8.2 Milion living alone

[Pan Pan Pan]

hyphen said:

Pan Pan Pan said:

hyphen said:

Pan Pan Pan said:

So the reason people have sex, is because it is `fun', which in the case of humans I can agree with. but do animals have sex for fun? If they do not, why do they indulge in it too?
Just because it is fun for humans at least, still does not explain what drives all species to indulge in it, which is why I describe an urge / need to do so, as the prime biological directive. We, and all species would need to be doing it, even if it wasn't fun.
If having sex just because it is fun, is as far as you understand why it happens, that seems to be a shallow reason for doing so.
You,and NickGnome seem to be missing the point, about what it is that drives all species, not just humans to indulge in sex. Are you seriously suggesting that the reason we (humans) do it is for fun? or would you consider there might be a deeper more biological reason behind why most of us at least indulge in it. It could be that some don't want to contemplate that really we are not that different to other species, at least as far as sex is concerned?

Why do you keep using the phrase prime biological directive?

I've stuck it into Google,in quotes, and barely any results. Probably more in last day or two from you than throughout history

Because that is what it actually is. whether it is my way of describing it against someone else's is neither here nor there. It seems however, that some don't like the idea that what we, like all species do, is in fact biologically driven.

You need to find the mainstream scientific term and use that

On the 'why' front. Isn't there proven studies that skin-to-skin contact release various chemicals in the brain and generally good for wellbeing?

Indeed, but wouldn't that be more a mostly biological response, than a considered thought one?

[Pan Pan Pan]

Nickgnome said:

Robertj21a said:

Most people that I know are now single or divorced. They always seem far happier, and much more relaxed, than those who are married. I'm sure there's a lesson there.

Bit of an odd social set you have then. Not very balanced.

Surly most people’s social circles will be a mixture of singles, couples and families.

Mine is a mixture of singles, couples and families, but what strikes me is the fact that many (possibly most) of the couples, and those with families, seem to be less happy than the singles.
There are sometimes quite nasty exchanges occurring between those in families (even with the rest of us looking on), and as just couples.to the extent I am left thinking why the heck are you both extending, or bothering with this? life is too short to endure it for any reason.

[Nickgnome]

Pan Pan Pan said:

Nickgnome said:

Robertj21a said:

Most people that I know are now single or divorced. They always seem far happier, and much more relaxed, than those who are married. I'm sure there's a lesson there.

Bit of an odd social set you have then. Not very balanced.

Surly most people’s social circles will be a mixture of singles, couples and families.

Mine is a mixture of singles, couples and families, but what strikes me is the fact that many (possibly most) of the couples, and those with families, seem to be less happy than the singles.
There are sometimes quite nasty exchanges occurring between those in families (even with the rest of us looking on), and as just couples.to the extent I am left thinking why the heck are you both extending, or bothering with this? life is too short to endure it for any reason.

May be do not mix with people who are not content with their lot. Many relationships and friendships have issues from time to time but I can’t say I’ve come across public bickering amongst our lot. Excepting the odd sport related incident.

[Psycho Warren]

I live alone part through choice. Mostly I'm a social hand grenade/retard so am useless at the dating game and end up with nutjobs or assholes, so these days I tend not to put much effort in. Someone can like me for who I am or fk off. Mostly that means im on my own. It could always be worse.

[Touring442]

Robertj21a said:

Most people that I know are now single or divorced. They always seem far happier, and much more relaxed, than those who are married. I'm sure there's a lesson there.

Perhaps marriage is an outdated institution. I would never, ever do it again. The freedom to walk away from a failed relationship without giving a solicitor 5-10 grand is priceless.

[Robertj21a]

Nickgnome said:

Robertj21a said:

Most people that I know are now single or divorced. They always seem far happier, and much more relaxed, than those who are married. I'm sure there's a lesson there.

Bit of an odd social set you have then. Not very balanced.

Surly most people’s social circles will be a mixture of singles, couples and families.

Yes, they used to be. Many have got divorced in recent years.

[Nickgnome]

Robertj21a said:

Nickgnome said:

Robertj21a said:

Most people that I know are now single or divorced. They always seem far happier, and much more relaxed, than those who are married. I'm sure there's a lesson there.

Bit of an odd social set you have then. Not very balanced.

Surly most people’s social circles will be a mixture of singles, couples and families.

Yes, they used to be. Many have got divorced in recent years.

Do you think that may be down to getting together because of physical attraction without much other commonality? Or possibly all relationships have a lifespan.

[Robertj21a]

Nickgnome said:

Robertj21a said:

Nickgnome said:

Robertj21a said:

Most people that I know are now single or divorced. They always seem far happier, and much more relaxed, than those who are married. I'm sure there's a lesson there.

Bit of an odd social set you have then. Not very balanced.

Surly most people’s social circles will be a mixture of singles, couples and families.

