Absolutely seething - advice required
Discussion
As much as this situation has my blood boiling. I fear the teachers have very limited options available to them as a product of a system that sees horrific bullies as previous little flowers that need to be supported and loved.
I remember in school there were a few particularly nasty b
ds. They got about 50% more of the teachers time than anybody else and they didn't even want the help. Stupid, stupid country.
I remember in school there were a few particularly nasty b
ds. They got about 50% more of the teachers time than anybody else and they didn't even want the help. Stupid, stupid country.
Jonno02 said:
As much as this situation has my blood boiling. I fear the teachers have very limited options available to them as a product of a system that sees horrific bullies as previous little flowers that need to be supported and loved.
I remember in school there were a few particularly nasty bds. They got about 50% more of the teachers time than anybody else and they didn't even want the help. Stupid, stupid country.
This is what my OH pointed out to them today, our daughter has stopped going to the school for support as all she see's is the bully getting all the help! Don't get me wrong, bullies clearly do need help but so do the victims. I remember in school there were a few particularly nasty b
ds. They got about 50% more of the teachers time than anybody else and they didn't even want the help. Stupid, stupid country.And yes, sadly they do have limited options which is why I am pessimistic that this will be sorted.
Social media must be awful for kids these days, I'm glad MySpace started when I was 23.
Look at this the other way around. the big problem as I understand it is that the bully is friends with all of your daughter's friends on social media, making it impossible for a block to be successful. Block her anyway, but on its own it won't make much of a difference.
Go to the parents of your daughter's friends and explain the situation - if this bully is as much of a terror as it sounds your daughter probably isn't the only one who's getting it - and see whether they'll block her too.
When they refer to something "going viral" it's because things on social media spread like a virus, but the reverse is also true. Innoculate enough people (by getting lots of people in her circle to block the bully) and she'll be unable to bully online any more - herd immunity, if you will. Chances are that the bully's friend lists are wide open so you can work out who you can talk to.
Look at this the other way around. the big problem as I understand it is that the bully is friends with all of your daughter's friends on social media, making it impossible for a block to be successful. Block her anyway, but on its own it won't make much of a difference.
Go to the parents of your daughter's friends and explain the situation - if this bully is as much of a terror as it sounds your daughter probably isn't the only one who's getting it - and see whether they'll block her too.
When they refer to something "going viral" it's because things on social media spread like a virus, but the reverse is also true. Innoculate enough people (by getting lots of people in her circle to block the bully) and she'll be unable to bully online any more - herd immunity, if you will. Chances are that the bully's friend lists are wide open so you can work out who you can talk to.
LordHaveMurci said:
Jonno02 said:
As much as this situation has my blood boiling. I fear the teachers have very limited options available to them as a product of a system that sees horrific bullies as previous little flowers that need to be supported and loved.
I remember in school there were a few particularly nasty bds. They got about 50% more of the teachers time than anybody else and they didn't even want the help. Stupid, stupid country.
This is what my OH pointed out to them today, our daughter has stopped going to the school for support as all she see's is the bully getting all the help! Don't get me wrong, bullies clearly do need help but so do the victims. I remember in school there were a few particularly nasty b
ds. They got about 50% more of the teachers time than anybody else and they didn't even want the help. Stupid, stupid country.And yes, sadly they do have limited options which is why I am pessimistic that this will be sorted.
Can the school not give advice on how to avoid being a victim? I don't have personal experience of this but all I've ever read on the subject is that bullies need victims and you have to stand up to bullies in words and manner. A quick google brings up advice on how to do this. You've taught her how to defend herself physically so if it escalates that far she'll be okay. Maybe I'm wrong but I always think that if you look and speak and behave like someone who might bite back then you won't be picked on.
herewego said:
Seems odd that the school would make the bully into a prefect, seems like a reward to me.
Can the school not give advice on how to avoid being a victim? I don't have personal experience of this but all I've ever read on the subject is that bullies need victims and you have to stand up to bullies in words and manner. A quick google brings up advice on how to do this. You've taught her how to defend herself physically so if it escalates that far she'll be okay. Maybe I'm wrong but I always think that if you look and speak and behave like someone who might bite back then you won't be picked on.
The problem is that bullying doesn't stop at the school gates any more - that's the terrifying part of it. With mobile phones and the internet the bully has the opportunity to bully any time, any place, and if your kid wants to be connected to their friends they have to have the bullying as a part of that. Can the school not give advice on how to avoid being a victim? I don't have personal experience of this but all I've ever read on the subject is that bullies need victims and you have to stand up to bullies in words and manner. A quick google brings up advice on how to do this. You've taught her how to defend herself physically so if it escalates that far she'll be okay. Maybe I'm wrong but I always think that if you look and speak and behave like someone who might bite back then you won't be picked on.
There's no way the school can stop that - and any punishment they mete out will ramp up the bullying (permanent exclusion would at least get rid of the bullying during school), which is why they're trying a bit of carrot instead of stick.
