Elderly couple, not married, one owns house & has moved out

[poo at Paul's]

FMOB said:

Considering the ramifications I would be a) trying to reunited the couple so they can discuss it and b) consider raising a safe guarding concern about the house owner with the local council as the situation has potential for financial abuse.

I see where you’re coming from but obviously that’s something the lady’s family are concerned about, but their primary concern is their own family member. Plus, they are just not the sort of people to pull the pin on a grenade allegation like that!

The thing that worries me most is that being so nice, they all may just roll over and then the lady will be both on her own away from her partner, and living in some temp accommodation or less than ideal facility or home. Just to ‘do the decent thing” so to speak.

I’m going to have a go tomorrow to speak directly to them and just say, go see a solicitor on Monday! . The more they know and the sooner they know about where she stands, the better, imo. Even if it is bad news for her.

[Bill]

poo at Paul's said:

Yes, for the avoidance of doubt the issue is not along the lines of her having any financial interest in the property. It is whether she has any rights to remain living in the house and if so, for how long that may apply.
The sad thing is that the couple are pretty much unable to even communicate with any reliability, as they’re physically separated by several hundred miles, and his family’s home appears to have very poor mobile signal and no landline. And that is adding to the stress of it all for her.

As explained, I’m quite removed from this. The wife’s brother is a bit of a nob, but his other half is genuinely lovely, and her foster family who raised her are genuine, honest hard workers with a very strong moral compass, and I think that’s true for the lady herself. It just seems sad this is happening on very level, for them both, tbh.

Time to have a word with social services safeguarding team. They're both (potentially) vulnerable adults and the family can't just turf her out with nowhere to go to even if she has no claim on the house.

[poo at Paul's]

bimsb6 said:

Is there a will from the owner ( i realise not yet deceased) that may change things , he may have left the property to the lady so the family are prempting the loss of the family inheritance.

Yes, possibly there is a will and you may be right as to what’s driving this. But with the lady not yet knowing what is going on exactly, it’s a difficult subject to raise.

It’s odd, about 2 months ago a chap who’s in his 90s that I’ve known for 40 years odd told me he’s got cancer and is having another op soon. He owns his house and he is on his 3rd partner, who is mid 70s now so much younger, has lived with him for near 30 years! He’s got no will, is superstitious and doesn’t want to get one, but ‘wants her to stay in the house as long as she needs to’if anything happens to him. I have pointed out she may have 15 years and his son who’s a real genuine top lad, is early 60s now, so she could still be living there when he’s mid 70s! So he needs to formalise it, but he just won’t, in case he jinxes things!

[poo at Paul's]

Bill said:

Time to have a word with social services safeguarding team. They're both (potentially) vulnerable adults and the family can't just turf her out with nowhere to go to even if she has no claim on the house.

That sounds sensible. They’re going to have to tell her pronto I reckon, especially if going down that route.


It’s a proper shame for them both. I’d like to think neither would like the other to be in the position they seem to be in at the moment.

[Boringvolvodriver]

Some good advice here and I would go along with having a word with the safeguarding team where the lady is living and probably also where the man is residing with his family since there could well be undue influence being placed on him by his family.

Ideally, there should be a meeting of all those concerned to discuss the situation and to clarify exactly what both parties want to happen although I accept this May be difficult to achieve.

If the lady has contributed in some way towards the house, paying bills etc, then there is a strong chance she will have some rights and in any event, I would have thought that if the family of the man are adamant she has to leave, then some form of notice will have to be given.

The best starting point is getting some legal advice for the lady.

[av185]

It may well be she has acquired some beneficial interest in the property as previously posted especially if she has contributed to the household costs over the 20+ years etc.

There may also be scope for her to explore the possibility of having acquired a life interest through contributing which would possibly allow her to reside at the property if she wishes until she dies at which point it would pass according to the will.

You really need to get specialist advice and not from your average conveyancing solicitors as this is quite a complex area.

[hidetheelephants]

FMOB said:

I think the local council is the first port of call as the lady could be homeless imminently.

