Child maintenance advice
Discussion
Pieman68 said:
I think that's a very black and white view. Whilst I agree that contributing to the upbringing of your child is important (i've been there, but fortunately have a relationship with my daughter, who is now nearly 20, and a civil relationship with her Mum)
No relationship since 2-3 years old stinks of parental alienation. If this is the case I can totally understand the OPs point of view as well. Unless there are extreme extenuating circumstances, there should be no reason why both parents cannot be involved in the child's life. Surely it's not difficult to understand resentment in these circumstances
Resentment may be but at the end of the day he was 50% responsible for creating a human being. No relationship since 2-3 years old stinks of parental alienation. If this is the case I can totally understand the OPs point of view as well. Unless there are extreme extenuating circumstances, there should be no reason why both parents cannot be involved in the child's life. Surely it's not difficult to understand resentment in these circumstances
Trying to wiggle out of responsibilities is not the moral thing to do.
Try MTFU op and pay your way.
I have a 20 yr old daughter, who wanted to see me every other weekend one day, and didn't want to see me and my entire family the the moment I started a new relationship, with no re-course back then.... unless you were willing to dedicate your life and entire earnings to win a verdict that was easily circumvented by the resident.
I knew a person who was both my and the resident parents' friend. He found out morsels of useful info which ultimately saw me paying full whack until the last possible moment.
I never stopped paying until CSA said. rightly or wrongly I did not want that anxiety in my life. They were actually quite tied into the benefits and educational odds and sods of 'their' lives.
I miss my daughter too much to talk about.
But I have one life.
Maybe one day she'll ask some searching questions about how she was raised.
I knew a person who was both my and the resident parents' friend. He found out morsels of useful info which ultimately saw me paying full whack until the last possible moment.
I never stopped paying until CSA said. rightly or wrongly I did not want that anxiety in my life. They were actually quite tied into the benefits and educational odds and sods of 'their' lives.
I miss my daughter too much to talk about.
But I have one life.
Maybe one day she'll ask some searching questions about how she was raised.
lrdisco said:
Resentment may be but at the end of the day he was 50% responsible for creating a human being.
Trying to wiggle out of responsibilities is not the moral thing to do.
Try MTFU op and pay your way.
Not trying to wiggle from anything. 14 years ago she involved the csa. No reason to as I’d been paying regular. She lied and said she’d got nothing. Lucky enough it was all cheques so all traced fine. This prompted a pay cut for her as I’d inadvertently overpaid for 4 years or so. This didn’t sit well with her. To avoid more false accusations I continued to pay via the csa. For years I tried various avenues for access all to no avail. Birthday and Christmas presents returned to my doorstep un-opened and clearly rejected. As she introduced the csa and their rules unnecessary im happy to continue to play by their rules. If they say no pay.. that’s just what I’m going to do Trying to wiggle out of responsibilities is not the moral thing to do.
Try MTFU op and pay your way.
lrdisco said:
What a man!
No word on your child’s needs or wellbeing.
Does your current partner know what kind of man you are?
I’ve made many enquiries over the years. Many £s spent chasing access. I’ve offered over and above financially on top of 17 years solid payments. Her life has bounced from one social disaster to another. Usually creating volatility within the home.No word on your child’s needs or wellbeing.
Does your current partner know what kind of man you are?
My wife is well aware of what I am. Great dad to our 3 kids and fully supportive to us all with a good family home 3/4 paid off.
lrdisco said:
No not his ex partner but the child of a father who paid absolutely the minimum and stopped the minute he could legally.
I genuinely feel for you. I do. I appreciate you probably lost out not only financially but (maybe) a relationship with your father too?Every situation is different but in every situation it’s never the child’s fault. I’ve been robbed of a relationship with my son, hit hard financially (having to rebuild everything) whilst adherent to csa figures at this time. None of which my fault or creating. When you know your ex is living mostly off benefits in free housing living it up it hurts. I’m not doing anything underhanded or illegal just looking to stop this extortion as soon as legally possible
Sheets Tabuer said:
Back to the OP, you can phone the CSA or whatever they are called and get them to reassess the case.
Either that or grin and bear it, it's only 3 years after all.
Call made. After a 48 minute wait a human confirmed I’m in the clear. It’s also important to note she needs to tell the relevant bodies as his status no longer entitles her to family allowance. I’m staying out of that, not my issue.Either that or grin and bear it, it's only 3 years after all.
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