Have i been used as punch bag at work?

[Vaud]

On the point of typing during a call - he may have been taking notes. I do it on conf calls. Some people can also truly multitask so I wouldn't over analyse this one.

It does sound like you get insufficient face to face time with him?

[Pothole]

mikyccity said:

I
It happened again today.
Last week my manager told me that he will come back to me on something which he never did. Today, in the stand up meeting i told him that i have been waiting on you to confirm if i need to work on certain piece, and he said i have already told you it is not required. He just lied.

What did you say to that?

[lyonspride]

Sounds like you need to keep records of everything, even audio recordings of conversations....... But this isn't so you can catch out your boss, that would just piss him off and management WILL ALWAYS take his side regardless of any evidence.

Everything he asks you to do, anything that might get you into trouble, ask him to send you an email "just in case I forget, you know what i'm like sometimes", or as he's in the US "sometimes the line isn't great, and I want to makes sure I understand fully".

Also avoid the blame game, don't try to argue or point the finger in his direction, it won't get you anywhere.
Remember that most managers gets to management by throwing their colleagues under a bus.

Edited by lyonspride on Thursday 25th October 16:25

[Gargamel]

I write emails that say things like,

This is the issue,

This is my proposed action,

Let me know if that’s ok, if I don;t hear anything by close of play today/tomorrow, I will go ahead.


Then I WhatsApp them and say, sent you an email about this thing, are we agreed?


Makes it pretty clear they need to make a decision, or if later they come back, I just re send the email and say-well you never responded so....

[mikyccity]

Vaud said:

On the point of typing during a call - he may have been taking notes. I do it on conf calls. Some people can also truly multitask so I wouldn't over analyse this one.

It does sound like you get insufficient face to face time with him?

No face time at all.

[mikyccity]

Pothole said:

What did you say to that?

I just told him that i never heard from you.

[lyonspride]

mikyccity said:

Pothole said:

What did you say to that?

I just told him that I never heard from you.

And straight away your pointing the finger of blame back at him, which is only going to catch you more hell, especially with no proof.

Blame things, don't blame people. If you don't hear anything in response to an email, then go back and say "I just wanted to make sure you got my email, the emails seem a bit unreliable at the moment" or something similar, we all know it's unlikely and we all known where the real problem lies, but that way your not "fighting" your boss. Something which will just be used against you.

As someone who refuses to kowtow to idiots, I know exactly what it's like, but you won't win "head to head", because management always backup management even if they're very clearly, technically and morally wrong.

[Vaud]

lyonspride said:

Blame things, don't blame people. If you don't hear anything in response to an email, then go back and say "I just wanted to make sure you got my email, the emails seem a bit unreliable at the moment"

Or "I appreciate we are all swamped - resending for your builds/thoughts/etc - let me know if we need a quick call to discuss later today"

Is polite, respectful and maintains urgency?

[Blanchimont]

xjay1337 said:

I had a similar job

I took a brave pill and sat down with him.
I told him in a firm but polite way that I was unhappy with the way he treated me and I felt that he was singling me out.
This was backed up by the other 5 people who were in my team at the time who had all at some point said something to him in passing about it.

In our meeting he acknowledged he had "maybe been a bit harsh" on me.
Things improved for a couple of weeks.
Then they went back to how they were..........

so I found another job for a £15k pay rise.

His loss.

You are right when you say it gets to your confidence etc, it really does play on your mind a lot and stress you out. It's not worth it.
Speak to him, he can't fire you for talking to him. If he doesn't change then leave. Simple as.

+1!

I had a st manager in one of my old places. Constantly dragged the whole team down. Took great pleasure in trying to call me out for doing crap work, then had a go saying "I should've spoken about it privately" when I called him out saying it was the work he did which made it fail. Couldn't see the irony.

Handed my notice in, got told "good, I was looking to get rid of you anyway"
When 9 out of the 15 in the team left I was asked why I was leaving; I said bluntly. Him, he's a .

Got a better job, 8k rise, more responsability, the ability to work from home, and work with a much better team.

Basically, call him out, but make sure you have elsewhere just incase it goes sour.

[prand]

lyonspride said:

And straight away your pointing the finger of blame back at him, which is only going to catch you more hell, especially with no proof.

Blame things, don't blame people. If you don't hear anything in response to an email, then go back and say "I just wanted to make sure you got my email, the emails seem a bit unreliable at the moment" or something similar, we all know it's unlikely and we all known where the real problem lies, but that way your not "fighting" your boss. Something which will just be used against you.

As someone who refuses to kowtow to idiots, I know exactly what it's like, but you won't win "head to head", because management always backup management even if they're very clearly, technically and morally wrong.

Which if you had a decent manager (or colleague) you would not have to be having this conversation.

Sure the above hints and tips are useful tactics for getting along in any workplace, but to me it doesn't really change a bad manager's behaviours. The best approach is to move roles or company.