The well-intentioned but upsetting misappropriation of cats

[Cock Womble 7]

Chris Type R said:

mikeyr said:

*note to potential magnetic catflap purchasers - make sure you don't have a metal milk bowl for your cat. Although the magnetic collar/steel food bowl interface is very funny it's not so funny as the cat tries to unsuccessfully back away from it and deposits half a pint of cat milk over the floor...

I can't really comment on the intricacies of "owning" a cat because I've never been a gay.

I can, though, imagine it's a lovely, worthwhile, rewarding experience - being "in charge" of a feral animal that treats you with disdain and does whatever the fk it wants to.


Shopping list:



ETA

Don't want you to get banned from the thread do we.

Edited by Big Al. on Tuesday 16th August 19:35

[GroundEffect]

Excuse me, this queer doesn't condone cat ownership either.

Bloody arrogant vermin.

[jarnold88]

IndyAndy777 said:

This seem like a good place to post the cat diary.

The Dog's Diary
8:00 am - Dog food! My favorite thing!
9:30 am - A car ride! My favorite thing!
9:40 am - A walk in the park! My favorite thing!
10:30 am - Got rubbed and petted! My favorite thing!
12:00 pm - Milk bones! My favorite thing!
1:00 pm - Played in the yard! My favorite thing!
3:00 pm - Wagged my tail! My favorite thing!
5:00 pm - Dinner! My favorite thing!
7:00 pm - Got to play ball! My favorite thing!
8:00 pm - Wow! Watched TV with the people! My favorite thing!
11:00 pm - Sleeping on the bed! My favorite thing!

The Cat's Diary
Day 983 of my captivity.
My captors continue to taunt me with bizarre little dangling objects. They
dine lavishly on fresh meat, while the other inmates and I are fed hash or
some sort of dry nuggets. Although I made my contempt for the rations
perfectly clear, I nevertheless must eat something in order to
keep up my strength. The only thing that keeps me going is my dream of
escape. In an
attempt to disgust them, I once again vomit on the carpet. Today I
decapitated a mouse and dropped its headless body at their feet. I had
hoped this would strike fear into their hearts, since it clearly
demonstrates my capabilities. However, they merely made condescending
comments about what a "good little hunter" I am. bds!

There was some sort of assembly of their accomplices tonight. I was placed
in solitary confinement for the duration of the event. However, I could
hear the noises and smell the food. I overheard that my confinement was
due to the power of "allergies." I must learn what this means, and how to
use it to my advantage.

Today I was almost successful in an attempt to assassinate one of my
tormentors by weaving around his feet as he was walking. I must try this
again tomorrow, but at the top of the stairs.

I am convinced that the other prisoners here are flunkies and snitches.
The dog receives special privileges. He is regularly released, and seems
to be more than willing to return. He is obviously stupid. The bird must
be an informant. I observe him communicate with the guards
regularly. I am certain that he reports my every move. My captors have
arranged protective custody for him in an elevated cell, so he is safe.
For now...

My comment is not constructive in anyway, it is merely to say thank you for this as I nearly pissed myself with laughter, genuinely had tears running down my face and struggled to read past half way haha

[Hudson]

Dogs = needy bunny boiling women
Cats = Stuck up bhes.


Get a parrot, teach it to swear.

Puerile humour = win

[davido140]

PaulB81 said:

Get a dog. I even found you one. This guy needs a home:

http://www.dogsblog.com/rocco-12/

Proper PH dog, powerfully built, he wont be running off with any old ladies, if you ask nicely he might eat the stupid cats and everyones a winner.

Problem solved, end of thread.

[Zwoelf]

Sooner or later one of the cats will generate a vet's bill. Then see how much they want them.

Tell them to get their own cats if they want one so much, there are rescue centres full of the things.

[monkey gland]

Cock Womble 7 said:

Cats are bds. Fickle bds.

Cock Womble 7 said:

This is because dogs are more worthy than cats.

Cock Womble 7 said:

Cats are fickle bds.

Cock Womble 7 said:

Or, alternatively, fk 'em.

ETA
Removed.

You're amongst people who want to help. Please use the doll to show us where the cat touched you.

Edited by Big Al. on Tuesday 16th August 19:36

[m444ttb]

Cock Womble 7 said:

Cats are bds. Fickle bds.

Forget them, get a dog.

Too true. Our pair of bd cats come home only when their more interesting 2nd homes boot them out and it's raining / they're hungry.

[XJSJohn]

Timmy35 said:

XJSJohn said:

you own dogs, cats chose to live with you .... or not in this case.

