How to help support my daughter
Discussion
My 18 year old daughter starts her first real job early in the new year. Unfortunately she'll be living and working about 100 miles from home, so as well as working full time, she'll have to rent somewhere and run a household, feed herself, run a car etc all on agricultural wages (6.50 per hour for the first 6 months then 7.50).
She is looking forward to having her independence but I can't help my parental instinct and want to support her/ be there for her when things go wrong. I know many people do this but ideally she'd stay at home for the first few years of working just to build up some confidence and more importantly, some savings.
As this isn't going to happen, I'm looking for suggestions on how to help her without taking away her independence.
What do people think about a small allowance or maybe an emergency fund and what would the best way of doing this?
Her car is paid for and we've taxed and insured it and got her breakdown cover so I don't have to worry about that.
She is looking forward to having her independence but I can't help my parental instinct and want to support her/ be there for her when things go wrong. I know many people do this but ideally she'd stay at home for the first few years of working just to build up some confidence and more importantly, some savings.
As this isn't going to happen, I'm looking for suggestions on how to help her without taking away her independence.
What do people think about a small allowance or maybe an emergency fund and what would the best way of doing this?
Her car is paid for and we've taxed and insured it and got her breakdown cover so I don't have to worry about that.
vanordinaire said:
My 18 year old daughter starts her first real job early in the new year. Unfortunately she'll be living and working about 100 miles from home, so as well as working full time, she'll have to rent somewhere and run a household
She could rent a room rather than a house - much cheaper and less to worry about.Flat share or rent a room?
See if she could get away without needing a car as it is a big expense, maybe a moped or buy her a push bike?
Teach her how to budget, maybe go though your expenses to show her how much you spend on electricity, phone, tv license etc. so she knows what to expect and how far her wages will go.
Start an emergency savings fund for her.
See if she could get away without needing a car as it is a big expense, maybe a moped or buy her a push bike?
Teach her how to budget, maybe go though your expenses to show her how much you spend on electricity, phone, tv license etc. so she knows what to expect and how far her wages will go.
Start an emergency savings fund for her.
She's going to be working on a farm which unfortunately doesn't have any accommodation available. There are plenty of cottages to rent in the area but as there is no public transport, unless she gets very lucky with accommodation, she'll need to keep the car. The nearest biggish town is over 20 miles away so if she saves on accommodation, it will cost her on travel. I'm hoping she'll find someone to share a house with as that would be the cheapest/ most practical solution.
Crusoe said:
And teach her how to cook her own food from scratch if she doesn't already know (and the usual minor jobs like how to change a fuse, bulb etc.)
No worries on that front, I've seen her kill, pluck, andcook a chicken along with veg she has grown herself then make soup with the leftovers. She does her own repairs and servicing to her car. She's pretty practical. I think she'll manage physically, just the finances I'm worried about. She is so independent that she won't come to me for help so I'm looking at what I can set up.
Rangeroverover said:
where in the country is she going, some local young farmers groups help out re accomodation via local network etc for newby agriculture workers, if its west country I might know who to contact
She's going to Fife, she is a member of the local young Farmers' group at home and she has some contacts in Fife so should be OK. It's just a bit worrying for a doting dad watching her head out on her own for the first time.Does the employer have any ideas? They may have had other newbies in this position, and might be able to amalgamate them. For example, when I was a student on placement 200 miles from home, my employer rented a 4-bed private house and we had a room each. Later on my first 'proper' employer had a list of landlords to contact. A few years later, when I'd bought my own house, I got onto the list and they sent tenants to me instead 
It is worrying but the fledgling has to leave the nest. The good thing is that you're watching the test flight
vanordinaire said:
She's going to Fife, she is a member of the local young Farmers' group at home and she has some contacts in Fife so should be OK. It's just a bit worrying for a doting dad watching her head out on her own for the first time.
Young Farmers - nuff said!It is worrying but the fledgling has to leave the nest. The good thing is that you're watching the test flight
Im in a similar position, although slightly older than your daughter. Im 23 and studying my first year of an apprenticeship. £13000 a year.
I rent a room in a shared 5 bed house £430 a month. £3 a day food budget. £20 a week fuel allowance. £30 a week "leisure" allowance.
If my parents were to offer to help me out then id prefer them to pay the heavy hitting bills. Car insurance and tax. Maybe my phone bill? If youre really generous you could pay her rent? But i am not sure that will teach her the value of money. Im very cautious with what i spend and am always looking for ways to cut a pound or two from various budgets.
ETA show her budgeting tools online. Its quite eye opening how much can be saved by shaving a few pence off the cost of your food bill each day.
Same with phone contracts etc.
I rent a room in a shared 5 bed house £430 a month. £3 a day food budget. £20 a week fuel allowance. £30 a week "leisure" allowance.
