Removing cheating spouse from home - URGENT advice needed
Discussion
WinstonWolf said:
Could you go for an interim payment and delay full payout until such time as you've secured your own financial interests?
Not sure - its still a long way away from court. Its taken me over a year just to gather records and consult medical expert witnesses, about 6 in total so far. Its a hell of a long process.OP, whilst not ever married to my childs mother, she is a serial benefits receiver, receiving everything under the sun & refers to it as 'getting paid'.
So i sympathise with a money grabbing ex.
It sounds like your ex is financially driven, has it ever occurred to you, just to spite her, to get into a job where you'd earn next to nothing, so she can't take any of it, i mean it's not ideal, but if you wanted to be a total arse you could do it..
So i sympathise with a money grabbing ex.
It sounds like your ex is financially driven, has it ever occurred to you, just to spite her, to get into a job where you'd earn next to nothing, so she can't take any of it, i mean it's not ideal, but if you wanted to be a total arse you could do it..
theguvernor15 said:
OP, whilst not ever married to my childs mother, she is a serial benefits receiver, receiving everything under the sun & refers to it as 'getting paid'.
So i sympathise with a money grabbing ex.
It sounds like your ex is financially driven, has it ever occurred to you, just to spite her, to get into a job where you'd earn next to nothing, so she can't take any of it, i mean it's not ideal, but if you wanted to be a total arse you could do it..
I can't entertain the idea of taking low paid work - I'm stuck in a trap of relatively high income / high outgoing, plus servicing some debts from the married days. In the year leading up to our separation I strongly suspected what was going on and become despondent and was financially reckless because I hated the thought of her running off with any money I had. As a contractor I've also been stung by changes to the tax regime. The immediate crisis of separation and trying to ensure stability for the kids has passed and I'm now left picking up the pieces. I aspire to sort the finances over the next 2 years whilst I have a lucrative contract in London, then when the financial pressure is off I aim to wind down and work on a much more consultative basis, put as much in the pension as possible and pay myself the bare minimum.So i sympathise with a money grabbing ex.
It sounds like your ex is financially driven, has it ever occurred to you, just to spite her, to get into a job where you'd earn next to nothing, so she can't take any of it, i mean it's not ideal, but if you wanted to be a total arse you could do it..
I also have a fantastic girlfriend in Belgrade where the cost of living is very low by UK standards - we intend to settle here - but if things turn very sour with the ex I could always go and live there, work 5-10 days a month in London and still live on several multiples of the average local wage. It would be difficult not living near the kids but their mother seems hell bent on forcing my hand.
theboss said:
I also have a fantastic girlfriend in Belgrade where the cost of living is very low by UK standards - we intend to settle here - but if things turn very sour with the ex I could always go and live there, work 5-10 days a month in London and still live on several multiples of the average local wage. It would be difficult not living near the kids but their mother seems hell bent on forcing my hand.
sorry to but in, just idling reading interesting threads........but surely this is the answer? Or do you still get classed as financially in the UK if you're working more than (*a set number of days) and thus still paying UK Tax and thus would still be liable.
However, you're a contractor..........with a Limited Company?
You can hopefully put as much as humanly possible through expenses, and thus only release the absolute minimum to yourself that she would be entitled to?
I guess the disability is a personal chunk and so you're be in trouble - unless of course you could get a contract long term out Belgrade way , or at least NOT the UK..........then the UK government couldn't know how much you're earning.......and you could pay what you deemed appropriate....
slightly nuclear option but could work?
Edited by The Selfish Gene on Tuesday 22 May 16:54
anonymous said:
[redacted]
This level of irrationality never ceases to amaze me. I had this one time in August 2016 when she tried to take my daughter (then 7) who point blank refused to leave with her and clung to me. The ex was absolutely crazy. No sense of reason or perspective, nor any care for the screaming kid. Just hell bent on proving her point and getting her own way. Totally self-obsessed.The Selfish Gene said:
sorry to but in, just idling reading interesting threads........
but surely this is the answer? Or do you still get classed as financially in the UK if you're working more than (*a set number of days) and thus still paying UK Tax and thus would still be liable.
