Am I mean, £1200 per month on household?
Discussion
Efbe said:
I can only see it working if both people earn exactly the same, work the same hours and children are looked after equally.
Otherwise, there will have to be a compromise. One person will always be able to afford more. Should they buy a bigger house which one partner can afford whilst the other is stretched, or buy a smaller house so both can afford, but one partner is annoyed they can't have a better one as they can afford it. Same for holidays, cars, schools etc.
I think one thing that makes the difference is if you both earn a reasonable amount more than you spend. We both bring in enough that buying is based on what feels sensible, not what we can find enough for in the month, so we don’t go without.Otherwise, there will have to be a compromise. One person will always be able to afford more. Should they buy a bigger house which one partner can afford whilst the other is stretched, or buy a smaller house so both can afford, but one partner is annoyed they can't have a better one as they can afford it. Same for holidays, cars, schools etc.
As I said above, I’d feel really bad buying a stupid sports car with “our” money on a whim, but did this last year out of my bit, and didn’t have to worry about justifying it.
Sheepshanks said:
I guess that's fine if she's in a position to "pay her share". Sweeping generalisation, but I imagine many women, especially during the time children are young, earn less or nothing at all. So they necessarily have to be kept.
It's never seemed to bother my wife, or either of our mothers. The only way they could have their own money beyond child benefit would be to pay them.
My mother cleaned offices in the evenings after my dad got home from work. Partially it was because the household needed the extra, but I think that part of it was that she had “her” money, to buy the odd treat without feeling she was taking from the pot for something that was frivolous.It's never seemed to bother my wife, or either of our mothers. The only way they could have their own money beyond child benefit would be to pay them.
Psychology plays a massive part in what we are comfortable spending, and for a lot of people having everything shared is going to make both parties less happy.
The wife and myself both work full time, she earns slightly less than me, and we have an 11 yr old boy. We both put money into our bills account each month with me contributing £900 and she puts in £350 which covers all of our mortgage and utility bills etc.
She then normally buys the food, and covers all the costs of our son - clothing, school trips, sports lessons etc.
I would say that she has the better part of the deal :-(
She then normally buys the food, and covers all the costs of our son - clothing, school trips, sports lessons etc.
I would say that she has the better part of the deal :-(
Edited by LeadFarmer on Wednesday 20th June 19:51
LeadFarmer said:
The wife and myself both work full time, she earns slightly less than me, and we have an 11 yr old boy. We both put money into our bills account each month with me contributing £900 and she puts in £350 which covers all of our mortgage and utility bills etc.
She then normally buys the food, and covers all the costs of our son - clothing, school trips, sports lessons etc.
I would say that she has the better part of the deal :-(
So to be even (given she's on slightly less than you) she has shall we say 400 a month to feed 3 of you & cover all of your sons costs. I'd say she may be getting a raw deal. She then normally buys the food, and covers all the costs of our son - clothing, school trips, sports lessons etc.
I would say that she has the better part of the deal :-(
GT03ROB said:
LeadFarmer said:
The wife and myself both work full time, she earns slightly less than me, and we have an 11 yr old boy. We both put money into our bills account each month with me contributing £900 and she puts in £350 which covers all of our mortgage and utility bills etc.
She then normally buys the food, and covers all the costs of our son - clothing, school trips, sports lessons etc.
I would say that she has the better part of the deal :-(
So to be even (given she's on slightly less than you) she has shall we say 400 a month to feed 3 of you & cover all of your sons costs. I'd say she may be getting a raw deal. She then normally buys the food, and covers all the costs of our son - clothing, school trips, sports lessons etc.
I would say that she has the better part of the deal :-(
Efbe said:
and this is always going to be the problem with this system. both parties feel like they have the raw deal.
I guess the conclusion is that unless you both have identical approaches to money any approach you take will be potentially fraught with problems. Unless one party is happy to be financially controlled by the other. Im breadwinner, wife is is uni and has a side job of £320 a month.
I pay £1450 into the joint which covers mortgage, her car, both car insurances, her fuel, household bills.
She has her income and student loan which does food, days out and a few other bits and bobs.
I pay for my own fuel, tunnel tag, train, lunch's, phone etc which pretty much leaves me skint.
She never complains and we've still managed to go to disneyworld 8 months ago and go to Spain all inclusive next month.
I pay £1450 into the joint which covers mortgage, her car, both car insurances, her fuel, household bills.
She has her income and student loan which does food, days out and a few other bits and bobs.
I pay for my own fuel, tunnel tag, train, lunch's, phone etc which pretty much leaves me skint.
She never complains and we've still managed to go to disneyworld 8 months ago and go to Spain all inclusive next month.
