Lending Small amount of cash to friends

[Bussolini]

Stop going on holidays you can't afford.

[CharlesdeGaulle]

garyhun said:

Agrees to pay back any spare money.

Spends spare money on himself.

Other half pissed-off.

Quelle surprise!

Exactly. I'm not sure why he's feigning surprise to be honest. One of those two has been a complete prick.

[Lemming Train]

xjay1337 said:

I'd like to ask for some opinions here (given this thread).

Long story short my Girlfriend and I went on holiday together last year.
I didn't really want to go, so I didn't save up. My own fault. Which I have admitted to her so many times and also apologized profusely.

She paid for most of the trip (excluding spending money).
In total approximately £3k.

We agreed an amount to pay back (£200 per month)
And I said if I had anything left spare I would also pay that.

I would pay more back more quickly, but I have limited spare money as I pay 65% of the costs towards the house , and also pay for the new Lease car which she uses as she doesn't like her car.

This month: I paid her our agreement.

Her Bday is also close to Xmas and we aim to spend approx £150 on each event so £300, on top of that, a Christmas weekend trip in a couple of weeks need to be paid for. For the record I wouldn't care if she spent £15 on me as long as there was thought there.
So we had a short discussion, and she suggested doing her birthday gifts in January.

With it being Black Friday I bought myself something for £60 in the Amazon black Friday sale, as well as one of her Christmas presents (£90).

This Morning she told she was upset, and I asked why.
She said that it was because I had bought something for myself (at this point she didn't realise I had also bought her something).
I said well I've bought something for you as well, which also cost more, but not that it matters and she had no right to be upset with me spending something on myself.
She mentioned something about buying her a present for her Bday/Xmas and also paying her the extra on top of the £200 we agreed.

This caused a massive row.

I don't believe that if you are paying the agreed amount of repayment, that you should not be allowed to make some small token purchases for yourself.

My GF seems to believe otherwise and that basically every single penny you should have spare should be given in addition to the agreed amount.

Lesson learnt - Never getting in debt to a Significant other ever again.

Am I missing something here? You went on holiday last year, ie. 11+ months ago. The holiday was £3k. You didn't put your half in, she paid it all, so you 'owe' her £1.5k. You've been paying it back at £200 per month. £1.5k / £200 = 7.5 months (without factoring in any extra that you have 'spare'), so why are you still paying her £200 per month? Your final payment would have been by the end of August at the latest.

? Questions ?

[Thales]

xjay1337 said:

I'd like to ask for some opinions here (given this thread).

Long story short my Girlfriend and I went on holiday together last year.
I didn't really want to go, so I didn't save up. My own fault. Which I have admitted to her so many times and also apologized profusely.

She paid for most of the trip (excluding spending money).
In total approximately £3k.

We agreed an amount to pay back (£200 per month)
And I said if I had anything left spare I would also pay that.

I would pay more back more quickly, but I have limited spare money as I pay 65% of the costs towards the house , and also pay for the new Lease car which she uses as she doesn't like her car.

This month: I paid her our agreement.

Her Bday is also close to Xmas and we aim to spend approx £150 on each event so £300, on top of that, a Christmas weekend trip in a couple of weeks need to be paid for. For the record I wouldn't care if she spent £15 on me as long as there was thought there.
So we had a short discussion, and she suggested doing her birthday gifts in January.

With it being Black Friday I bought myself something for £60 in the Amazon black Friday sale, as well as one of her Christmas presents (£90).

This Morning she told she was upset, and I asked why.
She said that it was because I had bought something for myself (at this point she didn't realise I had also bought her something).
I said well I've bought something for you as well, which also cost more, but not that it matters and she had no right to be upset with me spending something on myself.
She mentioned something about buying her a present for her Bday/Xmas and also paying her the extra on top of the £200 we agreed.

This caused a massive row.

I don't believe that if you are paying the agreed amount of repayment, that you should not be allowed to make some small token purchases for yourself.

My GF seems to believe otherwise and that basically every single penny you should have spare should be given in addition to the agreed amount.

Lesson learnt - Never getting in debt to a Significant other ever again.

Sod being in a relationship with someone who is that petty.

[Long Drax]

Thales said:

Sod being in a relationship with someone who is that petty.

I dunno. I think an up-to-date photo of said g/f would be helpful in this case.

[xjay1337]

Bussolini said:

Stop going on holidays you can't afford.

I'm not the travelling type. The holidays are all her ideas.
This particular one was for her friends wedding.
I didn't want to go, due to money and also due to my anxiety. I don't feel that her friends like me.
But she wanted me to go, and she has in the past and also today, complained that I never go to her social events. So I tried to do the right thing by going, but as my heart wasn't in it, I didn't save up properly.