John, do you check the email address you're using for PMs from PH?

yup

[XJSJohn]

Cock Womble 7 said:

Timmy35 said:

funkyrobot said:

Get a house rabbit. Ours is brilliant.

and if you get bored of it, it's one pet you can saute in butter and eat.

Erm, you can do that with cats.

Kitten Tikka Massala

[m0ssy]

pilchardthecat said:

I have several cats.

There are two old ladies up the road (2 bungalows next door to each other), one of whom used to have a cat, which died a year or two ago.

It has been known to me that one of our cats has from time to time been known to frequent said old ladies for pampering services.

This week however i have not seen two of our cats at all, even at feeding time, which is very unusual. Concerned for their wellbeing i decided to go and see old lady #1 and find out whether she had seen either of them recently. She invited me in (back door if you must know) and there was one of my cats, with it's own little bed, bowl of water, and a further bowl for food. The other one (apparently) was next door.

I want my cats back. I do not want to make little old ladies cry.

Pistonheads; bring forth your wisdom

Question is are the cats allowed to come and go as they please? i.e is the back door/ window left open, does she have a cat flap?

Otherwise it appears she will have gained the cats trust by 'pampering' it and then deciding to change the cats home by keeping it locked in for a week or 2 feeding it, providing attention and warmth. Then the cat will assime it has a new home.

If this is the case I would make the old ladies cry. If not accept that perhaps your cats are getting more food, attention, pampering elsewhere.

[SL]

Cats will be cats...

Yesterday, I had a phonecall from the vets. Apparently people in my village were getting increasingly concerned about a thin stray in the local area. One lady started to get so attached to him that she took him in to see if he was microchipped - and if not, she was going to claim him.

It turns out that he has been receiving food from 6 other people - so the greedy sod has been having up to 21 meals a day (no wonder he was so vehemently sick the other evening ).

He wants for nothing - he gets loads of food, love and attention (we work from home, so it's all day attention) however he's realised he can get more variety if he's clever. The lady did say she has tried several times to keep him in overnight but he just cries to get out - because he knows we are his original home. Since been at the vet yesterday, he's suddenly decided to become a proper lap cat... I think he's pretending to feel guilty

He's thin because he's hyperthyroid so he can eat ridiculous amounts of food and still not put on weight - unfortunately this has meant the locals have thought he was an underfed stray.

We did casually mention the amount of medication he's on and the amount of money we've spent on him recently (over £1k) and everyone was suddenly really keen not to adopt him any more

Unfortunately, I think if you have cats that can come and go as they please, this is always going to be an issue. As long as he's happy, that's the main thing for me.

[monkey gland]

I suspect a lot of people have Six Dinner Sids without realising it.

[Nightmare]

pilchardthecat said:

She invited me in (back door if you must know) and there was one of my cats, with it's own little bed, bowl of water, and a further bowl for food. The other one (apparently) was next door.

I want my cats back. I do not want to make little old ladies cry.

Pistonheads; bring forth your wisdom

Would i be right in guessing that when confronted with said cat stuff you said something more like "oh thats nice of you" than "wtf you doin wit my cat beaatch?"
you did didn't you?! pussy!

I think you're gonna have to man up and make some old ladies cry Im afraid. Its sort of theft via temptation...or grooming.....very weird!

make em cry, video it. it'll be funny

[RB Will]

Brigand said:

When he is recaptured, usually by coming for a mooch in our garden, he's turned into a fat bugger, and an angry bugger, as he gets trapped in the house until he's remembered this is his home.

Dogs stink though, so I wouldn't want one of those, cats are okay by me as they just crack on and do what they want, I give them affection when I want to, and they come to me when they want it, it's a good arrangement that suits me. I wouldn't want a do constantly demanding attention, rubs, walkies etc etc.

Not all dogs stink. My friends have commented how nice it is that my dog does not smell and this is not through me spraying her with perfume she just naturally does not stink.

You like cats as they just do their own thing and dont demand attention like dogs. They obviously have some pampering requirements or the OP would not have lost their cats. At least a dog won't leave you if it finds someone else to stroke it.
Also I like that you have to recapture your cat and imprison it against it's will until it likes you enough again.

[Timmy35]

RB Will said:

Also I like that you have to recapture your cat and imprison it against it's will until it likes you enough again.

A bit like my missus.

[RB Will]

Timmy35 said:

RB Will said:

Also I like that you have to recapture your cat and imprison it against it's will until it likes you enough again.

A bit like my missus.

Really. She comes round my house quite willingly