However, you're a contractor..........with a Limited Company?
You can hopefully put as much as humanly possible through expenses, and thus only release the absolute minimum to yourself that she would be entitled to?
I guess the disability is a personal chunk and so you're be in trouble - unless of course you could get a contract long term out Belgrade way , or at least NOT the UK..........then the UK government couldn't know how much you're earning.......and you could pay what you deemed appropriate....
slightly nuclear option but could work?
Working in the Balkans isn't much of a prospect because pay would be low (whats the point when I can just fly to London and get X hundred a day) and there is an obvious language barrier. I get approached about English speaking engagements in Switzerland and Germany frequently though, where pay is of course much higher, so I would certainly have options. I could always look at setting up a Serbian registered business with a Euro account to bill my UK clients (if remotely feasible), before long I'd be living the Layer Cake dream hanging out with war criminal drug lords and driving an RS6.but surely this is the answer? Or do you still get classed as financially in the UK if you're working more than (*a set number of days) and thus still paying UK Tax and thus would still be liable.
However, you're a contractor..........with a Limited Company?
You can hopefully put as much as humanly possible through expenses, and thus only release the absolute minimum to yourself that she would be entitled to?
I guess the disability is a personal chunk and so you're be in trouble - unless of course you could get a contract long term out Belgrade way , or at least NOT the UK..........then the UK government couldn't know how much you're earning.......and you could pay what you deemed appropriate....
slightly nuclear option but could work?
I really rate the place actually. My son is joining me in 3 weeks time for his 18th birthday - the nightlife in the summer is supposed to be really something.
I hate to be the bearer of bad news but the irrational behaviour of my ex has not ceased in the 14 years we have been apart. Even now, our sons are 21 and 17 she will drive a wedge between them and me. She has constantly underminded my parental standards - Jack is 17 - has been ill but although I have done the supportive parent bit, I have also tried to encourage him to look forward - think about career and remain positive.
Now we are at a stage of treatment all done (well in fact last chemo tomorrow) I want him to re engage with college or get back looking for work and an apprecticeship. Porsche, BMW, etc are looking for keen eager apprentices near me to get into their motor sport programme. She says he is better working at a local garage. Unfortunately he sees an easy option where mum won't apply any encouragement on him and will willingly allow him to sit on his playstation all day, every day. The lad is wasting away - he will go days without even going outside. She tells him my encouragement to look forward is pressure and therefore I am the bad dad she has always said I am.
Hence he takes the easy option. It is a frigging nightmare.
Now we are at a stage of treatment all done (well in fact last chemo tomorrow) I want him to re engage with college or get back looking for work and an apprecticeship. Porsche, BMW, etc are looking for keen eager apprentices near me to get into their motor sport programme. She says he is better working at a local garage. Unfortunately he sees an easy option where mum won't apply any encouragement on him and will willingly allow him to sit on his playstation all day, every day. The lad is wasting away - he will go days without even going outside. She tells him my encouragement to look forward is pressure and therefore I am the bad dad she has always said I am.
Hence he takes the easy option. It is a frigging nightmare.
mattyn1 said:
I hate to be the bearer of bad news but the irrational behaviour of my ex has not ceased in the 14 years we have been apart. Even now, our sons are 21 and 17 she will drive a wedge between them and me. She has constantly underminded my parental standards - Jack is 17 - has been ill but although I have done the supportive parent bit, I have also tried to encourage him to look forward - think about career and remain positive.
Now we are at a stage of treatment all done (well in fact last chemo tomorrow) I want him to re engage with college or get back looking for work and an apprecticeship. Porsche, BMW, etc are looking for keen eager apprentices near me to get into their motor sport programme. She says he is better working at a local garage. Unfortunately he sees an easy option where mum won't apply any encouragement on him and will willingly allow him to sit on his playstation all day, every day. The lad is wasting away - he will go days without even going outside. She tells him my encouragement to look forward is pressure and therefore I am the bad dad she has always said I am.
