and then backed down (regrettably).

There are a few nuclear options like moving overseas I suppose.

Edited by theboss on Sunday 20th May 21:01

[WinstonWolf]

theboss said:

Psycho Warren said:

I dont understand how they can get their claws into YOUR personal disability compensation. Thats for YOUR disability not hers. When I had an ex go psycho years ago, she tried to get her claws into my house and war pension. Thank fk I never married her and luckily her kids were somebody elses.

Lesson hard learnt as i only let her move in thinking i was doing the right thing when as a G/f she had been made homeless. Turned out she had fabricated the whole situaton to try and get a home and income for her kids by taking me for a mug.

Unfortunately it seems impossible to completely protect compensation payments from money grabbing exes.

In particular, any sums paid in respect of lost future earnings are 'fair game' for such a claim - damages for pain and suffering, future care needs etc. less so. In my case loss of earnings will be a considerable head of loss because I earn well and have inevitably had 5-10 years taken off my working life.

It also seems as though 'needs of the children' override all common sense, she will claim she is their primary caregiver and destitute vs. me being comfortably well off but only having the children 20-30% of the time (in actuality all weekend every weekend vs school mornings/nights), and 'their needs' - and by extension hers - will take precedence. She has effectively crafted her own financial dependency on the children and will aggressively protect her interests e.g. becoming dictatorial about who has the children and when. We went through this in the past, I started court proceedings and then backed down (regrettably).

There are a few nuclear options like moving overseas I suppose.

Edited by theboss on Sunday 20th May 21:01

Could you go for an interim payment and delay full payout until such time as you've secured your own financial interests?

[GCH]

Don1 said:

It's a decree absolute. Isn't the name in the title. It's done. Over. Isn't it?

Yes it is, but you can be legally divorced, but not have the finances sorted.
Two completely separate things unfortunately! Bizarre, but it is what it is.

[theboss]

GCH said:

Don1 said:

It's a decree absolute. Isn't the name in the title. It's done. Over. Isn't it?

Yes it is, but you can be legally divorced, but not have the finances sorted.
Two completely separate things unfortunately! Bizarre, but it is what it is.

Yep. And even then, financial remedy only concerns division of marital assets and liabilities - child support is out of scope. She would have to apply for a separate order. Given that I'm self-employed and partially disabled (thus with uncertain income prospects) she'll probably in any case just be referred to the CMS who can assess my income year by year. I'm trying to avoid that.