Student here, working as a bartender in my spare time. Earning £350-£450 a month from that. Student finance is approx £2300 for the term. Worked out monthly is roughly £1200, rent is £515 for my tiny bed sit but all other bills included. Luxuries that i choose to have, Netflix at £7.99pm, and Xbox Live at £5.99pm. My phone is £45pm. Because of the landord including all bills, my monthly outgoings comes to £573, i live quite comfortably as a result, as that leaves 650 for the month for food to only feed me
Efbe said:
Sheepshanks said:
I started a thread on this a while ago because, as someone from a different era, it puzzled me how my daughter and her husband deal with money. They split all costs 50/50 into a joint bank account and what's left is their own money.
From the responses to the thread, that's how a lot of people do it.
puzzles me too.From the responses to the thread, that's how a lot of people do it.
I can't imagine many instances where the couple won't end up resenting each other. How do they pay for restaurant bills, cinema tickets, holidays? If one earns more than the other they won't be able to do these things, so the one earning more will resent the other from preventing them having as nice holidays, whilst the other resents them for being able to do more.
Once children are involved, do the parents then take a 50/50 approach to childcare? I've spent 5 minutes extra with young harry today.
Our money goes into one account.
Our credit cards are the same account.
Our savings are for our joint benefit.
Any substantial purchases are discussed as to whether we can afford it. Might be a new kitchen, a holiday or a rusty old Alfa.
So many couples still deal in "I" and "mine" and I'm sure it must lead to epic arguments and rows!
RicksAlfas said:
I'm going to join you two in the "Old Fashioned Club".
Our money goes into one account.
Our credit cards are the same account.
Our savings are for our joint benefit.
Any substantial purchases are discussed as to whether we can afford it. Might be a new kitchen, a holiday or a rusty old Alfa.
Exactly the same approach for my wife and I. Provided you both have similar (or compatible) life goals (which I think is also very important for a long term marriage) it works really very well. Our money goes into one account.
Our credit cards are the same account.
Our savings are for our joint benefit.
Any substantial purchases are discussed as to whether we can afford it. Might be a new kitchen, a holiday or a rusty old Alfa.
RicksAlfas said:
I'm going to join you two in the "Old Fashioned Club".
Our money goes into one account.
Our credit cards are the same account.
Our savings are for our joint benefit.
Any substantial purchases are discussed as to whether we can afford it. Might be a new kitchen, a holiday or a rusty old Alfa.
So many couples still deal in "I" and "mine" and I'm sure it must lead to epic arguments and rows!
My alfa is only a little rusty, but I plan to fix that... honest!Our money goes into one account.
Our credit cards are the same account.
Our savings are for our joint benefit.
Any substantial purchases are discussed as to whether we can afford it. Might be a new kitchen, a holiday or a rusty old Alfa.
So many couples still deal in "I" and "mine" and I'm sure it must lead to epic arguments and rows!
Maybe I am old school with this. definitely the best way
OP, as others have said, you need to sit down with your other half and work out where the money is spent before taking this further. With an autistic child, it depends on the spending needs. If your child costs an extra £100/month of special needs, or need specific carer and other specialist activities/caring which cost say £800/month.
At £800/month, this leaves your partner/wife with only £400/month for household food/cleaning, her petrol so maybe she only has £40/month left for nails and hair, which will not be enough.
Don't look at things important to her (i.e. hair and nails) as frivolous spending. As part of respecting each other, she should respect your car needs and you should respect her vanity needs. It goes a long way to keeping the relationship sweet.
Aside from that, you mentioned you put some aside for savings each month yet you only pay off the minimum amount on your credit card. Maybe your credit card is in a 0% grace period but double check there isn't any hidden interest built up in the monthly statement. Once the grace period disappears, you could be looking at over 20% interest, so the savings would be better off used for paying off the credit card debts (difficult to earn 20%+ on any secure savings).
At £800/month, this leaves your partner/wife with only £400/month for household food/cleaning, her petrol so maybe she only has £40/month left for nails and hair, which will not be enough.
Don't look at things important to her (i.e. hair and nails) as frivolous spending. As part of respecting each other, she should respect your car needs and you should respect her vanity needs. It goes a long way to keeping the relationship sweet.
Aside from that, you mentioned you put some aside for savings each month yet you only pay off the minimum amount on your credit card. Maybe your credit card is in a 0% grace period but double check there isn't any hidden interest built up in the monthly statement. Once the grace period disappears, you could be looking at over 20% interest, so the savings would be better off used for paying off the credit card debts (difficult to earn 20%+ on any secure savings).
RicksAlfas said:
I'm going to join you two in the "Old Fashioned Club".
Our money goes into one account.
Our credit cards are the same account.
Our savings are for our joint benefit.
Any substantial purchases are discussed as to whether we can afford it. Might be a new kitchen, a holiday or a rusty old Alfa.