As for legal advice, try Citizens Advice in the first instance.

Shelter are usually a good bet for tenants' rights also.

poo at Paul's said:

It’s odd, about 2 months ago a chap who’s in his 90s that I’ve known for 40 years odd told me he’s got cancer and is having another op soon. He owns his house and he is on his 3rd partner, who is mid 70s now so much younger, has lived with him for near 30 years! He’s got no will, is superstitious and doesn’t want to get one, but ‘wants her to stay in the house as long as she needs to’if anything happens to him. I have pointed out she may have 15 years and his son who’s a real genuine top lad, is early 60s now, so she could still be living there when he’s mid 70s! So he needs to formalise it, but he just won’t, in case he jinxes things!

Maybe point out that he's going to create a stty situation for those that will be left dealing with the fallout from an intestacy. A will doesn't remove the risk of lawyers hoovering all the value out of an estate but it reduces the risk a great deal and gives clarity to those he wants to benefit. When you're 90 it doesn't take much to finish you off even when otherwise fit and well and a cancer op with general anaesthetic is a high risk.

Edited by hidetheelephants on Saturday 13th April 19:44

[Bill]

hidetheelephants said:

Maybe point out that he's going to create a stty situation for those that will be left dealing with the fallout from an intestacy. A will doesn't remove the risk of lawyers hoovering all the value out of an estate but it reduces the risk a great deal and gives clarity to those he wants to benefit. When you're 90 it doesn't take much to finish you off even when otherwise fit and well and a cancer op with general anaesthetic is a high risk.

Edited by hidetheelephants on Saturday 13th April 19:44

Getting married is optimistic and not a "jinx"...

[Jeremy-75qq8]

What stty kids.

If she is a dependent then as above she has rights if he dies.

If he is alive I just don't know and back to get legal advise.

Normal partner relationships don't confer rights but given they are still together and he has not asked her to leave ( and would likely be mortified if he did know I would be inclined to

A get legal advice.

B say that any request to end the relationship needs to come from him directly. I don't think that a power of attorney gives you the right as attorney holders to dump the girlfriend.


Also bear in mind should so accept if for some reason and cease to be a dependant and she dies next week then she may well end up giving up rights under his will.

Do nothing. Get advise. Electrify door handles and hope it electrocutes the vile money grabbing children

[babelfish]

poo at Paul's said:

the couple are pretty much unable to even communicate with any reliability, as they’re physically separated by several hundred miles, and his family’s home appears to have very poor mobile signal and no landline.

Sounds like his family are putting obstacles in the way. I'd be surprised if they would be unable to communicate with others when they want to.

[James6112]

Perhaps worth calling a charity like ‘Age Uk’

I called them once, with a concern about an elderly relative (nothing like yours).

They gave some sound advice and sent me an information pack to pass onto them.

Edited by James6112 on Sunday 14th April 08:08

[OutInTheShed]

The flip side of this is that the bloke had every opportunity to make a will or other arrangements over the last n years.

Perhaps it was intention that the property goes to his kids?

Perhaps the 'couple' made a decision to remain financially independent?

You can't assume they were completely naive and all this is a complete surprise.

[hidetheelephants]

OutInTheShed said:

The flip side of this is that the bloke had every opportunity to make a will or other arrangements over the last n years.

Perhaps it was intention that the property goes to his kids?

Perhaps the 'couple' made a decision to remain financially independent?

You can't assume they were completely naive and all this is a complete surprise.

Yet there's plenty of evidence that people do procrastinate drafting wills for often irrational reasons. We have no facts pointing either way.

[98elise]

SlimJim16v said:

FMOB said:

Surely the owner of the house has final say unless they no longer have capacity.

I was going to say the same thing.

Same here. Its the owners house, not the family. If the partner has been contributing to the day to day expenses then they will have some rights.

Proper legal advise is needed though.

[Sir Bagalot]

First thing I'd do is change all the locks then give the keys to her.

Then as other have said. Legal advice and chat with 'Age UK'.