Difficult Employee - Advice Needed!
Discussion
I have a member of staff who seems to have a slight attitude problem. Almost any comment which isn't entirely “yes please, definitely, thank you” is taken by her as an insult or direct attack. She's quick to brand anyone rude or arrogant.
This leads to her having a fairly short nerve with most situations and complaining to me when she thinks people are assuming she’s too young, stupid or inexperienced to be in her role. Mostly she assumes other people are ‘getting short’ with her when in actual fact, having heard her phone conversations (at least her side of things) it’s her own tone which comes across as aggressive or abrasive. I also find she doesn't always fully explain herself, leading to the other person to jump to conclusions and causing even more of a perceived 'attitude'.
Sadly I've inherited her as a member of staff rather than having her hired myself, and her original hirer is a director who thinks the sun shines out of her backside, so I've got little support to manage her within ‘the company’.
Her review is coming up and I really want to address these issues. Whenever they crop up in day-to-day work I address them individually and have said that she needs to realise people aren't attacking her, but perhaps she needs to explain herself more clearly so they can give the correct answers.
Her usual line is “they speak to you differently because you’re the manager” which may be true, but only if they’re aware of that. Which often in a quick phone conversation to collect documentation etc, they wouldn't be.
I'm finding this tough – Our HR department are hugely over-worked and getting any kind of response is not only time consuming but when the response comes it’s usually “you just need to manage the situation as it arises.”
She is quite immature for her age (despite being just a year younger than I am) and has a very short temper which needs to be managed. My question is really how to approach this without the temper tantrum she usually puts on (a few months ago in a conversation with HR she stormed out the building claiming she’s being bullied. She’s not, at all.)
I've not had a huge amount of experience in people management (my role is majority sales and facilities management) so any advice people can give would be fantastic. Happy to give exact scenarios etc if anyone has specific questions.
This leads to her having a fairly short nerve with most situations and complaining to me when she thinks people are assuming she’s too young, stupid or inexperienced to be in her role. Mostly she assumes other people are ‘getting short’ with her when in actual fact, having heard her phone conversations (at least her side of things) it’s her own tone which comes across as aggressive or abrasive. I also find she doesn't always fully explain herself, leading to the other person to jump to conclusions and causing even more of a perceived 'attitude'.
Sadly I've inherited her as a member of staff rather than having her hired myself, and her original hirer is a director who thinks the sun shines out of her backside, so I've got little support to manage her within ‘the company’.
Her review is coming up and I really want to address these issues. Whenever they crop up in day-to-day work I address them individually and have said that she needs to realise people aren't attacking her, but perhaps she needs to explain herself more clearly so they can give the correct answers.
Her usual line is “they speak to you differently because you’re the manager” which may be true, but only if they’re aware of that. Which often in a quick phone conversation to collect documentation etc, they wouldn't be.
I'm finding this tough – Our HR department are hugely over-worked and getting any kind of response is not only time consuming but when the response comes it’s usually “you just need to manage the situation as it arises.”
She is quite immature for her age (despite being just a year younger than I am) and has a very short temper which needs to be managed. My question is really how to approach this without the temper tantrum she usually puts on (a few months ago in a conversation with HR she stormed out the building claiming she’s being bullied. She’s not, at all.)
I've not had a huge amount of experience in people management (my role is majority sales and facilities management) so any advice people can give would be fantastic. Happy to give exact scenarios etc if anyone has specific questions.
romeogolf said:
I have a member of staff who seems to have a slight attitude problem. Almost any comment which isn't entirely “yes please, definitely, thank you” is taken by her as an insult or direct attack. She's quick to brand anyone rude or arrogant.
This leads to her having a fairly short nerve with most situations and complaining to me when she thinks people are assuming she’s too young, stupid or inexperienced to be in her role. Mostly she assumes other people are ‘getting short’ with her when in actual fact, having heard her phone conversations (at least her side of things) it’s her own tone which comes across as aggressive or abrasive. I also find she doesn't always fully explain herself, leading to the other person to jump to conclusions and causing even more of a perceived 'attitude'.
