Imagine listening to this on the radio on the way to work!

[annsxman]

Just imagine sitting in traffic on your way to work and hearing this.

Many Sydney folks DID hear this on the FOX FM morning show in Sydney.
The DJs play a game where they award winners great prizes. The game is called
"Mate Match". The DJs call someone at work and ask if they are married or
seriously involved with someone. If the contestant answers "yes", he or she
is then asked 3 random yet highly personal questions. The person is also
asked to divulge the name of their partner (with phone number) for
verification. If their partner answers those same three questions correctly, they both win the prize.

One particular game, however, several months ago made the Harbour City drop
to its knees with laughter and is possibly the funniest thing you've heard yet.

Anyway, here's how it all went down:

DJ: "Hey! This is Ed on FOX-FM. Have you ever heard of 'Mate Match'?"

Contestant: (laughing) "Yes, I have."

DJ: "Great! Then you know we're giving away a trip to the Gold Coast if you win. What is your name? First only please."

Contestant: "Brian."

DJ: "Brian, are you married or what?"

Brian: (laughing nervously) "Yes, I am married."

DJ: "Thank you. Now, what is your wife's name? First only please."

Brian: "Sara."

DJ: "Is Sara at work, Brian?"

Brian: "She is gonna kill me."

DJ: "Stay with me here, Brian! Is she at work?"

Brian: (laughing) "Yes, she's at work."

DJ: "Okay, first question - when was the last time you had sex?"

Brian: "About 8 o'clock this morning."

DJ: "Atta boy, Brian."

Brian: (laughing sheepishly) "Well..."

DJ: "Question #2 - How long did it last?"

Brian: "About 10 minutes."

DJ: "Wow! You really want that trip, huh? No one would ever have said that if a trip wasn't at stake."

Brian: "Yeah, that trip sure would be nice."

DJ: "Okay. Final question. Where did you have sex at 8 o'clock this morning?

Brian: (laughing hard) "I, ummm, I, well..."

DJ: "This sounds good, Brian. Where was it at?"

Brian: "Not that it was all that great, but her mum is staying with us for a couple of weeks..."

DJ: "Uh huh..."

Brian: "...and the Mother-In-Law was in the shower at the time."

DJ: "Atta boy, Brian."

Brian: "On the kitchen table."

DJ: "Not that great?? That is more adventure than the previous hundred times
I've done it. Okay folks, I will put Brian on hold, get this wife's work number and call her up. You listen to this."

[ 3 minutes of commercials follow. ]

DJ: "Okay audience; let's call Sarah, shall we?" (Touch tones.....ringing....)

Clerk: "Kinkos."

DJ: "Hey, is Sarah around there somewhere?"

Clerk: "This is she."

DJ: "Sarah, this is Ed with FOX-FM. We are live on the air right now and
I've been talking with Brian for a couple of hours now."

Sarah: (laughing) "A couple of hours?"

DJ: "Well, a while now. He is on the line with us. Brian knows not to give
any answers away or you'll lose. Sooooooo... do you know the rules of 'Mate Match'?"

Sarah: "No."

DJ: "Good!"

Brian: (laughing)

Sarah: (laughing) "Brian, what the hell are you up to?"

Brian: (laughing) "Just answer his questions honestly, okay? Be completely honest."

DJ: "Yeah yeah yeah. Sure. Now, I will ask you 3 questions, Sarah. If your
answers match Brian's answers, then the both of you will be off to the Gold
Coast for 5 days on us.

Sarah: (laughing) "Yes."

DJ: "Alright. When did you last have sex, Sarah?"

Sarah: "Oh God, Brian....uh, this morning before Brian went to work."

DJ: "What time?"

Sarah: "Around 8 this morning."

DJ: "Very good. Next question. How long did it last?"

Sarah: "12, 15 minutes maybe."

DJ: "Hmmmm. That's close enough. I am sure she is trying to protect his
manhood. We've got one last question,

Sarah. You are one question away from a trip to the Gold Coast. Are you ready?"

Sarah: (laughing) "Yes."

DJ: "Where did you have it?"

