What's fair? Dividing living expenses with the girlfriend

[ARHarh]

myself and the other half have been dividing the monthly cost evenly for 23 years now. Never had an issue with it. We have often earned different amounts but always paid half each. I paid off more of the mortgage over the years as i had more cash. but we each did our bit and never really counted the amount we put in as we just did it as we could. Don't argue about this sort of stuff it is not worth it.

[The Mad Monk]

EB89 said:

He has high quality, expensive food but doesn't cost much with the vet.
We will both be working but when we're both out for the day we have someone come round and walk him off lead with other dogs.... he was rescued from Spain

Blimey!

You couldn't make it up!

So you have a dog walker come round to walk your dog. You don't think that possibly you have the wrong life style to be keeping a dog?

Imported from Spain, you say? Why, haven't we go enough dogs in Britain for you?

[johnwilliams77]

What a strange comment mad monk. - was that an attempt at being funny?
I would say in this circumstance 50/50 is fair. She sounds spoiled and has had it too easy (free car, easy life from you)
OP - you never said - does she know you're paying off debt?
Do you plan to marry this lady?

[Classy6]

We've always done 50:50 ever since we moved out, neither can ever complain then. That's for bills, refurbishment costs, things for the house. I earn nigh on double what my better half does. We have always kept costs relative to her salary though, so she's able to live/save.

[okgo]

As long as nobody is living on the breadline (which you are not) through it being 50/50 I can't see an issue. Progress at work/career etc and you'll earn more money, a nice incentive to work hard/smart you'd have thought.

[cossy400]

Joint account, all monies go in, we spend what we want on doing pretty much as much as we can.

As well as banging money away for savings/holidays/new car fund.

No arguments over "you paid this/I paid that"

and I do earn nearly double to what she earns but ive no interest in spending time bickering over money when we we could be off out enjoying ourselves.

Each to there own I think.


Oh and we are not taking company director wages either. (im a lorry driver she works in an office)

[EB89]

The Mad Monk said:

EB89 said:

He has high quality, expensive food but doesn't cost much with the vet.
We will both be working but when we're both out for the day we have someone come round and walk him off lead with other dogs.... he was rescued from Spain

So you have a dog walker come round to walk your dog. You don't think that possibly you have the wrong life style to be keeping a dog?

Imported from Spain, you say? Why, haven't we go enough dogs in Britain for you?

It's not optimal, but it works very well. He mostly sleeps during the day any way. I have a few colleagues that just leave the their dog home alone all day and a couple where a neighbor / grandparents pops in but doesn't walk them so I feel quite good about the arrangement we have.

We got him from Spain as we looked after him whilst living over there for a few months. This was whilst his original owners where travelling, so we built a bond with him when looking after him full time. Like I said, original owners did not walk him, play with him etc. Whilst I doubt they ever hit him or intentionally harmed him he didn't have the best life. When the owners returned, we still went to see him every day to take him for a walk and give him some love and attention. When we took him back home he showed absolutely no sign of affection or excitement towards the owners and he cried when we left...

So when the owners finaly realised they didn't want him, we picked him up and he has a much better life now... We always wanted a dog any way, and all the hard work of finding a rescue dog, making sure there's a bond etc was already done through looking after him for three months.

I hope this puts your mind at ease

[hairyben]

Hang On said:

With the greatest of respect, I think you might be overthinking this. You have attributed a rocky relationship partly to money issues and, given what you both earn, this just isn't necessary. Money is an issue only when you make it one.

Unless the relationship is intended to be temporary I'd say you are way past the stage (after 14 month cohabiting) of 'my money'/'your money'. Just put everything into a joint account and spend from it, agreeing budgets as necessary. Shared assets and shared debts.

It isn't worth arguing with your partner over a few thousand pounds here or there. It just introduces a destructive energy to the relationship and benefits nobody.

It should be that simple, it isnt.

Humans are complex emotional creatures most of us dont even begin to understand so its best simple/safe rules are followed where we can feel others are pulling their weight, certainally in early years.

[johnwilliams77]

Classy6 said:

We've always done 50:50 ever since we moved out, neither can ever complain then. That's for bills, refurbishment costs, things for the house. I earn nigh on double what my better half does. We have always kept costs relative to her salary though, so she's able to live/save.

I disagree. I would not do 50:50 if I earned £100k and she earned £20
However, in this case, a equal split seems fair

[ROSSinHD]

At the start me and the now wife were 50/50 on everything pretty much, however I paid the lionshare of going out etc more to do with wanting to be the gentleman, My wage started to sky rocket, relationship got serious so we looked at our resources as a team rather than individuals. Now I earn 3 to 4 times the wifes salary, wages go into the account and we sweep exactly the same amount to each sole current account for fun tokens throughout the month, hobby money I guess. The balance of which I guess I put in 75% if you want to look at it like that, goes on mortgage, bills, food, savings for the family, holidays etc. My "share" again we do not look at it as my share, will increase as my wage goes up and my wife drops hours. Wouldn't have it any other way.