Sadly I've inherited her as a member of staff rather than having her hired myself, and her original hirer is a director who thinks the sun shines out of her backside, so I've got little support to manage her within ‘the company’.
Her review is coming up and I really want to address these issues. Whenever they crop up in day-to-day work I address them individually and have said that she needs to realise people aren't attacking her, but perhaps she needs to explain herself more clearly so they can give the correct answers.
Her usual line is “they speak to you differently because you’re the manager” which may be true, but only if they’re aware of that. Which often in a quick phone conversation to collect documentation etc, they wouldn't be.
I'm finding this tough – Our HR department are hugely over-worked and getting any kind of response is not only time consuming but when the response comes it’s usually “you just need to manage the situation as it arises.”
She is quite immature for her age (despite being just a year younger than I am) and has a very short temper which needs to be managed. My question is really how to approach this without the temper tantrum she usually puts on (a few months ago in a conversation with HR she stormed out the building claiming she’s being bullied. She’s not, at all.)
I've not had a huge amount of experience in people management (my role is majority sales and facilities management) so any advice people can give would be fantastic. Happy to give exact scenarios etc if anyone has specific questions.
I've been in this situation before as a manager. The person was unaware it was them with the problem rather than others. In order to make them realise they had to change I selected a few people at random across different levels of the business to do 360 review on said person to "open their eyes" to the problem. The feedback was taken well and there was a dramatic change for the better.This leads to her having a fairly short nerve with most situations and complaining to me when she thinks people are assuming she’s too young, stupid or inexperienced to be in her role. Mostly she assumes other people are ‘getting short’ with her when in actual fact, having heard her phone conversations (at least her side of things) it’s her own tone which comes across as aggressive or abrasive. I also find she doesn't always fully explain herself, leading to the other person to jump to conclusions and causing even more of a perceived 'attitude'.
Sadly I've inherited her as a member of staff rather than having her hired myself, and her original hirer is a director who thinks the sun shines out of her backside, so I've got little support to manage her within ‘the company’.
Her review is coming up and I really want to address these issues. Whenever they crop up in day-to-day work I address them individually and have said that she needs to realise people aren't attacking her, but perhaps she needs to explain herself more clearly so they can give the correct answers.
Her usual line is “they speak to you differently because you’re the manager” which may be true, but only if they’re aware of that. Which often in a quick phone conversation to collect documentation etc, they wouldn't be.
I'm finding this tough – Our HR department are hugely over-worked and getting any kind of response is not only time consuming but when the response comes it’s usually “you just need to manage the situation as it arises.”
She is quite immature for her age (despite being just a year younger than I am) and has a very short temper which needs to be managed. My question is really how to approach this without the temper tantrum she usually puts on (a few months ago in a conversation with HR she stormed out the building claiming she’s being bullied. She’s not, at all.)
I've not had a huge amount of experience in people management (my role is majority sales and facilities management) so any advice people can give would be fantastic. Happy to give exact scenarios etc if anyone has specific questions.
Feedback is the breakfast of champions!
Hoolio said:
I've been in this situation before as a manager. The person was unaware it was them with the problem rather than others. In order to make them realise they had to change I selected a few people at random across different levels of the business to do 360 review on said person to "open their eyes" to the problem. The feedback was taken well and there was a dramatic change for the better.
Feedback is the breakfast of champions!
Thanks Hoolio - Unfortunately we're a company with a large number of small branches. So here we have just 4 staff: Myself, the staff member in question and two other staff members who are managed jointly by the staff member in question and myself. I think it would be a little awkward/improper to ask them to review their line manager in that way, no?Feedback is the breakfast of champions!
romeogolf said:
Thanks Hoolio - Unfortunately we're a company with a large number of small branches. So here we have just 4 staff: Myself, the staff member in question and two other staff members who are managed jointly by the staff member in question and myself. I think it would be a little awkward/improper to ask them to review their line manager in that way, no?