Lemming Train said:

Am I missing something here? You went on holiday last year, ie. 11+ months ago. The holiday was £3k. You didn't put your half in, she paid it all, so you 'owe' her £1.5k. You've been paying it back at £200 per month. £1.5k / £200 = 7.5 months (without factoring in any extra that you have 'spare'), so why are you still paying her £200 per month? Your final payment would have been by the end of August at the latest.

? Questions ?

Oh. Sorry. Holiday was in August this year. I'm already in a 2020 frame of mind

CharlesdeGaulle said:

garyhun said:

Agrees to pay back any spare money.

Spends spare money on himself.

Other half pissed-off.

Quelle surprise!

Exactly. I'm not sure why he's feigning surprise to be honest. One of those two has been a complete prick.

I'm surprised that one small one off purchase for myself has caused a big argument about the debt, when she has been repaid as per our agreement.
I also feel some leniency should come from the fact that I pay pretty heft majority extra on the house and she also enjoys driving round in my new car.

As I said , if I was buying things left right and centre for myself, or if it was a big purchase, I would understand her frustration, but one black friday deal item for myself feels like an over reaction on her behalf.

if I am wrong, then I should apologise to her for my thoughtlessness. I will just have to accept that I should not buy a single personal item for the foreseeable future.

I literally haven't bought anything for myself in the last 4 months, aside from one PC game for £20.
No clothes , no car parts, etc .
I had one small break to the Nurburgring in October, but that had been fully paid for 12 months ago and my Dad came with me so the travel costs minimal.

[Lemming Train]

xjay1337 said:

Oh. Sorry. Holiday was in August this year. I'm already in a 2020 frame of mind

OK. Well, I dunno. It all sounds a bit petty to me. I can see it from both sides but I think she's being petty going off on one about buying yourself something instead of giving her that £60, but then you did agree with her that you'd pay down the debt if you had anything spare as well, so you've only got yourself to blame. Seems like a very strange relationship, all this penny counting nonsense, plus it sounds like you're both living beyond your means with all these expensive holidays that you can't afford. I also get the distinct impression that she's pissed because that's £60 not going towards her Christmas/birthday presents but then I am a cynical old bd.

[xjay1337]

Lemming Train said:

, all this penny counting nonsense, plus it sounds like you're both living beyond your means with all these expensive holidays that you can't afford.

Completely agree.

Joke is, last month she suggested going to America for 3 weeks next year.
I said absolutely no fking way. It's not happening!

[Cupramax]

Thales said:

xjay1337 said:

I'd like to ask for some opinions here (given this thread).

Long story short my Girlfriend and I went on holiday together last year.
I didn't really want to go, so I didn't save up. My own fault. Which I have admitted to her so many times and also apologized profusely.

She paid for most of the trip (excluding spending money).
In total approximately £3k.

We agreed an amount to pay back (£200 per month)
And I said if I had anything left spare I would also pay that.

I would pay more back more quickly, but I have limited spare money as I pay 65% of the costs towards the house , and also pay for the new Lease car which she uses as she doesn't like her car.

This month: I paid her our agreement.

Her Bday is also close to Xmas and we aim to spend approx £150 on each event so £300, on top of that, a Christmas weekend trip in a couple of weeks need to be paid for. For the record I wouldn't care if she spent £15 on me as long as there was thought there.
So we had a short discussion, and she suggested doing her birthday gifts in January.

With it being Black Friday I bought myself something for £60 in the Amazon black Friday sale, as well as one of her Christmas presents (£90).

This Morning she told she was upset, and I asked why.
She said that it was because I had bought something for myself (at this point she didn't realise I had also bought her something).
I said well I've bought something for you as well, which also cost more, but not that it matters and she had no right to be upset with me spending something on myself.
She mentioned something about buying her a present for her Bday/Xmas and also paying her the extra on top of the £200 we agreed.

This caused a massive row.

I don't believe that if you are paying the agreed amount of repayment, that you should not be allowed to make some small token purchases for yourself.

My GF seems to believe otherwise and that basically every single penny you should have spare should be given in addition to the agreed amount.

Lesson learnt - Never getting in debt to a Significant other ever again.

Sod being in a relationship with someone who is that petty.

This ^^^^ run for the hills, she’s mental.

[Lemming Train]

xjay1337 said:

Lemming Train said:

, all this penny counting nonsense, plus it sounds like you're both living beyond your means with all these expensive holidays that you can't afford.

Completely agree.

Joke is, last month she suggested going to America for 3 weeks next year.
I said absolutely no fking way. It's not happening!

Well then it's up to you decide how well she makes up for this frivolous spending in other ways to warrant the hassle/aggro/expenditure that you don't enjoy. Presumably you think the trade-off is worthwhile?

It would be funny to see her face on Christmas/her birthday when you just hand her 150 bar and say "sorry luv, couldn't afford to buy you any presents as I know you want that debt repaid with anything I have spare" .