Yes, they used to be. Many have got divorced in recent years.

Do you think that may be down to getting together because of physical attraction without much other commonality? Or possibly all relationships have a lifespan.

A combination of numerous issues. Physical attraction that has waned over the years, the 7-year itch, illness, redundancy etc etc

[Nickgnome]

Robertj21a said:

A combination of numerous issues. Physical attraction that has waned over the years, the 7-year itch, illness, redundancy etc etc

I’ve always found it great to have a few common passions and some separate ones as well. Separate short holidays are good too in my opinion.

I’ve never really been ill or been redundant so possibly less pressures. Providing all parties are comfortable flirting is fun.

I’ve been married, years ago, single for a few years and and with a partner for many years. On balance I prefer being with someone but am completely self sufficient when I haven’t been.

[Pan Pan Pan]

Touring442 said:

Robertj21a said:

Most people that I know are now single or divorced. They always seem far happier, and much more relaxed, than those who are married. I'm sure there's a lesson there.

Perhaps marriage is an outdated institution. I would never, ever do it again. The freedom to walk away from a failed relationship without giving a solicitor 5-10 grand is priceless.

Indeed. I walked away from one relationship which like many, started just fine, but soon the cracks in the relationship, or rather the true personality of the woman in question, began to show.
The only way to describe how I felt at the time, was pure and utter elation.
She phoned me some time later to say that if I did not come back to her, I would die a lonely old man. I had to agree with most of that, and replied that I, like everyone else was definitely going to die, I also hoped it would be when I was old, and as for lonely, everyone dies alone, no one can die for someone else, and even if I had all my loved ones around me, I would still want to die alone, since I would not want any of them trying to come with me, or even watch me as I croak my last.
As stated earlier for some who come to the position of living alone, it can be the purest form of freedom they will ever, ever experience.

Edited by Pan Pan Pan on Friday 22 November 12:01

[Touring442]

Pan Pan Pan said:

Touring442 said:

Robertj21a said:

Most people that I know are now single or divorced. They always seem far happier, and much more relaxed, than those who are married. I'm sure there's a lesson there.

Perhaps marriage is an outdated institution. I would never, ever do it again. The freedom to walk away from a failed relationship without giving a solicitor 5-10 grand is priceless.

Indeed. I walked away from one relationship which like many, started just fine, but soon the cracks in the relationship, or rather the true personality of the woman in question, began to show.
The only way to describe how I felt at the time, was pure and utter elation.
She phoned me some time later to say that if I did not come back to her, I would die a lonely old man. I had to agree with most of that, and replied that I, like everyone else was definitely going to die, I also hoped it would be when I was old, and as for lonely, everyone dies alone, no one can die for someone else, and even if I had all my loved ones around me, I would still want to die alone, since I would not want any of them trying to come with me, or even watch me as I croak my last.
As stated earlier for some who come to the position of living alone, it can be the purest form of freedom they will ever, ever experience.

Edited by Pan Pan Pan on Friday 22 November 12:01

The end of my marriage brought out all kinds of conflicting emotions. I divorced her because she'd become such a nightmare so it was either get rid or have a heart attack from the stress. The old 'woman scorned' bit is quite true, and she behaved in an appalling manner. Whilst I felt elated the day the DA came through, feelings of dejection soon followed - it was after all a complete failure. But that didn't last long. I feel no ill will, and am completely ambivalent towards the bh. :-)

[Pan Pan Pan]

Touring442 said:

Pan Pan Pan said:

Touring442 said:

Robertj21a said:

Most people that I know are now single or divorced. They always seem far happier, and much more relaxed, than those who are married. I'm sure there's a lesson there.

Perhaps marriage is an outdated institution. I would never, ever do it again. The freedom to walk away from a failed relationship without giving a solicitor 5-10 grand is priceless.

Indeed. I walked away from one relationship which like many, started just fine, but soon the cracks in the relationship, or rather the true personality of the woman in question, began to show.
The only way to describe how I felt at the time, was pure and utter elation.
She phoned me some time later to say that if I did not come back to her, I would die a lonely old man. I had to agree with most of that, and replied that I, like everyone else was definitely going to die, I also hoped it would be when I was old, and as for lonely, everyone dies alone, no one can die for someone else, and even if I had all my loved ones around me, I would still want to die alone, since I would not want any of them trying to come with me, or even watch me as I croak my last.
As stated earlier for some who come to the position of living alone, it can be the purest form of freedom they will ever, ever experience.

