Not married house in my name splitting
Discussion
My gf of less 12 months is 6 months pregnant a big surprise to both of us, as soon as she was pregnant I agreed for her to move into my place which I have a mortgage on and she rented out her 1 bed flat which she has a mortgage on. It's not working out and we need to split its all mutual etc I want to be part of the kids life, pay maintenance etc but what I'm unsure about is housing. She owns a one bed flat, will I legally have give her a lump sum for her to buy a 2 bed place, I could only afford this by selling my current place ? I don't have an issue doing that but I've go no idea of what the norm is and she is a good looking girl so no doubt in time shack up with someone else and move into his place, CSA alone looks to be close to £900 a month. Other options is I let them live in my house and I move into her flat BUT I couldn't afford to pay the mortgage on my house + rent to her for flat + child support.
Edited by PostHeads123 on Monday 15th February 13:12
Foliage said:
I think you just pay what CSA tells you and that's your lot.
You could if you are happy for your kid to live in a 1 bed flat. By the way if you earn a 6 figure salary which you do if you are calculating 900/month, is that really what you want??
Also by the way, why was it a big surprise? Were you not having sex?
Edited by GT03ROB on Monday 15th February 13:36
Is it still 15% of your nett income as child maintenance is the guideline? Remember , that's nett, not gross income.
As you're not married you've got no other financial committment.
It's up to her if she decides she needs a two bed flat, not you. You pays her your money, it's up to her what to spend it on.
As you're not married you've got no other financial committment.
It's up to her if she decides she needs a two bed flat, not you. You pays her your money, it's up to her what to spend it on.
In my day, the CSA only had one question; how much do you earn, send it!
As for the she's a good looking girl and will shack up with someone else statement, I think this shows you in a poor light. Unless the rules have changed dramatically, whether she shacks up with someone else or not, its likely you will be paying maintenance for your child up to when it leaves school.
As for the she's a good looking girl and will shack up with someone else statement, I think this shows you in a poor light. Unless the rules have changed dramatically, whether she shacks up with someone else or not, its likely you will be paying maintenance for your child up to when it leaves school.
The CSA is closing and not accepting new applications.
You can make your own financial arrangement with the mother or use the Child Maintenance Service but this will cost you.
This is their child maintenance calculator:
http://www.cmoptions.org/en/calculator/
You can make your own financial arrangement with the mother or use the Child Maintenance Service but this will cost you.
This is their child maintenance calculator:
http://www.cmoptions.org/en/calculator/
I believe the statistics suggest there will be very little contact between you and the child. Best to proceed accordingly. A two year old won't care whether he/she is in a one bedroom flat or a 6 bedroom mansion.
You can always become generous later on if things turn out favourably. On the other hand, when you're married to someone else with a new family to support you'll be kicking yourself if you're shovelling cash in the direction of a former partner and a child you've never seen.
You can always become generous later on if things turn out favourably. On the other hand, when you're married to someone else with a new family to support you'll be kicking yourself if you're shovelling cash in the direction of a former partner and a child you've never seen.
Many years ago I was in a similar situation. I had a house in my name and paid all the mortgage and bills. My ex moved in with me and we had a child. I discovered she was having an affair when my son was about 2. We were not married and the house was mine but I now had a responsibility to our son. I took legal advice.
I had to sell the house and give her 1/3 of the profit on the sale. She had rights after 6 months of moving in. I made exactly £100k profit so she was entitled to a third of that. She accepted slightly less (as her affair ended the relationship but it still cost me thousands.) I bought another house in a nice area so I could provide a nice life for my boy and I also didn't mind that I had to hand over the cash as I didn't want him growing up on some dodgy estate. She married the guy she was with and they used my money to put a deposit down on a decent house. These things happen. I've always paid maintainance and we didn't use the CSA. She could probably get more out of me if she wanted to go down that route but we're pretty fair. We share costs of school trips, clothes and I also pay his phone contract, etc. He gets lunch/travel money from us both also.