Hence he takes the easy option. It is a frigging nightmare.
Feel your pain to a lesser extent. We separated when my daughter was 3. Phone her twice a week and see her every weekend plus school holidays.Now we are at a stage of treatment all done (well in fact last chemo tomorrow) I want him to re engage with college or get back looking for work and an apprecticeship. Porsche, BMW, etc are looking for keen eager apprentices near me to get into their motor sport programme. She says he is better working at a local garage. Unfortunately he sees an easy option where mum won't apply any encouragement on him and will willingly allow him to sit on his playstation all day, every day. The lad is wasting away - he will go days without even going outside. She tells him my encouragement to look forward is pressure and therefore I am the bad dad she has always said I am.
Hence he takes the easy option. It is a frigging nightmare.
My daughter is 16 in July and currently sitting GCSEs. She is a bit of a flapper when it comes to exams so I discussed and explored more vocational options rather than A-levels. She was successful in gaining a place at Leeds College of Art to do an extended diploma (only 150 places so I am hoping the self confidence of this success helps her to achieve the grades that she needs)
As I live in Leeds, the logical course would be for her to live with me for the 3 days a week that she is at college and then go back to her mum's - all I've been fighting with is obstruction. It's only 3 days a week so she might lose benefits (not the case, it's still full time), if she's living at mine she might lose her benefits, blah blah blah
This from a woman who left me for a con artist and is still paying for the debts he left to this day. Works 3 hours a day but could never go full time after our daughter went FT at school as she couldn't leave the dog, then got another dog when he passed away, and now cares for her granddaughter (her son and his partner both work full time while she gives free childcare and has an excuse not to work more)
Oh, and when it came to college open evening and interview, she didn't come as she was looking after said child - which to my eyes says to a self conscious 15 year old that she is less important (surely one of the others could have booked a day's annual leave for such an important event)
Mental!!
Pieman68 said:
Mental!!
Indeed. what i find the most shocking is she still is bitter even after all this time. I did ask her once if she realised we had been split longer than we were together (not just married). She responded in quite a colourful and vitriolic manner!But now it is affecting our youngest son's future.
With so many female ex's going bat s
t psycho for no valid reason, I wonder if its more instinctive than anything else. Ie push the ex-male away by whatever means to make her more available for a new male partner.
No other rational explanation. Maybe a psychotic form of nesting? where the home nest has been destroyed so being a complete is the only way to try and claw back that nesting investment?
Either that or a lot of women are just nasty pieces of st.
t psycho for no valid reason, I wonder if its more instinctive than anything else. Ie push the ex-male away by whatever means to make her more available for a new male partner.No other rational explanation. Maybe a psychotic form of nesting? where the home nest has been destroyed so being a complete
is the only way to try and claw back that nesting investment?Either that or a lot of women are just nasty pieces of s
t.Psycho Warren said:
With so many female ex's going bat st psycho for no valid reason, I wonder if its more instinctive than anything else. Ie push the ex-male away by whatever means to make her more available for a new male partner.
No other rational explanation. Maybe a psychotic form of nesting? where the home nest has been destroyed so being a complete is the only way to try and claw back that nesting investment?
Either that or a lot of women are just nasty pieces of st.
We're not all bat st psycho for no valid reason, I wonder if its more instinctive than anything else. Ie push the ex-male away by whatever means to make her more available for a new male partner.No other rational explanation. Maybe a psychotic form of nesting? where the home nest has been destroyed so being a complete
is the only way to try and claw back that nesting investment?Either that or a lot of women are just nasty pieces of s
t.t psycho as you put it. My Ex husband is the male version of the comments made about ex wives. The things he has done over the years and not done are endless and I cannot wait to have nothing more to do with him. Eldest is now 18 and youngest is 12 so I have 5/6 years more of his s
t before I can either ignore the tw@t totally or tell him what a useless excuse of a father he is, I've yet to decide which. I creased up laughing a few months back on a regular check of youngest phone to see in the weeks before youngest had texted him telling him he was a useless father and a few home truths from a child's pov, there wasn't even a response to defend himself.Either way I believe in karma and just hope his life becomes as s
t as he's made his poor kids childhood.solo2 said:
We're not all bat st psycho as you put it. My Ex husband is the male version of the comments made about ex wives. The things he has done over the years and not done are endless and I cannot wait to have nothing more to do with him.