[eltawater]

xjay1337 said:

Lemming Train said:

, all this penny counting nonsense, plus it sounds like you're both living beyond your means with all these expensive holidays that you can't afford.

Completely agree.

Joke is, last month she suggested going to America for 3 weeks next year.
I said absolutely no fking way. It's not happening!

Something tells me that you both might be better off going your separate ways...

[fridaypassion]

Does nobody have joint accounts any more?

[borcy]

fridaypassion said:

Does nobody have joint accounts any more?

Not sure that would have solved this particular issue.

But I think it's much less common than in the past. We've never had one and manage fine, never thought to have one tbh.

[RC1807]

fridaypassion said:

Does nobody have joint accounts any more?

We do
My wife doesn't work, but it's never been a problem to run a joint a/c and have credit cards paid off in full each month from that a/c

[hotchy]

fridaypassion said:

Does nobody have joint accounts any more?

I do, we both put bill money by standing order each month. That means she doesnt know what I really have, and it's easier for budgeting. In other words, whatever's in my account, I can blow if I choose too and wont starve.

[hotchy]

xjay1337 said:

Nickp82 said:

xjay1337 said:

And I said if I had anything left spare I would also pay that.

I don't believe that if you are paying the agreed amount of repayment, that you should not be allowed to make some small token purchases for yourself.

You have basically promised her one thing and gone and done another so she has a right to be pissed off imo.

I don't see it like that though, I didn't promise to never buy myself anything for the duration of paying her back.

Kind of like with a credit card you have a "minimum" payment and you can pay extra if you want.
That seems pretty toxic to me, and a sure fire way to drive yourself crazy. But maybe I am in the wrong here then. If it was lots of things I'd understand, but it was literally one thing and I haven't bought myself anything for a while. Item I purchased was 47% off normal price.

Change locks, move in new sugar mumma who doesnt require being paid back.

In her defence, the holiday wasnt a last minute thing so you deserve everything you get. Did you think she would go herself? She should upgrade herself to a husband 2.0 who will pay her 3k holidays and refuse to except anything towards house Bill's, let alone 35% and buy her Costa shares.

[cossy400]

fridaypassion said:

Does nobody have joint accounts any more?

We do i have nothing to do with "day to day" running of the finances.

I may if im lucky get told that i got paid X amount this week/month.

Im not one for spending a great deal in the week, so i leave her to it.

[Driver101]

xjay1337 said:

I'd like to ask for some opinions here (given this thread).

Long story short my Girlfriend and I went on holiday together last year.
I didn't really want to go, so I didn't save up. My own fault. Which I have admitted to her so many times and also apologized profusely.

She paid for most of the trip (excluding spending money).
In total approximately £3k.

We agreed an amount to pay back (£200 per month)
And I said if I had anything left spare I would also pay that.

I would pay more back more quickly, but I have limited spare money as I pay 65% of the costs towards the house , and also pay for the new Lease car which she uses as she doesn't like her car.

This month: I paid her our agreement.

Her Bday is also close to Xmas and we aim to spend approx £150 on each event so £300, on top of that, a Christmas weekend trip in a couple of weeks need to be paid for. For the record I wouldn't care if she spent £15 on me as long as there was thought there.
So we had a short discussion, and she suggested doing her birthday gifts in January.

With it being Black Friday I bought myself something for £60 in the Amazon black Friday sale, as well as one of her Christmas presents (£90).

This Morning she told she was upset, and I asked why.
She said that it was because I had bought something for myself (at this point she didn't realise I had also bought her something).
I said well I've bought something for you as well, which also cost more, but not that it matters and she had no right to be upset with me spending something on myself.
She mentioned something about buying her a present for her Bday/Xmas and also paying her the extra on top of the £200 we agreed.

This caused a massive row.

I don't believe that if you are paying the agreed amount of repayment, that you should not be allowed to make some small token purchases for yourself.

My GF seems to believe otherwise and that basically every single penny you should have spare should be given in addition to the agreed amount.

Lesson learnt - Never getting in debt to a Significant other ever again.

Why do you pay more than her towards the house? If she's better off than you I can't see why it shouldn't be equal.

I would also highly recommend building up some savings. Don't just save up for specific holidays and events whilst running to the penny the rest of the time.

I guess the girlfriend is showing her frustration and getting worried with your spending. It's not just the £60, it's the fact you'll spend every spare penny you have even when in debt. She's looking for you to show some financial responsibility.

Edited by Driver101 on Sunday 1st December 09:45

[Muzzer79]

How long have you been together?

All this sounds like the behaviour of two mates or family members, not long term partners.

Also, if you’re contributing more to the house, why is that if she has more money than you? Surely this should be 50/50?

And the car, why isn’t she paying for her car?

[littlebasher]

What's happened to PH these days

At least 10 posts in, and nobody has suggested Smashing her back doors in or hammering sausages in the lawn.

Pfft