The one thing I would say is after the initial hatred and want for revenge, I had to man up and accept the situation. We are good friends now (even the husband) for the sake of my boy. Staying amicable is the key to an easier life once you have parted. We make decisions together for the benefit of our son rather than her using him as a weapon against me.
I had to sell the house and give her 1/3 of the profit on the sale. She had rights after 6 months of moving in. I made exactly £100k profit so she was entitled to a third of that. She accepted slightly less (as her affair ended the relationship but it still cost me thousands.) I bought another house in a nice area so I could provide a nice life for my boy and I also didn't mind that I had to hand over the cash as I didn't want him growing up on some dodgy estate. She married the guy she was with and they used my money to put a deposit down on a decent house. These things happen. I've always paid maintainance and we didn't use the CSA. She could probably get more out of me if she wanted to go down that route but we're pretty fair. We share costs of school trips, clothes and I also pay his phone contract, etc. He gets lunch/travel money from us both also.
The one thing I would say is after the initial hatred and want for revenge, I had to man up and accept the situation. We are good friends now (even the husband) for the sake of my boy. Staying amicable is the key to an easier life once you have parted. We make decisions together for the benefit of our son rather than her using him as a weapon against me.
toon10 said:
Many years ago I was in a similar situation. I had a house in my name and paid all the mortgage and bills. My ex moved in with me and we had a child. I discovered she was having an affair when my son was about 2. We were not married and the house was mine but I now had a responsibility to our son. I took legal advice.
I had to sell the house and give her 1/3 of the profit on the sale. She had rights after 6 months of moving in. I made exactly £100k profit so she was entitled to a third of that. She accepted slightly less (as her affair ended the relationship but it still cost me thousands.) I bought another house in a nice area so I could provide a nice life for my boy and I also didn't mind that I had to hand over the cash as I didn't want him growing up on some dodgy estate. She married the guy she was with and they used my money to put a deposit down on a decent house. These things happen. I've always paid maintainance and we didn't use the CSA. She could probably get more out of me if she wanted to go down that route but we're pretty fair. We share costs of school trips, clothes and I also pay his phone contract, etc. He gets lunch/travel money from us both also.
The one thing I would say is after the initial hatred and want for revenge, I had to man up and accept the situation. We are good friends now (even the husband) for the sake of my boy. Staying amicable is the key to an easier life once you have parted. We make decisions together for the benefit of our son rather than her using him as a weapon against me.
Thanks, yeah I want the kid to have a nice up bringing etc, I get on fine me the ex, her flat even though 1 bed is nice area / London etc and could be sold easily to fund a purchase of a house and she earns good money, however she has stated that she expects me to sort a house for them etc and that she will keep her flat rented out so she doesn't have to work. I will seek legal advice for sure but just didn't know what the norm was.I had to sell the house and give her 1/3 of the profit on the sale. She had rights after 6 months of moving in. I made exactly £100k profit so she was entitled to a third of that. She accepted slightly less (as her affair ended the relationship but it still cost me thousands.) I bought another house in a nice area so I could provide a nice life for my boy and I also didn't mind that I had to hand over the cash as I didn't want him growing up on some dodgy estate. She married the guy she was with and they used my money to put a deposit down on a decent house. These things happen. I've always paid maintainance and we didn't use the CSA. She could probably get more out of me if she wanted to go down that route but we're pretty fair. We share costs of school trips, clothes and I also pay his phone contract, etc. He gets lunch/travel money from us both also.
The one thing I would say is after the initial hatred and want for revenge, I had to man up and accept the situation. We are good friends now (even the husband) for the sake of my boy. Staying amicable is the key to an easier life once you have parted. We make decisions together for the benefit of our son rather than her using him as a weapon against me.
PostHeads123 said:
Thanks, yeah I want the kid to have a nice up bringing etc, I get on fine me the ex, her flat even though 1 bed is nice area / London etc and could be sold easily to fund a purchase of a house and she earns good money, however she has stated that she expects me to sort a house for them etc and that she will keep her flat rented out so she doesn't have to work. I will seek legal advice for sure but just didn't know what the norm was.
