What's fair? Dividing living expenses with the girlfriend
Discussion
citizensm1th said:
I am very happy to say my wife earns way more than me managing other peoples money
this allows me a certain freedom regarding the work that i do and enables me to turn down working for people i do not like
Whereas if you were paid more than your wife, you wouldn't be able to decline working for unpleasant people?this allows me a certain freedom regarding the work that i do and enables me to turn down working for people i do not like
How does that work then?
Me and my wife pay 50/50 on all bills and a proportion of income (based on percentage of income) on mortgage.
The car allowance I have doesn't figure in the calculation as it's a car I have to have for work, I could take a company car instead and my wages would be less due to the additional tax I would have to pay and I wouldn't be paid the car allowance. So overall we're both better off with the car allowance and not including it in the calculation.
The car allowance I have doesn't figure in the calculation as it's a car I have to have for work, I could take a company car instead and my wages would be less due to the additional tax I would have to pay and I wouldn't be paid the car allowance. So overall we're both better off with the car allowance and not including it in the calculation.
The Mad Monk said:
citizensm1th said:
I am very happy to say my wife earns way more than me managing other peoples money
this allows me a certain freedom regarding the work that i do and enables me to turn down working for people i do not like
Whereas if you were paid more than your wife, you wouldn't be able to decline working for unpleasant people?this allows me a certain freedom regarding the work that i do and enables me to turn down working for people i do not like
How does that work then?
i am a very lucky boy if i go a week with out working it is not the end of the world for us and wont change our standard of living.
i could be a wage slave and earn more than she is currently but as it is neither of us bust our balls and as a result our standard of life is to our minds very good.
way much more to life than slaving way for 50 years only to end up knackered and burnt out, we enjoy life while we are still healthy and able to do as we wish.
mind you it has taken 20 years to get to a position where we can ease back and smell the roses.
if only the pound would regain some value as then we would relax even more abroad and work even less
My sister-in-law and her fiancée split things equally and he earns a lot more than her, therefore he has spare cash and she lives in poverty! Well, maybe not that extreme, but these discussions do make me think sometimes. Surely you both want to have spare cash and be happy together?
I have always earnt more than my wife and I pay the majority of everything, so we both have spare money. I guess everyone is different or maybe I need a new woman?
I have always earnt more than my wife and I pay the majority of everything, so we both have spare money. I guess everyone is different or maybe I need a new woman?
T5SOR said:
My sister-in-law and her fiancée split things equally and he earns a lot more than her, therefore he has spare cash and she lives in poverty! Well, maybe not that extreme, but these discussions do make me think sometimes. Surely you both want to have spare cash and be happy together?
I have always earnt more than my wife and I pay the majority of everything, so we both have spare money. I guess everyone is different or maybe I need a new woman?
That's why proportional makes a lot of sense for me. In the past, I earned a lot more due than the OH and happy to pay for most things. Now it's quite close so its close to 50:50 - we don't count it. Both are happy we have similar amount spare for our hobbies/social life.I have always earnt more than my wife and I pay the majority of everything, so we both have spare money. I guess everyone is different or maybe I need a new woman?
We just divide everything equally, despite earning different salaries. Everyone is different, and have different priorities, but this is our take.
I take home around £1450 a month after tax and pension contribution, she takes home about £1250.
Rent plus bills (two bed cottage rural Dorset) £625 (split equally)
Food £125 each put into joint account for the month. Always works out about right. I have about £250 come out in extra bills and she has about £200. We are collectively left with over £1000 after we both take a £150 monthly allowance. That money minus the allowance goes straight into savings. As we don't have much interest in flash cars or a mortgage we invariably end up spending our money on holidays to America and cool s
t. Maybe not the right way, but it is the fun way.
I take home around £1450 a month after tax and pension contribution, she takes home about £1250.