Eldest is now 18 and youngest is 12 so I have 5/6 years more of his st before I can either ignore the tw@t totally or tell him what a useless excuse of a father he is, I've yet to decide which. I creased up laughing a few months back on a regular check of youngest phone to see in the weeks before youngest had texted him telling him he was a useless father and a few home truths from a child's pov, there wasn't even a response to defend himself.
Either way I believe in karma and just hope his life becomes as st as he's made his poor kids childhood.
On the flip side - I also have a 14 year old stepson who lives with me and my wife. His father (who also has another 5 kids to his second (now ex) wife) is the biggest waste of oxygen going. Lets him down constantly, disappears off the radar and doesn't respond to calls/texts. We've not had a penny in support for over 2 yearst psycho as you put it. My Ex husband is the male version of the comments made about ex wives. The things he has done over the years and not done are endless and I cannot wait to have nothing more to do with him. Eldest is now 18 and youngest is 12 so I have 5/6 years more of his s
t before I can either ignore the tw@t totally or tell him what a useless excuse of a father he is, I've yet to decide which. I creased up laughing a few months back on a regular check of youngest phone to see in the weeks before youngest had texted him telling him he was a useless father and a few home truths from a child's pov, there wasn't even a response to defend himself.Either way I believe in karma and just hope his life becomes as s
t as he's made his poor kids childhood.We've never bad-mouthed his father in front of him. My wife has never had a relationship with her father and only met him twice, and goes out of her way to try and ensure that this relationship endures. I believe that he sees my relationship with my daughter and has worked it all out for himself
The wife asked him the other day if he had texted his dad about plans for the weekend.
"I messaged him 3 days ago and haven't had a reply, he knows where I am" - sums it up perfectly
solo2 said:
We're not all bat st psycho as you put it. My Ex husband is the male version of the comments made about ex wives. The things he has done over the years and not done are endless and I cannot wait to have nothing more to do with him.
Eldest is now 18 and youngest is 12 so I have 5/6 years more of his st before I can either ignore the tw@t totally or tell him what a useless excuse of a father he is, I've yet to decide which. I creased up laughing a few months back on a regular check of youngest phone to see in the weeks before youngest had texted him telling him he was a useless father and a few home truths from a child's pov, there wasn't even a response to defend himself.
Either way I believe in karma and just hope his life becomes as st as he's made his poor kids childhood.
My bat st psycho as you put it. My Ex husband is the male version of the comments made about ex wives. The things he has done over the years and not done are endless and I cannot wait to have nothing more to do with him. Eldest is now 18 and youngest is 12 so I have 5/6 years more of his s
t before I can either ignore the tw@t totally or tell him what a useless excuse of a father he is, I've yet to decide which. I creased up laughing a few months back on a regular check of youngest phone to see in the weeks before youngest had texted him telling him he was a useless father and a few home truths from a child's pov, there wasn't even a response to defend himself.Either way I believe in karma and just hope his life becomes as s
t as he's made his poor kids childhood.t mental ex probably thinks exactly the same as you, so I guess it is all about perception. I fully accept there are two sides to every divorce, but have always always maintained to my kids that there mother is golden, and where they have at some time been rude to me about their mother (no matter how true) have always pulled them up on it. The divorce is between the parents, not the kids. It is a shame their mother has not shown the same drown up thought process.Genuine Q - did you do anything about your child showing disrespect for his father? I appreciate you feel it is deserved but should you encourage it?
That last bit is not aimed directly at you Solo - more a general open Q!
solo2 said:
We're not all bat st psycho as you put it. My Ex husband is the male version of the comments made about ex wives. The things he has done over the years and not done are endless and I cannot wait to have nothing more to do with him.