Sorry to say it, but it looks like you have been stitched up.As soon as you don't give her what she demands your relationship will quickly deteriorate and she will be become obstructive to your relationship with your child.
PurpleMoonlight said:
PostHeads123 said:
Thanks, yeah I want the kid to have a nice up bringing etc, I get on fine me the ex, her flat even though 1 bed is nice area / London etc and could be sold easily to fund a purchase of a house and she earns good money, however she has stated that she expects me to sort a house for them etc and that she will keep her flat rented out so she doesn't have to work. I will seek legal advice for sure but just didn't know what the norm was.
Sorry to say it, but it looks like you have been stitched up.As soon as you don't give her what she demands your relationship will quickly deteriorate and she will be become obstructive to your relationship with your child.
Very much to me like the OP has been stitched up royally and she did it on purpose to keep her flat and allow someone else to pay for her to have a kid but not to be involved.
Call me a cynically grumpy b
d... bit if it sounds like a duck and quacks like a duck, what else could it be?For a change on here there is some good opinions and advice.
Remember at the moment your happy to be generous but think how your situation will change. New Misses then more kids new house then your generosity may bite you on the ass as your new misses starts to resent what your paying out because when your married your money is her money.
Of course you want to provide for your son but those payment could last for 21 years if they go to uni. She could move away, more abroad she could use your son as a tool to get back at you. Your contact with him could diminish but you will still be paying.
If you go down the consent order route there is no chance of amending that order even if your circumstances change.
The CSA route for the self employed was a piece to piss to fiddle. (my wifes ex dome it twice)
Very strange that a new mum wants to be on her own after only 6 months. It normally takes a few years. Sounds fishy to me.
Remember at the moment your happy to be generous but think how your situation will change. New Misses then more kids new house then your generosity may bite you on the ass as your new misses starts to resent what your paying out because when your married your money is her money.
Of course you want to provide for your son but those payment could last for 21 years if they go to uni. She could move away, more abroad she could use your son as a tool to get back at you. Your contact with him could diminish but you will still be paying.
If you go down the consent order route there is no chance of amending that order even if your circumstances change.
The CSA route for the self employed was a piece to piss to fiddle. (my wifes ex dome it twice)
Very strange that a new mum wants to be on her own after only 6 months. It normally takes a few years. Sounds fishy to me.
GT03ROB said:
Foliage said:
I think you just pay what CSA tells you and that's your lot.
You could if you are happy for your kid to live in a 1 bed flat. By the way if you earn a 6 figure salary which you do if you are calculating 900/month, is that really what you want??
Also by the way, why was it a big surprise? Were you not having sex?
Edited by GT03ROB on Monday 15th February 13:36
swerni said:
PostHeads123 said:
Thanks, yeah I want the kid to have a nice up bringing etc, I get on fine me the ex, her flat even though 1 bed is nice area / London etc and could be sold easily to fund a purchase of a house and she earns good money, however she has stated that she expects me to sort a house for them etc and that she will keep her flat rented out so she doesn't have to work. I will seek legal advice for sure but just didn't know what the norm was.
She sounds like a right catch, you're best out.Get professional help!
She has a 1 bed flat she can move back into.
Or she can sell and move elsewhere.
I'd be giving her the bare minimum, by opening up to want to "provide for the kid" (read, until the kid is about 12, you'll be providing for her) you can end up paying a lot of money
Assuming you already own a house you can live on £900 a month (the CSA) - I'd pay that, nothing less.
And I agree, crazy bint, best off leaving that kind of selfish attitude!
swerni said:
Du1point8 said:
She sees the meal ticket... he shoots... she scores...
Very much to me like the OP has been stitched up royally and she did it on purpose to keep her flat and allow someone else to pay for her to have a kid but not to be involved.
Call me a cynically grumpy bd... bit if it sounds like a duck and quacks like a duck, what else could it be?
Technically he does, it's how it works Very much to me like the OP has been stitched up royally and she did it on purpose to keep her flat and allow someone else to pay for her to have a kid but not to be involved.
Call me a cynically grumpy b
d... bit if it sounds like a duck and quacks like a duck, what else could it be?
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