Rent plus bills (two bed cottage rural Dorset) £625 (split equally)
Food £125 each put into joint account for the month. Always works out about right. I have about £250 come out in extra bills and she has about £200. We are collectively left with over £1000 after we both take a £150 monthly allowance. That money minus the allowance goes straight into savings. As we don't have much interest in flash cars or a mortgage we invariably end up spending our money on holidays to America and cool s
t. Maybe not the right way, but it is the fun way.Edited by sparks_E39 on Monday 28th August 01:01
Personally id be working up to 50/50 in time if that's what you want, but not from Day 1. Just sit down and talk through the finances, but if it were me I'd have have been building up to this for a while by making sure she knew the 'sacrifices' you'd made to support her.
If you come out with a plan for her to build up to almost equal footing over time, that's better and gives her a sense of responsibility.
BTW- I assume she is hot/dirty, otherwise these conversations are irrelevant.
If you come out with a plan for her to build up to almost equal footing over time, that's better and gives her a sense of responsibility.
BTW- I assume she is hot/dirty, otherwise these conversations are irrelevant.
sparks_E39 said:
We just divide everything equally, despite earning different salaries. Everyone is different, and have different priorities, but this is our take.
I take home around £1450 a month after tax and pension contribution, she takes home about £1250.
Rent plus bills (two bed cottage rural Dorset) £625 (split equally)
Food £125 each put into joint account for the month. Always works out about right. I have about £250 come out in extra bills and she has about £200. We are collectively left with over £1000 after we both take a £150 monthly allowance. That money minus the allowance goes straight into savings. As we don't have much interest in flash cars or a mortgage we invariably end up spending our money on holidays to America and cool st. Maybe not the right way, but it is the fun way.
Is that £250 food bill a month right?
If so can you come shopping with my missus, theres only the 2 of us now, no wine anymore as shes at fat club, im normally away a few nights in the week and we always go out for dinner on a sat night. our weekly is always north of £100 easily. I need to have a word
I take home around £1450 a month after tax and pension contribution, she takes home about £1250.
Rent plus bills (two bed cottage rural Dorset) £625 (split equally)
Food £125 each put into joint account for the month. Always works out about right. I have about £250 come out in extra bills and she has about £200. We are collectively left with over £1000 after we both take a £150 monthly allowance. That money minus the allowance goes straight into savings. As we don't have much interest in flash cars or a mortgage we invariably end up spending our money on holidays to America and cool s
t. Maybe not the right way, but it is the fun way.Is that £250 food bill a month right?
If so can you come shopping with my missus, theres only the 2 of us now, no wine anymore as shes at fat club, im normally away a few nights in the week and we always go out for dinner on a sat night. our weekly is always north of £100 easily. I need to have a word
Edited by sparks_E39 on Monday 28th August 01:01
cossy400 said:
sparks_E39 said:
We just divide everything equally, despite earning different salaries. Everyone is different, and have different priorities, but this is our take.
I take home around £1450 a month after tax and pension contribution, she takes home about £1250.
Rent plus bills (two bed cottage rural Dorset) £625 (split equally)
Food £125 each put into joint account for the month. Always works out about right. I have about £250 come out in extra bills and she has about £200. We are collectively left with over £1000 after we both take a £150 monthly allowance. That money minus the allowance goes straight into savings. As we don't have much interest in flash cars or a mortgage we invariably end up spending our money on holidays to America and cool st. Maybe not the right way, but it is the fun way.
Is that £250 food bill a month right?
If so can you come shopping with my missus, theres only the 2 of us now, no wine anymore as shes at fat club, im normally away a few nights in the week and we always go out for dinner on a sat night. our weekly is always north of £100 easily. I need to have a word
I take home around £1450 a month after tax and pension contribution, she takes home about £1250.
