Opting out of fatherhood

[Frimley111R]

Interesting article/view here on 'financial abortion', i.e. fathers 'caught' by women not having to be responsible...

https://mobile.abc.net.au/news/2016-12-04/financia...

[HughiusMaximus]

Its an interesting concept that I have discussed with others previously.

Simplistically boils to if women have the choice on whether to continue with the pregnancy or not, why should men not have the same choice as to whether they want to recognize the child as theirs with all that goes along with that.

As things stand women have all the options, and men are basically running the risk of unintended fatherhood every time they engage in certain bedroom activities....

I'd support it - but it has zero chance of going anywhere as:

If you are being charitable the US courts are set up to look after the best interest of the child which will be better served if the Dad is on the hook for financial support
If you are being cynical the US courts are trying to make the Dads pay because if they don't in a lot of cases the requirement for support will then fall on the Govt to support via social welfare.

If you cant get the Govt to do anything about paternity fraud in the USA then do we really thing they will do anything about a situation where the man actually is the biological father?...

https://www.huffpost.com/entry/problems-with-pater...


I get that this isn't just a US issue but a lot of movements seem to sweep outwards from there.

[bga]

HughiusMaximus said:

As things stand women have all the options, and men are basically running the risk of unintended fatherhood every time they engage in certain bedroom activities....

Fortunately messrs Durex, Skyn, Mates & others provide men with an option that while not perfect, gives them the ability to significantly reduce the likelihood of an unintended pregnancy.

For any of us males that are concerned that breasted ophidians want to ruin our lives through financial entrapment then the solution is simple - bag it up.

[Ari]

bga said:

Fortunately messrs Durex, Skyn, Mates & others provide men with an option that while not perfect, gives them the ability to significantly reduce the likelihood of an unintended pregnancy.

For any of us males that are concerned that breasted ophidians want to ruin our lives through financial entrapment then the solution is simple - bag it up.

Fine for a quick fling.

Unsustainable in a longer term relationship with a woman who claims to have taken care of birth control. You're basically saying to her 'I think you might be a scheming bh looking to get pregnant so I'm taking my own precautions just in case'. Good luck with that one.

Add to that the loss of sensation and the loss of spontaneity and they're really not a great permanent solution in a real long term relationship. (Doable of course, but not great. And anyway, you trust her, right? She's not one of those girls, you know her too well, she'd never do that to you).

Tin foil hat on, I've often wondered whether the reason a male contraceptive pill has never been invented is due to the realisation that the birth rate would plummet if men were given a discreet easy way of controlling pregnancy.

The amount of 'happy accidents' I'm aware of amongst friends and acquaintances is staggering. Amazingly, it always seems to happen to men who are reasonably solvent too...

[The Moose]

Isn't that what a vasectomy is for?

[HughiusMaximus]

The Moose said:

Isn't that what a vasectomy is for?

Sterilisation is a fairly drastic option!

[bga]

Ari said:

Fine for a quick fling.

Unsustainable in a longer term relationship with a woman who claims to have taken care of birth control. You're basically saying to her 'I think you might be a scheming bh looking to get pregnant so I'm taking my own precautions just in case'. Good luck with that one.

Add to that the loss of sensation and the loss of spontaneity and they're really not a great permanent solution in a real long term relationship. (Doable of course, but not great. And anyway, you trust her, right? She's not one of those girls, you know her too well, she'd never do that to you).

Tin foil hat on, I've often wondered whether the reason a male contraceptive pill has never been invented is due to the realisation that the birth rate would plummet if men were given a discreet easy way of controlling pregnancy.

The amount of 'happy accidents' I'm aware of amongst friends and acquaintances is staggering. Amazingly, it always seems to happen to men who are reasonably solvent too...

Choice of contraception is a balance between effectiveness & trade-offs. If a man wants to be in control then there is a reasonably effective option, albeit one with one or more of the drawbacks you’ve mentioned.

Relying solely on another party does require a degree of trust. We don’t yet have a perfect contraceptive technique based on zero-trust (apart from not having sex).

For every man entrapped I would venture that there are at least a similar number of women who were expecting to bring up kids in a 2-parent household before the father buggered before or shortly after the birth & went on to knock-up someone else.

I’m slightly disappointed that staggeringly few of my solvent mates have been victim of happy accidents but there is time yet!

[anonymous-user]

bga said:

Fortunately messrs Durex, Skyn, Mates & others provide men with an option that while not perfect, gives them the ability to significantly reduce the likelihood of an unintended pregnancy.

For any of us males that are concerned that breasted ophidians want to ruin our lives through financial entrapment then the solution is simple - bag it up.

This entirely.
It's life changing stuff so take responsibility for it.

