Am I mean, £1200 per month on household?
Discussion
rover 623gsi said:
If you live with someone and have kids with them then I believe all income should be household income. The higher earner (usually the man) should not ‘give’ the other person anything - it should be all be shared equally. Bills first, then household commitments, then stuff for kids then if there’s anything left it should be split 50/50
I completely agree with this.I am sole earner in our house, with wife and three children. I would never even consider giving her what is in effect a salary for her to spend and look after our children whilst I spent the rest of the money on whatever I want. The point at which you bring a child into this world should be the point you stop being selfish.
I would expect the OP's wife resents him quite a bit.
Efbe said:
rover 623gsi said:
If you live with someone and have kids with them then I believe all income should be household income. The higher earner (usually the man) should not ‘give’ the other person anything - it should be all be shared equally. Bills first, then household commitments, then stuff for kids then if there’s anything left it should be split 50/50
I completely agree with this.I am sole earner in our house, with wife and three children. I would never even consider giving her what is in effect a salary for her to spend and look after our children whilst I spent the rest of the money on whatever I want. The point at which you bring a child into this world should be the point you stop being selfish.
I would expect the OP's wife resents him quite a bit.
From the responses to the thread, that's how a lot of people do it.
Sheepshanks said:
I started a thread on this a while ago because, as someone from a different era, it puzzled me how my daughter and her husband deal with money. They split all costs 50/50 into a joint bank account and what's left is their own money.
From the responses to the thread, that's how a lot of people do it.
puzzles me too.From the responses to the thread, that's how a lot of people do it.
I can't imagine many instances where the couple won't end up resenting each other. How do they pay for restaurant bills, cinema tickets, holidays? If one earns more than the other they won't be able to do these things, so the one earning more will resent the other from preventing them having as nice holidays, whilst the other resents them for being able to do more.
Once children are involved, do the parents then take a 50/50 approach to childcare? I've spent 5 minutes extra with young harry today.
I wonder what would happen in divorce court as well? legally aren't the assets joint? could the wife of the OP claim for debts she got into whilst looking after their child?Or even (not being serious here) claim for 50% of the money since married and what she has not received since then.
I wont go into the specifics of my family outgoings but it's myself, the wife and two kids. I'm the only earner and we do not get any benefits / child care allowances or similar.
Pay goes into my account and I manage all of the bills and outgoings and then I put money into a joint account for spending. I would put the whole lot in there at the start of every month but I like to see the flow of money and this is just what I'm used to.
All bills are covered and the wife spends what she wants/needs. I think the £1200 a month bit sounds a bit steep for food/drink/house/clothes etc. I mean how often do you need to buy new clothes? I get they are expensive but its not as if I'm buying new clothes every month.
I suppose I'm rather fortunate in that my wife is content with not splashing out on stuff and that money seems to scare her. I told her the other day that there was 2k on the credit card and she went white as a sheet and said "I wish you hadn't told me that, knowing we owe that much will make me struggle to sleep".
Pay goes into my account and I manage all of the bills and outgoings and then I put money into a joint account for spending. I would put the whole lot in there at the start of every month but I like to see the flow of money and this is just what I'm used to.
All bills are covered and the wife spends what she wants/needs. I think the £1200 a month bit sounds a bit steep for food/drink/house/clothes etc. I mean how often do you need to buy new clothes? I get they are expensive but its not as if I'm buying new clothes every month.
I suppose I'm rather fortunate in that my wife is content with not splashing out on stuff and that money seems to scare her. I told her the other day that there was 2k on the credit card and she went white as a sheet and said "I wish you hadn't told me that, knowing we owe that much will make me struggle to sleep".
Efbe said:
I completely agree with this.
I am sole earner in our house, with wife and three children. I would never even consider giving her what is in effect a salary for her to spend and look after our children whilst I spent the rest of the money on whatever I want. The point at which you bring a child into this world should be the point you stop being selfish.
I would expect the OP's wife resents him quite a bit.
How is it being selfish in other cases, though? My wife and I both earn a good wage, we put in enough to the joint account to cover joint expenses, but both enjoy having some of our own money too. As I said above, it feels nicer not spending shared money on fripperies like sports cars.I am sole earner in our house, with wife and three children. I would never even consider giving her what is in effect a salary for her to spend and look after our children whilst I spent the rest of the money on whatever I want. The point at which you bring a child into this world should be the point you stop being selfish.
I would expect the OP's wife resents him quite a bit.
Jimmy Recard said:
It depends on the people and the relationship. I know that if i had had a similar approach with my ex, it would’ve all gone on Louis Vuitton stuff and trinket type gimmicks as gifts. She used to freely admit she would waste all her money on crap if no one took a bit of control
Maybe that’s why she’s your ex?Me and other half earn about the same other than she gets an annual bonus or a few grand and I dont.
