The Thread Where Doofus Shouts Into The Void

[Doofus]

Every time you call somebody you don't know "Sir", it makes you sound like an obsequious bellend, and it makes everybody else cringe.

[Doofus]

If we have a telephone conversation, and you end it by saying "Byebyebyebyebyebye" I will delete you from my contacts.

And swear at you passive-agressively after the call has ended.



You fking cocksocket.

[Doofus]

And when, exactly, did Father Christmas start being called 'Santa'?



Bunch of tts....

[Doofus]

'Though' means 'despite the fact' or 'although'

'Thou' means 'you'

HTH

fkwits.

[Doofus]

For many years, I've felt that it's about bloody time that we stopped going on about the fking war.

We haven't actually learned anything about the horrors of war; the "blitz spirit' wasn't, really; and the ritual annual jingoistic virtue signalling, I can do without.

Well now, I fear, it may finally happen. Next year, we'll start banging on about the fking "lockdown spirit", telling our kids about the time all the car batteries went flat, and standing in silence for a minute every bloody Thursday.

Sigh.....

[Doofus]

It all went very quiet very quickly, but I hope The Crack Fox is still around.

[Doofus]

I miss screensavers.

[Doofus]

Did anybody ever put a parcel on their parcel shelf?

Tissues, yes. Cushions, yes (inexplicably). Nodding dogs, even? yes, but parcels?

When the parcel shelf was invented, what did they assume to boot was going to be used for?

[Doofus]

There are no pictures on the internet of Roy Castle playing a kettle with a trumpet mouthpiece in the spout, and yet he did.

This is a grave miscarriage.

[Doofus]

Two penn'orth is used as a sysonym for 'opinion' or 'point of view'.

For example: "If I may offer my two penn'orth, Nigella Lawson makes my skin crawl."

If you type (and you bloody do) "two penneth worth" then what, exactly, the fk, do you suppose a fking 'penneth' is?

[Doofus]

If you describe a car as 'an absolute weapon' then you are an arse.

HTH.

[Doofus]

Stop calling everyone 'Sir' you obsequious fkpigs!

[Doofus]

O. M. F. G.

All the fking cars I drove in the fking 1980s
All the fking cars I drove in the fking 1990s
All the fking cars I drove in the fking 2000s
All my fking cars.
All my dad's fking cars
All my mum's fking cars
All my grandad's fking cars
All my fking teachers' fking cars

Will it never fking end?

fksake!

[Doofus]

Stop saying fking 'lol' at the end of every fking sentence.

You're not actually fking lolling and what you said wasn't lolworthy. If it was, you wouldn't have to fking tell us to fking lol.

Just fking stop it.

[Doofus]

So it turns out that the 1966 football world cup was played in England.

I still couldn't give the tiniest st.

[Doofus]

I avoid NP&E because of the swivel-eyed loons.

Today, I accidentally went into a thread called "Automotive Vloggers".

fk me. Those NP&E people are amateurs.

[Doofus]

Why does everything have to be "random" or fking "cheeky"?

What's wrong with vocabulary?

[Doofus]

Don't say lol. Don't say lol. Just don't say lol.

Just say "I am a ." instead. We'll know what you mean.

[Doofus]

For the love of God, stop fking saying "lol"! You evidently don't know, but it makes you look like massive ! Just fking grow up!

[Doofus]

This is becoming so repetitive.

Lol is not punctuation.

Lol is not words.

Lol is code for "I am a fking ignorant fking stupid fking "

Please please please stop being a fking ignorant fking stupid fking so that this thread can get back to its original purpose of advancing mankind, rather than pointing out how fking thick everyone is.