Are you not able to ask a cross section of the company from outside your office? People she speaks to / deals with on a regular basis?(a few months ago in a conversation with HR she stormed out the building claiming she’s being bullied. She’s not, at all.)
And HR duid nothing about this, thats very poor, they should have at least investigated or advised you to investigate.
You need HR support or if you are meeting with her you need a credible witness to support you.
And HR duid nothing about this, thats very poor, they should have at least investigated or advised you to investigate.
You need HR support or if you are meeting with her you need a credible witness to support you.
Hoolio said:
Are you not able to ask a cross section of the company from outside your office? People she speaks to / deals with on a regular basis?
I'll ask HR if there's any policy on this. Other than people in this office the only company employees she would talk to regularly would be two members of finance, HR and 'facilities coordinator' (Health and Safety).anothernameitist said:
(a few months ago in a conversation with HR she stormed out the building claiming she’s being bullied. She’s not, at all.)
And HR duid nothing about this, thats very poor, they should have at least investigated or advised you to investigate.
You need HR support or if you are meeting with her you need a credible witness to support you.
The conversation was with HR about HR themselves, so while I was made aware of it, it didn't need any further input from me. Complicated situation regarding childcare and flexible working arrangements.And HR duid nothing about this, thats very poor, they should have at least investigated or advised you to investigate.
You need HR support or if you are meeting with her you need a credible witness to support you.
Asterix said:
Do you have a call recording policy?
Often they have no idea how they sound to others - they may think they're being 'assertive'.
Nothing like that, but that would be helpful.Often they have no idea how they sound to others - they may think they're being 'assertive'.
romeogolf said:
Sadly I've inherited her as a member of staff rather than having her hired myself, and her original hirer is a director who thinks the sun shines out of her backside, so I've got little support to manage her within ‘the company’.
Is he porking her? If not, does he have any kind of friend/family connection to her?
I've found in various jobs over the years that one or the other can lead to people extracting the urine, as she seems to be.
PurpleTurtle said:
Is he porking her?
If not, does he have any kind of friend/family connection to her?
I've found in various jobs over the years that one or the other can lead to people extracting the urine, as she seems to be.
Hah! He can be overly familial and HR have palpitations when he opens his mouth, but no - He's almost definitely not. I'm not sure what the background/connection is but he's very fond of her and thinks she just needs help/support. Sorta frustrating from a management perspective.If not, does he have any kind of friend/family connection to her?
I've found in various jobs over the years that one or the other can lead to people extracting the urine, as she seems to be.
romeogolf said:
Thanks Hoolio - Unfortunately we're a company with a large number of small branches. So here we have just 4 staff: Myself, the staff member in question and two other staff members who are managed jointly by the staff member in question and myself. I think it would be a little awkward/improper to ask them to review their line manager in that way, no?
No that's called managing upwards or I prefer to call it managing outwards.http://www.ftpress.com/articles/article.aspx?p=668...
You need to get her to see the error of her ways without you telling her them eg start with simple factual examples of things that have happened + her reaction, then get her to comment on it. Sometimes you can see these people squirming to avoid dropping themselves in it so all you can do then is keep repeating examples until they confess. Confession is the key though at which point you can then plan how to change things for the better.
TX.
TX.
There's 2 types of feedback; corrective and constructive. Some managers think they're giving one, when they're actually giving the other and often they think or tell themselves they're being constructive when they're being overly corrective. That leads to the employee thinking they're not being listened to.
Whatever you show her as 'I do it like this' leads her to think 'he's telling me I'm doing it wrong'
Ask her for answers, you dont need to provide them. Explore through questions aimed at getting to the heart of the problem, and what fixes she thinks she could make that would make things run smoother. If it's her idea, a) it's not yours and b) she's more invested in making it work then tell her it's a job well done when it's working
I also think you need to get out of the mindset of seeing her as difficult. The situation is difficult, and that's down to how well you're trained. It's not that the person themselves or their attitude is difficult, it just needs a set of skills you need to pull out from somewhere
Whatever you show her as 'I do it like this' leads her to think 'he's telling me I'm doing it wrong'
Ask her for answers, you dont need to provide them. Explore through questions aimed at getting to the heart of the problem, and what fixes she thinks she could make that would make things run smoother. If it's her idea, a) it's not yours and b) she's more invested in making it work then tell her it's a job well done when it's working
I also think you need to get out of the mindset of seeing her as difficult. The situation is difficult, and that's down to how well you're trained. It's not that the person themselves or their attitude is difficult, it just needs a set of skills you need to pull out from somewhere
Stick her on a Customer Service course as part of her development. Make sure it is one with a decent sized group.
