Bloke complains about fish in a harbour
Discussion
Reminds of something in the news last Summer that BBC Radio 4's "Now Show" took the piss out of for months afterwards - kids swimming in the sea were startled at fish being in there too - and the stupid mother of the children wrote to the local newspaper, or some such, to complain!
Where do you expect to find fish, exactly?
Zod said:
You just know that this guy never shops at a real butcher's or fishmonger's and everything in their house comes packaged.
Or it's a vegetariam household. I have no problem with veggies, so long as they don't act all horrified when someone else eats or kills animals and fish. The Excession said:
anonymous said:
[redacted]
...to get his haddock salmoned?
Have one of those, that sir is top notch punning.What happens when they walk past the fresh aisle in a supermarket
"Dear Asda
I want to complain about the uncooked and crated vegetables etc in your fruit and veg aisles....etc"
Artard.
Did anyone else think of (with apologies and acknowledgments to John Cleese, Terry Jones and all of MontyP)?
A tourist enters the harbour
Customer: 'Ello, I wish to register a complaint.
(The owner does not respond.)
C: 'Ello, Miss?
Owner: What do you mean "miss"?
C: I'm sorry, I have a cold. I wish to make a complaint!
O: We're closin' for lunch.
C: Never mind that, my lad. I wish to complain about this fish what I purchased not half an hour ago from this very boat
O: Oh yes, the, uh, the Norwegian Mackerel...What's,uh...What's wrong with it?
C: I'll tell you what's wrong with it, my lad. 'E's dead, that's what's wrong with it!
O: No, no, 'e's uh,...he's resting.
C: Look, matey, I know a deadfish when I see one, and I'm looking at one right now.
O: No no he's not dead, he's, he's restin'! Remarkable fish, the Norwegian Mackerel, idn'it, ay? Beautiful fins!
C: The fins don't enter into it. It's stone dead.
O: Nononono, no, no! 'E's resting!
C: All right then, if he's restin', I'll wake him up!
(shouting at the box)
'Ello, Mister Mackerel! I've got a lovely fresh cuttle fish for you if you show...(owner hits the cage)
O: There, he moved!
C: No, he didn't, that was you hitting the box!
O: I never!!
C: Yes, you did!
O: I never, never did anything...
C: (yelling and hitting the cage repeatedly) 'ELLO MACKEREL
Testing! Testing! Testing! Testing! This is your nine o'clock alarm call!
(Takes Mackerel out of the box and thumps its head on the counter. Throws it up in the air and watches it plummet to the floor.)
C: Now that's what I call a dead fish
O: No, no.....No, 'e's stunned!
C: STUNNED?!?
O: Yeah! You stunned him, just as he was wakin' up! Norwegian Mackerels stun easily, major.
Etc Etc
A tourist enters the harbour
Customer: 'Ello, I wish to register a complaint.
(The owner does not respond.)
C: 'Ello, Miss?
Owner: What do you mean "miss"?
C: I'm sorry, I have a cold. I wish to make a complaint!
O: We're closin' for lunch.
C: Never mind that, my lad. I wish to complain about this fish what I purchased not half an hour ago from this very boat
O: Oh yes, the, uh, the Norwegian Mackerel...What's,uh...What's wrong with it?
C: I'll tell you what's wrong with it, my lad. 'E's dead, that's what's wrong with it!
O: No, no, 'e's uh,...he's resting.
C: Look, matey, I know a deadfish when I see one, and I'm looking at one right now.
O: No no he's not dead, he's, he's restin'! Remarkable fish, the Norwegian Mackerel, idn'it, ay? Beautiful fins!
C: The fins don't enter into it. It's stone dead.
O: Nononono, no, no! 'E's resting!
C: All right then, if he's restin', I'll wake him up!
(shouting at the box)
'Ello, Mister Mackerel! I've got a lovely fresh cuttle fish for you if you show...(owner hits the cage)
O: There, he moved!
C: No, he didn't, that was you hitting the box!
O: I never!!
C: Yes, you did!
O: I never, never did anything...
C: (yelling and hitting the cage repeatedly) 'ELLO MACKEREL
Testing! Testing! Testing! Testing! This is your nine o'clock alarm call!
(Takes Mackerel out of the box and thumps its head on the counter. Throws it up in the air and watches it plummet to the floor.)
C: Now that's what I call a dead fish
O: No, no.....No, 'e's stunned!
C: STUNNED?!?
O: Yeah! You stunned him, just as he was wakin' up! Norwegian Mackerels stun easily, major.
Etc Etc
hole of a man.Never underestimate the power of the indignant parent
Another genuine case received into work recently. A woman was on board a train which unexpectedly went through a tunnel. The fright was so much that it ruined her entire day and can never travel on board on again. She was also outraged that she was not warned of this beforehand and wanted compensation for the mental anguish
Another genuine case received into work recently. A woman was on board a train which unexpectedly went through a tunnel. The fright was so much that it ruined her entire day and can never travel on board on again. She was also outraged that she was not warned of this beforehand and wanted compensation for the mental anguish
thinfourth2 said:
Bloody townies
The case for building a big wall around london grows stronger every day
But some folk don't know you have to kill pigs before you get pork
Where in the article does it say that he comes from London?The case for building a big wall around london grows stronger every day
But some folk don't know you have to kill pigs before you get pork
Some of us Londoners (brought up in Yorkshire) take our kids into the country in Spring to show them the lovely lambs that they so enjoy eating for Sunday dinner.
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