Am I mean, £1200 per month on household?
Discussion
Guffy said:
It's incredibly naive to not understand why financial arrangements can differ between couples. 'it works for me therefore it must work for everyone' is ridiculous.
That’s a pretty good summary, I think.What works best will depend upon all sorts of things; upbringing, risk aversion, pay levels, age, and just individual quirks.
I can’t really understand the mindset of people who think that what works for them is a universal truth.
We have separate accounts. I pay for everything household wise - Mortgage, bills, phones, car insurance, car tax, food bills, child care, meals out, petrol, holidays etc.
When kids were younger we agreed my wife would give up work.
Wife pays for kids stuff (clothes, dancing, swimming, piano lessons, underwater hockey, football, tennis)
We both have separate savings accounts.
Whatever is left in each account can be spent as we wish.
Big spends (generally anything over £250) is discussed.
Been together 20 odd years and never had a financial argument, despite not always earning well. Always discuss instantly if we have any issues/ concerns.
Mike
When kids were younger we agreed my wife would give up work.
Wife pays for kids stuff (clothes, dancing, swimming, piano lessons, underwater hockey, football, tennis)
We both have separate savings accounts.
Whatever is left in each account can be spent as we wish.
Big spends (generally anything over £250) is discussed.
Been together 20 odd years and never had a financial argument, despite not always earning well. Always discuss instantly if we have any issues/ concerns.
Mike
James_B said:
EddieSteadyGo said:
I don't have a problem. Maybe read a bit more carefully what I wrote, or check the definition of symbiotic 
I read what you wrote correctly. You said “supposed to”; there is no supposed to, whatever works for each couple is fine.You said words to the effect that some couples prefer not being in a symbiotic relationship. A symbiotic relationship in this context means one which is for the mutual benefit of two different people. Hence why marriage IS exactly supposed to be just that.
The term doesn't relate to whether you choose to share bank account details, or indeed your toothbrush with your other half. It also doesn't imply an overly close relationship either, which is what I presume you think it means.
EddieSteadyGo said:
Sorry James, but if you read or followed the (minor) point I was making you wouldn't be quibbling over it.
Yes, you do seem to confuse people disagreeing with you with people being unable to understand you.It’s a bit strange. Can you genuinely not understand that some people understand what you say just fine but do not agree?
You are still trying to assert that what works for you is the only way that things should be.
James_B said:
EddieSteadyGo said:
Sorry James, but if you read or followed the (minor) point I was making you wouldn't be quibbling over it.
Yes, you do seem to confuse people disagreeing with you with people being unable to understand you.It’s a bit strange. Can you genuinely not understand that some people understand what you say just fine but do not agree?
You are still trying to assert that what works for you is the only way that things should be.
EddieSteadyGo said:
Think you are getting me confused with someone else. I commented on my own arrangements and make a related point about about compatible life goals. Apart from picking you up on the correct meaning of the word symbiotic, I've not made any other contribution and I certainly haven't tried to assert what works for me if the only way things should be. But don't let the facts get in the way of your posts.
I'm with James. I see no reason why anyone should see marriage as a partnership rather than a 'symbiotic relationship'.And there is no reason that the two approaches have to be mutually exclusive anyway.
Jimmy Recard said:
I'm with James. I see no reason why anyone should see marriage as a partnership rather than a 'symbiotic relationship'.
And there is no reason that the two approaches have to be mutually exclusive anyway.
Well, if that is your reasoning, I think you will find you are with me. And the terms are not mutually exclusive. Just one is a little more specific than the other. But no matter either way. And there is no reason that the two approaches have to be mutually exclusive anyway.
James_B said:
EddieSteadyGo said:
Sorry James, but if you read or followed the (minor) point I was making you wouldn't be quibbling over it.
Yes, you do seem to confuse people disagreeing with you with people being unable to understand you.It’s a bit strange. Can you genuinely not understand that some people understand what you say just fine but do not agree?
You are still trying to assert that what works for you is the only way that things should be.