You have my sympathys OP, I was bullied at school and it does take time to get over, I didn't develop a sense of banter until I was in my very late teens/early 20's because the harrasment I got (guess I was a soft target) made every comment seem like it was some sort of snide remark, rather than something to be rebuffed with a similarly snide remark - of merely telling the individual to go fk themselves.
Thankfully back then it did stop at the school gates as mobile phones were only just coming in, 10p a time texts were expensive, and social media was limited to early internet forums and BBS' (remember those) and the chavs weren't smart enough to work the older style technology. It must be horrific to be picked on these days. Which meant that continured reporting (and some police involvement) did sort the problem in the end as there was no electronic method of furthering the hateful comments.
Though I look back at now and I got on with it got my school education done and now have a degree, a good job, a fast car and pilots licence (one thing the bully said I'd never get). The last thing I heard about one of my former bullies is that he was on early release with an ankle tag. She will get through it and be able to look back on it, just keep supporting her and doing everything you can.
Just be safe in the knoweldge that the foul individual that is causing the problems will likely never amount to anything other than the swamp donkey of a wife to some low life chav, forever sponging of the benefits system - not that they should get a penny mind. They will eventually drink and smoke themselves into an early grave, unfortunatly not before they have spawned some more horrific offpsring to continue the cycle.
k themselves.Thankfully back then it did stop at the school gates as mobile phones were only just coming in, 10p a time texts were expensive, and social media was limited to early internet forums and BBS' (remember those) and the chavs weren't smart enough to work the older style technology. It must be horrific to be picked on these days. Which meant that continured reporting (and some police involvement) did sort the problem in the end as there was no electronic method of furthering the hateful comments.
Though I look back at now and I got on with it got my school education done and now have a degree, a good job, a fast car and pilots licence (one thing the bully said I'd never get). The last thing I heard about one of my former bullies is that he was on early release with an ankle tag. She will get through it and be able to look back on it, just keep supporting her and doing everything you can.
Just be safe in the knoweldge that the foul individual that is causing the problems will likely never amount to anything other than the swamp donkey of a wife to some low life chav, forever sponging of the benefits system - not that they should get a penny mind. They will eventually drink and smoke themselves into an early grave, unfortunatly not before they have spawned some more horrific offpsring to continue the cycle.
QuickQuack said:
Is it possible for her to go to a different school? Do you have the option of being able to send her to a private school?
Even if that was possible, it wouldn't be very sensible with them starting prelims this week. As somebody raised above, blocking doesn't really work (she has blocked her). This eveil little cow contacted a boy my daughter has been friends with for years (not at the same school) to ask if he had performed certain sexual acts with my daughter - blocking her doesn't stop her causing untold damage I'm afraid.
Spoke to a teacher yesterday (socially), she was telling me that she taught in the Seychelles for a while where there was little internet access & the kids were all much haappier for it & far better at communicating - sad isn't it that us developed countries are so far behind in so many ways.
SpamCan said:
Just be safe in the knoweldge that the foul individual that is causing the problems will likely never amount to anything other than the swamp donkey of a wife to some low life chav, forever sponging of the benefits system - not that they should get a penny mind. They will eventually drink and smoke themselves into an early grave, unfortunatly not before they have spawned some more horrific offpsring to continue the cycle.
Glad it worked out for you, sorry but the paragraph quoted did make me 
, probably because it's so close to the truth!I don't understand how every week I see a news story about "Vile online troll is sentenced to 6 months in prison for calling somebody 'stupid idiot' on Twitface" and this girl hasn't been sorted out yet? Even a youth order.
Do what one of the parents of a boy I went to school with did. He was getting horrendously bullied and one day his mum screeched her car to a halt on the bullies route home, got out - didn't touch the kid, but got right up in their face and said "if you ever do anything to harm my child again, I will end you. I am not joking, I will end you" through her teeth.
The kid was left alone after that. Bullies don't like being bullied.
Do what one of the parents of a boy I went to school with did. He was getting horrendously bullied and one day his mum screeched her car to a halt on the bullies route home, got out - didn't touch the kid, but got right up in their face and said "if you ever do anything to harm my child again, I will end you. I am not joking, I will end you" through her teeth.
The kid was left alone after that. Bullies don't like being bullied.
I refer back to my previous point - for the mental well being of your daughter, make sure she's got friends who're completely outside of the situation, who won't see the st being spread online about your daughter and if they do will back your daughter up.
Make sure you keep the pressure up on the school and the police to deal with the issue. Make sure you keep a log of all the incidents. Make sure stuff on snapchat/facebook gets reported so that they can ban the user responsible.
While you go through the process with the school and police, you need to do everything you can to look after your daughters mental health. Bullying is mental torture, and even the strongest can crack.
t being spread online about your daughter and if they do will back your daughter up. Make sure you keep the pressure up on the school and the police to deal with the issue. Make sure you keep a log of all the incidents. Make sure stuff on snapchat/facebook gets reported so that they can ban the user responsible.