[citizensm1th]

cossy400 said:

Joint account, all monies go in, we spend what we want on doing pretty much as much as we can.

As well as banging money away for savings/holidays/new car fund.

No arguments over "you paid this/I paid that"

and I do earn nearly double to what she earns but ive no interest in spending time bickering over money when we we could be off out enjoying ourselves.

Each to there own I think.


Oh and we are not taking company director wages either. (im a lorry driver she works in an office)

Exactly this and in 25 years the one thing we never argue about is money

we have had a joint account since the day we moved in together

[mfmman]

cossy400 said:

Joint account, all monies go in, we spend what we want on doing pretty much as much as we can.


No arguments over "you paid this/I paid that"

and I do earn nearly double to what she earns but ive no interest in spending time bickering over money when we we could be off out enjoying ourselves.

Much the same when we had two incomes

Now we have one, we agreed an amount to put into our own accounts each month that could be spent on anything with no questions asked (clothes for my wife, bits of crusty Talbot Sunbeam for me )

[The Mad Monk]

johnwilliams77 said:

What a strange comment mad monk. - was that an attempt at being funny?

I wasn't trying to be funny. I am not sure which bit of my post you are referring to.

I believe that many of the people who own pets have the wrong lifestyle. i.e. they are out to work all day, live in flats etc. I believe that is a valid point of view.

Keeping pets can become a very expensive operation, especially when vets bill come in.

The OP was asking for advice on his financial affairs. That is what I was attempting to provide.

[cossy400]

citizensm1th said:

cossy400 said:

Joint account, all monies go in, we spend what we want on doing pretty much as much as we can.

As well as banging money away for savings/holidays/new car fund.

No arguments over "you paid this/I paid that"

and I do earn nearly double to what she earns but ive no interest in spending time bickering over money when we we could be off out enjoying ourselves.

Each to there own I think.


Oh and we are not taking company director wages either. (im a lorry driver she works in an office)

Exactly this and in 25 years the one thing we never argue about is money

we have had a joint account since the day we moved in together

It works thou and I lead a good life in terms of what we like to do. I could never sit down an say right you pay that ill pay this.

Id lose interest after the 1st item.

[cossy400]

mfmman said:

cossy400 said:

Joint account, all monies go in, we spend what we want on doing pretty much as much as we can.


No arguments over "you paid this/I paid that"

and I do earn nearly double to what she earns but ive no interest in spending time bickering over money when we we could be off out enjoying ourselves.

Much the same when we had two incomes

Now we have one, we agreed an amount to put into our own accounts each month that could be spent on anything with no questions asked (clothes for my wife, bits of crusty Talbot Sunbeam for me )

Yea my money goes on my BMW and hers in on clothes that she does nt need but "always" seem to be in the sale.....

[slipstream 1985]

Funny reading through this those that post up i earn more and we split it evenly and we never argue about money.

[koomvalley]

What discussions did you have with your girlfriend prior to moving in with regard to expenses? I don't know both your ages, but is it possible that she's grown accustomed to this lifestyle with you financing the bulk of it. The best way forward is for you to write down all the expenses before having a sit down. You could either split the bill 50/50 or as a % of net pay. Communication is key else it'll lead to resentment.

MAIN Outgoings:
Rent
Council Tax with 25% student discount - OP to pay 100% due to her being a FT student unless agreed to split beforehand.
Gas
Electric
Water
Broadband
Landline
Dog Food
Vet
Groceries incl toiletries
Entertainment

INDIVIDUAL Outgoings:
Insurance
Transport
Personal Spending
Debt
Mobile
Misc - personal grooming, gym, etc
Savings

Was there ever an agreement for her to repay when you 'bail' her out? If there was none, you can't bear a grudge although it'll be nice of her to contribute more seeing that you're struggling. Is she aware of the current financial situation that you're struggling with the expenses?

[Eric Mc]

Worth reading -

https://www.pistonheads.com/gassing/topic.asp?h=0&...

[citizensm1th]

slipstream 1985 said:

Funny reading through this those that post up i earn more and we split it evenly and we never argue about money.

I am very happy to say my wife earns way more than me managing other peoples money

this allows me a certain freedom regarding the work that i do and enables me to turn down working for people i do not like

[johnwilliams77]

Beanbob said:

My girlfriend and I have completely joint finances. What's hers is mine and vice versa.

However, we have in the past operated on a 50:50 approach, even though throughout most of our relationship I've earned significantly more. Contributing as a percentage of income seems a bizarre concept to me^ - either split everything down the middle or go the full monty and join the finances completely.

^unless in a situation that demands it - one partner loses their job or income due to health, a maternity leave or some other similar incident.

So if you're not married and the guy earns 80k and she earns 20k, just split it 50:50 or join finances?!