If it causes your Mrs a problem then probably time for a change.

[bloomen]

anonymous said:

[redacted]

In my entire life I have met one male who vocally desired them before they arrived. I'm sure plenty fell in love once they arrived.

Another couple of others said they did it because 'you're supposed to do it' before doing so. Great reasoning.

My father was one of those and then informed my mother to not bring us anywhere near him until we were several years old.

[Lemming Train]

anonymous said:

[redacted]

Reading what you've written (and between the lines) you don't sound too enthralled by the upcoming arrival of your sprog TTN? Were you coerced into it against your wishes?

[Second Best]

To add another opinion, I think some men (myself included) would indeed like kids, but are unwilling to throw themselves into that way of life so soon. I'd love to have children, but I don't want to rush it, nor do I want to shack up with some bimbo who decides to help herself to half of my inheritance just because I picked the wrong hole once.

[GliderRider]

Except for the relatively few cases in which a woman has enough savings or is already established in a well paid career, the State is likely to have to pick up at least part of the tab if she has a baby without a father providing support. This gives both her and the baby's father the power without the financial responsibility for their actions. No government treasury is going to sign up to that. The professionally unemployed produce enough children totally dependent on the state for support without the floodgates being opened for more.

The male pill would certainly open up a whole new set of issues. One can imagine a woman claiming she was raped if she subsequently found out the man by whom she was trying to get pregnant was actually using a contraceptive without her knowledge. Talk about boot on the other foot!

[g3org3y]

Ari said:

Tin foil hat on, I've often wondered whether the reason a male contraceptive pill has never been invented is due to the realisation that the birth rate would plummet if men were given a discreet easy way of controlling pregnancy.

Much much easier to stop one egg being released per month than millions of sperm every ejaculation.

Drug companies LOVE money. If this was a viable/easy option with the potential to make £££, they'd be all over it.

[Antony Moxey]

bga said:

HughiusMaximus said:

As things stand women have all the options, and men are basically running the risk of unintended fatherhood every time they engage in certain bedroom activities....

Fortunately messrs Durex, Skyn, Mates & others provide men with an option that while not perfect, gives them the ability to significantly reduce the likelihood of an unintended pregnancy.

For any of us males that are concerned that breasted ophidians want to ruin our lives through financial entrapment then the solution is simple - bag it up.

That’s entirely the point though, isn’t it? It’s all well and good triumphantly stating a man should bag up, job done, but what if that fails? The man has already stated his desire not to have children by bagging up in the first place, so why should he be forced down a path that he has no desire or choice to follow should the preferred prevention method fail.

The woman has the choice without a man’s consent as to whether she follows through the pregnancy, why shouldn’t a man have the same choice? By bagging up the man has shown his stance, if he decides after a failure of contraception that he wants to opt out of that pregnancy, the article argues the woman can continue in full knowledge that she’s the sole provider for the child.

It’s an interesting article that I think deserves a little more thought than a simple bag up or live with it response.

[dundarach]

bloomen said:

anonymous said:

[redacted]

In my entire life I have met one male who vocally desired them before they arrived. I'm sure plenty fell in love once they arrived.

Another couple of others said they did it because 'you're supposed to do it' before doing so. Great reasoning.

My father was one of those and then informed my mother to not bring us anywhere near him until we were several years old.

Amazing, really, I desperately wanted children...!

There is no benchmark for feelings, so no idea as to the level however.

[StevieBee]

anonymous said:

[redacted]

At a purely biological level, I'd suggest that all men are driven by the desire to impregnate a women.

I think the question is how many men want to be father in the same way that women want to be a mother.

[eybic]

I absolutely wanted kids long before I met my Wife, now we have a lovely little boy and it's great.

[Over over under steer]

I am 28, have always wanted kids, but only with the 'right' woman. She came along a year or so ago, fell madly in love, I'll be popping the question this year and I am looking forward to everything we will do, which absolutely includes kids. I've always seen myself being a Dad, but have never found someone I'd want to be a parent with.

A couple of close calls mind....

[NormalWisdom]

anonymous said:

[redacted]

Agreed (I am a very reluctant father).

Had I known way back when (it was over 25 years ago) what I learned subsequently and I know now, I would have been irreversibly sterilised

anonymous said:

[redacted]

Sadly it did't work (not a good reason to have kids!) - Divorced when daughter was 3 and cost me a fortune!!

Edited by NormalWisdom on Thursday 24th January 08:47

[TwistingMyMelon]

lol what a load of bullst

The father to my stepson "opted out" of fatherhood, he has never seen , paid a penny or had anything to do with his biological son , hardly a new concept

My misses had no choice, no fancy paperwork to sign, no Guardianesque article to right, she just had to get on bringing him up