Rent plus bills (two bed cottage rural Dorset) £625 (split equally)
Food £125 each put into joint account for the month. Always works out about right. I have about £250 come out in extra bills and she has about £200. We are collectively left with over £1000 after we both take a £150 monthly allowance. That money minus the allowance goes straight into savings. As we don't have much interest in flash cars or a mortgage we invariably end up spending our money on holidays to America and cool s
t. Maybe not the right way, but it is the fun way.Is that £250 food bill a month right?
If so can you come shopping with my missus, theres only the 2 of us now, no wine anymore as shes at fat club, im normally away a few nights in the week and we always go out for dinner on a sat night. our weekly is always north of £100 easily. I need to have a word
Edited by sparks_E39 on Monday 28th August 01:01
sparks_E39 said:
cossy400 said:
sparks_E39 said:
We just divide everything equally, despite earning different salaries. Everyone is different, and have different priorities, but this is our take.
I take home around £1450 a month after tax and pension contribution, she takes home about £1250.
Rent plus bills (two bed cottage rural Dorset) £625 (split equally)
Food £125 each put into joint account for the month. Always works out about right. I have about £250 come out in extra bills and she has about £200. We are collectively left with over £1000 after we both take a £150 monthly allowance. That money minus the allowance goes straight into savings. As we don't have much interest in flash cars or a mortgage we invariably end up spending our money on holidays to America and cool st. Maybe not the right way, but it is the fun way.
Is that £250 food bill a month right?
If so can you come shopping with my missus, theres only the 2 of us now, no wine anymore as shes at fat club, im normally away a few nights in the week and we always go out for dinner on a sat night. our weekly is always north of £100 easily. I need to have a word
I take home around £1450 a month after tax and pension contribution, she takes home about £1250.
Rent plus bills (two bed cottage rural Dorset) £625 (split equally)
Food £125 each put into joint account for the month. Always works out about right. I have about £250 come out in extra bills and she has about £200. We are collectively left with over £1000 after we both take a £150 monthly allowance. That money minus the allowance goes straight into savings. As we don't have much interest in flash cars or a mortgage we invariably end up spending our money on holidays to America and cool s
t. Maybe not the right way, but it is the fun way.Is that £250 food bill a month right?
If so can you come shopping with my missus, theres only the 2 of us now, no wine anymore as shes at fat club, im normally away a few nights in the week and we always go out for dinner on a sat night. our weekly is always north of £100 easily. I need to have a word
Edited by sparks_E39 on Monday 28th August 01:01
sparks_E39 said:
cossy400 said:
sparks_E39 said:
We just divide everything equally, despite earning different salaries. Everyone is different, and have different priorities, but this is our take.
I take home around £1450 a month after tax and pension contribution, she takes home about £1250.
Rent plus bills (two bed cottage rural Dorset) £625 (split equally)
Food £125 each put into joint account for the month. Always works out about right. I have about £250 come out in extra bills and she has about £200. We are collectively left with over £1000 after we both take a £150 monthly allowance. That money minus the allowance goes straight into savings. As we don't have much interest in flash cars or a mortgage we invariably end up spending our money on holidays to America and cool st. Maybe not the right way, but it is the fun way.
Is that £250 food bill a month right?
If so can you come shopping with my missus, theres only the 2 of us now, no wine anymore as shes at fat club, im normally away a few nights in the week and we always go out for dinner on a sat night. our weekly is always north of £100 easily. I need to have a word
I take home around £1450 a month after tax and pension contribution, she takes home about £1250.
Rent plus bills (two bed cottage rural Dorset) £625 (split equally)
Food £125 each put into joint account for the month. Always works out about right. I have about £250 come out in extra bills and she has about £200. We are collectively left with over £1000 after we both take a £150 monthly allowance. That money minus the allowance goes straight into savings. As we don't have much interest in flash cars or a mortgage we invariably end up spending our money on holidays to America and cool s
t. Maybe not the right way, but it is the fun way.Is that £250 food bill a month right?