Sarah: "OH MY GOD, BRIAN!! You didn't tell them that did you?"

Brian: "Just tell him, honey."

DJ: "What is bothering you so much, Sarah?"

Sarah: "Well..."

DJ: Come on Sarah.....where did you have it?

Sarah: "Up the arse....."

After a long pause, the DJ said, "Folks, we need to take a station break"

And the drivers of Sydney almost crashed their cars laughing!

[zippee]

Wheres that timeline when you need it????

[cotty]

www.snopes.com/radiotv/tv/newlywed.htm

[Lurking Lawyer]

You beat me to it, Cotty!

[shadytree]

[gt]

in breaking news, queen victoria passed away this morning..

[Plotloss]

My favourite regardless of its age and origin is the Australian radio show where the contestants had to create a 4 letter word and then use that word in a sentence.

Cried the first time I read it.

[kerfuffle]

Don't worry mate, I do this all the time.

I still thought it was funny though

You have to get up pretty early in the morning to earn a rofl round here though.

[t1grm]

Plotloss said:

My favourite regardless of its age and origin is the Australian radio show where the contestants had to create a 4 letter word and then use that word in a sentence. Cried the first time I read it.

Link please Don't think I've read that one.

Also the first time I've read this one! Very funny.

[kerfuffle]

anonymous said:

[redacted]

Or 8 o'clock apparently. Thank God, those early starts were killing me, and not really paying rofl dividends either.

[Plotloss]

A radio station was running a competition - words that weren't in the dictionary yet could still be used in a sentence that would make logical sense. The prize was a trip to Bali.

DJ: "96 FM here, what's your name?"

Caller: "Hi, my name's Dave."

DJ: "Dave, what's your word?"

Caller: "Goan... spelt G-O-A-N pronounced 'go-an'."

DJ: "You are correct, Dave, 'goan' is not in the dictionary. Now, for a trip to Bali: What sentence can you use that word in that would make sense?"

Caller: "Goan yourself!"

The DJ cut the caller off and took other calls, all unsuccessful until:

DJ: "96 FM, what's your name?"

Caller: "Hi, me name's Jeff."

DJ: "Jeff, what's your word?"

Caller: "Smee, spelt S-M-E-E, pronounced 'smee'."

DJ: "You are correct, Jeff, 'smee' is not in the dictionary. Now, for a trip to Bali: What sentence can you use that word in that would make sense?"

Caller: "Smee again! Goan yourself!"

[kerfuffle]

That is genius

[Plotloss]

My other fave, this time a letter rather than a radio show.

A legend said:

Dear Sirs, Your letter arrived this morning in an open envelope and it would have given the son and myself pleasure had it not revived in us a melancholy reflection of what has gone before. You say you thought the account could have been settled long ago, and you could not understand why it hadn't. Well, here are the reasons: In 1987 I purchased a hay shed on credit. In 1988 I bought a combine harvester, a manure spreader, two horses, a double barrel shifter, two cows and ten razor back pigs, also on credit. In 1989 the bloody hay shed burnt to the ground leaving not a damn thing. I got no insurance either as the bloody premium had lapsed. One of the horses went lame and I loaned the other one to my brother who starved the poor bugger to death. In 1990 my father died and my brother was put away when he tried to marry one of his sheep named Hilda. A knacker got my daughter pregnant and I had to pay him a grand to stop him becoming one of my relatives. In 1991 my son got the mumps which spread to his balls and he had to be castrated to save his life. Later in the year I went fishing on the Shannon and the bloody boat overturned, drowning two of my sons, neither being the eunuch who was by now wearing his sisters make-up and dresses. Not long after he emigrated to America with the new parish priest. They are now married and trying for children. In 1992 my wife ran away with a pig jobber from Drumlish and left me with new born twins as a souvenir and I had to get a housekeeper, so I married her to keep down expenses. I had a hell of a job getting her pregnant (to qualify for more children's allowance). I went to see the doctor. He advised me to create some excitement at the crucial moment so that night I brought my shotgun to bed and when I thought the moment was right I leaned out of bed and shot both barrels through the window, the wife shit the bed, I ruptured myself, and the next morning I found I had blown both doors off the barn, shot my best dairy cow and killed the knackerer who was in the hay loft with my daughter trying to get more money out of me, which he did because I had to pay for the er's funeral expenses. The next year, 1993, someone cut the balls off my prize bull, poisoned the water, and set fire to the house. I was bolloxed and took to the drink and did not stop until all I had left was a pocket watch and a weak bladder. Winding the watch and running for a piss kept me busy for a time. This year I took heart again and bought (on the hire purchase) a bulldozer, tractor and trailer and a new bull. Then the Shannon flooded and washed the bloody lot away, my second wife got V.D. from a land inspector and my last surviving son died from wiping his arse on a poisoned rabbit I had put down for dogs who were worrying the sheep. It surprises me very much that you say you will cause trouble if I don't pay up. If you can think of anything I've missed I should like to know about it. Trying to get money out of me will be like trying to poke butter up a hedgehog's hole with a red hot needle. I'm praying for a cloud of cat's shit to pass your way and I hope it will fall on you and the bastards in your office who sent me this final demand.

