Issues with colleague (performance and mediation)

[HomesRose]

Thanks for all the replies, I think I should rename this "the Millenials thread" lol.

It is possible I'm getting somewhat bogged down in this. We're understaffed, I'm pushing for promotion and I have this person constantly nipping at me and complaining about complete and utter rubbish.

A potentially naive part of me thought that this person would have been sacked months ago but here we are, now in June and it continues. I think I'm just weary now and want to see the back of her, but I don't know when the end will be in sight.

Also definitely no emails to colleagues about this - every discussion between us is offline.

[HomesRose]

Breadvan72 said:

That may be an error. If the idiot child becomes litigious, then a good email record of fair deliberations may be helpful to the company. If I was counsel for the idiot child at a tribunal (and NB Bank of Pushy Parents Ltd may fund a case), I could and would make much of gaps and silences in the email record.

Ah apologies, to clarify, any chit chat discussions are off record and anything official has been done via email or documented meetings.

[HomesRose]

Sa Calobra said:

Is she brass necked? Surely she must know she isn't doing well and possibly not thought of in high regard?! If this was me I'd be looking at a exit to another business with my head held high. Not a question mark on a reference or stress.

I'm guessing she doesn't think like normal ..

In all seriousness no, she started out very polite and nice and it appears that she still thinks she is genuinely being wronged here. For a moment it appeared that she had realised it was all going a bit wrong for her when she came out of a meeting with her manager very, very upset and packed up and left in a hurry (I felt pity for about a minute then remembered that she brought all of this upon herself) then phoned in sick the following week. She then came back all high and mighty again so it would appear not. Unbelievable.

[HomesRose]

elanfan said:

Waiting for today's update. Sacked her yet?

No discussion on the matter today and I was enjoying the peace too much to ask if I'm honest. I think there's another week or two until they decide the outcome of the process.

[HomesRose]

So they would like to have a mediation session next Monday. The idea is that it would be two hours 1:1 with each of us then a group session lasting a few hours in the afternoon. It's being held in our office in another city a 2 hour commute from my house (in the office she moved to), so I'm a bit peeved but apparently this is where the mediator is based.

So, here we are. Something tells me I don't need two hours to discuss my "issues"...

[HomesRose]

Breadvan72 said:

Be polite and engaged with the process, but also be firm and maintain that you are not at fault. Resist attempts by the Millennial kidult to dictate the agenda.

A good mediator is not neutral. A good mediator sees which side of the dispute is being unreasonable (sometimes it is both), and seeks to engender a change of position by one or both parties. Are you being offered another manager to go with you as your supporter/advocate?

Thank you, I'm not pleased about having to make the additional effort but I will cooperate and engage to move this along and play my part.

I haven't been offered the option of someone else attending with me, I've thought about it but I'm not sure if this is a worthwhile action. Do you have any thoughts on this?

[HomesRose]

So mediation was today. We had separate sessions with the mediator in the morning followed by a group session in the afternoon.

To summarise, it was a fairly uncomfortable and draining process. It's clear that I'm the blame of everything and anything that's gone wrong and that she continues to feel that way despite all of the HR intervention, the outcome of the 'investigation' and other ongoing matters. There were new accusations brought up which I struck out and she also effectively said I was a liar then had a bit of attitude about it. All positive in a sense as I think it clearly demonstrated the crux of the issue and the mediator intervened and said the behaviour had been inappropriate on her behalf.

We've agreed on ways of communicating going forward with a view to minimise follow up issues and complaints. I think she still has some deep rooted issues that can't be solved in mediation but I don't really think there is a solution as such as she fails to recognise her part in all of this. I think she believes this is a conspiracy that I'm leading and I've influenced other people to be bad to her and withhold work from her. In reality, we are all intelligent adults who have expressed our views and said views are consistent with one another. I also just want to come to work to do my job and have a peaceful life.

I'm now going home for a cup of tea and an early night!

[HomesRose]

Breadvan72 said:

Time, perhaps, for you to get a bit tough with management and say that this employee needs to be fired, or moved away from your team. Does the company derive greater value from you, or from her? I suspect the former. If things carry on to the point where you are feeling stressed and unsupported by the company, you could be the one raising a grievance. Why not talk to a headhunter and see if there is a job elsewhere? Not to move to, necessarily, but to let your management know that if they don't back you up then you might be off (and they might get a constructive dismissal claim from you to boot). I am not suggesting that you go full shouty right away, but you may want to have a serious talk along the lines of "back me or sack me".

You've absolutely nailed my current line of thinking. I've reflected for the last hour and am starting to feel quite irritated now. Not only that, I've gone home early with a sore stomach feeling just horrible, drained and unhappy. If I feel like this tomorrow then I'm taking a day or as long as I need before I go back into the office.

It's a catch 22 - I don't want to keep discussing this in work but I'm also fed up and want something done about the situation as I can't keep going on like this. I make this 9 months now.

[HomesRose]

I took Tuesday off sick and stayed at home to try and switch off. I also wanted to highlight the impact this is having on me as I think that that's been lost a bit in the process.

I had a meeting with the most senior person in our team when I came back who apologised for the way Monday went, how this is making me feel and also made it very clear again that I have their full support.

Unfortunately, it looks likely that her performance whilst on her performance plan has been OK and there aren't going to be clear enough grounds to sack her at this point. Not only does that mean she's going to get to stick around, Monday demonstrated that she has taken zero accountability for what's happened and thinks her performance is good, so this will just turn that up.

I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. I've gone for promotion and I find out within the next week if I've been successful so I'm trying to minimise any fuss at the moment. By Friday (post promotion news and post performance plan outcome) I'll be able to clearly assess what happens next. It doesn't look like this is about to resolve itself soon though sadly.

[HomesRose]

A good news update. My promotion was confirmed and announced yesterday and an hour later, the millennial resigned. Her last day is today.

Hopefully this signals a happier way forward for everyone involved.

[HomesRose]

Thank you all, it's definitely been a weight off my shoulders.

She declined to say where she was going however word travels fast in the profession and it quickly emerged that she's going to a good mid tier firm who are taking on her training contract. I had a strong suspicion she had gone for interviews for various reasons and long 'dental and opticians' appointments back to back.

She said the last few months have been very stressful and she needs the change. She had the cheek to come and have a very loud and awkward conversation with someone I work right next to by standing right next to me bleating about how difficult the last few months have been for her etc etc. I had to stop myself from either shaking my head or laughing out loud. The sad fact is that she continues to miss the point and still has no accountability for what's happened and she needs to change that attitude fast if she wants to do well.

Anyway, she's gone from my hair and I think everyone is relieved. She would come to our office and sit with earphones in, not talking to a soul in the latter days so everyone felt awkward and didn't know how to approach her after everything that's gone on. Now we don't need to tiptoe any longer.

Breadvan72 - will do.