Urban Fox Hunting

[Lordbenny]

I really want to start a hunt but I dont know how to go about it. No horses, dogs or horns but plenty of single malt and, maybe, a gun of some sort and I like the sound of dressing up in all the garb, red blazer & white jodhpurs etc. I wouldnt want to leave my own garden either....anyone else tried it?

[Y282]

just don't try it in my garden.

[Urban Sports]

Please move this to all creatures great and small...please

[HedgehogFromHell]

Small russian scatterable Anti Personnel mines. You have a flat fin that is safe to pick up and a bulbous one filled with liquid explosive. Designed to attract children with their shape and colours, but can quickly be adapted to foxes and nosey neighbours with a simple addition of half a cheese and bovril sandwich (crusts off, foxes don't like crusts). If you have a particularly crafty and cunning fox, you can back the AP mine up with a small Anti tank mine on the underside, double stacking as such. Fox nudges sarnie, Sarnie nudges AP mine, AP mine nudges AT mine, Fox, Sarnie, AP mine and AT mine go up with satisfying thud, plenty of dirt and giblets over a reasonable area.

Gentlemen's choice;

Glenfiddich 18yr
Ice Chilled Tumbler
Bucket of Ice c/w stainless steel ice tongs
Russian PFM-1 AP Mine

Russian PTM-1 AT Mine

Bovril
Cheese
Butter (Low fat)
Bread (Brown)
Video Camera
Umbrella
Goggles (H&S)
Spade (To dig it in)
Time

If the fox evades this, a Barret M99 12.7mm Long rifle will put the blighter down, and probably the neighbours shed the other side of him too.


WARNING: Do not get pissed, get hungry and attempt to eat the sarnie. You have been warned...

[maniac0796]

[maniac0796]

maniac0796 said:

My feelings towards the little feckers. Been keeping me up the past few nights, barking away.

[Lordbenny]

This sounds like a plan, where can I get these mines from?

[HedgehogFromHell]

Lordbenny said:

This sounds like a plan, where can I get these mines from?

Russia... Afghanistan, Uzbekistan, Turkmenistan, Pakistan... The list goes on... Mail order, just make sure there is a copious amount of bubble wrap, and a big sticker, clearly visible saying "Postie.. Do not drop, prod, squeeze or stamp on. The above actions result in death". Basically, avoid Royal Mail.

[Gizmo!]

Not near my house you won't.

The OH will have your plums for earrings if you hurt the 'orange dogs'.

[RemainAllHoof]

HedgehogFromHell said:

Russia... Afghanistan, Uzbekistan, Turkmenistan, Pakistan... The list goes on... Mail order, just make sure there is a copious amount of bubble wrap, and a big sticker, clearly visible saying "Postie.. Do not drop, prod, squeeze or stamp on. The above actions result in death". Basically, avoid Royal Mail.

Putting "FRAGILE and CONFIDENTIAL" ought to do the trick.

[Rouleur]

Looks like you've got a fight on your hands!

[Rouleur]

Sorry, I read the title as Urbane Fox Hunting.

Do carry on.

[Negative Creep]

Walking around the streets with a gun in one hand and a bottle in the other?




Go for it. I can't see how it could go wrong.

[sleep envy]

Feel free to wipe out the vermin that have dug a den under next door's shed anytime you like.

[Mr Dave]

HedgehogFromHell said:

Small russian scatterable Anti Personnel mines. You have a flat fin that is safe to pick up and a bulbous one filled with liquid explosive. Designed to attract children with their shape and colours...

That is actually American propoganda from the 1980s, they were reporting that Russians were dropping explosive toys over Afghan villages to kill kids.

In reality they were brightly coloured to warn people away. Its a bit like saying wasps are brightly coloured to attract kids.

These Afghan kids found out you can handle these pretty safely and then throw them against a wall or a rock and they would explode and much fun was had by all. Apart from when it went wrong and they got blown the **** up.

No doubt other kids were badly hurt by them too. Which isnt very nice.

And as for the Russians coming up with these toy like mines? They were a near exact copy of US BLU-43 mines that were found in Vietnam/Cambodia/Laos and sent back to Russia.

Still a great way to get some foxes! Thinking outside the box.

[SD1992]

How much land do you have?
What I am trying to say, is a tank (in camouflage, of course) a practical option?

[dudleybloke]

HedgehogFromHell said:

Small russian scatterable Anti Personnel mines. You have a flat fin that is safe to pick up and a bulbous one filled with liquid explosive. Designed to attract children with their shape and colours, but can quickly be adapted to foxes and nosey neighbours with a simple addition of half a cheese and bovril sandwich (crusts off, foxes don't like crusts). If you have a particularly crafty and cunning fox, you can back the AP mine up with a small Anti tank mine on the underside, double stacking as such. Fox nudges sarnie, Sarnie nudges AP mine, AP mine nudges AT mine, Fox, Sarnie, AP mine and AT mine go up with satisfying thud, plenty of dirt and giblets over a reasonable area.

Gentlemen's choice;

Glenfiddich 18yr
Ice Chilled Tumbler
Bucket of Ice c/w stainless steel ice tongs
Russian PFM-1 AP Mine

Russian PTM-1 AT Mine

Bovril
Cheese
Butter (Low fat)
Bread (Brown)
Video Camera
Umbrella
Goggles (H&S)
Spade (To dig it in)
Time

If the fox evades this, a Barret M99 12.7mm Long rifle will put the blighter down, and probably the neighbours shed the other side of him too.


WARNING: Do not get pissed, get hungry and attempt to eat the sarnie. You have been warned...

ah, the fabled afghan butterflys.
certainly enough to give a fox a sore toe!

[Mr Dave]

I think it would be more fun to catch a fox in your garden and then take it for walks on a collar, keep it in a shed/run and all sorts, start a collection and when you have a few have a hunt round london parks on a horse following the foxes while chasing peoples trendy stupid little ugly dogs.

[Famous Graham]

I'm curious - why are so many people putting so much credence in things posted by the self-titled "Hedgehog From Hell"?

Wake up, people! You're clearly pawns in the suburban mammal war, manipulated by a brazen, spined, milky-bread loving shrew.

[jimmyjimjim]

Mr Dave said:

In reality they were brightly coloured to warn people away. Its a bit like saying wasps are brightly coloured to attract kids.

I also remember hearing something about this 'coloured green, the colour of islam, so children think they are safe to pick up and play with' was the newspaper quote regarding soviet mine use in afghanistan that I recall. I thought at the time that they were coloured green because they were military and were probably intended for use in western european battlefields.

There's always someone who can come up with a way of twisting reality to suit their thinking.