[Rotaree]

Another one of my favourite urban myths said:

Dear Sir, I am writing in response to your request for additional information in Block #3 of the accident reporting form. I put "Poor Planning" as the cause of my accident. You asked for a fuller explanation and I trust the following details will be sufficient. I am a bricklayer by trade. On the day of the accident, I was working alone on the roof of a new six-story building. When I completed my work, I found I had some bricks left over which, when weighed later, were found to weigh 240 lbs. Rather than carry the bricks down by hand, I decided to lower them in a barrel by using a pulley which was attached to the side of the building at the sixth floor. Securing the rope at ground level, I went up to the roof, swung the barrel out and loaded the bricks into it. Then I went down and untied the rope, holding it tightly to insure a slow descent of the 240 lbs of bricks. You will note on the accident reporting form that my weight is 135 lbs. Due to my surprise at being jerked off the ground so suddenly, I lost my presence of mind and forgot to let go of the rope. Needless to say, I proceeded at a rapid rate up the side of the building. In the vicinity of the third floor, I met the barrel which was now proceeding downward at an equally impressive speed. This explains the fractured skull, minor abrasions and the broken collarbone, as listed in Section 3, accident reporting form. Slowed only slightly, I continued my rapid ascent, not stopping until the fingers of my right hand were two knuckles deep into the pulley which I mentioned in Paragraph 2 of this correspondence. Fortunately by this time I had regained my presence of mind and was able to hold tightly to the rope, in spite of the excruciating pain I was now beginning to experience. At approximately the same time, however, the barrel of bricks hit the ground and the bottom fell out of the barrel. Now devoid of the weight of the bricks, the barrel weighed approximately 50 lbs. I refer you again to my weight. As you might imagine, I began a rapid descent down the side of the building. In the vicinity of the third floor, I met the barrel coming up. This accounts for the two fractured ankles, broken tooth and severe lacerations of my legs and lower body. Here my luck began to change slightly. The encounter with the barrel seemed to slow me enough to lessen my injuries when I fell into the pile of bricks and fortunately only three vertebrae were cracked. I am sorry to report, however, as I lay there on the pile of bricks, in pain, unable to move and watching the empty barrel six stories above me, I again lost my composure and presence of mind and let go of the rope. And I lay there watching the empty barrel begin its journey back onto me.

I know it's ancient but if you haven't heard it before...............

It still makes me laugh.

>> Edited by Rotaree on Tuesday 1st November 15:27

>> Edited by Rotaree on Tuesday 1st November 15:29

[Mad Dave]

That letter is pure genius.

Anyone got the 'builders accident report' and 'chili cookoff' ones?

[moreymach]

www.ebaumsworld.com/audios.shtml

[2 Smokin Barrels]

Quiz to identify Murray Walker

DJ "its a famous sports presenter"
Woman "mmmm?"
DJ "it sound like you might suck it" (Murray mint)
Woman "Dickie Davis?"

Hysterical laughter & cut to music.