If so can you come shopping with my missus, theres only the 2 of us now, no wine anymore as shes at fat club, im normally away a few nights in the week and we always go out for dinner on a sat night. our weekly is always north of £100 easily. I need to have a word
Edited by sparks_E39 on Monday 28th August 01:01
Not willy wangin but id love to know where it all goes.
The wife and I put all of our money into the joint account and then take 'x' out per month to spend/save as our own personal allowance.
the 'x' is an equal amount as we both work full-time and neither job is more or less stressful than the other, it just so happens that my job pays slightly more.
the 'x' is an equal amount as we both work full-time and neither job is more or less stressful than the other, it just so happens that my job pays slightly more.
Beanbob said:
Pretty much. Let's call the guy Jon and his girlfriend Sarah.
I might be old fashioned, if just dating [not living together], I would expect Jon to to cover the majority of expenses - meals, theatre and trips away, etc. Sarah shouldn't need to put her hand in her pocket for anything other than the occasional treat or when she wants to buy something. I realise this is an outdated view in modern society, but there you go.
Let's say Sarah moves in with Jon. It's Jon's house and he pays the mortgage which is £1,000 per month. Other bills and "living expenses" come to £500. Sarah should not contribute to the mortgage, but should contribute £250. This to me seems fair. If she was contributing a percentage of the joint income, she'd only contribute £100 which to me seems unfair.
Lets say they then decide to take the next (?) step and rent a place together. They rent somewhere that costs £1,000 per month and the bills and living expenses come to the same £500 as before. Sarah would then contribute 50% of both the rent and the bills, totalling some £750 per month. As Sarah would be on £1,400 she would still have £600 or so left over. Obviously Jon would be paying the same £750 but as he'd be on some £4,500 per month after deductions, he'd have a lot more spare and would probably cover the majority of their joint social costs - eating out, holidays, and so on.
In the above situation I always think joining finances makes more sense. Perhaps not totally joining everything, but certainly the day-to-day income/expenses.
If things between Jon and Sarah get more serious, they join their finances together and the whole notion of dividing expenses goes out of the window.
That said, different strokes/different folks. Some people do seem to have needlessly complex financial affairs with their other halves. I should also that the £80k/£20k split suggested is pretty extreme example!
Well, that's not joint as you already said in your post.I might be old fashioned, if just dating [not living together], I would expect Jon to to cover the majority of expenses - meals, theatre and trips away, etc. Sarah shouldn't need to put her hand in her pocket for anything other than the occasional treat or when she wants to buy something. I realise this is an outdated view in modern society, but there you go.
Let's say Sarah moves in with Jon. It's Jon's house and he pays the mortgage which is £1,000 per month. Other bills and "living expenses" come to £500. Sarah should not contribute to the mortgage, but should contribute £250. This to me seems fair. If she was contributing a percentage of the joint income, she'd only contribute £100 which to me seems unfair.
Lets say they then decide to take the next (?) step and rent a place together. They rent somewhere that costs £1,000 per month and the bills and living expenses come to the same £500 as before. Sarah would then contribute 50% of both the rent and the bills, totalling some £750 per month. As Sarah would be on £1,400 she would still have £600 or so left over. Obviously Jon would be paying the same £750 but as he'd be on some £4,500 per month after deductions, he'd have a lot more spare and would probably cover the majority of their joint social costs - eating out, holidays, and so on.
In the above situation I always think joining finances makes more sense. Perhaps not totally joining everything, but certainly the day-to-day income/expenses.
If things between Jon and Sarah get more serious, they join their finances together and the whole notion of dividing expenses goes out of the window.
That said, different strokes/different folks. Some people do seem to have needlessly complex financial affairs with their other halves. I should also that the £80k/£20k split suggested is pretty extreme example!
Edited by Beanbob on Tuesday 29th August 17:26
That's the woman paying for a proportion of the costs!
Beanbob said:
smacks of a lack of trust in the relationship, but I guess for some folk it works well.