If my parents were to offer to help me out then id prefer them to pay the heavy hitting bills. Car insurance and tax. Maybe my phone bill? If youre really generous you could pay her rent? But i am not sure that will teach her the value of money. Im very cautious with what i spend and am always looking for ways to cut a pound or two from various budgets.
ETA show her budgeting tools online. Its quite eye opening how much can be saved by shaving a few pence off the cost of your food bill each day.
Same with phone contracts etc.
Edited by Benbay001 on Wednesday 9th December 22:29
vanordinaire said:
No worries on that front, I've seen her kill, pluck, and
cook a chicken along with veg she has grown herself then make soup with the leftovers. She does her own repairs and servicing to her car. She's pretty practical. I think she'll manage physically, just the finances I'm worried about. She is so independent that she won't come to me for help so I'm looking at what I can set up.
It sounds like you've done a good job teaching her to be responsible. Maybe set yourself up a new credit card (so the bills come to you) and give her the card, telling her to feel free to use it as an emergency cushion if she needs it. cook a chicken along with veg she has grown herself then make soup with the leftovers. She does her own repairs and servicing to her car. She's pretty practical. I think she'll manage physically, just the finances I'm worried about. She is so independent that she won't come to me for help so I'm looking at what I can set up.
AlexC1981 said:
Maybe set yourself up a new credit card (so the bills come to you) and give her the card, telling her to feel free to use it as an emergency cushion if she needs it.
I'm not convinced. Obviously we have no idea of the financial eptitude (new word?) of the OP's daughter but an easy shortcut to Bank of Mum and Dad might be a too-easy temptation. Easy credit is how people get into a mess.Sounds like you've done a very good job already. Another vote for running through budgeting and showing some of your bills so she can know what to expect to pay for utilities.
I'd be tempted to just remind her that you are there if she does get stuck and need a hand, and to leave it at that. If you offer things too freely it could end up causing some confidence issues if you give the perception that she can't live without your assistance one way or another.
Perhaps also if you have an example of getting a little stuck on something when you were younger and needed to ask for a bit of help in addition to the above might help her feel she can ask if she does get stuck and it might not feel as difficult then? Maybe also say that she can pay you back when she is earning more or over a period of time if something does go wrong that way it doesn't feel like a handout, and you can always forget about the remainder later on.
You have already ensured she has a safe and legal form of transport sorted. I can imagine it might be difficult to not try and help but think of the confidence boost it will give her and how proud it would make her feel if she can make it work when so many people, either through necessity or choice are living at home or being heavily subsidised due to all sorts of circumstances in the modern world.
I wish you both good luck, I'm a bit older but I don't think I could kill a chicken yet alone eat the same one afterwards, I have a lot of respect for that!
I'd be tempted to just remind her that you are there if she does get stuck and need a hand, and to leave it at that. If you offer things too freely it could end up causing some confidence issues if you give the perception that she can't live without your assistance one way or another.
Perhaps also if you have an example of getting a little stuck on something when you were younger and needed to ask for a bit of help in addition to the above might help her feel she can ask if she does get stuck and it might not feel as difficult then? Maybe also say that she can pay you back when she is earning more or over a period of time if something does go wrong that way it doesn't feel like a handout, and you can always forget about the remainder later on.
You have already ensured she has a safe and legal form of transport sorted. I can imagine it might be difficult to not try and help but think of the confidence boost it will give her and how proud it would make her feel if she can make it work when so many people, either through necessity or choice are living at home or being heavily subsidised due to all sorts of circumstances in the modern world.
I wish you both good luck, I'm a bit older but I don't think I could kill a chicken yet alone eat the same one afterwards, I have a lot of respect for that!
Simpo Two said:
AlexC1981 said:
Maybe set yourself up a new credit card (so the bills come to you) and give her the card, telling her to feel free to use it as an emergency cushion if she needs it.
I'm not convinced. Obviously we have no idea of the financial eptitude (new word?) of the OP's daughter but an easy shortcut to Bank of Mum and Dad might be a too-easy temptation. Easy credit is how people get into a mess.When I was young, mum gave me a phonecard and I was told to use it responsibly
I am in the fortunate position that I can support my Kids through Uni so they don't have a loan, last one of 3 nearly finished, I gave them a fixed allowance per month, and that was it, no help with anything else, no holidays trips etc, they had to budget, and the end date was agreed, (receipt of first pay cheque). I was not ungenerous but they didn't even get Christmas and Birthday presents.
So I'd suggest fixed amount on fixed dates and fixed time scale all agreed in advance.
So I'd suggest fixed amount on fixed dates and fixed time scale all agreed in advance.
AlexC1981 said:
Simpo Two said:
AlexC1981 said:
Maybe set yourself up a new credit card (so the bills come to you) and give her the card, telling her to feel free to use it as an emergency cushion if she needs it.
Obviously we have no idea of the financial eptitude (new word?) of the OP's daughter...Gassing Station | Finance | Top of Page | What's New | My Stuff