This is quite an interesting topic, and one I see that is not unique to the OP.
I'm sure everyone is as interested in my affairs as I am with theirs, but I too am the main earner and pay for literally everything apart from my wife's own personal spend. I cover the car, household spend and purchases, garden, holidays, repairs, trips out, meals, swimming lessons, clubs for the kids, the lot.
We don't get any benefits, indeed I pay the equivalent of child benefit to her each month, as the nasty party "stole" it from me after my last promotion, (though of course I did get more cash overall, so can't complain)
My wife gave up a full time accountancy career after the 2nd sprog, and her business venture when they were in nursery (and now infant school) never really took off. She earns average £100 a month (seriously!) working some 10-15 hours a week, plus the proxy child benefit I give her. So £200 a month max has been her income for the last 3 to 4 years for personal spending.
Having said that, her being at home to pick up the kids, and spend time with them after school is invaluable - it really is one of those things you can't value. Sunrise / sun set clubs would eat up a big chunk of any low end flexible job anyway.
Right, so the point I want to make is:
- we don't argue about money - we chose to live together, and that included being able to have proper discussions about money. I can't imagine sharing a life with someone who I was arguing with all the time...it seems a strange situation to me
- I think the OP should organise their money so they both have a comparable amount of disposable income each. So, put essentials, and food money into a house account, a bit into a savings account, cart money into a car account etc, and then what's left can be split. In that way, it makes it clearer that each partner is not worse off than the other when it comes to their spending.
- if one partner was getting themselves new clothes regularly, new gadgets, meals out with friends, weekend away with the mates etc, and the other didn't get any of that, then yes that would need to be addressed. Maybe it's the accountant in me, but reviewing expenditure and then making decisions on it isn't really a difficult concept - it just gives you both a record of what decisions you've made, so you can decide whether to change those decisions (or not)
hope you get it sorted.
Ian
I'm sure everyone is as interested in my affairs as I am with theirs, but I too am the main earner and pay for literally everything apart from my wife's own personal spend. I cover the car, household spend and purchases, garden, holidays, repairs, trips out, meals, swimming lessons, clubs for the kids, the lot.
We don't get any benefits, indeed I pay the equivalent of child benefit to her each month, as the nasty party "stole" it from me after my last promotion, (though of course I did get more cash overall, so can't complain)
My wife gave up a full time accountancy career after the 2nd sprog, and her business venture when they were in nursery (and now infant school) never really took off. She earns average £100 a month (seriously!) working some 10-15 hours a week, plus the proxy child benefit I give her. So £200 a month max has been her income for the last 3 to 4 years for personal spending.
Having said that, her being at home to pick up the kids, and spend time with them after school is invaluable - it really is one of those things you can't value. Sunrise / sun set clubs would eat up a big chunk of any low end flexible job anyway.
Right, so the point I want to make is:
- we don't argue about money - we chose to live together, and that included being able to have proper discussions about money. I can't imagine sharing a life with someone who I was arguing with all the time...it seems a strange situation to me
- I think the OP should organise their money so they both have a comparable amount of disposable income each. So, put essentials, and food money into a house account, a bit into a savings account, cart money into a car account etc, and then what's left can be split. In that way, it makes it clearer that each partner is not worse off than the other when it comes to their spending.
- if one partner was getting themselves new clothes regularly, new gadgets, meals out with friends, weekend away with the mates etc, and the other didn't get any of that, then yes that would need to be addressed. Maybe it's the accountant in me, but reviewing expenditure and then making decisions on it isn't really a difficult concept - it just gives you both a record of what decisions you've made, so you can decide whether to change those decisions (or not)
hope you get it sorted.
Ian
mike9009 said:
We have separate accounts. I pay for everything household wise - Mortgage, bills, phones, car insurance, car tax, food bills, child care, meals out, petrol, holidays etc.
When kids were younger we agreed my wife would give up work.
Wife pays for kids stuff (clothes, dancing, swimming, piano lessons, underwater hockey, football, tennis)
We both have separate savings accounts.