She spends more than me on joint outgoings because she finds things to buy that I would say aren't necessary. I mean what's wrong with second hand clothes and toys for a baby?!
Anyway, what I resent is being asked for money to contribute to these things that we don't need when, at the time when she bought them, she says it's her money and she'll buy what she likes. As a result, I have no money and neither does she, but she has spent it on things she's wanted rather than me spending my money on something I want!
In terms of spending on kids, same principle applies. If we need it, fair enough. If not, I'm not paying for it.
She spends more than me on joint outgoings because she finds things to buy that I would say aren't necessary. I mean what's wrong with second hand clothes and toys for a baby?!
Anyway, what I resent is being asked for money to contribute to these things that we don't need when, at the time when she bought them, she says it's her money and she'll buy what she likes. As a result, I have no money and neither does she, but she has spent it on things she's wanted rather than me spending my money on something I want!
In terms of spending on kids, same principle applies. If we need it, fair enough. If not, I'm not paying for it.
Sheepshanks said:
I started a thread on this a while ago because, as someone from a different era, it puzzled me how my daughter and her husband deal with money. They split all costs 50/50 into a joint bank account and what's left is their own money.
From the responses to the thread, that's how a lot of people do it.
That’s how we do it. I earn a little more than my missus but she earns a very good wage. We each put about £1200 into the joint account each month to pay the mortgage and domestic bills and then the rest stays in our respective accounts. When we book a holiday she keeps a tab of the major expenses and we split the cost. None of this is my choice, she insists on paying “her share”, she doesn’t want carrying through life and I can’t argue with that. The only time she will let me pay for her is when we go out for food and I will generally spend more on her that she on me at birthdays and Christmas but that’s mostly down to me being impossible to buy for.From the responses to the thread, that's how a lot of people do it.
It’s not generational, my grandparents did the same and they’ve been dead and buried for 10 years.
Can't be arsed to read full thread, but this is our situation.
I work, my wife doesn't, we have 2 kids, 4 & 1. I pay mortgage/all household bills/holidays/big expenses. I give her £700/mth, this is hers to do with as she pleases. With this she pays her car insurance, petrol, kids clothes, various after school activities, and whatever else she does with it, it's not my concern to be honest. There's the odd month where she'll ask for more, to pay for something in particular, which is absolutely fine.
IMO £1200 is more than enough, its plenty.
I work, my wife doesn't, we have 2 kids, 4 & 1. I pay mortgage/all household bills/holidays/big expenses. I give her £700/mth, this is hers to do with as she pleases. With this she pays her car insurance, petrol, kids clothes, various after school activities, and whatever else she does with it, it's not my concern to be honest. There's the odd month where she'll ask for more, to pay for something in particular, which is absolutely fine.
IMO £1200 is more than enough, its plenty.
Reading this has made me realise I'm quite lucky.
1x Joint Account for household bills
1x Current Account each for personal spending.
I pay for rent and all car expenses (she's not put fuel in the car for 3 years) + all insurances, going out, holidays. Works out about £2.2k a month.
She pays for council tax (£134), food (£250), water (£25), Electric & Gas (£64), Broadband (£32). £500 ish a month.
She then has a grand left for whatever she wants and usually saves about £500 a month and the rest is hers to spend.
I usually have about £800 left and save £400, the rest is spending money.
We've never once argued about money. No debt on any cards or loans / payments, all the bills are covered, we save a bit and have some spending money without having to get the 'ok' from the other.
1x Joint Account for household bills
1x Current Account each for personal spending.
I pay for rent and all car expenses (she's not put fuel in the car for 3 years) + all insurances, going out, holidays. Works out about £2.2k a month.
She pays for council tax (£134), food (£250), water (£25), Electric & Gas (£64), Broadband (£32). £500 ish a month.
She then has a grand left for whatever she wants and usually saves about £500 a month and the rest is hers to spend.
I usually have about £800 left and save £400, the rest is spending money.
We've never once argued about money. No debt on any cards or loans / payments, all the bills are covered, we save a bit and have some spending money without having to get the 'ok' from the other.
xx99xx said:
Me and other half earn about the same other than she gets an annual bonus or a few grand and I dont.
She spends more than me on joint outgoings because she finds things to buy that I would say aren't necessary. I mean what's wrong with second hand clothes and toys for a baby?!
Anyway, what I resent is being asked for money to contribute to these things that we don't need when, at the time when she bought them, she says it's her money and she'll buy what she likes. As a result, I have no money and neither does she, but she has spent it on things she's wanted rather than me spending my money on something I want!
In terms of spending on kids, same principle applies. If we need it, fair enough. If not, I'm not paying for it.
She spends more than me on joint outgoings because she finds things to buy that I would say aren't necessary. I mean what's wrong with second hand clothes and toys for a baby?!