Edited by Pan Pan Pan on Friday 22 November 12:01

The end of my marriage brought out all kinds of conflicting emotions. I divorced her because she'd become such a nightmare so it was either get rid or have a heart attack from the stress. The old 'woman scorned' bit is quite true, and she behaved in an appalling manner. Whilst I felt elated the day the DA came through, feelings of dejection soon followed - it was after all a complete failure. But that didn't last long. I feel no ill will, and am completely ambivalent towards the bh. :-)

It may be that with the exception of getting a place of one`s own, and having kids, Men's and women's life agendas can often be very, very different.
So it could be that many come together in life, with the aim of setting up their own home, and having kids, but after that, they find they have relatively little in common. If people are very lucky they may find a partner they `can' share their entire life with, but it seems all too often this is not the case.
One could argue that whether choosing to be in a relationship, or choosing to live alone, each of those options is neither better, or worse than the other, just different.
It may be that some feel they cannot live, without having someone to support them, either emotionally, financially (or both) but if someone chooses to live alone, that is not a choice to be denigrated by those who feel they cannot survive, without having someone to support them.
When I got divorced, I felt the same as you described, but also as you describe, that feeling did not last long, When I think of the all the wonderful places, I have been to, and people I have met, and the things I have been able to do, which simply would not have happened, had I stayed married. I know for 10 000% certain, it was the right decision for `me'.
Trying to meet all those people, go to all those places, and do all those things with a partner who did not want to do any of those things would not have been possible, and a huge mistake.

[Cotty]

Pan Pan Pan said:

Indeed. I walked away from one relationship which like many, started just fine, but soon the cracks in the relationship, or rather the true personality of the woman in question, began to show.
The only way to describe how I felt at the time, was pure and utter elation.
She phoned me some time later to say that if I did not come back to her, I would die a lonely old man. I had to agree with most of that, and replied that I, like everyone else was definitely going to die, I also hoped it would be when I was old, and as for lonely, everyone dies alone, no one can die for someone else, and even if I had all my loved ones around me, I would still want to die alone, since I would not want any of them trying to come with me, or even watch me as I croak my last.
As stated earlier for some who come to the position of living alone, it can be the purest form of freedom they will ever, ever experience.

When someone refers to dieing a lonely old man, i don't believe they are referring to the act of dying. I believe they mean the person will spend the last years of their life alone.

[johnwilliams77]

That’s correct but he probably knows that and hence it will wind her up more to completely miss the point 😁

[anonymous-user]

Several pages back I solved the issues of people living alone.
This sort of thing isn't going to go away. Older people on their alone need to be around active people
Moving in younger families into their homes is practical, sensible and above all good for everyone,
Who knows these older alone people with no family could in time grow to like their new neighbours so much that they gift their homes to them

[South tdf]

Robertj21a said:

Most people that I know are now single or divorced. They always seem far happier, and much more relaxed, than those who are married. I'm sure there's a lesson there.

I am noticing this more in my social circle, a couple of friends got married and had a child just to try and make their relationship work but sadly within a year they were getting divorced.

As for me, I have not been married and I doubt I ever will despite having a great partner who was previously been trapped in a bad marriage.

By not being tied or living together she can spend time with her daughter and family and I can have time to myself.

[Pan Pan Pan]

johnwilliams77 said:

That’s correct but he probably knows that and hence it will wind her up more to completely miss the point ??

Indeed the `dying a lonely old man' comment from that particular person. was intended to sound like a nasty way to finish ones life, and therefore a veiled threat as to what would happen to me if I did not return to her. However as I have said before, living alone (even as in some cases, it is a person who does not want to live alone) is still far better than living with someone, or being forced by circumstances, to live with someone who they do not want to live with.
This destroys two persons lives, and in all probability, negatively affects the lives of any children involved.
Of course all this depends on the persons involved, and many are lucky enough to meet someone who will / can be their soul mate for life, But not all achieve this, hence my comments regarding the effects of the prime biological directive, making `some' people go into relationships for the wrong reasons or in some cases no reason at all, beyond getting their end away (The pbd).
It is of course much stronger when the persons involved are young, where their actions are often controlled more by hormones (biological) reasons than rational thought. For blokes of all ages however, the nearer a blokes brain resides to his b*ll end, the more trouble he will be likely to get himself into.

[hyphen]

techiedave said:

Several pages back I solved the issues of people living alone.
This sort of thing isn't going to go away. Older people on their alone need to be around active people
Moving in younger families into their homes is practical, sensible and above all good for everyone,
Who knows these older alone people with no family could in time grow to like their new neighbours so much that they gift their homes to them

Think we all ignored you as assumed you were trolling.

Were you serious then?

[anonymous-user]

hyphen said:

techiedave said:

Several pages back I solved the issues of people living alone.
This sort of thing isn't going to go away. Older people on their alone need to be around active people
Moving in younger families into their homes is practical, sensible and above all good for everyone,
Who knows these older alone people with no family could in time grow to like their new neighbours so much that they gift their homes to them

Think we all ignored you as assumed you were trolling.

Were you serious then?

Maybe Dave is hoping to get moved in with a lonely Diane Abbott?

[Timbuktu]

.

Edited by YinSan on Tuesday 30th November 13:05