Eldest is now 18 and youngest is 12 so I have 5/6 years more of his st before I can either ignore the tw@t totally or tell him what a useless excuse of a father he is, I've yet to decide which. I creased up laughing a few months back on a regular check of youngest phone to see in the weeks before youngest had texted him telling him he was a useless father and a few home truths from a child's pov, there wasn't even a response to defend himself.
Either way I believe in karma and just hope his life becomes as st as he's made his poor kids childhood.
My girls incessantly message and facetime with my girlfriend, even from their mothers house, which probably winds the ex up considerably.t psycho as you put it. My Ex husband is the male version of the comments made about ex wives. The things he has done over the years and not done are endless and I cannot wait to have nothing more to do with him. Eldest is now 18 and youngest is 12 so I have 5/6 years more of his s
t before I can either ignore the tw@t totally or tell him what a useless excuse of a father he is, I've yet to decide which. I creased up laughing a few months back on a regular check of youngest phone to see in the weeks before youngest had texted him telling him he was a useless father and a few home truths from a child's pov, there wasn't even a response to defend himself.Either way I believe in karma and just hope his life becomes as s
t as he's made his poor kids childhood.Girlfriend has now sent me screenshots of my 9 year old saying the most hateful things about her mother - essentially calling her a waste of space.
Very worrying tbh... as it shows she is feeling deeply unsettled / unhappy but doesn't open up to me. It's happened a few times now so probably not just the aftermath of a disagreement. My daughter is generally very sensitive with a gentle temperament.
From the day we split I always tried to give the kids a positive take on it. Things like you'll get two sets of birthday cards/presents. Two Christmas Days etc only for the Ex to fail totally. I made sure no one bad mouthed him in front of the kids but I have to confess my own mother failed to keep her mouth in check a few times I'm told by my eldest. That annoyed me immensely but then the same woman broadcast my whole divorce to her friends in her Christmas round robin one year - I found out about it by accident and I've never forgiven her and never told her info about my private life since.
He also chose to leave me, there's never been anyone in my life since and I've completely thrown myself into working to fully support us and provide for the kids so it's not like I cheated on him and he has reason to hate me or the kids for having another man in their lives.
He also chose to leave me, there's never been anyone in my life since and I've completely thrown myself into working to fully support us and provide for the kids so it's not like I cheated on him and he has reason to hate me or the kids for having another man in their lives.
mattyn1 said:
Genuine Q - did you do anything about your child showing disrespect for his father? I appreciate you feel it is deserved but should you encourage it?
That last bit is not aimed directly at you Solo - more a general open Q!
I did have a talk to him about it, explained two wrongs do not make a right etc etc. But the kids have worked out as they each got older he's not worthy of the title dad and we've not heard from him in ages and likely won't for about another year. He shows up for an hour unannounced every 18/24 months and then disappears again with promises of I'll be in touch but never does.That last bit is not aimed directly at you Solo - more a general open Q!
mattyn1 said:
Solo... apologies if I can across sanctimonious and arsey..... didn’t mean to! I am sure you have the best interests at heart!
It’s all a bloody nightmare!
I agree, it is all a nightmare.It’s all a bloody nightmare!
I just wanted to post that not all women are b
hes and we also suffer from unreasonable ex's. Probably weighted more your way around than mine but it does happen.The ex has now moved formally by instructing a new solicitor who has written to mine advising she is applying for a court order in respect of finances.
Obviously the details have yet to materialise but it will be interesting to see where she's going. I suspect she will be applying for maintenance in addition to division of marital assets/liabilities. Interesting times ahead.
I've pre-emptively had my locks altered so the key she has been carrying for a while no longer works. Can't have her snooping around.
Obviously the details have yet to materialise but it will be interesting to see where she's going. I suspect she will be applying for maintenance in addition to division of marital assets/liabilities. Interesting times ahead.
I've pre-emptively had my locks altered so the key she has been carrying for a while no longer works. Can't have her snooping around.
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