Not a lack of trust, but a lack of freedom to make your own decision. There's a big difference.You want to spend some money on something for you, something you've worked hard for, etc. and all of a sudden you need to "discuss" it. I just bought a car for £24k, haven't even told her yet but I put the money away and now I'm spending it.
I appreciate it can work the other way, but it's the feeling of being controlled I couldn't stand.
Beanbob said:
Yes- a proportion being 50%!
What do you mean it's not joint? I said: "If things between Jon and Sarah get more serious, they join their finances together and the whole notion of dividing expenses goes out of the window." Your initial reply to my original post suggested it was either 50:50 or joint, which my reply with how I would/have done it suggests exactly.
My girlfriend and I joined our finances as soon as we moved in together which was, in my mind, when things became serious. I wouldn't live with someone if it was a casual affair! We have a joint account that income is paid into and expenses come from and what is left at the end of the month is put into savings and investments. The whole notion of having separate current accounts, a separate joint bills account, lots of transfers just seems to me to be needlessly complicated and smacks of a lack of trust in the relationship, but I guess for some folk it works well.
It has nothing to do with trust for me. It's actually ridiculously simple, we had our own preexisting accounts and when we moved in together we opened a joint account. We calculated how much our household bills came to and each pay in half (currently £1350 each), one transfer on pay day each month, not many. In fact it actually simplifies finances as on payday what we are left with in our individual current accounts after that single transfer is how much we have to blow, we'll never be caught out by direct debits scattered throughout the month because they all go out of the joint account which is otherwise untouched and is left to its own devices. The only thing worthy of note is that we earn broadly similar amounts and are both well paid so it's not fillet steak and chateau-neuf for one and beans on toast and white lightning for the other.What do you mean it's not joint? I said: "If things between Jon and Sarah get more serious, they join their finances together and the whole notion of dividing expenses goes out of the window." Your initial reply to my original post suggested it was either 50:50 or joint, which my reply with how I would/have done it suggests exactly.
My girlfriend and I joined our finances as soon as we moved in together which was, in my mind, when things became serious. I wouldn't live with someone if it was a casual affair! We have a joint account that income is paid into and expenses come from and what is left at the end of the month is put into savings and investments. The whole notion of having separate current accounts, a separate joint bills account, lots of transfers just seems to me to be needlessly complicated and smacks of a lack of trust in the relationship, but I guess for some folk it works well.
My parents have joint finances but they have a separate house account which the bills are paid from. It's actually not a bad idea. It separates spending from living costs nicely.
Well a resolution has been sought
We've broken up! We had other issues too.
It does just feel like I have been used a bit...Funny that as soon as she starts banking £2k a month and can afford to support herself that she decides to move on. It is for the best anyway!
Cheers for all the advice
We've broken up! We had other issues too.
It does just feel like I have been used a bit...Funny that as soon as she starts banking £2k a month and can afford to support herself that she decides to move on. It is for the best anyway!
Cheers for all the advice
EB89 said:
Well a resolution has been sought
We've broken up! We had other issues too.
It does just feel like I have been used a bit...Funny that as soon as she starts banking £2k a month and can afford to support herself that she decides to move on. It is for the best anyway!
Cheers for all the advice
Success - you got rid of a user. Time for the next one!We've broken up! We had other issues too.
It does just feel like I have been used a bit...Funny that as soon as she starts banking £2k a month and can afford to support herself that she decides to move on. It is for the best anyway!
Cheers for all the advice
EB89 said:
Well a resolution has been sought
We've broken up! We had other issues too.
It does just feel like I have been used a bit...Funny that as soon as she starts banking £2k a month and can afford to support herself that she decides to move on. It is for the best anyway!
Cheers for all the advice
When will men learn?We've broken up! We had other issues too.
It does just feel like I have been used a bit...Funny that as soon as she starts banking £2k a month and can afford to support herself that she decides to move on. It is for the best anyway!
Cheers for all the advice
We all pay for sex, it's just a matter of how and when.
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