Aplogies in advance.....
Discussion
Oldy but a goody...
Billy was at school this morning and the teacher asked all the children what their fathers did for a living.
All the typical answers came out, fireman, policeman, salesman, chippy, captain of industry etc, but Billy was being uncharacteristically quiet and so the teacher asked him about his father.
"My father is an exotic dancer in a gay club and takes off all his clothes in front of other men. Sometimes if the offer is really good, he'll go out with a man, rent a cheap hotel room and let them sleep with him."
The teacher quickly set the other children some work and took little Billy aside to ask him if that was really true.
"No" said Billy, "He plays cricket for England but I was just too embarrassed to say."
Billy was at school this morning and the teacher asked all the children what their fathers did for a living.
All the typical answers came out, fireman, policeman, salesman, chippy, captain of industry etc, but Billy was being uncharacteristically quiet and so the teacher asked him about his father.
"My father is an exotic dancer in a gay club and takes off all his clothes in front of other men. Sometimes if the offer is really good, he'll go out with a man, rent a cheap hotel room and let them sleep with him."
The teacher quickly set the other children some work and took little Billy aside to ask him if that was really true.
"No" said Billy, "He plays cricket for England but I was just too embarrassed to say."
Once upon a time in the Kingdom of Heaven, God went missing for Six days. Eventually, Michael the Archangel found him, resting on the seventh day. He inquired of God, "Where have you been?"
God sighed a deep sigh of satisfaction and proudly pointed downwards through the clouds, "Look Michael, look what I've made." Archangel Michael looked puzzled and said, "What is it?"
"It's a planet, replied God, "and I've put LIFE on it. I'm going to call it Earth and it's going to be a great place of balance".
"Balance?" inquired Michael, still confused.
God explained, pointing to different parts of Earth.
"For example, Northern Europe will be a place of great opportunity and wealth while Southern Europe is going to be poor; the Middle East over there will be a hot spot."
"Over there I've placed a continent of white people and over there is a continent of black people" God continued, pointing to different countries. "And over there, I call this place America.
North America will be rich and powerful and cold, while South America will be poor, and hot and friendly. And the little spot in the middle is Central America which is a Hot spot. Can you see the balance?"
"Yes" said the Archangel, impressed by Gods work, then he pointed to a smallish land mass and asked, "What's that one?"
"Ah" said God. "That's New Zealand, a glorious place. There are beautiful mountains, rainforests, rivers, streams and an exquisite coast line. The people are good looking and intelligent and they're going to be found traveling the world. They'll be hard-working and high-achieving, and they will be known throughout the world as diplomats and carriers of peace".
Michael gasped in wonder and admiration but then exclaimed, "You said there will be BALANCE!"
God replied wisely. "Wait until you see the buggers I'm putting next to them"
God sighed a deep sigh of satisfaction and proudly pointed downwards through the clouds, "Look Michael, look what I've made." Archangel Michael looked puzzled and said, "What is it?"
"It's a planet, replied God, "and I've put LIFE on it. I'm going to call it Earth and it's going to be a great place of balance".
"Balance?" inquired Michael, still confused.
God explained, pointing to different parts of Earth.
"For example, Northern Europe will be a place of great opportunity and wealth while Southern Europe is going to be poor; the Middle East over there will be a hot spot."
"Over there I've placed a continent of white people and over there is a continent of black people" God continued, pointing to different countries. "And over there, I call this place America.
North America will be rich and powerful and cold, while South America will be poor, and hot and friendly. And the little spot in the middle is Central America which is a Hot spot. Can you see the balance?"
"Yes" said the Archangel, impressed by Gods work, then he pointed to a smallish land mass and asked, "What's that one?"
"Ah" said God. "That's New Zealand, a glorious place. There are beautiful mountains, rainforests, rivers, streams and an exquisite coast line. The people are good looking and intelligent and they're going to be found traveling the world. They'll be hard-working and high-achieving, and they will be known throughout the world as diplomats and carriers of peace".
Michael gasped in wonder and admiration but then exclaimed, "You said there will be BALANCE!"