Whatever is left in each account can be spent as we wish.
Big spends (generally anything over £250) is discussed.
Been together 20 odd years and never had a financial argument, despite not always earning well. Always discuss instantly if we have any issues/ concerns.
Mike
How does Mrs Mike pay for stuff without a job??When kids were younger we agreed my wife would give up work.
Wife pays for kids stuff (clothes, dancing, swimming, piano lessons, underwater hockey, football, tennis)
We both have separate savings accounts.
Whatever is left in each account can be spent as we wish.
Big spends (generally anything over £250) is discussed.
Been together 20 odd years and never had a financial argument, despite not always earning well. Always discuss instantly if we have any issues/ concerns.
Mike
OP it sounds like you have two related but different issues
1. What is a reasonable amount you need to live on every month and
2. Is it fair that you are the main breadwinner.
FWIW we have 4 bank accounts that are shared (we have our own too but they are rarely used). In one we put all the regular household bills - ie all the DDs and Standing Orders. We then pay any and all income into that account and at the start of each month we take everything out over a certain figure (£3k in our case- we have a new and very vry expensive mortgage unfortunately). We then live off £1,800 per month that pays for eveything else including holidays, going out, lunch at work, car repairs, food, transport, house improvements etc etc. We then save whatever is left over.
We have two kids and two cars, at £1,800 we are quite tightly budgeted, there is about £400 we could remove from the budget (ie sandwiches from the shop at lunch, pub lunches with the kids at the weekend, trips out etc etc) but that would be difficult.
You need to sit down and agree between you what is a reasonable budget for everything- we use moneydashboard.co.uk to track all our spending to the penny, and at the end of each month i write down the balance in all our bank accounts, credit cards and loans and add it all up- if the net figure is getting better each month then i know in the long term we'll be ok.
My wife has just stopped her full time job (which we discussed and agreed), losing around £1.5k in income every month- our savings each month are now very very low, but she and the kids are much much happier. I have had to reconcile this change knowing that i am the main earner now, but i am happy to do so because the family is happy!
1. What is a reasonable amount you need to live on every month and
2. Is it fair that you are the main breadwinner.
FWIW we have 4 bank accounts that are shared (we have our own too but they are rarely used). In one we put all the regular household bills - ie all the DDs and Standing Orders. We then pay any and all income into that account and at the start of each month we take everything out over a certain figure (£3k in our case- we have a new and very vry expensive mortgage unfortunately). We then live off £1,800 per month that pays for eveything else including holidays, going out, lunch at work, car repairs, food, transport, house improvements etc etc. We then save whatever is left over.
We have two kids and two cars, at £1,800 we are quite tightly budgeted, there is about £400 we could remove from the budget (ie sandwiches from the shop at lunch, pub lunches with the kids at the weekend, trips out etc etc) but that would be difficult.
You need to sit down and agree between you what is a reasonable budget for everything- we use moneydashboard.co.uk to track all our spending to the penny, and at the end of each month i write down the balance in all our bank accounts, credit cards and loans and add it all up- if the net figure is getting better each month then i know in the long term we'll be ok.
My wife has just stopped her full time job (which we discussed and agreed), losing around £1.5k in income every month- our savings each month are now very very low, but she and the kids are much much happier. I have had to reconcile this change knowing that i am the main earner now, but i am happy to do so because the family is happy!
Ian Geary said:
'Lots of stuff that is similar to our way of doing things'
My take is similar, same sort of way of managing funds and view how we wanted to bring up our childrenWe did consider though that both of us should have a separate account each with monthly funds going into it to spend on entirely frivolous stuff, with no questions asked. For my wife this is clothes that aren't for the every day or for work (she has a massive handbag 'want') and for me it is always car related (currently trackdays). We did this even when mine was the only income, still had that split of funds out each month.
It works for us, but does rely on the person who spends the money on the household making best use of it though, which she does. If she were crap with money it wouldn't work. I struggle with the 'I pay for this, she/he pays for that model' but then since there is such a disparity in income that couldn't work for us.
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