While you go through the process with the school and police, you need to do everything you can to look after your daughters mental health. Bullying is mental torture, and even the strongest can crack.
esxste said:
I refer back to my previous point - for the mental well being of your daughter, make sure she's got friends who're completely outside of the situation, who won't see the st being spread online about your daughter and if they do will back your daughter up.
Make sure you keep the pressure up on the school and the police to deal with the issue. Make sure you keep a log of all the incidents. Make sure stuff on snapchat/facebook gets reported so that they can ban the user responsible.
While you go through the process with the school and police, you need to do everything you can to look after your daughters mental health. Bullying is mental torture, and even the strongest can crack.
Some excellent advice, thanks.t being spread online about your daughter and if they do will back your daughter up. Make sure you keep the pressure up on the school and the police to deal with the issue. Make sure you keep a log of all the incidents. Make sure stuff on snapchat/facebook gets reported so that they can ban the user responsible.
While you go through the process with the school and police, you need to do everything you can to look after your daughters mental health. Bullying is mental torture, and even the strongest can crack.
Our daughter is quite introverted & has only a few friends, anybody else is an acquaintance really, sadly they are all through school as that's where she spends most of her time.
Interesting point about reporting to FB/Snapchat, never even occurred to me.
We are concerned about the effect on her mental health, my OH is taking her abroad for a few days but long term we are unsure of what to do for the best?
LordHaveMurci said:
Interesting point about reporting to FB/Snapchat, never even occurred to me.
I have just reported something to Snapchat - they responded very quickly to a direct message on twitter but didn't exactly fall over themselves to get involved. Will update when I know more.bulldong said:
I just don't understand why the teachers are such pussies about this. It really doesn't take much of a verbal bking to scare the st out of a 15 year old, even if they're empty threats.
That depends on the upbringing the 15 year olds had doesn't it .king to scare the st out of a 15 year old, even if they're empty threats. If he's grown up in a rough area, had plenty of hidings from his parents then he's probably not going to see a teacher or mr middle class as much of a threat.
LordHaveMurci said:
esxste said:
I refer back to my previous point - for the mental well being of your daughter, make sure she's got friends who're completely outside of the situation, who won't see the st being spread online about your daughter and if they do will back your daughter up.
Make sure you keep the pressure up on the school and the police to deal with the issue. Make sure you keep a log of all the incidents. Make sure stuff on snapchat/facebook gets reported so that they can ban the user responsible.
While you go through the process with the school and police, you need to do everything you can to look after your daughters mental health. Bullying is mental torture, and even the strongest can crack.
Some excellent advice, thanks.t being spread online about your daughter and if they do will back your daughter up. Make sure you keep the pressure up on the school and the police to deal with the issue. Make sure you keep a log of all the incidents. Make sure stuff on snapchat/facebook gets reported so that they can ban the user responsible.
While you go through the process with the school and police, you need to do everything you can to look after your daughters mental health. Bullying is mental torture, and even the strongest can crack.
Our daughter is quite introverted & has only a few friends, anybody else is an acquaintance really, sadly they are all through school as that's where she spends most of her time.
Interesting point about reporting to FB/Snapchat, never even occurred to me.
We are concerned about the effect on her mental health, my OH is taking her abroad for a few days but long term we are unsure of what to do for the best?
LordHaveMurci said:
Some excellent advice, thanks.
Our daughter is quite introverted & has only a few friends, anybody else is an acquaintance really, sadly they are all through school as that's where she spends most of her time.
Interesting point about reporting to FB/Snapchat, never even occurred to me.
We are concerned about the effect on her mental health, my OH is taking her abroad for a few days but long term we are unsure of what to do for the best?
As I said before, get her into activity groups out of town; so she can meet new people entirely unrelated to whats going on at school. Our daughter is quite introverted & has only a few friends, anybody else is an acquaintance really, sadly they are all through school as that's where she spends most of her time.
Interesting point about reporting to FB/Snapchat, never even occurred to me.
We are concerned about the effect on her mental health, my OH is taking her abroad for a few days but long term we are unsure of what to do for the best?
Not sure what your daughters interests are; but there's bound to be social groups for some of them.
Also talk Anti-bullying charities, see what advice they can give.
esxste said:
As I said before, get her into activity groups out of town; so she can meet new people entirely unrelated to whats going on at school.
Not sure what your daughters interests are; but there's bound to be social groups for some of them.
Also talk Anti-bullying charities, see what advice they can give.
Her main interests are outside of school, they're summer biased though so we need to get her into something new for the winter.Not sure what your daughters interests are; but there's bound to be social groups for some of them.
Also talk Anti-bullying charities, see what advice they can give.
Anti bulling charities are a great idea, thanks.
There *might* be some tips within the linked threads from reddit - if you ignore the first three subreddits and scroll down to the posts below:
https://www.reddit.com/search?q=bully
https://www.reddit.com/search?q=bully
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