God replied wisely. "Wait until you see the buggers I'm putting next to them"
The seven dwarfs went off to work in the mine one day, while Snow White stayed at home to do the housework and cook their lunch.
However when she went to the mine to deliver their lunches, she found there had been a cave-in, and there was no sign of the dwarfs.
Tearfully she yelled in to the mine entrance: "hello - is anyone there. Can anyone hear me".
A voice floated up from the bowels of the mine:
" Australia will win the Rugby World Cup"
"Thank god" said Snow White "at least Dopey's still alive"
However when she went to the mine to deliver their lunches, she found there had been a cave-in, and there was no sign of the dwarfs.
Tearfully she yelled in to the mine entrance: "hello - is anyone there. Can anyone hear me".
A voice floated up from the bowels of the mine:
" Australia will win the Rugby World Cup"
"Thank god" said Snow White "at least Dopey's still alive"
A woman is driving into a small town in Australia and slams on the brakes as a kangaroo runs across the road in front of her. Just as she regains her wits and gets ready to proceed, an aussie bloke runs right in front of her and catches the kangaroo by the hind legs and starts screwing it. "Oh my God!" she exclaims and drives into town to find the local law.
She sees the local police car parked in front of the town bar. "It figures," she says as she storms inside. The first thing she notices is an old, old man with a long white beard sitting in the corner jacking-off. She runs up to the policeman who's sitting at the bar with his drink.
"What kind of sick town are you running here?! I drive into town and almost run over some guy sodomizing an animal....and then...I come in here....and see this old man in the corner jacking-off right in public!!!!??"
"Well, ma'am," the policeman slowly replies, "you don't expect him to catch a kangaroo at his age, do ya?"
She sees the local police car parked in front of the town bar. "It figures," she says as she storms inside. The first thing she notices is an old, old man with a long white beard sitting in the corner jacking-off. She runs up to the policeman who's sitting at the bar with his drink.
"What kind of sick town are you running here?! I drive into town and almost run over some guy sodomizing an animal....and then...I come in here....and see this old man in the corner jacking-off right in public!!!!??"
"Well, ma'am," the policeman slowly replies, "you don't expect him to catch a kangaroo at his age, do ya?"
One day an Australian man arrives in London and after a few hours meets a woman who asks him back to her house for sex.
When they get there the Australian instantly starts dragging all the furniture to one side of the room.
"What the hell are you doing!?" asked the woman.
"Well," replied the Australian, "I've never slept with a woman before, and if you're anything like a kangaroo we are going to need as much room as possible!"
When they get there the Australian instantly starts dragging all the furniture to one side of the room.
"What the hell are you doing!?" asked the woman.
"Well," replied the Australian, "I've never slept with a woman before, and if you're anything like a kangaroo we are going to need as much room as possible!"
When their car broke down a Jew, an Indian and an Australian knocked on a farmer's door to ask for accommodation for the night. "I only have room for two, one of you will have to sleep in the barn," said the farmer. "Alright, I will," said the Jew.
But 5 minutes later there was a knock at the door. "There's a pig in the barn, I can't sleep in there," said the Jew. "Okay, I'll go," said the Indian.
Five minutes later there was a knock on the door. "There is an un-sacred cow in the barn," he said. "No worries mate, I'll go," said the Australian.
Five minutes later there was yet another knock at the door. It was the pig and cow!!!
But 5 minutes later there was a knock at the door. "There's a pig in the barn, I can't sleep in there," said the Jew. "Okay, I'll go," said the Indian.
Five minutes later there was a knock on the door. "There is an un-sacred cow in the barn," he said. "No worries mate, I'll go," said the Australian.
Five minutes later there was yet another knock at the door. It was the pig and cow!!!
An English tourist visiting Victoria in Australia notices a farmer goin' at it with a sheep in a nearby field. The English guy taken aback by this, so he climbs the fence and walks over to the farmer. He taps him on the shoulder and says, "You know mate, back home, we shear those!"
The Victorian farmer looks frantically around and says, "I'm not bloody SHARING with anyone!"
The Victorian farmer looks frantically around and says, "I'm not bloody SHARING with anyone!"
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