These courses tend to give people the opportunity to compare their methods/styles against others and hopefully pick up some of the positive aspects. The course leader will be a unbiased third-party, so any constructive criticism will be based on their perception of your member of staff.
Usually they are one day affairs and the feedback can be invaluable.
These courses tend to give people the opportunity to compare their methods/styles against others and hopefully pick up some of the positive aspects. The course leader will be a unbiased third-party, so any constructive criticism will be based on their perception of your member of staff.
Usually they are one day affairs and the feedback can be invaluable.
Nick Grant said:
How long has she been employed?
Approximately two years. She was on maternity leave when I joined the company a year ago and returned a few months ago.The Beaver King said:
Stick her on a Customer Service course as part of her development. Make sure it is one with a decent sized group.
These courses tend to give people the opportunity to compare their methods/styles against others and hopefully pick up some of the positive aspects. The course leader will be a unbiased third-party, so any constructive criticism will be based on their perception of your member of staff.
Usually they are one day affairs and the feedback can be invaluable.
That sounds fairly useful, thanks. I'll suggest this to HR and see what we can find.These courses tend to give people the opportunity to compare their methods/styles against others and hopefully pick up some of the positive aspects. The course leader will be a unbiased third-party, so any constructive criticism will be based on their perception of your member of staff.
Usually they are one day affairs and the feedback can be invaluable.
andy-xr said:
There's 2 types of feedback; corrective and constructive. Some managers think they're giving one, when they're actually giving the other and often they think or tell themselves they're being constructive when they're being overly corrective. That leads to the employee thinking they're not being listened to.
Whatever you show her as 'I do it like this' leads her to think 'he's telling me I'm doing it wrong'
Ask her for answers, you dont need to provide them. Explore through questions aimed at getting to the heart of the problem, and what fixes she thinks she could make that would make things run smoother. If it's her idea, a) it's not yours and b) she's more invested in making it work then tell her it's a job well done when it's working
I also think you need to get out of the mindset of seeing her as difficult. The situation is difficult, and that's down to how well you're trained. It's not that the person themselves or their attitude is difficult, it just needs a set of skills you need to pull out from somewhere
Food for thought, Andy. It's a tough situation for sure. I've made comments about distancing herself from the personal side of the comments (she thinks) she's hearing.Whatever you show her as 'I do it like this' leads her to think 'he's telling me I'm doing it wrong'
Ask her for answers, you dont need to provide them. Explore through questions aimed at getting to the heart of the problem, and what fixes she thinks she could make that would make things run smoother. If it's her idea, a) it's not yours and b) she's more invested in making it work then tell her it's a job well done when it's working
I also think you need to get out of the mindset of seeing her as difficult. The situation is difficult, and that's down to how well you're trained. It's not that the person themselves or their attitude is difficult, it just needs a set of skills you need to pull out from somewhere
I've also asked specific questions like "What did he say that makes you think he thinks you're rubbish at this [her words]?" but her replies are a little bit "well it's just his tone of voice, you can just tell" etc. So it's definitely a perception issue. Probably rooted in very low self-confidence but exacerbated by the fact that unfortunately she's not very good at communicating ideas either verbally or in writing.
Her emails are appalling and even when I know what she's trying to say I have trouble making sense of them (especially as a result of poor spelling/grammar). When she's talking she can come across as very stroppy/short. Examples being "Hi, there's no tea bags in the kitchen?" gets a reply of "Oh, okay" and a blank stare before goes to get some [part of her role, not unexpected].
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