Anyway, what I resent is being asked for money to contribute to these things that we don't need when, at the time when she bought them, she says it's her money and she'll buy what she likes. As a result, I have no money and neither does she, but she has spent it on things she's wanted rather than me spending my money on something I want!
In terms of spending on kids, same principle applies. If we need it, fair enough. If not, I'm not paying for it.
James_B said:
Efbe said:
I completely agree with this.
I am sole earner in our house, with wife and three children. I would never even consider giving her what is in effect a salary for her to spend and look after our children whilst I spent the rest of the money on whatever I want. The point at which you bring a child into this world should be the point you stop being selfish.
I would expect the OP's wife resents him quite a bit.
How is it being selfish in other cases, though? My wife and I both earn a good wage, we put in enough to the joint account to cover joint expenses, but both enjoy having some of our own money too. As I said above, it feels nicer not spending shared money on fripperies like sports cars.I am sole earner in our house, with wife and three children. I would never even consider giving her what is in effect a salary for her to spend and look after our children whilst I spent the rest of the money on whatever I want. The point at which you bring a child into this world should be the point you stop being selfish.
I would expect the OP's wife resents him quite a bit.
Otherwise, there will have to be a compromise. One person will always be able to afford more. Should they buy a bigger house which one partner can afford whilst the other is stretched, or buy a smaller house so both can afford, but one partner is annoyed they can't have a better one as they can afford it. Same for holidays, cars, schools etc.
Maybe not in your case, but my "selfish" theory is largely proven in this thread by the numerous posts like the one above(xx99nx) of sole earning men who find it completely reasonable to give their wife a little money to look after herself and the children whilst they get to spend far more money on anything they want. I wonder how they would feel wearing the other person's shoes.
djc206 said:
That’s how we do it. I earn a little more than my missus but she earns a very good wage. We each put about £1200 into the joint account each month to pay the mortgage and domestic bills and then the rest stays in our respective accounts. When we book a holiday she keeps a tab of the major expenses and we split the cost. None of this is my choice, she insists on paying “her share”, she doesn’t want carrying through life and I can’t argue with that. The only time she will let me pay for her is when we go out for food and I will generally spend more on her that she on me at birthdays and Christmas but that’s mostly down to me being impossible to buy for.
It’s not generational, my grandparents did the same and they’ve been dead and buried for 10 years.
I guess that's fine if she's in a position to "pay her share". Sweeping generalisation, but I imagine many women, especially during the time children are young, earn less or nothing at all. So they necessarily have to be kept. It’s not generational, my grandparents did the same and they’ve been dead and buried for 10 years.
It's never seemed to bother my wife, or either of our mothers. The only way they could have their own money beyond child benefit would be to pay them.
I'm the main earner in our house as wife looks after 1&3 year old (although she has got a small business going while raising them too which tops up our household income a bit and mostly goes on luxuries for her). I don't give her a budget/allowance at all. She has a credit card linked to my account and can spend on whatever she needs.
£1200 seems like a lot to spend in a month to me, but basic things are quite expensive these days if you don't keep an eye on the numbers. I'm not sure why some people spend so much on clothes, they don't need to be bought every month.
£1200 seems like a lot to spend in a month to me, but basic things are quite expensive these days if you don't keep an eye on the numbers. I'm not sure why some people spend so much on clothes, they don't need to be bought every month.
Sheepshanks said:
I guess that's fine if she's in a position to "pay her share". Sweeping generalisation, but I imagine many women, especially during the time children are young, earn less or nothing at all. So they necessarily have to be kept.
It's never seemed to bother my wife, or either of our mothers. The only way they could have their own money beyond child benefit would be to pay them.
Indeed, we don’t have children and have no plans to have any. All of my female friends that have kids work, if they opted not to work I’m sure they’d need to reassess their household financial setup.It's never seemed to bother my wife, or either of our mothers. The only way they could have their own money beyond child benefit would be to pay them.
Every household will have slightly different factors affecting it and it falls upon the two adults to sit down like adults and come to an agreement about how they manage their finances. It might be as simple as keeping them separate (like mine) or throwing all the money into one pot or it might involve one partner ‘paying’ the other for their contribution to the household. The crucial bit is that both partners agree that whatever the arrangement is, it works and is equitable. If one party feels aggrieved then it’s all going to end in tears.
lukefreeman said:
Maybe that’s why she’s your ex?
Because she felt that she couldn’t stop herself buying crap she didn’t want?There was never an argument about it. She just asked me to encourage her to think before buying trivial things and decide if she really wanted it as she constantly had buyers’ remorse and was always skint
Breaking up had nothing to do with that. Lots of reasons, but money wasn’t one of them
Edited by Jimmy Recard on Wednesday 20th June 18:28
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