So many couples still deal in "I" and "mine" and I'm sure it must lead to epic arguments and rows!
How is that a better system than personal accounts and a joint account for common bills?Our money goes into one account.
Our credit cards are the same account.
Our savings are for our joint benefit.
Any substantial purchases are discussed as to whether we can afford it. Might be a new kitchen, a holiday or a rusty old Alfa.
So many couples still deal in "I" and "mine" and I'm sure it must lead to epic arguments and rows!
Straight away it raises the issue of larger personal purchases having to be negotiated and discussed with your other half, with the possibility of disagreement over a variety of issues, e.g. overspending, whether it's 'necessary', etc. You also can't keep birthday or Christmas present purchases private if they were not bought with cash.
There should be enough trust and understanding in a relationship for both parties to have individual accounts.
RicksAlfas said:
I'm going to join you two in the "Old Fashioned Club".
Our money goes into one account.
Our credit cards are the same account.
Our savings are for our joint benefit.
Any substantial purchases are discussed as to whether we can afford it. Might be a new kitchen, a holiday or a rusty old Alfa.
So many couples still deal in "I" and "mine" and I'm sure it must lead to epic arguments and rows!
I’m not sure why you’re so sure that it must lead to epic arguments when there are dozens of people here telling you it doesn’t. It’s not the system you employ, that doesn’t mean it doesn’t work for others. We are all different and prefer things to be done in different ways, so long as both parties are happy it really doesn’t matter what that way is.Our money goes into one account.
Our credit cards are the same account.
Our savings are for our joint benefit.
Any substantial purchases are discussed as to whether we can afford it. Might be a new kitchen, a holiday or a rusty old Alfa.
So many couples still deal in "I" and "mine" and I'm sure it must lead to epic arguments and rows!
RicksAlfas said:
I'm going to join you two in the "Old Fashioned Club".
Our money goes into one account.
Our credit cards are the same account.
Our savings are for our joint benefit.
Any substantial purchases are discussed as to whether we can afford it. Might be a new kitchen, a holiday or a rusty old Alfa.
So many couples still deal in "I" and "mine" and I'm sure it must lead to epic arguments and rows!
A fair few people have posted about how having their own money works well, so how can you be sure that it leads to arguments? The evidence here shows that this is not the case.Our money goes into one account.
Our credit cards are the same account.
Our savings are for our joint benefit.
Any substantial purchases are discussed as to whether we can afford it. Might be a new kitchen, a holiday or a rusty old Alfa.
So many couples still deal in "I" and "mine" and I'm sure it must lead to epic arguments and rows!
Do you share everything? Moisturiser, toothpaste, decisions on what magazine to buy?
Many couples seem to cope very well with the idea that it is a partnership, not a symbiotic relationship.
James_B said:
RicksAlfas said:
I'm going to join you two in the "Old Fashioned Club".
Our money goes into one account.
Our credit cards are the same account.
Our savings are for our joint benefit.
Any substantial purchases are discussed as to whether we can afford it. Might be a new kitchen, a holiday or a rusty old Alfa.
So many couples still deal in "I" and "mine" and I'm sure it must lead to epic arguments and rows!
A fair few people have posted about how having their own money works well, so how can you be sure that it leads to arguments? The evidence here shows that this is not the case.Our money goes into one account.
Our credit cards are the same account.
Our savings are for our joint benefit.
Any substantial purchases are discussed as to whether we can afford it. Might be a new kitchen, a holiday or a rusty old Alfa.
So many couples still deal in "I" and "mine" and I'm sure it must lead to epic arguments and rows!
Do you share everything? Moisturiser, toothpaste, decisions on what magazine to buy?
Many couples seem to cope very well with the idea that it is a partnership, not a symbiotic relationship.
Efbe said:
he's right, and the evidence on here certainly does not show that.
Of course it does. He says that it must lead to arguments yet several people say that it does not.Are you saying that we are lying, or perhaps deluded?
How is it possible to claim that X must lead to Y,minevitably, when we have people doing X to whom Y does not happen?
EddieSteadyGo said:
But marriage is supposed to be exactly a symbiotic relationship (in the non-biological sense) i.e. a mutually beneficial relationship between two different people.
There is no “supposed to”. Can you not understand that different couples are happy organising things in different ways?Why is it so hard for you to get your head around the fact that your fixed views on how life should be lived are just that, yours?
James_B said:
EddieSteadyGo said:
But marriage is supposed to be exactly a symbiotic relationship (in the non-biological sense) i.e. a mutually beneficial relationship between two different people.
There is no “supposed to”. Can you not understand that different couples are happy organising things in different ways?Why is it so hard for you to get your head around the fact that your fixed views on how life should be lived are just that, yours?
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